I'm reluctant to post what really happened last night and today, but, as its on the blog, and not the main forum, I'm going to do so, even though it's bad.
Last night started with seeing my father for his birthday. He sat down with me alone first, telling me to expand my horizons socially, and that "I'm obsessed with Aflac".
This next part I'm almost embarrassed to post, but, ir really doesn't matter.
People can think what they want.
As I've been working on Aflac, which I'm not getting paid for yet, of course.. I was given to believe I had money from what was left to me by my mom, to last me until after the 1st of the year, if I didn't sell valuable art work, and until well into next year if I did sell the art work. The art work hasn't been sold yet, but I'm working to try and sell it, and I was told I still had money even though its not sold, and time to sell it.
Last night, my father told me that the money from my mom is gone, and claimed that he had given me some money. I didn't know this until he told me, and I had no intention of taking any money for expenses from him, beyond what he agreed to pay for my rent. .
It was at that point, that Cheryl chimed in and started taunting me. "We;'re not telling you to get a job".
It 's like: Had I known this.., I would have prepared myself. No one ever told me. They both then started taunting me, asking me what I do all day, and that I'm "Obsessed with Aflac". They also went on about their other family, and the relationship with their grandchildren. My father then had to throw in there, that "If the law firm signs, it could be "hundreds of people". Thus, a lot of money. Almost taunting someone who has nothing, that I could either be a successful insurance agent from this one client, or not be in insurance at all, if I'm forced to drop out, due to needing to get a regular job to make money.
I've worked my ass off to suggest things for Aflac, only to be rebuffed by Keith.. I've worked my ass off to get my speech under control, so I can cold call now. What the fuck good is any of it, if I cant work at Aflac anymore?
My father then told me that "Our estrangement was more my fault, then his". He never took resoponsibility for not putting our relationship on track, before finding this other family. I came last.
Last night, I came home, and sent him a conciliatory email. Then, during the night, I started thinking about it all, and got really upset/angry.
This morning, around 8am, I sent him an email telling him what I really thought. I told him that he had never told me I was out of money, and that it is not, and was never, my intent, to "Live off him". I also said that the reason I worked my ass off to have a professional insurance license, and career, was to at least make a middle class living.. to be able to pay my own rent, in the $1700 a month apartment I have . I asked him how he proposes a minimum wage job, would accomplish this? I told him that I was very hurt that he fails to take any responsibility for our 20 year estrangement, and how he built his life with all these other people, before ironing out his relationship with me.
Bottom line: When people need money, they have to "Get a job", which, by the way, would be the last piece in t the puzzle of Cheryl's and my uncle's evil plans for Mitch's life. Cheryl never wished me well when I passed the insurance exam, or told me that she hoped Aflac succeeded, after how hard I worked to pass the test, and the restrictions I have. My uncle never wished me well when I passed the exam. I don't delude myself to believe that these people my uncle, and my father's wife, as civil as I';ve been to them, want anything more for me than either two things, SSD, or, minimum wage job. Simply put, they can fuck themselves with their opinions. Cheryl married my father not caring that he and I were estranged, as long as she built a family for herself, she didn't care whose bones she was stepping on. This has nothing to do with "Jealousy that my father and Cheryl have a lot of money, and my mom and I didn't". I truly don't care what trips they take, or how much money they have,. I just don't think this woman should be passing judgment on me, when she doesn't give a fuck about me, or my future.
So,,. I emailed my father today expressing my feelings. and told him that I will look for a "Part time minimum wage job now" to still allow myself to put some time into Aflac, and see if the law firm signs, and also try some cold calls as my stuttering improves. . I said we would then re evaluate it January 1. Something I feel I've "Earned The Right". (His favorite expression) to do, after the hard work I put in passing the exam, and the hell and resrictions I have.
Simply put, and maybe this sounds stupid. I really don't care about having a big social life, a girlfriend, or any of that. What I care about. is to achieve success at the career I've worked so hard at, to be able to feel better about myself, and say to a girl "Hi, these are my interests, and I'm a successful insurance agent", and also to be completely financially free of my dad. What the hell difference does it make if I find the nicest, most beautiful, and most ticklish girl in the world, if I cant afford the place I;m living in, and.. "I';m my father';s charity case". (Something which I'm sure many forum members who dislike me must think, which I expressed to my father today, and which is on my mind all the time).
Basically, it's Do or Die. I don't mean that I'm going to commit suicide if Aflac doesn't work, and I'm forced to drop out, and get a minimum wage job. All I mean is.. the following.
My father told me last night.. I don't know if it was a taunt.. or true.. that.. if the law firm signs.. it could be "Huge, bigger than what we thought, hundreds of people". If THAT happens, and I'm able to get a couple of the other things I'm working on, and can cold call too, THEN I'd be free of him, feel much better about myself, and want to meet someone.
