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Sometimes I Wonder..

  • Author Author Mitchell
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  • Blog entry read time Blog entry read time 2 min read
Family Rant.. best posted in the blog, and no.. this isn't about my dad.

Sometimes.. I just wonder how "God" works.

Simply put.. my two aunts, my mother';s sisters, are miserable, useless, worthless pieces of shit. When I think about how they treated my mom, and how they treat me, it makes me wonder why they weren't cut off, long ago.

Granted.. both of them are poor. One, the artist, is living in an abusive (emotionally) marriage. She is currently trying to get low income housing. on par with her SS check.

This morning, she made a comment that made me want to throw her through a wall. While I understand she's distressed.. she said.. ""It's like being diagnosed with cancer".

Having never had Cancer, how could she possibly say that. NO ONE knows what having cancer is like, except my mom, other people who had it, and unfortunately died, and those who suffered, lived, and survived. As much as I bitched about my life, ever.. my mom had it far worse than I ever have.

My other aunt.. only calls me when I'm working on my exam, and expects me to drop everything. I'm usually busy studying all day now, and most of the night. Last night I called her.., at., 1130, after studying for the greater part of about nine hours. She was rude, nasty, and hung up on me.

I have to wonder.. why.. my wonderful mother was taken from me, and these useless pieces of shit are still here. I know they have difficult lives. I've helped them, many times. I've offered to do a business with my aunt the artist.. only to be belitted, abused, have phones slammed on me, etc etc.

Before she died, I promised my mom that I was going to stay in touch with them. I';ve done my best. They, on the other hand, let out all their anger to me, as my aunt the artist, protects her own son, my cousin, from everything, because "He has a job"

My plan now: Avoid them both,. I do not need this shit. Hopefully, I can continue work on my exam, pass it soon, start working in the field, and not have time for them. Then, after their nastiness.. when they don't hear from me, I'll get calls "Why don't you call us".

I know I have to put them out of my mind. The only
thing that matters now is that I finish my studying/test practice, and take my exam.

Comments

Hon, trust me when I tell you...you are NOT unique in not fitting in with those love guidelines. Everybody has their issues, there are no exceptions. The only things you need to change about yourself is what YOU think you need to change, not what someone else tells you.

Other than that, just be you, accept yourself for who you are and change what you think you must. We all love you for you.
 
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This is a beautiful and honest blog, I really admire you 🙂
 
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Tamia, there is nothing I could say more than I already have to you. Like slacker said, everyone has their issues. Everyone has problems, the difference is, will you see them, face them and then become stronger...or will you ignore them, pretend they are not there, blame everyone else and stay weak.
I know your moving in the right direction. You were with me throughout all my soul searching, as were quite a number of people here on the forum. You have friends that love you dearly, I consider myself one of those. I would never want a watered down version of the passionate woman I have grown to admire and respect in my life. I truly hope you find the change you seek and as always wish you the best, and you know I will stand beside you as long as you want me to. UNITY!!!

Rob
 
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When i see you and interact here on the forum I see a caring loving person...strong willed but one who always tries to do the right thing in life....failing sometimes and succeeding at others....like we all do...

Self reflection is a good thing....but dont forget that the folks around you can give you insight that you may miss...

(((Hugs)))
 
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Tam, I love the fact that you're actively searching and struggling to gain new insight into your life, what its history has taught you, and how you can better shape your future. Taking that sort of initiative, digging deeply and unabashedly into this, and having at it with your trademark passion is definitely something to be respected.

Now, infidel though I am, I've always had great respect for the Bible (I have at least four different copies), and look to it periodically for inspiration myself. I'd just remind you that however useful that tract is for inspiration, it's important to remember that love in that context is an abstract; an ideal. And we fallible humans are often far departed from many ideals.

An ideal is wonderful to strive for, but don't feel you've failed when you don't achieve it. I think for me, it serves to consider ideals as a map viewed through bleary eyes: You can tell the basic points, but it's never quite clear enough to know if you've hit the destinations exactly -- the best one can do is get a sense that you're getting closer to them.

Humans are not innately loving, selfless creatures, but we can have some wonderful close encounters with ideals of love and selflessness, and it's just as important to recognize and take joy in our achievement of those as it is to acknowledge our shortcomings.

Everything in balance, babe. You have both flaws and strengths. You're human, and isn't that wonderful? After all, we wouldn't care near as much about you if you were a sea urchin. Even if you were a perfect sea urchin. 🙂

...and with that, clearly, it's time to get my sleep-deprived ass in bed. 😉 >HUG!< :cuddle: :zzzzz:
 
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:console:
 
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Tamia, self-inspection is always a good thing. It's when you take the time to truly see yourself, to see your strengths and weaknesses, and how to improve on them.

My favorite verse out of the Bible is 1 Corinthians 13:4 - "Love Is". Those are things to strive for, yes, but also remember you're only human. There is no such thing as perfection and we all fail at times. We all trip and stumble along the way in life, but there will always be a friend to help you when you need it.

I truly hope you'll learn to love yourself again because when you do, the rest gets a little easier.

You're an amazing woman. I wish you the best of luck in this road of self-discovery. :twohugs:
 
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I'll give a hug for support, :twohugs: because all the important stuff was said above in everyone else' responses. Great blog.
 
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As someone else who is "damaged goods" I can only tell you that, like me, you will find your way in time and I love ya, kiddo.
 
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I agree with Jay, babygirl....You know I love you no matter what. Your like my sister but, "dark". haha!
 
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Blog entry information

Author
Mitchell
Read time
2 min read
Views
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10
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