I want to make crystal clear what I'm about to post here.
I'm by no means saying that I don't "Believe in God"., I do absolutely believe in God.
What I believe is that.. God has a plan.. no matter how hard one prays, and.. his plan is to break my heart.
Cases in point.
The two times I engaged in active prayer. for a lengthy period of time. I've said "prayers" over the years about things, but never for situations as consistently as these, for long periods of time. .
When my mom was diagnosed with the lung cancer in 2010.. I was on my knees, every night, in my darkened room, saying active prayers to God for her recovery. In October 2011, we thought my prayers were answered.. only to have our hearts broken in Feb 2012 when we found out she had brain tumors, and on the morning of April 4, 2012, when she passed away.
After I passed the insurance exam,.. I said active prayers,, many nights since.. that I could find clients, in spite of the terrible restrictions imposed on me by Aflac. Then, I continued active prayer.,. when the 100 man law firm surfaced as a possible client. Once again, my heart was broken, and my insurance career was over, at least for now,. when they renaged on their agreement to sign.
Two major things, that would have been life altering. One.. for my mom to survive cancer, and two,, to sign a huge account that Aflac approved of, to become independent.
Both times, it looked like clear sailing, and then God decided to break my heart.
So, no more active prayer ever, about myself. If someone else on the forum has a situation, and requests prayers, I will offer my support as I always do. As for me, it does no good to pray, because God has his plan to break my heart anyway, no matter how hard I work, or how hard I pray.
I'm by no means saying that I don't "Believe in God"., I do absolutely believe in God.
What I believe is that.. God has a plan.. no matter how hard one prays, and.. his plan is to break my heart.
Cases in point.
The two times I engaged in active prayer. for a lengthy period of time. I've said "prayers" over the years about things, but never for situations as consistently as these, for long periods of time. .
When my mom was diagnosed with the lung cancer in 2010.. I was on my knees, every night, in my darkened room, saying active prayers to God for her recovery. In October 2011, we thought my prayers were answered.. only to have our hearts broken in Feb 2012 when we found out she had brain tumors, and on the morning of April 4, 2012, when she passed away.
After I passed the insurance exam,.. I said active prayers,, many nights since.. that I could find clients, in spite of the terrible restrictions imposed on me by Aflac. Then, I continued active prayer.,. when the 100 man law firm surfaced as a possible client. Once again, my heart was broken, and my insurance career was over, at least for now,. when they renaged on their agreement to sign.
Two major things, that would have been life altering. One.. for my mom to survive cancer, and two,, to sign a huge account that Aflac approved of, to become independent.
Both times, it looked like clear sailing, and then God decided to break my heart.
So, no more active prayer ever, about myself. If someone else on the forum has a situation, and requests prayers, I will offer my support as I always do. As for me, it does no good to pray, because God has his plan to break my heart anyway, no matter how hard I work, or how hard I pray.
