I was trying to describe the feeling of the torment going on in my mind when I am being tickled to a friend of mine the other day... and this is what I came up with...
First, You have to understand that I am a female lee, and of course a ticklish one at that. And while everyone claims to be 'very' ticklish, I actually am. I was asked if I could have my friend, who has proven that he is a very adept Ler, and another female tie me down and tickle me at the same time. This was my response...
For a lee... at least for THIS lee (and I suspect others as well) being tickled is not just about giving up control. It is not just about the sensations. It is not just about foreplay. It is not just a precursor to sex. (If at all.) It is not about just about trust. It is not just about power.
It ALL of those things... and more. It's more than the sum of all the parts.
It's a battle in my own mind. A war within my brain. My body versus mind. Not unlike heart versus mind... when your heart tells you one thing, but your mind tells you something else. But no matter who wins, your soul is happy. It's the battle of whether I want to be tickled or not.
It's a Love-Hate Relationship. Which sounds simple on the surface. But it is so much more complex than that, as many lees can tell you.
Inside I whisper and beg, 'yes, please tickle me!' But at the exact same time I'm screaming, "NO! Don't come near me with those wiggling fingers!!"
It's torture ...and delight.
Heaven ...and hell.
It's complete loss of control of my body, while being overloaded with sensations...
It's fire and electricity running through me... over me.
Its love... and hate.
There's no stopping it- it just takes over.
My head gets cloudy... confused.
How can something I hate make me feel good?
If I like it, why do I need it to stop?
I want it. I don't want it.
Do I? Don't I?
More! no, less!
I can't take it!
I'm so confused!
It's foggy and noisy in my head.
It turns me on.
It makes me scream.
How can I enjoy something that makes me lose all control?
How can I enjoy something that makes me tremble and squirm?
How can I hate something that makes me smile and laugh?
It's turmoil.
It's wonderful.
Which is it? push or pull? Up or down? black or white?
It's torture.
I LOVE IT.
I HATE IT!
It tickles!!
It FUCKING TICKLES!!
But you know all this. You love that I wrestle with all these thoughts and emotions simultaneously... and you exploit it.
As any good 'Ler would.
And you add to it with your mind games. OH... you love your mind games.
Because tickling me wouldn't be enough torment!?!!
Watching me squirm and twist and laugh uncontrollably...
Making me twitch and beg and cry and squeal...
Knowing it's you who has the power, the control...
Watching me wrestle with my own mind, you add fuel to the fire inside...
I beg you to stop, trying to express how MUCH it tickles,
and all you can say is, 'It's not MY problem."
...
are you kidding?!
I feel my stomach drop when you say that to me.
...
In that instant, I know that no matter what I do....
No matter what I say...
I am at your complete and total mercy... should you decide to show any.
I'm on my own, there will be no help. I can't get up. I can't escape my skin.
There is no way out of the situation.
You own me...
... with one phrase ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes I wish I wasn't as extremely ticklish as I am... and then I think, "Where would the fun be in that?" It's that push and pull ...that ongoing back and forth... love and hate that I have had for tickling all my life. I don't know that there will ever be a winner. Will I eventually come to hate it? Or will I always love it jusssst a hair more? Just enough to (maybe) want to be tickled?
THAT's what is feels like.
First, You have to understand that I am a female lee, and of course a ticklish one at that. And while everyone claims to be 'very' ticklish, I actually am. I was asked if I could have my friend, who has proven that he is a very adept Ler, and another female tie me down and tickle me at the same time. This was my response...
For a lee... at least for THIS lee (and I suspect others as well) being tickled is not just about giving up control. It is not just about the sensations. It is not just about foreplay. It is not just a precursor to sex. (If at all.) It is not about just about trust. It is not just about power.
It ALL of those things... and more. It's more than the sum of all the parts.
It's a battle in my own mind. A war within my brain. My body versus mind. Not unlike heart versus mind... when your heart tells you one thing, but your mind tells you something else. But no matter who wins, your soul is happy. It's the battle of whether I want to be tickled or not.
It's a Love-Hate Relationship. Which sounds simple on the surface. But it is so much more complex than that, as many lees can tell you.
Inside I whisper and beg, 'yes, please tickle me!' But at the exact same time I'm screaming, "NO! Don't come near me with those wiggling fingers!!"
It's torture ...and delight.
Heaven ...and hell.
It's complete loss of control of my body, while being overloaded with sensations...
It's fire and electricity running through me... over me.
Its love... and hate.
There's no stopping it- it just takes over.
My head gets cloudy... confused.
How can something I hate make me feel good?
If I like it, why do I need it to stop?
I want it. I don't want it.
Do I? Don't I?
More! no, less!
I can't take it!
I'm so confused!
It's foggy and noisy in my head.
It turns me on.
It makes me scream.
How can I enjoy something that makes me lose all control?
How can I enjoy something that makes me tremble and squirm?
How can I hate something that makes me smile and laugh?
It's turmoil.
It's wonderful.
Which is it? push or pull? Up or down? black or white?
It's torture.
I LOVE IT.
I HATE IT!
It tickles!!
It FUCKING TICKLES!!
But you know all this. You love that I wrestle with all these thoughts and emotions simultaneously... and you exploit it.
As any good 'Ler would.
And you add to it with your mind games. OH... you love your mind games.
Because tickling me wouldn't be enough torment!?!!
Watching me squirm and twist and laugh uncontrollably...
Making me twitch and beg and cry and squeal...
Knowing it's you who has the power, the control...
Watching me wrestle with my own mind, you add fuel to the fire inside...
I beg you to stop, trying to express how MUCH it tickles,
and all you can say is, 'It's not MY problem."
...
are you kidding?!
I feel my stomach drop when you say that to me.
...
In that instant, I know that no matter what I do....
No matter what I say...
I am at your complete and total mercy... should you decide to show any.
I'm on my own, there will be no help. I can't get up. I can't escape my skin.
There is no way out of the situation.
You own me...
... with one phrase ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes I wish I wasn't as extremely ticklish as I am... and then I think, "Where would the fun be in that?" It's that push and pull ...that ongoing back and forth... love and hate that I have had for tickling all my life. I don't know that there will ever be a winner. Will I eventually come to hate it? Or will I always love it jusssst a hair more? Just enough to (maybe) want to be tickled?
THAT's what is feels like.
