So I'm at one of my regular stops today, which a little strip mall. As I walk past the physical therapy place that's in there, I see a big sign in their window advertising one of those cleansing foot spa things. On the sign, it tells you what's being pulled from your body by telling you what each color means. For example, if it's brown, it's drawing nicotine from your body. Black flakes mean heavy metals, orange is for something with your joints and so on.
What the fuck?!?!?! Have we honestly become that stupid that we can be fooled into believing that all toxins and crap in our bodies can be drawn out by chemical water that our feet are resting in? C'mon, the logic just doesn't add up. Seriously, if you have neck pain from a buildup of lactic acid and whatnot, why would you think the best solution is to dip your feet in something? I would think if there was something that can draw it from your skin, you put it on....oh I don't know....your NECK maybe?
Problem is, people fall for this horse shit all the time. They pay ridiculous amounts of money for something that they're told is a quick cure all for what ails them. "Oh, but they did this sort of thing in China/Japan/Mongolia/Russia/etc for centuries. They must really know what they're doing". Did anyone ever stop and think that maybe they tell us shit like that because we're dumb enough to believe it? If that's the case, then have I got something for you!
Hi, I'm Dr. Slacker of the Slacker Intelligence Research Institute. We have recently discovered a new method for increasing the ability of the human brain. Thru painstaking years of research and double blind studies (I don't know what that is, but it's a term that seems to work for the drug companies), we have discovered a breakthru technique that was used by the ancient Egyptians that enabled them to create the Pyramids.
Have you ever found yourself saying something so ridiculous that it made everyone around you laugh at you? Or found yourself doing something that no intelligent human being should be doing? Well, I've discovered what causes all of this. See, the human brain, under perfect conditions, has the capacity to do great things. However, stress, excessive tv watching and general lethargy causes a certain toxin to build up in your brain, making it harder to think, reason and even affects judgment. Normally, the brain would release a chemical that would disperse the toxin, but due to excessive amounts of the above mentioned activities, the portion of the brain that creates the chemical atrophies, allowing the toxin to remain embedded in your brain.
Our method is simple, yet effective. First, you come to us and pay our fee. Then, a member of our SIRI professional staff will escort you to the room for treatment. The treatment consists of a pinpoint strike to the area of the head that stimulates the atrophied section of the brain. Then, thru use of verbal stimulation, which causes an emotional response in the brain, a bio-chemical reaction, it speeds the cleansing chemical on it's way to ridding you of the brain toxin. Why, after just three visits, you will begin to show a marked improvement in judgment, common sense and all around intelligence. But don't take our word for it. Listen to these celebrity testimonials...
"I used to think that life was nothing more than shopping, partying and being a sperm receptacle. But thanks to the SIRI technique, I've realized that I've led a useless existence and have set a bad example for people everywhere. I now only wish to dedicate my life to using my vast fortune to help improve the world around me." -- Paris Hilton
"I spent my entire life ruining pretty much everything I've come in contact with. I was a failure at business and politics. But thanks to the SIRI technique, I now realize the past eight years was an understatement of a tragedy and realize I must spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it in any way I possibly can. Thanks SIRI!!" -- George W. Bush
Can you imagine that? Getting paid to slap rich idiots in the head and yelling at them for being stupid? How fucking awesome would that be? And of course, I'd have to charge a high price, since they think if it's cheap, it's worthless. It's all in the marketing, my friends. I'm betting I can actually do this. Hell, if they can get people to buy a drug for Restless Leg Syndrome, I'm sure someone will pay for a good smack in the mouth. After all, it's getting rid of the toxins and it sounds more reasonable then having heavy metals pulled out of your feet.
What the fuck?!?!?! Have we honestly become that stupid that we can be fooled into believing that all toxins and crap in our bodies can be drawn out by chemical water that our feet are resting in? C'mon, the logic just doesn't add up. Seriously, if you have neck pain from a buildup of lactic acid and whatnot, why would you think the best solution is to dip your feet in something? I would think if there was something that can draw it from your skin, you put it on....oh I don't know....your NECK maybe?
Problem is, people fall for this horse shit all the time. They pay ridiculous amounts of money for something that they're told is a quick cure all for what ails them. "Oh, but they did this sort of thing in China/Japan/Mongolia/Russia/etc for centuries. They must really know what they're doing". Did anyone ever stop and think that maybe they tell us shit like that because we're dumb enough to believe it? If that's the case, then have I got something for you!
Hi, I'm Dr. Slacker of the Slacker Intelligence Research Institute. We have recently discovered a new method for increasing the ability of the human brain. Thru painstaking years of research and double blind studies (I don't know what that is, but it's a term that seems to work for the drug companies), we have discovered a breakthru technique that was used by the ancient Egyptians that enabled them to create the Pyramids.
Have you ever found yourself saying something so ridiculous that it made everyone around you laugh at you? Or found yourself doing something that no intelligent human being should be doing? Well, I've discovered what causes all of this. See, the human brain, under perfect conditions, has the capacity to do great things. However, stress, excessive tv watching and general lethargy causes a certain toxin to build up in your brain, making it harder to think, reason and even affects judgment. Normally, the brain would release a chemical that would disperse the toxin, but due to excessive amounts of the above mentioned activities, the portion of the brain that creates the chemical atrophies, allowing the toxin to remain embedded in your brain.
Our method is simple, yet effective. First, you come to us and pay our fee. Then, a member of our SIRI professional staff will escort you to the room for treatment. The treatment consists of a pinpoint strike to the area of the head that stimulates the atrophied section of the brain. Then, thru use of verbal stimulation, which causes an emotional response in the brain, a bio-chemical reaction, it speeds the cleansing chemical on it's way to ridding you of the brain toxin. Why, after just three visits, you will begin to show a marked improvement in judgment, common sense and all around intelligence. But don't take our word for it. Listen to these celebrity testimonials...
"I used to think that life was nothing more than shopping, partying and being a sperm receptacle. But thanks to the SIRI technique, I've realized that I've led a useless existence and have set a bad example for people everywhere. I now only wish to dedicate my life to using my vast fortune to help improve the world around me." -- Paris Hilton
"I spent my entire life ruining pretty much everything I've come in contact with. I was a failure at business and politics. But thanks to the SIRI technique, I now realize the past eight years was an understatement of a tragedy and realize I must spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it in any way I possibly can. Thanks SIRI!!" -- George W. Bush
Can you imagine that? Getting paid to slap rich idiots in the head and yelling at them for being stupid? How fucking awesome would that be? And of course, I'd have to charge a high price, since they think if it's cheap, it's worthless. It's all in the marketing, my friends. I'm betting I can actually do this. Hell, if they can get people to buy a drug for Restless Leg Syndrome, I'm sure someone will pay for a good smack in the mouth. After all, it's getting rid of the toxins and it sounds more reasonable then having heavy metals pulled out of your feet.
