Most times thanksgiving means getting together with family/friends and giving thanks for having each other, and being able to get together and enjoy a nice meal together. For me it's different.... You see, every year my grandma used to make thanksgiving dinner. She raised me you see. I had a relationship with her like most people would have with their dad or their mothers. Really really close. She was all I had for a good part of my life and vice versa. It was me and her against the world. My mom had issues and I never knew my dad. My grandpa passed when I was very young. So like I said, it was just me and her. And every year no matter if anyone came over or not she would make thanksgiving dinner. It was a dinner you couldn't could not compare with any other meal in the year. You could taste the love, heart and soul that was put into it. Not that she didn't do that all the time... but this meal was always so very special, so... unique. There wasn't anything like it and she always did it by herself. Never letting anyone help her....She's been passed away over 3 years now, and... needless to say I'm still feeling the devastation and heartache from it today as I did years ago. I know I need to let go, and move on... but sometimes... it's not easy... I find myself crying at least once on this day every year... now to be exact >_>... Part of me is afraid if I let go, I'll forget... but I won't burden you with my psychological issues... What matters is, that this day is very important to me on a whole other level. I regard this day not only as a day of giving thanks, but of tribute. See before she passed she told me how she cooked this dinner, and every year since then up to now, I make a dinner in tribute to her. Just the way she used to make it. No matter who comes, even it's just me by myself. I would still do it. It's a certain spiritual aspect to it that no one can really comprehend. But when I'm in that kitchen, I don't feel like I'm alone. I feel a certain warmth (and no I'm not talking about the stove lol) but...I feel as if it's not me alone that is making this meal. I feel as if her hands are guiding mine, her love and soul are inside making my every move for me. I can say that, because I don't remember making much of the meal, only certain parts. I feel like if I don't continue her legacy by doing it myself, I'll disrupt that, and I don't want to do that. Some day I will pass on her thanksgiving dinner recipes, but... it has to be to the right person. If that makes any sense. Any way... that's what thanksgiving means to me.
Love and peace to all.
and Happy Thanksgiving.
Love and peace to all.
and Happy Thanksgiving.
