Things are deteriorating... badly..
At dinner on Monday night, my father engaged in repeat behavior that he always does, continually going on about.. how he "could have put my mom in the street" (Even though she's been dead for over a year, and she suffered and died of the worst disease), and how "His cousins really care about me so much", (Even though I've told them I don't want to hear about them)
I had a problem with my printer... and last night found out what it was. I need toner. When I merely mentioned it to him... his reply was "Just deal with it", and he slammed the phone.
I don't know what HE has to complain about.. His recent plans... a trip to the south of France, and hes now in Nantucket. He sees me.. one hour at a time.
I'm trying to get the passport resolved so I can finally go to the DMV. Went to the passport office yesterday, gave them the "information" they supposedly needed, and paid my fee to have them deal with it. . Who knows what is going to be.
The real only recourse I have for this situation is bankruptcy.. I think.. something he doesn't want me to do, because I will be free.
I cant even disagree with him about anything,.. or he goes off half cocked.
My aunt tells me to "calm down" to avoid my getting sick. Easy for her to say. She';s not living with his abuse.
The horrible part is.. it isn't like I can be free of him anytime soon. Any "job" wont pay me enough to afford the rent here., A business, even it does happen, will take time.
I wish I could make enough money.. pay him off, every penny, and be finished with him.
In the meantime.. I've been very sick,.. seizures. There are those who think he's doing this intentionally because he wants to kill me.
If I had known this, I should have stayed in PA, gotten any job, and a roommate to split the rent with there. Here this isn't possible.
I don't know what will fix this.. but it gets worse by the day.
I should also make the point about where this falls into "God".
When my mom was sick, I prayed, every night, for her to live. She was supposedly "Cancer Free" in Oct 2011, after all the hell we went through, only to have it return in Feb 2012, and have her die two months after that.
She was kind, loving, caring. She really got screwed in the divorce.
This man is an angry, vindictive, vicious, man, who, in addition to his past crimes against me, repeatedly proves he does not give a rat's rump about his son, by attacking my dead mother, when I've asked him not to, by being the PR man for his cousins who have been vicious to me, and by justifying his brother who has been vicious. My father gets.. a wife.. money.. and trips around the world, after he committed the worst crimes of humanity. Where is his punishment for his viciousness to me?
I've "Tried to help myself this year". Potentially lucrative art sales, didn't happen. Approaching potentially very helpful sources to get my business flying.. so I can pay him back, be free of him financially, and get rid of him, didn't happen. Making money, real money, in ways that would enable me to be free of him, has never happened.
Why should "I" believe in God?
As my mom predicted.. I'm his scapegoat.. for all his anger.. for everything else in his life, unrelated to me. After his abuse and attacks of me this week.. when I flew off the handle in the passport office yesterday, after a dozen times of being jerked around.,. he told me to "calm down".
When I sent him an e-mail last week, asking exactly what he has to be angry about.,. he didn't call for three days.
Even Maria.. who I know likes me.. based on her talking to me at length every time I go in there, couldn't happen for me, so at least I'd have a distraction from all this stress.
The track.. been going a lot less. Every time I've gone lately.. the trifectas I need, every one, comes first, third, fourth.
As bad as 2012 was.. it was only hell from Feb 12 to June 17th. Besides that, it wasn't that bad. 2013 has been hell throughout.
"God helps those who help themselves". Bullshit. How did he help me? Did he enable Market America to work so my mom and I would have been free of my father,. years ago? Did "God". save my mom's life, when we traveled 300 miles a week, and spent thousands of dollars to live in NJ for three months in 2011? Did "God", enable me to sell my art work.. to have money to be free of him financially, somewhat? Did "God", make the sources I approached receptive to my business? I found another potential source online that supposedly raises financing for businesses that want to start. I'm getting information,. When I mention such to my father.. he made nothing of it.
Something bad is going to happen.. I feel it in my bones. Maybe one of my severe seizures will finally kill me.,
How would "I" "Believe" in "God". Only one way.. If,, I could find a source for my business to make it work, and make enough money to pay my father off, and be able to be free of him.
Maybe the rest of the forum members believe in God. After what I've been through, I have no reason to. I will NEVER pray to "God" again.
