A lot of people have those friends that are hotter than you and they always get the most attention when you all go out. I have a friend like that. She is very pretty, there is no denying that. Usually when we go out it's just me and her and we'll go to the Hookah bar or something stupid like that.
At first ... it bugged me. I sat there while she got all the attention from all the guys. After a while I just got used to it. I mean what else can you do? And yes.. I AM jealous of her. I mean I'm not going to sit here and bull shit that I'm not. It sucks when you don't get attention just because you aren't the prettiest one there. I mean people are lying to you when they say not getting the attention doesn't bug them. That's a bunch of bullshit. It hurts like HELL to be ignored...especially when you want to have a good time too. And my friend ...she doesn't even NOTICE that I'm upset. And so why don't I say something? I'll tell you why .. because what the hell am I supposed to say?! "Hey .. You're getting all the attention. It's making me jealous and upset. Stop being so pretty." Definitely doesn't work that way. ANYWAYS. Yeah I got used to it and let her flirt and do whatever the hell she wants while I sat there and played on my phone. Fun, I know.
Last night we were at the hookah bar and this guy just comes up and sits with us. He looks directly at my hott friend and only talks to her. It was super fun for me let me tell you. But like I said ... I'm used to it with her. I mean if you see if from my point of view what the hell do you do in that situation? I mean I'm sure it's happened to everyone at least once ... lucky me it happens every time I hang out with her. I couldn't get up and leave because she drove and I didn't know anyone else there ... so what now? I really want to know what to do so next time this happens, which it will because you know being the ugly girl that I am it's always a guarantee. Yay. So someone enlighten me, please. I'm dying to know.
And to top off that lovely night ... it happened again tonight. With a different friend. Let me tell you ... I was feeling super great about myself the other night but after this night I just feel awesome. Tonight, the friend I hung out with has a boyfriend so I don't really feel bad for getting upset because she has someone in her life who showers her with attention. I don't. So sue me for wanting a little attention. Anyways ... it's the same guy from last night. He comes up and sits with us. Yippeeee. I introduced him to my friend and once again ... ignore Amy time! He had a friend there too. He liked her too. Awesome, I know. So for the second night in a row I get to be the uncomfortable, ugly friend who sits there and smiles while my friend gets compliment after compliment. She gets up to go with one of the guys and I'm left alone with the other guy and he turns to me and says, "You know, you're friend is really pretty." At that point I was like FUCK IT. I said, "Yeah, I know" and got up and left. Like I wasn't feeling bad enough about my life situation with fuckin Mel .. let's top it all off with more rejection. Sounds great. It's exactly what I needed in my life right now. That's why I laugh when people say there is a God. Yeah, well if there is he fuckin must HATE me or just loves watching me get rejected because there is nothing I can do about it.
I do not care how young I am.
I do not care at all about that.
It does not fucking matter.
I may only be 19 .. but it still HURTS like HELL to be lonely. It sucks not having someone be there for you and care for you. I'm not saying I don't think I'll never find someone. I know I still have a full life ahead of me. But right now, in my life, it SUCKS being alone. All my friends have boyfriends and yet they still get the attention. Doesn't matter how pretty I try to look I will never compare. Ever. I shouldn't compare myself to my friends. I know. But when something like this is just an everyday occurrence and your self esteem is already lower than hell it gets to a point where you just can't take it anymore. I hit my limit tonight.
I'm getting to the point where I am sick of being me. When I look in the mirror I just want to break it. I have no self confidence and really do you blame me? How does someone gain self confidence when they are constantly getting rejected just because they aren't the prettiest? Just because I don't have the perfect body and long blonde hair. People can't give me the time of day because of that. How fuckin dumb. My personality is 10x better than hers but do I get the chance to show it? Nope.
Fuck it. Really just fuck it.
/rant
At first ... it bugged me. I sat there while she got all the attention from all the guys. After a while I just got used to it. I mean what else can you do? And yes.. I AM jealous of her. I mean I'm not going to sit here and bull shit that I'm not. It sucks when you don't get attention just because you aren't the prettiest one there. I mean people are lying to you when they say not getting the attention doesn't bug them. That's a bunch of bullshit. It hurts like HELL to be ignored...especially when you want to have a good time too. And my friend ...she doesn't even NOTICE that I'm upset. And so why don't I say something? I'll tell you why .. because what the hell am I supposed to say?! "Hey .. You're getting all the attention. It's making me jealous and upset. Stop being so pretty." Definitely doesn't work that way. ANYWAYS. Yeah I got used to it and let her flirt and do whatever the hell she wants while I sat there and played on my phone. Fun, I know.
Last night we were at the hookah bar and this guy just comes up and sits with us. He looks directly at my hott friend and only talks to her. It was super fun for me let me tell you. But like I said ... I'm used to it with her. I mean if you see if from my point of view what the hell do you do in that situation? I mean I'm sure it's happened to everyone at least once ... lucky me it happens every time I hang out with her. I couldn't get up and leave because she drove and I didn't know anyone else there ... so what now? I really want to know what to do so next time this happens, which it will because you know being the ugly girl that I am it's always a guarantee. Yay. So someone enlighten me, please. I'm dying to know.
And to top off that lovely night ... it happened again tonight. With a different friend. Let me tell you ... I was feeling super great about myself the other night but after this night I just feel awesome. Tonight, the friend I hung out with has a boyfriend so I don't really feel bad for getting upset because she has someone in her life who showers her with attention. I don't. So sue me for wanting a little attention. Anyways ... it's the same guy from last night. He comes up and sits with us. Yippeeee. I introduced him to my friend and once again ... ignore Amy time! He had a friend there too. He liked her too. Awesome, I know. So for the second night in a row I get to be the uncomfortable, ugly friend who sits there and smiles while my friend gets compliment after compliment. She gets up to go with one of the guys and I'm left alone with the other guy and he turns to me and says, "You know, you're friend is really pretty." At that point I was like FUCK IT. I said, "Yeah, I know" and got up and left. Like I wasn't feeling bad enough about my life situation with fuckin Mel .. let's top it all off with more rejection. Sounds great. It's exactly what I needed in my life right now. That's why I laugh when people say there is a God. Yeah, well if there is he fuckin must HATE me or just loves watching me get rejected because there is nothing I can do about it.
I do not care how young I am.
I do not care at all about that.
It does not fucking matter.
I may only be 19 .. but it still HURTS like HELL to be lonely. It sucks not having someone be there for you and care for you. I'm not saying I don't think I'll never find someone. I know I still have a full life ahead of me. But right now, in my life, it SUCKS being alone. All my friends have boyfriends and yet they still get the attention. Doesn't matter how pretty I try to look I will never compare. Ever. I shouldn't compare myself to my friends. I know. But when something like this is just an everyday occurrence and your self esteem is already lower than hell it gets to a point where you just can't take it anymore. I hit my limit tonight.
I'm getting to the point where I am sick of being me. When I look in the mirror I just want to break it. I have no self confidence and really do you blame me? How does someone gain self confidence when they are constantly getting rejected just because they aren't the prettiest? Just because I don't have the perfect body and long blonde hair. People can't give me the time of day because of that. How fuckin dumb. My personality is 10x better than hers but do I get the chance to show it? Nope.
Fuck it. Really just fuck it.
/rant
- So...yeah.
Wednesday, August 3rd 2011
6:06PM
Been at...