I had to go to the office earlier on Wednesday, and then to dinner with my father.
It all came to me as to why I love working at/for Aflac.. Except for one or two.. minor bumps in the road.,. everyone is always so kind, and supportive.. which is what I needed most in a career/job/position.
I posted about the potential suspension. That has been taken care of.
When I told Jay about my paying the premium for the insurance policy I got my advance commission on. He said to me "Mitch, we make our own rules here". (Aside from of course.. abiding by the insurance laws).
It ';s true. As I've posted.. I don't cold call due to my stuttering, and I'm in the office only a couple of times a week, as I'm out in the field, doing what is called "Corporate or store dropping", other times, trying to get clients that way. Yesterday, I got positively tongue tied during a meeting, after which Jay finally said to me about a speech therapist. He's 100% right.
Then, I had dinner with my father last night. The following is his mantra.
I've posted how my friend Barney is so arrogant. My father was trying to pump me up about how I'm "better" then Barney. I never walk around thinking I'm "better" than anyone, except, that I know I'm a nicer person then my uncle, because I don't go around destroying people's families like he did to mine.
I found out that I have until the "End of the year" to make my insurance career happen. At that point I would need to get a "Job" due to money. That would finish my confidence altogether. My father already got.. a divorce from my mom, a completely unjust alimony that he paid, a wife, another family, world trips, Mitch back his way, with the "Complete life" he always wanted, and the guy is STILL talking that his only regret is that he didn't put my mom in the street. He never said "Mitch, I'm sorry I didn't send you to grad school, or talk to you about your future. I'm sorry I didn't take care of your complex tax returns, while I did everyone else's " Forget "Legal", what about "Moral".
"Minimum Wage Job" would be the last piece of the puzzle, in what my father and uncle would hope for, in regard to me.; They could then say "Sheila fucked him up".
What I wanted.. before the tragic fate my mom had. was. "Business, so I could have been finished with my father.. permanently". I've made due.. like a gracious gentleman, under the worst of circumstances.. because.. I realize that my father has no legal obligation to do anything for me.
My father claims he wants me to "Enjoy life". He keeps talking about how he wants me to "Fuck a girl" He doesn't know how long its really been since I've been with a woman.
The "Enjoy life". I know I have to do more of.
The "Girl". I don't feel ready for.. for many reasons
I want to be more successful in my career.. so I don't run into. as I'm working to build a business. someone telling me that I suck. Then there's the issue he will never know about.. the fetishes.
I've lost the war.. the real war.. of having the life I really wanted.. with the person I loved the most in the world., seeing my happiness. Now.. if I ever have children.. my father will get to enjoy those grandchildren.. in spite of the terrible things he did to me, and another woman.. who is not my mother.. who already has two grandchildren.. will reap the benefits of my having children. It's all very difficult to swallow.
For those that don't know.. I was one of the top students at Adelphi, in the historical honors society, the host student picked to show new students around at orientation.. had excellent letters written for me for grad school.
My father said to me last night
"You were in the wilderness for 20 years".
NOT
"I should have cared about your graduate education, and I'm sorry".
HIS only regret is that he didn't put my mom in the street. The man has.. world trips, a wife, grandchildren, his son back on his terms, and this is his only regret.
If I can achieve success in the insurance business.. I can then.. in addition to the decent person I am.. show a girl "I'm a successful professional, and I can give you, and a child if we want one.. a decent life".
The most important thing is that thank heaven I'm not going to be kicked out of the company.
To me,.. nothing else really matters except achieving success at this.. If that happens.. I can then say I achieved my (Alternate) dream, of being a successful insurance agent (I had originally planned to be an attorney), and I can then be free of my father.
I love the people I work with, for the most part.. They took a huge gamble on an unknown, with virtually no resume, and no experience in the insurance business. They are always kind and helpful to me.. I want to reward their confidence, with at least being.. moderately successful. in their company.
So far.. its been difficult.. but.. I'm going to keep working at it. If heaven willing I can pull it off., then at least I will have achieved, even at an advanced age, the alternate goal I worked so hard for.