If I don't get the big client.. or the other things I'm working,on, time runs out, and I have to leave Aflac, to get a minimum wage job, for financial reasons, how is that going to make me feel about myself, and the presentation to a girl, and other people socially? I want to make clear that what I just said.. is in no way a potshot at anyone, who might happen to be of an advanced age, as I am, and has a minimum wage job. I respect people of all backgrounds, and economic classes. I'm talking about ME now, and how I would feel about myself. Simply put, I'd feel like shit, and not want to be with anyone, especially a woman.
I await my father's reply to my e-mail. I suspect he's going to blast me, because he never understands how I feel about anything. He claims he doesn't see me much, because he thinks I'm fixated on Aflac, and don't have any other interests. Of course I'm fixated on it. If it succeeds, I stay with the company, I'm a successful insurance agent, I'm free of him, and my confidence goes up, to where I would want to find a woman. If it fails.. all that goes out the window. I told him that if he doesn't know WHY I'm fixated on Aflac, he doesn't know anything. I had a professor in college who I took many times, for history, who said that. He didn't want to know the answer of a date, or place, he wanted to know WHY. I told this to my father, and I'm expressing it here.
So, now I wait. I have a few other avenues besides the law firm, to try and drum up business for Aflac. I hope I can try cold calls at the office next week, and I'm going to look for what I hope is no more than a "Part time job".
As Euphoric as I was last Dec 30th when I passed the exam, that is how crushed i'll be if I'm forced to leave Aflac for financial reasons, and get a minimum wage job.
"God helps those who help themselves". Now.. we put that sentence to the test. I worked my ass off to study for, and helped myself, by passing a professional license exam, in an unfamiliar profession, being rebuffed with every idea I've had, by Keith, my supervisor, going to the gym, and the speech therapist, and now with approaching certain sources. God didn't help me when he took my mom away from me, after all we both sacrificed for her to be treated in NJ, and for all we both suffered. I've said prayers, and I want to believe, and keep the faith. I will say, that, if I don't get the accounts we've worked on, I'm forced to leave Aflac, and get a minimum wage job, I will have a difficult time ever believing that anything good will happen again. I don't WANT to think that, but.. a big test is coming, before January 1, as to whether the adage of God helps those who help themselves, will ever come true for me, in a meaningful way, or, if it will just be like it has been many times, where hard work, and sacrifice, and hope.. of something wonderful happening, will turn into nothing but heartbreak, and a major change, for the absolute worst. How i'll feel about myself if I get good accounts, and can stay with Aflac, and continue to work at my insurance career, will be polar opposite then if I'm forced to leave the company I worked so hard to be in, and get a minimum wage job, with no profession, career, or purpose, other than to just barely survive, and have nothing to look forward to. .
Last night started with seeing my father for his birthday. He sat down with me alone first, telling me to expand my horizons socially, and that "I'm obsessed with Aflac".
This next part I'm almost embarrassed to post, but, ir really doesn't matter.
People can think what they want.
As I've been working on Aflac, which I'm not getting paid for yet, of course.. I was given to believe I had money from what was left to me by my mom, to last me until after the 1st of the year, if I didn't sell valuable art work, and until well into next year if I did sell the art work. The art work hasn't been sold yet, but I'm working to try and sell it, and I was told I still had money even though its not sold, and time to sell it.
Last night, my father told me that the money from my mom is gone, and claimed that he had given me some money. I didn't know this until he told me, and I had no intention of taking any money for expenses from him, beyond what he agreed to pay for my rent. .
It was at that point, that Cheryl chimed in and started taunting me. "We;'re not telling you to get a job".
It 's like: Had I known this.., I would have prepared myself. No one ever told me. They both then started taunting me, asking me what I do all day, and that I'm "Obsessed with Aflac". They also went on about their other family, and the relationship with their grandchildren. My father then had to throw in there, that "If the law firm signs, it could be "hundreds of people". Thus, a lot of money. Almost taunting someone who has nothing, that I could either be a successful insurance agent from this one client, or not be in insurance at all, if I'm forced to drop out, due to needing to get a regular job to make money.
I've worked my ass off to suggest things for Aflac, only to be rebuffed by Keith.. I've worked my ass off to get my speech under control, so I can cold call now. What the fuck good is any of it, if I cant work at Aflac anymore?
My father then told me that "Our estrangement was more my fault, then his". He never took resoponsibility for not putting our relationship on track, before finding this other family. I came last.
Last night, I came home, and sent him a conciliatory email. Then, during the night, I started thinking about it all, and got really upset/angry.
This morning, around 8am, I sent him an email telling him what I really thought. I told him that he had never told me I was out of money, and that it is not, and was never, my intent, to "Live off him". I also said that the reason I worked my ass off to have a professional insurance license, and career, was to at least make a middle class living.. to be able to pay my own rent, in the $1700 a month apartment I have . I asked him how he proposes a minimum wage job, would accomplish this? I told him that I was very hurt that he fails to take any responsibility for our 20 year estrangement, and how he built his life with all these other people, before ironing out his relationship with me.
