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Why all the secrecy?

  • Author Author Secretlee
  • Create date Create date
  • Blog entry read time Blog entry read time 3 min read
Since I've joined the forum, the question I get asked the most (whether seriously or jokingly) is "what's the secret?" Or "why a secret lee?" Or some other variation. Well it's a Monday night and I have nothing better to do, so buckle your seat belts and prepare to dive into the life of Secretlee.

So the first variant of the question, "what's the secret?" While I feel like this one is fairly obvious (and often asked in humor) I feel like I should say it anyway. I like being tickled (woah what a shock, right?). But yes, the cat is out of the bag, I really enjoy being tickled. I think about, fantasize about it, all that sad stuff, but I can't help it. I like being tickled.

That leads to the next variant, why a secret? This question is obviously more complex, but in a sense it isn't. I am not, and likely never will be, in a position with myself or with others where I would be willing to share the above mentioned secret with ANYONE I would encounter. Not friends, and probably not even future partners (assuming there will be any in the future). And there are multiple reasons for this.
1) I have anxiety. While it wouldn't consider it bad enough to seek professional help, I do have pretty bad anxiety (for example, asking a waiter for more ketchup or something makes me physically sweat.) Interacting with people can be challenging enough, but the thought of anyone knowing this about me absolutely terrifies me? And this leads to the next reason.
2) My friends are not the kind of people who talk about anything sexual (we are all introverted nerds, none of us are getting any action anyway.) But the environment that I'm in is not conducive to these kinds of discussions, or this level of closeness with each other. We just don't talk about sex (aside from jokes) or fetishes (unless a friend makes a joke of one, they all think fetishes are weird.) And don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm not happy, I am. This is just a facet of my life I can't talk about with friends.
3) Why would I not discuss this with any future partners I may (or may not) have?
Well for starters, I'm not exactly a ladies man (for proof, I point to my above comments about anxiety and being an introvert.) Because of this, I won't have terribly many opportunities to meet and really connect with someone on a level where long term commitment is even plausible. So when those opportunities present themselves, I need to take them. I can't risk losing one of my few, or my only chance at being in a long term relationship over this. A lot of you (assuming "a lot" of people will read this, and read this far haha) might think this is silly or dumb or whatever, but it's not. I would rather be with someone and have them be clueless about my ticklish interests then be alone.

Sorry, this ended up me just rambling...but it felt good to get off my chest so I guess that's something. To all of you (if any) who made it through this long mess I salute you.

Comments

Left you a comment in the stories section on this. 😉 Again beautiful prose. I look forward to reading the other poetry you've posted up. Don't stop! 🙂
 
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Came across your profile after seeing some threads you responded to. Gotta say, WOW.....as someone who's experienced the emotions you express, and a hip hop and poetry fan, I'm impressed! REAL!
 
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Blog entry information

Author
Secretlee
Read time
3 min read
Views
62
Comments
3
Last update
Rating
5.00 star(s) 1 ratings

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