As I posted in my thread on the regular forum, tomorrow is the day that we have been awaiting for months.. the day we will find out.. just what effect the months of chemotherapy have had on my mom's cancer.
I think I've posted on here in previous posts how our primary cancer Dr, Dr B.. has said "I'm confident the tumors have shrunk.. I just don't know how much". From Dr B's mouth.. to God's ears, with all my prayers.
Although I have absolutely no idea what Dr B is going to say tomorrow, I've always considered myself.. "Mister Moderate". I usually try to take the attitude to view things between the very best scenario, and, God Forbid, the very worst.
My friend Adam and I talked on the phone.. at length.. about the situation last night. Adam, God Bless him.. is the eternal optimist. He was the one who believed long ago, that we would reconnect at some point. My reconnecting with him has one of the best things that has happened to me this year, in an otherwise awful fourteen months.
Anyway, to my point about Adam. He is a very observant and religious Jew. (Attends temple on high holy days, fasts on Yom Kippur, no bread on Passover for eight days, unlike his bad friend, Mitch, who doesnt do any of those things). Adam said to me last night: "Mitch, I'm sure Dr B has the results since at least.. Friday. If God Forbid the news was awful, I think he would have called your mom or you right away". What Adam said makes sense... and such is what my mom and I are trying to tell ourselves. However.. and I'm not saying this to be negative.. just to look at the other side of the coin. Dr B also knows that we live 150 miles away, and can't just "pop over to his office". He's also an extremely busy man. I told Dr B in no uncertain terms, how angered I was with the Doctors delivery in Lancaster, and how our family internist called my mom on her cell phone, while we were in the market last March.. to confirm the news of her cancer, which we all suspected. I thought that extremely unprofessional of my internist, and I still havent completely forgotten about it.. or forgiven him. The internist is two miles from here. He could have called us into the office to tell us personally.
Maybe I'm being the devil's advocate... I don't know.
In my heart.. I'm trying to tell myself that the reality of what tomorrow will be.. will be the middle of the road. I would be shocked if we went into Dr B, and he said "Mitch, Sheila, the tumors are gone". Of course.. I will be mortified.. if he says "The treatment didnt work, and you're worse". I'm trying to tell myself that Dr B would not have gone out on a limb to say "I believe the tumors have shrunk, I just dont know how much".. if he didnt have real cause to think so. Hopefully, that is what will be. I've also told myself that I would not be surprised if my mom needs a few doses of radiation.. with Dr C.. the initial Dr we saw in the first place. We were told perhaps.. three doses of radiation. I'm ignorant about radiation, and, while I have the highest respect for Dr C.. if in fact my mom does need radiation.. I'm going to ask him some hard questions about what to expect.. side effects.. benefits.. pitfalls. etc. He's a wonderful man, so I know he will help us understand.. but maybe I'm getting ahead of myself..
So anyhow, that's it. Sometime around 2pm eastern tomorrow, give or take delays in Dr B's office.. we will know. I appreciate the support I have received from everyone, and will post an update when we return home tomorrow night. I will probably do that in the main forum.. but as this post is more a vent than an update.. I wanted to post it here.
Thanks again to all those who have been so kind to me through this process and ordeal. I sincerely appreciate it.
Mitch
I think I've posted on here in previous posts how our primary cancer Dr, Dr B.. has said "I'm confident the tumors have shrunk.. I just don't know how much". From Dr B's mouth.. to God's ears, with all my prayers.
Although I have absolutely no idea what Dr B is going to say tomorrow, I've always considered myself.. "Mister Moderate". I usually try to take the attitude to view things between the very best scenario, and, God Forbid, the very worst.
My friend Adam and I talked on the phone.. at length.. about the situation last night. Adam, God Bless him.. is the eternal optimist. He was the one who believed long ago, that we would reconnect at some point. My reconnecting with him has one of the best things that has happened to me this year, in an otherwise awful fourteen months.
Anyway, to my point about Adam. He is a very observant and religious Jew. (Attends temple on high holy days, fasts on Yom Kippur, no bread on Passover for eight days, unlike his bad friend, Mitch, who doesnt do any of those things). Adam said to me last night: "Mitch, I'm sure Dr B has the results since at least.. Friday. If God Forbid the news was awful, I think he would have called your mom or you right away". What Adam said makes sense... and such is what my mom and I are trying to tell ourselves. However.. and I'm not saying this to be negative.. just to look at the other side of the coin. Dr B also knows that we live 150 miles away, and can't just "pop over to his office". He's also an extremely busy man. I told Dr B in no uncertain terms, how angered I was with the Doctors delivery in Lancaster, and how our family internist called my mom on her cell phone, while we were in the market last March.. to confirm the news of her cancer, which we all suspected. I thought that extremely unprofessional of my internist, and I still havent completely forgotten about it.. or forgiven him. The internist is two miles from here. He could have called us into the office to tell us personally.
Maybe I'm being the devil's advocate... I don't know.
In my heart.. I'm trying to tell myself that the reality of what tomorrow will be.. will be the middle of the road. I would be shocked if we went into Dr B, and he said "Mitch, Sheila, the tumors are gone". Of course.. I will be mortified.. if he says "The treatment didnt work, and you're worse". I'm trying to tell myself that Dr B would not have gone out on a limb to say "I believe the tumors have shrunk, I just dont know how much".. if he didnt have real cause to think so. Hopefully, that is what will be. I've also told myself that I would not be surprised if my mom needs a few doses of radiation.. with Dr C.. the initial Dr we saw in the first place. We were told perhaps.. three doses of radiation. I'm ignorant about radiation, and, while I have the highest respect for Dr C.. if in fact my mom does need radiation.. I'm going to ask him some hard questions about what to expect.. side effects.. benefits.. pitfalls. etc. He's a wonderful man, so I know he will help us understand.. but maybe I'm getting ahead of myself..
So anyhow, that's it. Sometime around 2pm eastern tomorrow, give or take delays in Dr B's office.. we will know. I appreciate the support I have received from everyone, and will post an update when we return home tomorrow night. I will probably do that in the main forum.. but as this post is more a vent than an update.. I wanted to post it here.
Thanks again to all those who have been so kind to me through this process and ordeal. I sincerely appreciate it.
Mitch
