I just came back from lunch with my father and Cheryl.
With all the uncertain things business wise, I wish I could have avoided this today, but..
As usual.. my father never understands anything I feel.
Cheryl had started asking me about things. The situation with the lawyers.. my problems with Barney. She seemed genuinely interested, and cared about what's going on. I appreciated that.
All my dad stays focused on is criticism. He doesn't stop to think.. "Gee, Mitch is really nervous/anxious about this potential big account, that could really change his career. "
It's all "You don't do enough at the gym,. yada, yada, yada. ".
I go two to three times a week, and do what I can. Frankly.. none of that shit matters to me now. It's just.. trivial compared to what my situation at work will be if I sign this account.
Then I think about why I'm balking at trying to take the next step with Kristen.
She seems very nice.. and frankly.. I do want to ask her out on a date.. but..
Even if she turns out to be the kindest.. most agreeable girl on the planet.. and would be understanding of everything I want out of a girl, emotionally, physically, fetish related.. etc..
Where is my mind right now.. really? My confidence level is very shaky.. just trying to muddle through with my responsibilities at work.. praying that this deal goes through.
If I get this deal. and can break free of my dad financially.. my whole outlook will change,., about work.. my life,. socially,. and everything.
Sigh!
I'm glad that my aunt seems to understand how I feel. I don't deny that she does have very serious legitimate problems, and I do feel badly for her. I just don't appreciate when she brushes things off that I'm feeling. It feels like invalidation. She hasn't done that the last 24 hours, which feels good.
I know I have to be patient. It's just.. so difficult. when you want something to happen so badly.. that could really change your life.
With all the uncertain things business wise, I wish I could have avoided this today, but..
As usual.. my father never understands anything I feel.
Cheryl had started asking me about things. The situation with the lawyers.. my problems with Barney. She seemed genuinely interested, and cared about what's going on. I appreciated that.
All my dad stays focused on is criticism. He doesn't stop to think.. "Gee, Mitch is really nervous/anxious about this potential big account, that could really change his career. "
It's all "You don't do enough at the gym,. yada, yada, yada. ".
I go two to three times a week, and do what I can. Frankly.. none of that shit matters to me now. It's just.. trivial compared to what my situation at work will be if I sign this account.
Then I think about why I'm balking at trying to take the next step with Kristen.
She seems very nice.. and frankly.. I do want to ask her out on a date.. but..
Even if she turns out to be the kindest.. most agreeable girl on the planet.. and would be understanding of everything I want out of a girl, emotionally, physically, fetish related.. etc..
Where is my mind right now.. really? My confidence level is very shaky.. just trying to muddle through with my responsibilities at work.. praying that this deal goes through.
If I get this deal. and can break free of my dad financially.. my whole outlook will change,., about work.. my life,. socially,. and everything.
Sigh!
I'm glad that my aunt seems to understand how I feel. I don't deny that she does have very serious legitimate problems, and I do feel badly for her. I just don't appreciate when she brushes things off that I'm feeling. It feels like invalidation. She hasn't done that the last 24 hours, which feels good.
I know I have to be patient. It's just.. so difficult. when you want something to happen so badly.. that could really change your life.
