Warning: This is me RANTING - 
- So...yeah.
FIRST OF ALL ... My weight is a big mother-fucking deal to me. It always has been and will continue to be. I am not going to fuck around with these BS smart-ass comments about my weight. It seriously gets under my skin like no other.
The nurse? You think you'd know what the person is coming in for and know what needs to be done when you call back us there. Come on! Is it my fault that I didn't speak up and say something about being weighed? Yeah...maybe. But, gah! I shouldn't have had to say anything in the first place. I am not very good in those situations anyway. For me, I would have felt awkward asking to be weighed. I just would have. And besides she had already interrupted me and you could tell she just wanted to be done with it and go on to whatever oh so important task she had next on his list of nurse responsibilities! Fuck you, too!
And hello! If I am coming to my Doctor about my weight then MAYBE, just MAYBE making a comment on how I'm fucking "slacking" would not be the best term to use. I am sorry I couldn't lose another 20 pounds before our next little 5minute visit, Almighty Doctor! And maybe it isn't 5 pounds. I don't know what you have written on your little clipboard of what my starting weight was! I mean...for fuck sake's last time I was there the nurse said I had lost 20 pounds when my scale showed I had only lost 16!
And my Co-worker? Well she is just the icing on the cake!
Does it honestly make people feel better when they call me out about starving myself? I mean really? I want to know. Because this isn't the first time she has made snide comments about my weight loss. She once made it clear to me that I am not actually "dieting" because I am taking a prescription pill....all because I ate one fucking cookie. Actually, bitch, I am DIETING and not only that I am EXERCISING. God damn. You could do the same thing if you wanted to. The pill makes me--and I will be very clear on this--not want to eat as MUCH. I am very much an emotional-eater. I have always turned to food for comfort and this pill, for once in my damn life, has made me not do that. It's a miracle.
It could happen to anyone. You cut back your portions and the weight will melt right off you. When you go from eating fucking fast food everyday, 3x a day, and whatever other junk food you can get your hands on...to NOT eating fast food and junk food for 2 months then yeah the weight is going to drop. Doesn't fucking mean I am starving myself!
It's just...agh-so frustrating to me! These little comments here and there can really make me want to fucking punch my hand through a brick wall. The worst part of it is: I see absolutely, 100%, no change in my body at all. None. I still feel I look exactly the same. That is the joy of being a girl with body issues.
I saw both my sisters today because we were going to the State Fair. It's been a while since I've seen them and they could not stop commenting on my weight loss. And yeah you are probably thinking it must be nice to hear compliments...but it wasn't. It really fucking wasn't. I just wanted them to shut up!
"Amy...you are so skinny now! Oh my god."
"Ah! Amy! It's not fair!"
"Look at Amy. She has lost so much weight."
It was so constant, and so...I can't even describe it. I felt like I was going to lose my mind. It's like they would be saying these things while the whole time I am seeing myself as still 20+ pounds heavier. I am not skinny. I still have a lot of more weight to lose and muscle to gain. I am still a good 20 pounds away from where I want to be. In the pictures from the Fair today I still look exactly the same. I still have fat rolls, huge thighs, huge arms. Nothing is different. So fuck it all.
- So...yeah.Wednesday, August 3rd 2011
6:06PM
Been at work for 3 hours now.
The co-workers are getting hungry. They want to order Chinese.
Co-worker looks at me.
Co-Worker: "So Amy...are you going to order with us or are you starving yourself again today?" [Picture this with the most bitchy tone you can imagine.]
Me: "What? What makes you think I am starving myself?"
Co-Worker: "Well you didn't eat yesterday or the day before and I just think it's pretty obvious you aren't eating."
Me: "Excuse me? Just because I don't eat at work does not mean I am starving myself. Ever think maybe I ate before I came in to work?"
Co-Worker: "I'm just saying..."
Thursday, August 4th 2011
1:08PM
Sitting in the Doctor's office.
The nurse opens the door and calls my name.
I follow her into the office. We stop at the scale.
I start to take my shoes off to step on the scale.
Nurse looks at her paperwork.
Nurse: "What are you here for again?"
Me: "Well, it's my 3-month check--"
-Nurse interrupts me- "Oh okay. So you are just here for a check-up. We don't need to weigh you then. I'll take your blood pressure though."
Me: "So you aren't going to weigh me?" [Picture the most confused look on my face.]
Nurse: "No."
She takes my blood pressure and sends me into the room to wait for the Doctor.
I wait. Two minutes later the Doctor comes in.
Doctor: [He talks a mile a minute] "So Amy. How are ya? How is everything going? Feeling okay? Feeling fine? Everything working out for you? No problems?"
Me: "Uh...yeah. Yeah everything is go--"
Doctor: "Great. Great."
Starts writing the prescription.
Me: "They didn't weigh me."
Doctor: "Ah. Those girls. They are great people, but I will just have to talk to them about that. What's the number you last read on your scale at home? I'll just write that down."
I tell him the number.
Doctor: "Ah, slacking a little bit there I see!" [Mind you, since my visit last month I had lost an additional 5 pounds-making it a total of 25 pounds in 2 months.]
