The past twenty four hours have not been good.
Most of the time., I try to watch a Lifetime movie on Youtube after Jim Gardner's 11 pm newscast to calm me down before I take my medicine to go to sleep.
Last night, when I turned the movie on, I started getting.. almost a panic attack about wanting to talk to my mom.
With as many migraines, dizzy spells, and even seizures as I get. (Even though I have not had an actual full blown seizure in eight months.)
( Surprising , actually, with as terrible as things have been in 2020) Between Covid, and my Dad's recent surgeries, and very serious health problems.
One thing I am not prone to .. is panic attacks.
I was furious at myself. I was like. "What the hell., Mom has been dead for eight years. get a hold of yourself. The last thing you need with all going on, and as sick as Dad is, is a seizure, to top that off. "
I turned the movie off, went into bed, and after a long, long time, drifted off to sleep.
Today a bunch of crap happened, leading to a lot of phone calls. Most of which is bullshit, and not worth posting, since it really is not important.
What is important, is that around 630, my Dad left a voicemail, and he did not sound good.
I could not answer the phone I called him back a few minutes later. His voicemail went on.
About 45 minutes later he finally called back. His voice sounded very weak, and terrible.
He said. "Mitch, I drifted off to sleep literally a minute or two after I called you, I'm in terrible pain. "
We talked for a minute or two. I said something to him that seemed to make him happy. (Personal) told him I loved him, and he said. "I love you too" and then we hung up.
When I got off the phone with him, I lied down in bed, and started crying.
Later tonight, when I told my aunt the astrologer about the panic attack I had last night, about wanting to talk to my mom (My aunt's sister) My aunt and me are close enough that my aunt knows I don't get panic attacks. My aunt was like. "Mitch, you're probably so worried about your father, and everything else, you just wish that you could talk to mom"
I'm going to post this, calm down, and go watch a movie, and hope I can concentrate on it.
I know that I have to stay strong. It is imperative that I calm down, and not lie down with a bad seizure now , both for my Dad's sake, and for my own.
Most of the time., I try to watch a Lifetime movie on Youtube after Jim Gardner's 11 pm newscast to calm me down before I take my medicine to go to sleep.
Last night, when I turned the movie on, I started getting.. almost a panic attack about wanting to talk to my mom.
With as many migraines, dizzy spells, and even seizures as I get. (Even though I have not had an actual full blown seizure in eight months.)
( Surprising , actually, with as terrible as things have been in 2020) Between Covid, and my Dad's recent surgeries, and very serious health problems.
One thing I am not prone to .. is panic attacks.
I was furious at myself. I was like. "What the hell., Mom has been dead for eight years. get a hold of yourself. The last thing you need with all going on, and as sick as Dad is, is a seizure, to top that off. "
I turned the movie off, went into bed, and after a long, long time, drifted off to sleep.
Today a bunch of crap happened, leading to a lot of phone calls. Most of which is bullshit, and not worth posting, since it really is not important.
What is important, is that around 630, my Dad left a voicemail, and he did not sound good.
I could not answer the phone I called him back a few minutes later. His voicemail went on.
About 45 minutes later he finally called back. His voice sounded very weak, and terrible.
He said. "Mitch, I drifted off to sleep literally a minute or two after I called you, I'm in terrible pain. "
We talked for a minute or two. I said something to him that seemed to make him happy. (Personal) told him I loved him, and he said. "I love you too" and then we hung up.
When I got off the phone with him, I lied down in bed, and started crying.
Later tonight, when I told my aunt the astrologer about the panic attack I had last night, about wanting to talk to my mom (My aunt's sister) My aunt and me are close enough that my aunt knows I don't get panic attacks. My aunt was like. "Mitch, you're probably so worried about your father, and everything else, you just wish that you could talk to mom"
I'm going to post this, calm down, and go watch a movie, and hope I can concentrate on it.
I know that I have to stay strong. It is imperative that I calm down, and not lie down with a bad seizure now , both for my Dad's sake, and for my own.
