This entry, I am going to post.
Everyone who knows me, knows that tomorrow is the anniversary of the worst day of my life, the day that my wonderful mother was taken from me.. It makes me depressed just thinking about it. The End actually began precisely one year ago, when, around 7am on the morning of April 3, 2012, I was called to the nursing home in Lancaster, and told that my mom's passing would be imminent.
My original plan tomorrow had been to spend the day with my aunt the artist, who, in spite of her own difficult life, is really the only family I have left now that my mom is gone. We were going to have a quiet lunch. It would have been appro-po, as we still are both grieving my mom's loss.
My other aunt, the astrologer.. called me at 1230 last night. (Her habit) Out of nowhere, she insisted that she, I , and my other aunt were getting together tomorrow. Aside from my father.. she is the last person I should be with tomorrow, as she screams, yells, carries on, and slams phone receivers in the middle of conversations. I'll be feeling horribly, and she will make it worse.
At one point, with April 4th looming, my father had originally said he would see me at some point tomorrow. Then renaged on that, saying he was "busy", and would see me Friday night. Yeah, "busy", as long as he's had time for every family vacation, with his cousins, and his brother this year. I probably shouldn't see my father anyway. The anniversary of the worst day of my life, is the anniversary of the best day of his life. The person he hated most in the world,,my mom, is gone, as my rotten uncle, (who my father sees as his son, and who wishes me hell), lives on.
Now, I don't know what to do tomorrow. I'm planning on going to the track today, as there are many more tracks running today than tomorrow. Theoretically, I suppose I could go back there, if I don't do too badly today.
When I tell the astrologer that I feel depressed about the status of my relationship with my dad, how I'm last on his list, and how he ingratiates everyone in his family who was so uncivilized to me, she keeps coming back to tha "Astrological ties" he and I have. I am so fucking sick of hearing that.
Additionally, as I may have posted before, my aunt the astrologer constantly carries on about her financial situation, something I really didn't want to hear about tomorrow.
Now, I'm faced with a choice: Spend the day alone. A day where I'm sure I will be very somber.. or.. spend it with.. literally a ranting, raving.. maniac. My favorite habit of hers is how she screams during every phone call, and then hangs up in the middle of someone else' s sentence. The woman seriously needs psychiatric treatment.. or medicine..but refuses to go.
Bottom line: None of them feel it the way I do. They weren't with my mom, for 42 years. They didn't fight her cancer with her, for two plus years, all alone. She didn t die in their arms. As I've posted before, during the summer of 2011, while we had our long stay in NJ, the Drs kept asking me "Who is taking care of you, Mitch". The answer.. NO ONE because none of them give a fuck!
I told my aunt the artist that I don't want the astrologer to come with us tomorrow, so I can have peace, and of course the artist was like "You cant do that".
I guess I'm just going to have to spend tomorrow alone.
Bottom line: My family is pathetic. My mom was the only one I had. She would be appalled if she saw how they were behaving.
I see now that once I get my life settled with a business, I need to find a partner, whether its Maria or someone else. I'm hopeful that by doing so, I can enhance the girl's life, and she can enhance mine. The only person that was ever on my side, was taken from me last April 4th.
Everyone who knows me, knows that tomorrow is the anniversary of the worst day of my life, the day that my wonderful mother was taken from me.. It makes me depressed just thinking about it. The End actually began precisely one year ago, when, around 7am on the morning of April 3, 2012, I was called to the nursing home in Lancaster, and told that my mom's passing would be imminent.
My original plan tomorrow had been to spend the day with my aunt the artist, who, in spite of her own difficult life, is really the only family I have left now that my mom is gone. We were going to have a quiet lunch. It would have been appro-po, as we still are both grieving my mom's loss.
My other aunt, the astrologer.. called me at 1230 last night. (Her habit) Out of nowhere, she insisted that she, I , and my other aunt were getting together tomorrow. Aside from my father.. she is the last person I should be with tomorrow, as she screams, yells, carries on, and slams phone receivers in the middle of conversations. I'll be feeling horribly, and she will make it worse.
At one point, with April 4th looming, my father had originally said he would see me at some point tomorrow. Then renaged on that, saying he was "busy", and would see me Friday night. Yeah, "busy", as long as he's had time for every family vacation, with his cousins, and his brother this year. I probably shouldn't see my father anyway. The anniversary of the worst day of my life, is the anniversary of the best day of his life. The person he hated most in the world,,my mom, is gone, as my rotten uncle, (who my father sees as his son, and who wishes me hell), lives on.
Now, I don't know what to do tomorrow. I'm planning on going to the track today, as there are many more tracks running today than tomorrow. Theoretically, I suppose I could go back there, if I don't do too badly today.
When I tell the astrologer that I feel depressed about the status of my relationship with my dad, how I'm last on his list, and how he ingratiates everyone in his family who was so uncivilized to me, she keeps coming back to tha "Astrological ties" he and I have. I am so fucking sick of hearing that.
Additionally, as I may have posted before, my aunt the astrologer constantly carries on about her financial situation, something I really didn't want to hear about tomorrow.
Now, I'm faced with a choice: Spend the day alone. A day where I'm sure I will be very somber.. or.. spend it with.. literally a ranting, raving.. maniac. My favorite habit of hers is how she screams during every phone call, and then hangs up in the middle of someone else' s sentence. The woman seriously needs psychiatric treatment.. or medicine..but refuses to go.
Bottom line: None of them feel it the way I do. They weren't with my mom, for 42 years. They didn't fight her cancer with her, for two plus years, all alone. She didn t die in their arms. As I've posted before, during the summer of 2011, while we had our long stay in NJ, the Drs kept asking me "Who is taking care of you, Mitch". The answer.. NO ONE because none of them give a fuck!
I told my aunt the artist that I don't want the astrologer to come with us tomorrow, so I can have peace, and of course the artist was like "You cant do that".
I guess I'm just going to have to spend tomorrow alone.
Bottom line: My family is pathetic. My mom was the only one I had. She would be appalled if she saw how they were behaving.
I see now that once I get my life settled with a business, I need to find a partner, whether its Maria or someone else. I'm hopeful that by doing so, I can enhance the girl's life, and she can enhance mine. The only person that was ever on my side, was taken from me last April 4th.
