I'm now seeing that posting in the main forum about the law firm signing.. was a tremendous mistake. I apologize for that. It's apparent that nothing I work toward will ever come to pass, no matter how diligently I try.. I have an abusive supervisor, and an abusive father.. with vicious tempers, that they let out to me consistently, no matter how conciliatory I am to them.. not to mention everyone in my father';s world, who wants to see me fall flat on my face. All this, as long as my father rants on about my dead mother and grandmother.
I posted initially how my father called me on Thursday, to inform me that the 100 man law firm wanted to move forward with making a deal with Aflac, but the law firm was delayed by budgetary constraints. It was told to me, as I posted in the main forum, that we were going to work a deal with them on January 1.
This morning, when I e-mailed my supervisor to tell him what the law firm intended to do.. my supervisor's response was awful. His reply made it almost seem like the information I had been told, and gave to him,, was a lie.. He more or less said that there are and should be no "budgetary constraints" because Aflac's insurance is "so affordable. ". He can never take anything I tell him at face value.. to say "Okay, Mitch, that's great, glad we are going to work a deal with them". Everything is a challenge from him, and a condescending manner. He has put impediments in everything I want to do. No restaurants, big chains, etc etc etc. I';ve worked hard on improving my speech, so I can hopefully go into the office and cold call. With his demeanor, I have no doubt that when I do try cold calling, I will be nervous, and might well stutter, and he will probably throw me out of the office again just the way he did the last time.
Then, when I spoke to my father.. I told him about what my supervisor did, and requested for him to meet me alone, without "The whole family". His birthday is on Thursday, so we have another family dinner, for the second time this week, something I could have done without at this point, but which I have to attend. He got very short tempered with me, letting out his aggressions as he always does. This, as long as he carries on about my mother and grandmother, who are both dead for years.
Cheryl has been less than supportive about my situation with Aflac, consistently saying "If it doesn't work, you'll get a job", which is none of her fucking business. I don't expect this woman to care about my future, or my hopes and dreams, as she married him, not caring that we were estranged, as she had one goal, to create a family for herself, without giving a damn about me. She should really keep her mouth shut, and let me work this out with Aflac. I've killed myself to have this position at Aflac, and no minimum wage job is going to pay for my $2000 a month apartment.
No matter where I turn.. or what I try.. I cant win. I broke my neck to pass an exam in a field I had no experience in, only to find out about Aflac's rules and regulations of who I can and cant, mostly cant, sign. I left all my hurts that my father did to me, in the past, only to have him rant on constantly about my dead mother and grandmother, and how he could have thrown my mom in the street. I left all my hurts with my uncle who treated me so terribly in my childhood, in the past, only to have him abuse me viciously, wish me to be on SSD for my life, and never wish me well when I passed the exam. My father kisses my uncle's ass, and my father is constantly angry at me.
I was thinking today about why I have been single all these years. Simply put.. I guess I felt I wasn't good enough, just as an antiques salesman who lived with mom. For a while, passing the insurance exam felt great. I thought to myself "Okay, I'll get clients, be successful, feel good about myself, and then I'll be in the frame of mind to find a girl, so I can treat her well, and more easily deal with the complications of a relationship". Part of me is lonely, and would like to find someone. Even though I'm old, and have serious health issues.
I have not one abusive source.. a boss/supervisor. I have two abusive sources.. An abusive supervisor, an abusive father, who both verbally abuse me any chance they get, not to mention being abused by anyone my father sees fit, with his approval.
I'm not going to delude myself that the law firm is going to sign. Chances are, knowing my luck, something will happen so it wont go through. I'll try cold calling, get nowhere, and end up in the minimum wage job that my uncle and Cheryl want me so much to have.
Simply put, fuck everything. I'd like to throw up my hands, fuck it, and leave.
I realize I was 100 times happier when my mom was alive.. We worried about the alimony check coming every month, with my father's constant threats that he was going to throw my mom in the street, but,, my mom and I loved each other, and never let anyone else abuse the other. How things are now, even with all the hard work with the "Gym" "Speech Therapy", and "Position At Aflac", are a hundred times worse than anything was then. I don't think my father should get short tempered because his son requests an hour alone with him, without the whole cocksey army of people he found first, before ironing out his relationship with me, who don't give a shit about me.