At dinner on Monday night, my father engaged in repeat behavior that he always does, continually going on about.. how he "could have put my mom in the street" (Even though she's been dead for over a year, and she suffered and died of the worst disease), and how "His cousins really care about me so much", (Even though I've told them I don't want to hear about them)
I had a problem with my printer... and last night found out what it was. I need toner. When I merely mentioned it to him... his reply was "Just deal with it", and he slammed the phone.
I don't know what HE has to complain about.. His recent plans... a trip to the south of France, and hes now in Nantucket. He sees me.. one hour at a time.
I'm trying to get the passport resolved so I can finally go to the DMV. Went to the passport office yesterday, gave them the "information" they supposedly needed, and paid my fee to have them deal with it. . Who knows what is going to be.
The real only recourse I have for this situation is bankruptcy.. I think.. something he doesn't want me to do, because I will be free.
I cant even disagree with him about anything,.. or he goes off half cocked.
My aunt tells me to "calm down" to avoid my getting sick. Easy for her to say. She';s not living with his abuse.
The horrible part is.. it isn't like I can be free of him anytime soon. Any "job" wont pay me enough to afford the rent here., A business, even it does happen, will take time.
I wish I could make enough money.. pay him off, every penny, and be finished with him.
In the meantime.. I've been very sick,.. seizures. There are those who think he's doing this intentionally because he wants to kill me.
If I had known this, I should have stayed in PA, gotten any job, and a roommate to split the rent with there. Here this isn't possible.
I don't know what will fix this.. but it gets worse by the day.
I should also make the point about where this falls into "God".
When my mom was sick, I prayed, every night, for her to live. She was supposedly "Cancer Free" in Oct 2011, after all the hell we went through, only to have it return in Feb 2012, and have her die two months after that.
She was kind, loving, caring. She really got screwed in the divorce.
This man is an angry, vindictive, vicious, man, who, in addition to his past crimes against me, repeatedly proves he does not give a rat's rump about his son, by attacking my dead mother, when I've asked him not to, by being the PR man for his cousins who have been vicious to me, and by justifying his brother who has been vicious. My father gets.. a wife.. money.. and trips around the world, after he committed the worst crimes of humanity. Where is his punishment for his viciousness to me?
I've "Tried to help myself this year". Potentially lucrative art sales, didn't happen. Approaching potentially very helpful sources to get my business flying.. so I can pay him back, be free of him financially, and get rid of him, didn't happen. Making money, real money, in ways that would enable me to be free of him, has never happened.
Why should "I" believe in God?
As my mom predicted.. I'm his scapegoat.. for all his anger.. for everything else in his life, unrelated to me. After his abuse and attacks of me this week.. when I flew off the handle in the passport office yesterday, after a dozen times of being jerked around.,. he told me to "calm down".
When I sent him an e-mail last week, asking exactly what he has to be angry about.,. he didn't call for three days.
Even Maria.. who I know likes me.. based on her talking to me at length every time I go in there, couldn't happen for me, so at least I'd have a distraction from all this stress.
The track.. been going a lot less. Every time I've gone lately.. the trifectas I need, every one, comes first, third, fourth.
As bad as 2012 was.. it was only hell from Feb 12 to June 17th. Besides that, it wasn't that bad. 2013 has been hell throughout.
"God helps those who help themselves". Bullshit. How did he help me? Did he enable Market America to work so my mom and I would have been free of my father,. years ago? Did "God". save my mom's life, when we traveled 300 miles a week, and spent thousands of dollars to live in NJ for three months in 2011? Did "God", enable me to sell my art work.. to have money to be free of him financially, somewhat? Did "God", make the sources I approached receptive to my business? I found another potential source online that supposedly raises financing for businesses that want to start. I'm getting information,. When I mention such to my father.. he made nothing of it.
Something bad is going to happen.. I feel it in my bones. Maybe one of my severe seizures will finally kill me.,
How would "I" "Believe" in "God". Only one way.. If,, I could find a source for my business to make it work, and make enough money to pay my father off, and be able to be free of him.
Maybe the rest of the forum members believe in God. After what I've been through, I have no reason to. I will NEVER pray to "God" again.