Bottom line: When people need money, they have to "Get a job", which, by the way, would be the last piece in t the puzzle of Cheryl's and my uncle's evil plans for Mitch's life. Cheryl never wished me well when I passed the insurance exam, or told me that she hoped Aflac succeeded, after how hard I worked to pass the test, and the restrictions I have. My uncle never wished me well when I passed the exam. I don't delude myself to believe that these people my uncle, and my father's wife, as civil as I';ve been to them, want anything more for me than either two things, SSD, or, minimum wage job. Simply put, they can fuck themselves with their opinions. Cheryl married my father not caring that he and I were estranged, as long as she built a family for herself, she didn't care whose bones she was stepping on. This has nothing to do with "Jealousy that my father and Cheryl have a lot of money, and my mom and I didn't". I truly don't care what trips they take, or how much money they have,. I just don't think this woman should be passing judgment on me, when she doesn't give a fuck about me, or my future.
So,,. I emailed my father today expressing my feelings. and told him that I will look for a "Part time minimum wage job now" to still allow myself to put some time into Aflac, and see if the law firm signs, and also try some cold calls as my stuttering improves. . I said we would then re evaluate it January 1. Something I feel I've "Earned The Right". (His favorite expression) to do, after the hard work I put in passing the exam, and the hell and resrictions I have.
Simply put, and maybe this sounds stupid. I really don't care about having a big social life, a girlfriend, or any of that. What I care about. is to achieve success at the career I've worked so hard at, to be able to feel better about myself, and say to a girl "Hi, these are my interests, and I'm a successful insurance agent", and also to be completely financially free of my dad. What the hell difference does it make if I find the nicest, most beautiful, and most ticklish girl in the world, if I cant afford the place I;m living in, and.. "I';m my father';s charity case". (Something which I'm sure many forum members who dislike me must think, which I expressed to my father today, and which is on my mind all the time).
Basically, it's Do or Die. I don't mean that I'm going to commit suicide if Aflac doesn't work, and I'm forced to drop out, and get a minimum wage job. All I mean is.. the following.
My father told me last night.. I don't know if it was a taunt.. or true.. that.. if the law firm signs.. it could be "Huge, bigger than what we thought, hundreds of people". If THAT happens, and I'm able to get a couple of the other things I'm working on, and can cold call too, THEN I'd be free of him, feel much better about myself, and want to meet someone.
If I don't get the big client.. or the other things I'm working,on, time runs out, and I have to leave Aflac, to get a minimum wage job, for financial reasons, how is that going to make me feel about myself, and the presentation to a girl, and other people socially? I want to make clear that what I just said.. is in no way a potshot at anyone, who might happen to be of an advanced age, as I am, and has a minimum wage job. I respect people of all backgrounds, and economic classes. I'm talking about ME now, and how I would feel about myself. Simply put, I'd feel like shit, and not want to be with anyone, especially a woman.
I await my father's reply to my e-mail. I suspect he's going to blast me, because he never understands how I feel about anything. He claims he doesn't see me much, because he thinks I'm fixated on Aflac, and don't have any other interests. Of course I'm fixated on it. If it succeeds, I stay with the company, I'm a successful insurance agent, I'm free of him, and my confidence goes up, to where I would want to find a woman. If it fails.. all that goes out the window. I told him that if he doesn't know WHY I'm fixated on Aflac, he doesn't know anything. I had a professor in college who I took many times, for history, who said that. He didn't want to know the answer of a date, or place, he wanted to know WHY. I told this to my father, and I'm expressing it here.
So, now I wait. I have a few other avenues besides the law firm, to try and drum up business for Aflac. I hope I can try cold calls at the office next week, and I'm going to look for what I hope is no more than a "Part time job".
As Euphoric as I was last Dec 30th when I passed the exam, that is how crushed i'll be if I'm forced to leave Aflac for financial reasons, and get a minimum wage job.
"God helps those who help themselves". Now.. we put that sentence to the test. I worked my ass off to study for, and helped myself, by passing a professional license exam, in an unfamiliar profession, being rebuffed with every idea I've had, by Keith, my supervisor, going to the gym, and the speech therapist, and now with approaching certain sources. God didn't help me when he took my mom away from me, after all we both sacrificed for her to be treated in NJ, and for all we both suffered. I've said prayers, and I want to believe, and keep the faith. I will say, that, if I don't get the accounts we've worked on, I'm forced to leave Aflac, and get a minimum wage job, I will have a difficult time ever believing that anything good will happen again. I don't WANT to think that, but.. a big test is coming, before January 1, as to whether the adage of God helps those who help themselves, will ever come true for me, in a meaningful way, or, if it will just be like it has been many times, where hard work, and sacrifice, and hope.. of something wonderful happening, will turn into nothing but heartbreak, and a major change, for the absolute worst. How i'll feel about myself if I get good accounts, and can stay with Aflac, and continue to work at my insurance career, will be polar opposite then if I'm forced to leave the company I worked so hard to be in, and get a minimum wage job, with no profession, career, or purpose, other than to just barely survive, and have nothing to look forward to. .
