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Social Anxiety Disorder

I was browsing through threads in a group on Fetlife when I came across a thread that was directed towards shy people. In there a member posted a suggestion that for some people who appear to be shy might instead suffer from social anxiety/phobia of which she provided a link. I had never heard of it before, but I was intrigued so I clicked on the link.

These are examples the site listed under "What is Social Anxiety?"

Another person sits in front of the telephone and agonizes because she's afraid to pick up the receiver and make a call. She's even afraid to call an unknown person in a business office about the electric bill because she's afraid she'll be "putting someone out" and they will be upset with her. It's very hard for her to take rejection, even over the phone, even from someone she doesn't know. She's especially afraid to call people she does know because she feels that she'll be calling at the wrong time -- the other person will be busy -- and they won't want to talk with her. She feels rejected even before she makes the call. Once the call is made and over, she sits, analyzes, and ruminates about what was said, what tone it was said in, and how she was perceived by the other person....her anxiety and racing thoughts concerning the call prove to her that she "goofed" this conversation up, too, just like she always does. Sometimes she gets embarrassed just thinking about the call.

A man hates to go to work because a meeting is scheduled the next day. He knows that these meetings always involve co-workers talking with each other about their current projects. Just the thought of speaking in front of co-workers raises his anxiety. Sometimes he can't sleep the night before because of the anticipatory anxiety that builds up. Finally, the meeting is over. A big wave of relief spills over him as he begins to relax. But the memory of the meeting is still uppermost in his mind. He is convinced he made a fool of himself and that everyone in the room saw how afraid he was when he spoke, and how stupid he acted in their presence. At next week's meeting, the boss is going to be there. Even though this meeting is seven days away, his stomach turns raw with anxiety and fear floods over him again. He knows that in front of the boss he'll stammer, hesitate, his face will turn red, he won't remember what to say, and everyone will witness his embarrassment and humiliation. He has seven miserable days of anxiety ahead of him -- to think about it, ruminate over it, worry about it, over-exaggerate it in his mind.......again and again and again.....

A student won't attend her university classes on the first day because she knows that in some classes the professor will instruct them to go around the room and introduce themselves. Just thinking about sitting there, waiting to introduce herself to a roomful of strangers who will be staring at her makes her feel nauseous. She knows she won't be able to think clearly because her anxiety will be so high, and she is sure she will leave out important details. Her voice might even quiver and she will sound scared and tentative. The anxiety is just too much to bear---so she skips the first day of class to avoid the possibility of having to introduce herself in class.

Another young man wants to go to parties and other social events---indeed, he is very, very lonely---but he never goes anywhere because he's very nervous about meeting new people. Too many people will be there and crowds only make things worse for him. The thought of meeting new people scares him---will he know what to say? Will they stare at him and make him feel even more insignificant? Will they reject him outright? Even if they seem nice, they're sure to notice his frozen look and his inability to fully smile. They'll sense his discomfort and tenseness and they won't like him --- there's just no way to win --- "I'm always going to be an outcast," he predicts. And he spends the night alone, at home, watching television again. He feels comfortable at home. In fact, home is the only place he does feel completely comfortable. He hasn't gone anywhere else in twelve years.

There were six examples and above are the ones I personally could relate to. Having felt or do feel about things. Except for the work example, substitute school that has classes where it's expected of you work in groups and give oral reports, then it fit. Four out of six examples, and I could relate perfectly with the descriptions. The fears, the anxiety, the embarrassment, knowing it's irrational.

Symptoms:
  • Intense anxiety in social situations.
  • Avoidance of social situations.
  • Physical symptoms of anxiety, including confusion, pounding heart, sweating, shaking, blushing, muscle tension, upset stomach, and diarrhea.

Mind you, I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor, but it fits. I always thought my shyness was more extreme, that something's off.

I remember in school, how I would go to great lengths to avoid giving an oral presentation, going as far as faking sick to skip class. Anxiety was the major reason why I dropped out of college because two of my classes I had to do a presentation, talk in front of the class, I got so scared that I skipped class. Then I was too embarrassed to go back because I couldn't face my classmates or my teachers.

Calling people makes me nervous as hell. Even friends, although it helps if I like plan the call ahead of time. Like if I tell a friend that I'll call him Saturday then it's a little easier but I'm still feeling scared. Yet if I do it enough times, like having almost regular phone calls like I do with Bugman or Skype chats with my crazy gang of friends, then I'm comfortable and not so afraid. It took time for me to feel that comfortable, yet if I were to meet them for the first, I'd be scared.

If anyone's read my blogs, you'll remember reading about how scared I was to start reaching out and making more friends on TMF. How I was scared that I make myself look like an idiot, that I would essentially humiliate myself and no one would want to be friends with me. I pushed myself to break through that fear. I still have a hard time approaching people, talking to people but it's better than what it was originally.

Last year as well, I was beyond just feeling nervous about attending MTP because I knew I was not good in social situations. That being in social situations tend to make me feel scared, heart racing, butterflies in my stomach so bad that I feel weak. Amazingly I did well there and I had a blast. 🙂

I knew it was irrational to feel the way I did, to be scared that people would judge me, that I would humiliate myself, but I still felt the anxiety. I had to force myself to confront those fears. Otherwise I knew I would regret it and never do it if I didn't. It doesn't mean I'm not scared about attending other gatherings. I am, but I have to make myself go, to confront the fears. Otherwise this anxiety will dominate my life.

Like I said, I haven't been formally diagnosed, but it fits. It explains everything. And knowing about it helps so I can combat it.​

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goddess_nemesis
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