So I made a genuine attempt to sever myself from the forum this past week as per request and I couldn't stand it. I was fine with it until I began to analyze why i was doing it in the first place. What it came down to was my husband simply ran out of reasons to be pissed off at me.
Sometimes I think our relationship has functioned solely on our ability to find some reason to be mad at the other. Through this past year I've been less and less willing to go through the cycle of being angry about whatever stupid thing my husband is doing at the time. To me it's just not worth it to argue about these things anymore. I stopped being so concerned about everything that was wrong in my life and began to concentrate on the things that were right. In the areas I felt were lacking I just made do with what I had. When it comes to social interaction with another adult, I come well below deficient.
A snap shot of my day is as follows. I go to work, come home about the same time he does. He goes straight to the bed as soon as he gets home and usually by 7 he's sawing logs. The only conversation we generally has always has to do with his job and how terrible it is. I'd love to say this is an exaggeration but it simply isn't. I used to rant and rave, trying everything I possibly could to motivate him into at the very least having a conversation with me, much less getting out and doing something as a family. Nothing worked so I gave up. Our family outing are always just me and squidlett doing something while he's at home sleeping or watching tv. Up until last week, sometimes the highlight of my evening was getting to chat with a forum friend in some way or another, or just reading the discussions and what everyone had to say. I guess I became far too content with this routine because suddenly he starting talking to me about things other than work except these other things were strictly questionings about who I talked to here, and what i said to them, and why did I spend so much time talking to people from here?
I suppose to a point I understand his reservations. I guess I did find someone to start my life over with here. But here's where it gets downright stupid. I was then informed that I shouldn't need any other friends but him and that I should be content having social interaction at home... except, as I've mentioned, most of the time he's asleep or so engrossed in whatever tv program is on there IS no conversation. As our terse discussion continued, it was revealed that he truly believes that I should be content only with him even if he does do little else other than sleep. That I should simply sit quietly at his side, watch tv, and be glad that he's here and not out running the streets like the old days. Ugh, FUCK THAT!
To avoid further argument I relented, and tried it out, just spending my evenings sitting quietly, watching TV. I was miserable. I just had so much to say, and I couldn't seem to get him to stay awake long enough for me to say them. It had nowhere to go.
Well, today I gave up. I just can't do it. I desperately desire some form of a social life, even if it is some sad internet social life. At least it's something. I miss you, my forum friends, and I missed the banter and the goofy pictures. I'm just not in the mood for pacifying someone who has no interest in doing the same for me.
Sometimes I think our relationship has functioned solely on our ability to find some reason to be mad at the other. Through this past year I've been less and less willing to go through the cycle of being angry about whatever stupid thing my husband is doing at the time. To me it's just not worth it to argue about these things anymore. I stopped being so concerned about everything that was wrong in my life and began to concentrate on the things that were right. In the areas I felt were lacking I just made do with what I had. When it comes to social interaction with another adult, I come well below deficient.
A snap shot of my day is as follows. I go to work, come home about the same time he does. He goes straight to the bed as soon as he gets home and usually by 7 he's sawing logs. The only conversation we generally has always has to do with his job and how terrible it is. I'd love to say this is an exaggeration but it simply isn't. I used to rant and rave, trying everything I possibly could to motivate him into at the very least having a conversation with me, much less getting out and doing something as a family. Nothing worked so I gave up. Our family outing are always just me and squidlett doing something while he's at home sleeping or watching tv. Up until last week, sometimes the highlight of my evening was getting to chat with a forum friend in some way or another, or just reading the discussions and what everyone had to say. I guess I became far too content with this routine because suddenly he starting talking to me about things other than work except these other things were strictly questionings about who I talked to here, and what i said to them, and why did I spend so much time talking to people from here?
I suppose to a point I understand his reservations. I guess I did find someone to start my life over with here. But here's where it gets downright stupid. I was then informed that I shouldn't need any other friends but him and that I should be content having social interaction at home... except, as I've mentioned, most of the time he's asleep or so engrossed in whatever tv program is on there IS no conversation. As our terse discussion continued, it was revealed that he truly believes that I should be content only with him even if he does do little else other than sleep. That I should simply sit quietly at his side, watch tv, and be glad that he's here and not out running the streets like the old days. Ugh, FUCK THAT!
To avoid further argument I relented, and tried it out, just spending my evenings sitting quietly, watching TV. I was miserable. I just had so much to say, and I couldn't seem to get him to stay awake long enough for me to say them. It had nowhere to go.
Well, today I gave up. I just can't do it. I desperately desire some form of a social life, even if it is some sad internet social life. At least it's something. I miss you, my forum friends, and I missed the banter and the goofy pictures. I'm just not in the mood for pacifying someone who has no interest in doing the same for me.