He finishes writing up the prescription and I'm on my way.
6:06PM
Been at work for 3 hours now.
The co-workers are getting hungry. They want to order Chinese.
Co-worker looks at me.
Co-Worker: "So Amy...are you going to order with us or are you starving yourself again today?" [Picture this with the most bitchy tone you can imagine.]
Me: "What? What makes you think I am starving myself?"
Co-Worker: "Well you didn't eat yesterday or the day before and I just think it's pretty obvious you aren't eating."
Me: "Excuse me? Just because I don't eat at work does not mean I am starving myself. Ever think maybe I ate before I came in to work?"
Co-Worker: "I'm just saying..."
Thursday, August 4th 2011
1:08PM
Sitting in the Doctor's office.
The nurse opens the door and calls my name.
I follow her into the office. We stop at the scale.
I start to take my shoes off to step on the scale.
Nurse looks at her paperwork.
Nurse: "What are you here for again?"
Me: "Well, it's my 3-month check--"
-Nurse interrupts me- "Oh okay. So you are just here for a check-up. We don't need to weigh you then. I'll take your blood pressure though."
Me: "So you aren't going to weigh me?" [Picture the most confused look on my face.]
Nurse: "No."
She takes my blood pressure and sends me into the room to wait for the Doctor.
I wait. Two minutes later the Doctor comes in.
Doctor: [He talks a mile a minute] "So Amy. How are ya? How is everything going? Feeling okay? Feeling fine? Everything working out for you? No problems?"
Me: "Uh...yeah. Yeah everything is go--"
Doctor: "Great. Great."
Starts writing the prescription.
Me: "They didn't weigh me."
Doctor: "Ah. Those girls. They are great people, but I will just have to talk to them about that. What's the number you last read on your scale at home? I'll just write that down."
I tell him the number.
Doctor: "Ah, slacking a little bit there I see!" [Mind you, since my visit last month I had lost an additional 5 pounds-making it a total of 25 pounds in 2 months.]
He finishes writing up the prescription and I'm on my way.
FIRST OF ALL ... My weight is a big mother-fucking deal to me. It always has been and will continue to be. I am not going to fuck around with these BS smart-ass comments about my weight. It seriously gets under my skin like no other.
The nurse? You think you'd know what the person is coming in for and know what needs to be done when you call back us there. Come on! Is it my fault that I didn't speak up and say something about being weighed? Yeah...maybe. But, gah! I shouldn't have had to say anything in the first place. I am not very good in those situations anyway. For me, I would have felt awkward asking to be weighed. I just would have. And besides she had already interrupted me and you could tell she just wanted to be done with it and go on to whatever oh so important task she had next on his list of nurse responsibilities! Fuck you, too!
And hello! If I am coming to my Doctor about my weight then MAYBE, just MAYBE making a comment on how I'm fucking "slacking" would not be the best term to use. I am sorry I couldn't lose another 20 pounds before our next little 5minute visit, Almighty Doctor! And maybe it isn't 5 pounds. I don't know what you have written on your little clipboard of what my starting weight was! I mean...for fuck sake's last time I was there the nurse said I had lost 20 pounds when my scale showed I had only lost 16!
And my Co-worker? Well she is just the icing on the cake!
Does it honestly make people feel better when they call me out about starving myself? I mean really? I want to know. Because this isn't the first time she has made snide comments about my weight loss. She once made it clear to me that I am not actually "dieting" because I am taking a prescription pill....all because I ate one fucking cookie. Actually, bitch, I am DIETING and not only that I am EXERCISING. God damn. You could do the same thing if you wanted to. The pill makes me--and I will be very clear on this--not want to eat as MUCH. I am very much an emotional-eater. I have always turned to food for comfort and this pill, for once in my damn life, has made me not do that. It's a miracle.
It could happen to anyone. You cut back your portions and the weight will melt right off you. When you go from eating fucking fast food everyday, 3x a day, and whatever other junk food you can get your hands on...to NOT eating fast food and junk food for 2 months then yeah the weight is going to drop. Doesn't fucking mean I am starving myself!
It's just...agh-so frustrating to me! These little comments here and there can really make me want to fucking punch my hand through a brick wall. The worst part of it is: I see absolutely, 100%, no change in my body at all. None. I still feel I look exactly the same. That is the joy of being a girl with body issues.
I saw both my sisters today because we were going to the State Fair. It's been a while since I've seen them and they could not stop commenting on my weight loss. And yeah you are probably thinking it must be nice to hear compliments...but it wasn't. It really fucking wasn't. I just wanted them to shut up!
"Amy...you are so skinny now! Oh my god."
"Ah! Amy! It's not fair!"
"Look at Amy. She has lost so much weight."
It was so constant, and so...I can't even describe it. I felt like I was going to lose my mind. It's like they would be saying these things while the whole time I am seeing myself as still 20+ pounds heavier. I am not skinny. I still have a lot of more weight to lose and muscle to gain. I am still a good 20 pounds away from where I want to be. In the pictures from the Fair today I still look exactly the same. I still have fat rolls, huge thighs, huge arms. Nothing is different. So fuck it all.