I have a feeling that posting that news in the main forum is going to come back to haunt me. I wish I could say that I think we're going to figure this out, and that the law firm will sign, but, between my supervisor's attitude, my dad's attitude, Aflac;s rules and regulations, and my terrible luck.. I just don't see it happening.
I posted initially how my father called me on Thursday, to inform me that the 100 man law firm wanted to move forward with making a deal with Aflac, but the law firm was delayed by budgetary constraints. It was told to me, as I posted in the main forum, that we were going to work a deal with them on January 1.
This morning, when I e-mailed my supervisor to tell him what the law firm intended to do.. my supervisor's response was awful. His reply made it almost seem like the information I had been told, and gave to him,, was a lie.. He more or less said that there are and should be no "budgetary constraints" because Aflac's insurance is "so affordable. ". He can never take anything I tell him at face value.. to say "Okay, Mitch, that's great, glad we are going to work a deal with them". Everything is a challenge from him, and a condescending manner. He has put impediments in everything I want to do. No restaurants, big chains, etc etc etc. I';ve worked hard on improving my speech, so I can hopefully go into the office and cold call. With his demeanor, I have no doubt that when I do try cold calling, I will be nervous, and might well stutter, and he will probably throw me out of the office again just the way he did the last time.
Then, when I spoke to my father.. I told him about what my supervisor did, and requested for him to meet me alone, without "The whole family". His birthday is on Thursday, so we have another family dinner, for the second time this week, something I could have done without at this point, but which I have to attend. He got very short tempered with me, letting out his aggressions as he always does. This, as long as he carries on about my mother and grandmother, who are both dead for years.
Cheryl has been less than supportive about my situation with Aflac, consistently saying "If it doesn't work, you'll get a job", which is none of her fucking business. I don't expect this woman to care about my future, or my hopes and dreams, as she married him, not caring that we were estranged, as she had one goal, to create a family for herself, without giving a damn about me. She should really keep her mouth shut, and let me work this out with Aflac. I've killed myself to have this position at Aflac, and no minimum wage job is going to pay for my $2000 a month apartment.
No matter where I turn.. or what I try.. I cant win. I broke my neck to pass an exam in a field I had no experience in, only to find out about Aflac's rules and regulations of who I can and cant, mostly cant, sign. I left all my hurts that my father did to me, in the past, only to have him rant on constantly about my dead mother and grandmother, and how he could have thrown my mom in the street. I left all my hurts with my uncle who treated me so terribly in my childhood, in the past, only to have him abuse me viciously, wish me to be on SSD for my life, and never wish me well when I passed the exam. My father kisses my uncle's ass, and my father is constantly angry at me.
I was thinking today about why I have been single all these years. Simply put.. I guess I felt I wasn't good enough, just as an antiques salesman who lived with mom. For a while, passing the insurance exam felt great. I thought to myself "Okay, I'll get clients, be successful, feel good about myself, and then I'll be in the frame of mind to find a girl, so I can treat her well, and more easily deal with the complications of a relationship". Part of me is lonely, and would like to find someone. Even though I'm old, and have serious health issues.
I have not one abusive source.. a boss/supervisor. I have two abusive sources.. An abusive supervisor, an abusive father, who both verbally abuse me any chance they get, not to mention being abused by anyone my father sees fit, with his approval.
I'm not going to delude myself that the law firm is going to sign. Chances are, knowing my luck, something will happen so it wont go through. I'll try cold calling, get nowhere, and end up in the minimum wage job that my uncle and Cheryl want me so much to have.
Simply put, fuck everything. I'd like to throw up my hands, fuck it, and leave.
I realize I was 100 times happier when my mom was alive.. We worried about the alimony check coming every month, with my father's constant threats that he was going to throw my mom in the street, but,, my mom and I loved each other, and never let anyone else abuse the other. How things are now, even with all the hard work with the "Gym" "Speech Therapy", and "Position At Aflac", are a hundred times worse than anything was then. I don't think my father should get short tempered because his son requests an hour alone with him, without the whole cocksey army of people he found first, before ironing out his relationship with me, who don't give a shit about me.
I have a feeling that posting that news in the main forum is going to come back to haunt me. I wish I could say that I think we're going to figure this out, and that the law firm will sign, but, between my supervisor's attitude, my dad's attitude, Aflac;s rules and regulations, and my terrible luck.. I just don't see it happening.
