I had lunch with my father and Cheryl yesterday. It did not go well. Part of it was my fault for getting upset, but my father truly does not get it.
I'm very upset about the whole process with the law firm, and got a bit weepy eyed,. Cheryl went home, and left me alone with my father. I started to say.. "I'm back on track now, working hard to make this insurance business work, and I'm sorry about my unproductive first year in NY". Instead of my father saying to me "You're better now, and move forward", his reply was "You were unproductive for a lot longer than a year". Totally uncalled for, considering the fact that I'm working in a big company now, and it was said only to make me feel worse. Also uncalled for, when this SOB never likes to admit anything he did to hurt me, or make our relationship sour.
My father also threw in my face how he spent "The Whole Day" with Cheryl's kids, and grandkids, the day before, as he sees me for exactly an hour each time.
Finally, there is one of his fucking family parties, with all the cousins, who never contact me, on the 27th, as the whole situation with the lawyers may be unfolding.. or.. may be finished.. without a deal. I gently said to him "Let me see what unfolds.. if the situation with the lawyers ends, and they don't sign, I might be very upset.. and might just want to not go". He got.. annoyed, and angry.
What the fuck does this man have to be angry about. He has..
Money, world trips, his ex wife, his worst enemy, suffered and died. He has his 44 year old son, whose guts he hates.. by the balls, and at his beckon call. I know, everyone says "He can throw you out of your apartment anytime"/. I;m aware of that. My feeling. Let him. It would then give me reason, to wish what I wish would really happen to him.
I thought.. that.. if I gave him what he wanted with.. "The complete life" I heard him bitch about for 20 years, that he would behave better to me.
He;s the winner, and I lose. My mom died, and he has me.
My gut. the situation with the law firm wont happen, and the misery will continue.
I've been having seizures, and I have no intention to go to the Dr. Whatever happens, happens.,
I';ve done everything this son of a bitch asked. A job, "The gym". "The speech therapist", giving him his "Complete life".,
Even if I get this client, and make a ton of money, I cant tell my father to go fuck himself, because the client is his lawyer. If we part ways, the client will undoubtedly leave.
I wanted a career to make me enough money to be free of him. Every suggestion I've made for clients.. to the supervisors at work, clients I could have tried to get on my own, has been shot down.
I also don't believe in "God helps those who help themselves". How has God helped me? I busted my ass to pass the insurance exam, and tried to make suggestions to the people at work, for clients.. that I could get on my own, so I could be free of my father. My suggestions were shot down by the people at work, with the explanation that "We cant get to the decision maker" to implement your suggestion.
It's "God helps those who he wants to help". Mean spirited people, like my father, get all the good things, and all the glory.
Something bad is coming.. I feel it. At this point.. I simply don't give a shit anymore.
I'm very upset about the whole process with the law firm, and got a bit weepy eyed,. Cheryl went home, and left me alone with my father. I started to say.. "I'm back on track now, working hard to make this insurance business work, and I'm sorry about my unproductive first year in NY". Instead of my father saying to me "You're better now, and move forward", his reply was "You were unproductive for a lot longer than a year". Totally uncalled for, considering the fact that I'm working in a big company now, and it was said only to make me feel worse. Also uncalled for, when this SOB never likes to admit anything he did to hurt me, or make our relationship sour.
My father also threw in my face how he spent "The Whole Day" with Cheryl's kids, and grandkids, the day before, as he sees me for exactly an hour each time.
Finally, there is one of his fucking family parties, with all the cousins, who never contact me, on the 27th, as the whole situation with the lawyers may be unfolding.. or.. may be finished.. without a deal. I gently said to him "Let me see what unfolds.. if the situation with the lawyers ends, and they don't sign, I might be very upset.. and might just want to not go". He got.. annoyed, and angry.
What the fuck does this man have to be angry about. He has..
Money, world trips, his ex wife, his worst enemy, suffered and died. He has his 44 year old son, whose guts he hates.. by the balls, and at his beckon call. I know, everyone says "He can throw you out of your apartment anytime"/. I;m aware of that. My feeling. Let him. It would then give me reason, to wish what I wish would really happen to him.
I thought.. that.. if I gave him what he wanted with.. "The complete life" I heard him bitch about for 20 years, that he would behave better to me.
He;s the winner, and I lose. My mom died, and he has me.
My gut. the situation with the law firm wont happen, and the misery will continue.
I've been having seizures, and I have no intention to go to the Dr. Whatever happens, happens.,
I';ve done everything this son of a bitch asked. A job, "The gym". "The speech therapist", giving him his "Complete life".,
Even if I get this client, and make a ton of money, I cant tell my father to go fuck himself, because the client is his lawyer. If we part ways, the client will undoubtedly leave.
I wanted a career to make me enough money to be free of him. Every suggestion I've made for clients.. to the supervisors at work, clients I could have tried to get on my own, has been shot down.
I also don't believe in "God helps those who help themselves". How has God helped me? I busted my ass to pass the insurance exam, and tried to make suggestions to the people at work, for clients.. that I could get on my own, so I could be free of my father. My suggestions were shot down by the people at work, with the explanation that "We cant get to the decision maker" to implement your suggestion.
It's "God helps those who he wants to help". Mean spirited people, like my father, get all the good things, and all the glory.
Something bad is coming.. I feel it. At this point.. I simply don't give a shit anymore.