It all came to me as to why I love working at/for Aflac.. Except for one or two.. minor bumps in the road.,. everyone is always so kind, and supportive.. which is what I needed most in a career/job/position.
I posted about the potential suspension. That has been taken care of.
When I told Jay about my paying the premium for the insurance policy I got my advance commission on. He said to me "Mitch, we make our own rules here". (Aside from of course.. abiding by the insurance laws).
It ';s true. As I've posted.. I don't cold call due to my stuttering, and I'm in the office only a couple of times a week, as I'm out in the field, doing what is called "Corporate or store dropping", other times, trying to get clients that way. Yesterday, I got positively tongue tied during a meeting, after which Jay finally said to me about a speech therapist. He's 100% right.
Then, I had dinner with my father last night. The following is his mantra.
I've posted how my friend Barney is so arrogant. My father was trying to pump me up about how I'm "better" then Barney. I never walk around thinking I'm "better" than anyone, except, that I know I'm a nicer person then my uncle, because I don't go around destroying people's families like he did to mine.
I found out that I have until the "End of the year" to make my insurance career happen. At that point I would need to get a "Job" due to money. That would finish my confidence altogether. My father already got.. a divorce from my mom, a completely unjust alimony that he paid, a wife, another family, world trips, Mitch back his way, with the "Complete life" he always wanted, and the guy is STILL talking that his only regret is that he didn't put my mom in the street. He never said "Mitch, I'm sorry I didn't send you to grad school, or talk to you about your future. I'm sorry I didn't take care of your complex tax returns, while I did everyone else's " Forget "Legal", what about "Moral".
"Minimum Wage Job" would be the last piece of the puzzle, in what my father and uncle would hope for, in regard to me.; They could then say "Sheila fucked him up".
What I wanted.. before the tragic fate my mom had. was. "Business, so I could have been finished with my father.. permanently". I've made due.. like a gracious gentleman, under the worst of circumstances.. because.. I realize that my father has no legal obligation to do anything for me.
My father claims he wants me to "Enjoy life". He keeps talking about how he wants me to "Fuck a girl" He doesn't know how long its really been since I've been with a woman.
The "Enjoy life". I know I have to do more of.
The "Girl". I don't feel ready for.. for many reasons
I want to be more successful in my career.. so I don't run into. as I'm working to build a business. someone telling me that I suck. Then there's the issue he will never know about.. the fetishes.
I've lost the war.. the real war.. of having the life I really wanted.. with the person I loved the most in the world., seeing my happiness. Now.. if I ever have children.. my father will get to enjoy those grandchildren.. in spite of the terrible things he did to me, and another woman.. who is not my mother.. who already has two grandchildren.. will reap the benefits of my having children. It's all very difficult to swallow.
For those that don't know.. I was one of the top students at Adelphi, in the historical honors society, the host student picked to show new students around at orientation.. had excellent letters written for me for grad school.
My father said to me last night
"You were in the wilderness for 20 years".
NOT
"I should have cared about your graduate education, and I'm sorry".
HIS only regret is that he didn't put my mom in the street. The man has.. world trips, a wife, grandchildren, his son back on his terms, and this is his only regret.
If I can achieve success in the insurance business.. I can then.. in addition to the decent person I am.. show a girl "I'm a successful professional, and I can give you, and a child if we want one.. a decent life".
The most important thing is that thank heaven I'm not going to be kicked out of the company.
To me,.. nothing else really matters except achieving success at this.. If that happens.. I can then say I achieved my (Alternate) dream, of being a successful insurance agent (I had originally planned to be an attorney), and I can then be free of my father.
I love the people I work with, for the most part.. They took a huge gamble on an unknown, with virtually no resume, and no experience in the insurance business. They are always kind and helpful to me.. I want to reward their confidence, with at least being.. moderately successful. in their company.
So far.. its been difficult.. but.. I'm going to keep working at it. If heaven willing I can pull it off., then at least I will have achieved, even at an advanced age, the alternate goal I worked so hard for.
