Remember when I was born, you were 3 years old and could not stop saying "That's my sister". You probably don't remember but Mom talked about it all the time. Wherever we were, Mom would be pushing me in the stroller and every person that passed you would point out, "That's my Sister!, Look!" to any stranger at the market or the park. Remember as we got older, Mom started matching our outfits, and how we came up with our own games; it didn't matter how lame we always thought they were the best.
Remember when we got our first pet hamster and we named it Fieval after An American Tail, there were several Fieval's after that.
Remember our summers at Grandma's, our daily outfit was a bathing suit. And we always wondered around in the woods; and whoever had the biggest stick was the leader. But then I made a new rule that whoever had two sticks was the leader.
Remember when we would go fishing in Grandma and Grandpappy's pond; the Bluegills were the easiest to catch. We never kept any, always threw them back into the water.
I remember growing up that I always wanted to be like you, and I always looked up to you. I tried to dress like you, act like you, talk like you. I know you didn't accept the fact that I was copying you once we got to middle school, but I know you thought of it as flattering.
Remember when you cut your hair really short for the first time and you cried so hard because you thought you looked like a boy; and you thanked me for picking up your hair.
Remember when Mom was in the hospital because she had a kidney stone and Dad tried to take care of us and failed. He made steak that was barely cooked,at first we refused to eat it but he said we couldn't watch TV until we finished our plate. Then after that we got sick from the meat and made a vow that we would never eat meat again.
Remember when I had my first panic attack and you were there helping me calm down, while Mom was on the phone with my therapist.
Remember the day you and Mom were driving up to Pennsylvania to set you up in your dorm, for school; and I begged you not to go.
Remember when Mom and I drove up to see you months later and you shaved your head but you didn't tell Mom, and she freaked out.
Remember after you finished school and you moved back home, Dad was giving you a really hard time; and I alway stood up for you.
Remember how hard you cried because he was threatening to kick you out of the house if you don't find a job. I gave you all my summer earnings so you could get an apartment in Richmond.
Remember whenever you needed help, I was always there because you were too scared to ask Mom first.
Remember the day you got married, you didn't have the money for a bouquet so I made you one. I remember listening to you say your vows so lovely, I was so proud of you.
All those memories and much more, I miss; but I have to say I miss you the most. Now my memories of you, are of you always getting stoned. I can never talk to you on the phone because it was always hard to understand you.
Now I am always scared for you. Not just from smoking so much but from the hard situations you have been in. Now I think of that one boyfriend that always hit you. And I remember that would "friend" that "helped" you and said you could stay with him for free. But sooner or later it wasn't free anymore, you had no money so you paid with what was between your legs. I remember crying all the time, scared of what your doing at that moment, whether or not your safe or dead.
I remember finally seeing new pictures of you and crying even harder because you didn't look healthy, size 14 to a size 1. Your eyes were always blood shot in those photos, I knew what you were doing then; your eyes always looked dead. Your once beautiful hair, now looks like straw from a scarecrow. Your gorgeous freckled face now looks so pale and weak. You were once my sister.
Remember when we got our first pet hamster and we named it Fieval after An American Tail, there were several Fieval's after that.
Remember our summers at Grandma's, our daily outfit was a bathing suit. And we always wondered around in the woods; and whoever had the biggest stick was the leader. But then I made a new rule that whoever had two sticks was the leader.
Remember when we would go fishing in Grandma and Grandpappy's pond; the Bluegills were the easiest to catch. We never kept any, always threw them back into the water.
I remember growing up that I always wanted to be like you, and I always looked up to you. I tried to dress like you, act like you, talk like you. I know you didn't accept the fact that I was copying you once we got to middle school, but I know you thought of it as flattering.
Remember when you cut your hair really short for the first time and you cried so hard because you thought you looked like a boy; and you thanked me for picking up your hair.
Remember when Mom was in the hospital because she had a kidney stone and Dad tried to take care of us and failed. He made steak that was barely cooked,at first we refused to eat it but he said we couldn't watch TV until we finished our plate. Then after that we got sick from the meat and made a vow that we would never eat meat again.
Remember when I had my first panic attack and you were there helping me calm down, while Mom was on the phone with my therapist.
Remember the day you and Mom were driving up to Pennsylvania to set you up in your dorm, for school; and I begged you not to go.
Remember when Mom and I drove up to see you months later and you shaved your head but you didn't tell Mom, and she freaked out.
Remember after you finished school and you moved back home, Dad was giving you a really hard time; and I alway stood up for you.
Remember how hard you cried because he was threatening to kick you out of the house if you don't find a job. I gave you all my summer earnings so you could get an apartment in Richmond.
Remember whenever you needed help, I was always there because you were too scared to ask Mom first.
Remember the day you got married, you didn't have the money for a bouquet so I made you one. I remember listening to you say your vows so lovely, I was so proud of you.
All those memories and much more, I miss; but I have to say I miss you the most. Now my memories of you, are of you always getting stoned. I can never talk to you on the phone because it was always hard to understand you.
Now I am always scared for you. Not just from smoking so much but from the hard situations you have been in. Now I think of that one boyfriend that always hit you. And I remember that would "friend" that "helped" you and said you could stay with him for free. But sooner or later it wasn't free anymore, you had no money so you paid with what was between your legs. I remember crying all the time, scared of what your doing at that moment, whether or not your safe or dead.
I remember finally seeing new pictures of you and crying even harder because you didn't look healthy, size 14 to a size 1. Your eyes were always blood shot in those photos, I knew what you were doing then; your eyes always looked dead. Your once beautiful hair, now looks like straw from a scarecrow. Your gorgeous freckled face now looks so pale and weak. You were once my sister.
