I had a rather rollercoaster day today. My dad told the guy who bought things of mine which were in my dad's apartment, to come here. I sold everything, lock, stock and barrel, except for the paintings.
We went to dinner, and my dad just cant seem to forget the past. He goes on about my mom lying about her age, and how he could have not paid alimony. He also finally admitted that he wasn't truthful about his income at the time of the divorce, to be sure she got less. Something my mom and I always knew. She really got screwed in the divorce, big time, as he went on with his life with another woman, so his anger puzzles me, and angers me.
Yet, when I bring up, my hurt about.. my uncle, and my dad marrying Cheryl before my dad ironed out his relationship with me, he makes light of all that. He keeps telling me how he should have left my mom when she was pregnant with me. I doubt he will ever resolve his anger.
My dad then told me not to be "tentative" with him. He said that my airing him out isn't going to cause him to bail on me. On one hand he talks about how he could have put my mom in the street, with court ordered alimony, and I'm supposed to be comfortable when he talks like this, that he wont bail on me.
I hope and pray to have a good business going soon, so I can be financially free of him. I don't plan to be estranged from him. It will just always be difficult.
My view is, and my dad cant see this. My not being where I should be, is all three of our faults. Mine, my mom's, and his. My future was never discussed, as he went on with his life, and my mom and him spent so much time sniping at each other, that a plan for me wasn't developed. I haven't been pro active enough in the several years since my tax issues were ironed out.
He drank very heavily tonight, which bothers me. He encouraged me to try alcohol, and to "lighten up and enjoy life". The latter hes right about, the former is a personal choice.
My dad also encouraged me to start dating, but I don't feel ready. I'm still trying to figure out my business, and I need to get a job.
One thing that upsets me is when he tells me that my mom kept me back, and wanted me to keep living with her, so that her check from him would come. That isn't true. My only anger at her is that she didn't let the driver go sooner. Other than that, I miss her so much. I know she loved me. She sacrificed for me, while he rebuilt his life with Cheryl. He can say what he wants, but I have wonderful memories of her. He can never change that.
So, that's where I am. All physical possessions except pictures gone. Now have to continue forward.
We went to dinner, and my dad just cant seem to forget the past. He goes on about my mom lying about her age, and how he could have not paid alimony. He also finally admitted that he wasn't truthful about his income at the time of the divorce, to be sure she got less. Something my mom and I always knew. She really got screwed in the divorce, big time, as he went on with his life with another woman, so his anger puzzles me, and angers me.
Yet, when I bring up, my hurt about.. my uncle, and my dad marrying Cheryl before my dad ironed out his relationship with me, he makes light of all that. He keeps telling me how he should have left my mom when she was pregnant with me. I doubt he will ever resolve his anger.
My dad then told me not to be "tentative" with him. He said that my airing him out isn't going to cause him to bail on me. On one hand he talks about how he could have put my mom in the street, with court ordered alimony, and I'm supposed to be comfortable when he talks like this, that he wont bail on me.
I hope and pray to have a good business going soon, so I can be financially free of him. I don't plan to be estranged from him. It will just always be difficult.
My view is, and my dad cant see this. My not being where I should be, is all three of our faults. Mine, my mom's, and his. My future was never discussed, as he went on with his life, and my mom and him spent so much time sniping at each other, that a plan for me wasn't developed. I haven't been pro active enough in the several years since my tax issues were ironed out.
He drank very heavily tonight, which bothers me. He encouraged me to try alcohol, and to "lighten up and enjoy life". The latter hes right about, the former is a personal choice.
My dad also encouraged me to start dating, but I don't feel ready. I'm still trying to figure out my business, and I need to get a job.
One thing that upsets me is when he tells me that my mom kept me back, and wanted me to keep living with her, so that her check from him would come. That isn't true. My only anger at her is that she didn't let the driver go sooner. Other than that, I miss her so much. I know she loved me. She sacrificed for me, while he rebuilt his life with Cheryl. He can say what he wants, but I have wonderful memories of her. He can never change that.
So, that's where I am. All physical possessions except pictures gone. Now have to continue forward.
