I'm really hoping I get some positive feedback and support about this, because, I'm having a problem that I really need sound advice about.
In recent times, I've been getting ripped from pillar to post, by everyone in my real life who cares about me, for my 2009 reconciliation with my father. Basically, my friends and family think I was a stupid idiot for going back with him.
This all started in January 2009. He sent me the usual gift he always sends me for my bday. A fairly large check that I needed. I sent him a sarcastic thank you, saying "Thank you for thinking of me once every year, and this year as well". To which he replied "Mitch, whether you believe me or not, I think of you all the time. I want to meet you in Philly, let me know". For six months, I resisted his request, and then, as anyone who knows this situation is aware, I gave in and met him for the first time in six years, in July 2009.
Since my mom has been sick, he's been behaving horribly. When I first found out about her cancer diagnosis in March, I called him from the hospital, crying hysterically. At that point, he put on a front of trying to at least be sympathetic. Since then, things have deteriorated.
As I've posted before, it seems to me that he was only calling me every week, because he cant wait for my mom to die, so he can get off alimony. While some on here have expressed that "They can understand that, because he doesnt like my mom". That viewpoint of his is cruel. She's still my mother, I'm his son, he had a child with her, and he should consider my feelings. I despised his mother, for having a large hand in the end of my family, and my estrangement from him, but, when I heard she had died, I was very civil to him, expressing my condolences, and not glee, that she had died.
Right now, he's not talking to me. He's been ignoring me the last several weeks, as I'm trying to iron out the whole situation with moving to NJ, so my mom can be treated by the excellent doctors we've consulted with.
One person who used to be very important to me, isnt even talking to me, because of my situation with him. This person told me I have no one else to blame but myself for going back with him.
Tonight, my best friend and my mom said to me "You made your own bed, you have lied in it with him for a year. How much does he have to do to you, for you to realize that he hates your guts?" They, along with the rest of my family and friends, think he has treated me like shit, for the past five months since this situation with my mom's cancer has happened.
Heck, even my friend who I hadnt spoken to in 21 years, remembers how badly my father treated me when I was younger.
I was discussing this with the girl who cuts my hair yesterday, and I rarely discuss personal business with her. All she said is "Mitch, if you know you tried your best, you cant beat yourself up over it".
Hopefully, my mom will be treated by the doctors in NJ, and live for a long time. Tonight, however, my mom said to me "If God forbid anything happens to me, you can't look to your father for emotional support. He'll just be counting my alimony check dollars after I die".
I guess the whole point to the blog post is this: After all the shit he's done to me in my life, I feel like a fourteen carat idiot for going back with him again in 2009, only to have him stab me in the back when I need his support most. (Emotionally).
Yet, he never leaves me alone. Every birthday, the same check comes, along with "I think about you all the time". His behavior is so hateful, that why the fuck doesn't he just leave me alone? What' he's doing now with my mom being sick, is his lowest act yet. If he was worth the penalty I'd receive, I just want to break his face.
Even though I know my situation with him isnt my fault, I feel like a failure that my relationship with him cant work, and I HATE to fail.
Any constructive advice would be appreciated. I've refrained from posting personal info on here of late, but, between my feelings about the whole situation with him, and the way everyone in my life is taking me to task about it, I needed to vent. I dont know what to do. I cant talk to him, because he wont listen. All he hears is himself. Those who love and care about me most feel life estrangement from him is the only option. I despise him, and intellectually, I know this, but that is such a difficult choice, especially with what my mom is going through now.
Thoughts on this? Thanks.
Mitch
In recent times, I've been getting ripped from pillar to post, by everyone in my real life who cares about me, for my 2009 reconciliation with my father. Basically, my friends and family think I was a stupid idiot for going back with him.
This all started in January 2009. He sent me the usual gift he always sends me for my bday. A fairly large check that I needed. I sent him a sarcastic thank you, saying "Thank you for thinking of me once every year, and this year as well". To which he replied "Mitch, whether you believe me or not, I think of you all the time. I want to meet you in Philly, let me know". For six months, I resisted his request, and then, as anyone who knows this situation is aware, I gave in and met him for the first time in six years, in July 2009.
Since my mom has been sick, he's been behaving horribly. When I first found out about her cancer diagnosis in March, I called him from the hospital, crying hysterically. At that point, he put on a front of trying to at least be sympathetic. Since then, things have deteriorated.
As I've posted before, it seems to me that he was only calling me every week, because he cant wait for my mom to die, so he can get off alimony. While some on here have expressed that "They can understand that, because he doesnt like my mom". That viewpoint of his is cruel. She's still my mother, I'm his son, he had a child with her, and he should consider my feelings. I despised his mother, for having a large hand in the end of my family, and my estrangement from him, but, when I heard she had died, I was very civil to him, expressing my condolences, and not glee, that she had died.
Right now, he's not talking to me. He's been ignoring me the last several weeks, as I'm trying to iron out the whole situation with moving to NJ, so my mom can be treated by the excellent doctors we've consulted with.
One person who used to be very important to me, isnt even talking to me, because of my situation with him. This person told me I have no one else to blame but myself for going back with him.
Tonight, my best friend and my mom said to me "You made your own bed, you have lied in it with him for a year. How much does he have to do to you, for you to realize that he hates your guts?" They, along with the rest of my family and friends, think he has treated me like shit, for the past five months since this situation with my mom's cancer has happened.
Heck, even my friend who I hadnt spoken to in 21 years, remembers how badly my father treated me when I was younger.
I was discussing this with the girl who cuts my hair yesterday, and I rarely discuss personal business with her. All she said is "Mitch, if you know you tried your best, you cant beat yourself up over it".
Hopefully, my mom will be treated by the doctors in NJ, and live for a long time. Tonight, however, my mom said to me "If God forbid anything happens to me, you can't look to your father for emotional support. He'll just be counting my alimony check dollars after I die".
I guess the whole point to the blog post is this: After all the shit he's done to me in my life, I feel like a fourteen carat idiot for going back with him again in 2009, only to have him stab me in the back when I need his support most. (Emotionally).
Yet, he never leaves me alone. Every birthday, the same check comes, along with "I think about you all the time". His behavior is so hateful, that why the fuck doesn't he just leave me alone? What' he's doing now with my mom being sick, is his lowest act yet. If he was worth the penalty I'd receive, I just want to break his face.
Even though I know my situation with him isnt my fault, I feel like a failure that my relationship with him cant work, and I HATE to fail.
Any constructive advice would be appreciated. I've refrained from posting personal info on here of late, but, between my feelings about the whole situation with him, and the way everyone in my life is taking me to task about it, I needed to vent. I dont know what to do. I cant talk to him, because he wont listen. All he hears is himself. Those who love and care about me most feel life estrangement from him is the only option. I despise him, and intellectually, I know this, but that is such a difficult choice, especially with what my mom is going through now.
Thoughts on this? Thanks.
Mitch
