I've been doing a lot of thinking in the last couple of days since I resigned from Aflac.. and some things have really come to me.
I'm on here, so much, because.,. I really am all alone in the world. I don't mean.. "Daddy pays my rent", like coldneck and Mairead so pathetically keep ranting on about.. I mean.. emotionally. I was forced to resign my position this week, a very painful thing. Working at Aflac this year, brought back some sembalance of the old me, for the first time.. in.. years.. I had fire, couldn't wait to get to meetings. My always passing judgement father was like "You're obsessed with it". Hell yeah I was obsessed. It came to me, so improbably, at age 44, and had a real future. Now, its gone.
When my mom was alive, and we lost businesses, we would reflect for a few days, and then plan our next move. Who do I really have..emotionally. to lean on. I don't mean "Daddy writes the checks" coldneck, and Mairead, like you both so lamely rant on. I mean someone to say "You worked so hard on Aflac, Mitch, sorry it didn't work out. Regroup for a week, and then plan your next move". That is NOT what my SOB father said. His mandate was just. "It's disappointing, and people do what they have to do". What my father doesn't know, is that unless he launches into his usual favorite blackmail threats of throwing me in the street, I don't plan to spend Thanksgiving with him, his make shift family of his wife and other kids, or the extended family, so they can all put the "spin" on my life. I;ve been Mr Agreeable to him in the almost three years I'm back in his life. This time, with the blow I feel from losing this position, and his complete insensitivity, I'm going to "Take care of myself", as a counselor I used to see in college once said, and spare the fucking family ritual that goes on every holiday. I'd rather be alone.
Additionally..
My friend Barney lives right here in my complex. Every time HE lost a job, which has been MANY TIMES because he's been fired often, I always comforted him. He knew how much I loved that position. at Aflac. He's going out with his friend Paul tonight, and he sees Paul religiously every two weeks. Did he ask me to join him? Noooooooo. He doesn't give a fuck. I will remember that the next time he has a setback.
My friend Adam lives in NJ. He sees his friend Peter most weekends. Nice guy. I email him most days, talk to him once or twice a week, and see him once a month, but hes not available.
I talk to my aunt the artist a few times a week. She was.. mildly sympathetic about my loss of the situation at Aflac but shes not available wither.
My other aunt, off in her own world.
I was.. planning to look for a girlfriend ,had the big law firm signed, and had I known I was going to stay at Aflac long term. I held off, because in case it didn't. I didn't want to have to be saddled with the chance of a breakup or the gf and I having bad feelings, because I lost the job situation. For most of this year.. the old me had come back,.,. the confidence was back to the point where it was, when I was the host student, showing new students around in college, and the award winner at the Historical Honors Society. It had been a LONG TIME since I felt that way. Now, that's gone, at least for a while.
With all this, and my mom gone.. WHO do I really have in my life? Do people think that if something good happened, and I don't mean a shitty minimum wage job like Maven Mairead lamely rants I should have.. I'm talking about a really good situation, like if someone backed me in the business I have the trademark on.. or I went to another insurance company, and was able to overcome my stuttering, cold call, and get good clients on my own, that I would spend so much time on a tickling forum? No fucking way, Jose. I have my friends here, and I appreciate those who supported me when my mom was ill and died, and who offered good wishes when I passed the insurance exam, and who said kind things when I lost my job. However, life would go on.
I'm really all alone in the world.. emotionally, but,. I deal with it.
I don't know what comes next. By the middle of this week, I will find out.
I'm on here, so much, because.,. I really am all alone in the world. I don't mean.. "Daddy pays my rent", like coldneck and Mairead so pathetically keep ranting on about.. I mean.. emotionally. I was forced to resign my position this week, a very painful thing. Working at Aflac this year, brought back some sembalance of the old me, for the first time.. in.. years.. I had fire, couldn't wait to get to meetings. My always passing judgement father was like "You're obsessed with it". Hell yeah I was obsessed. It came to me, so improbably, at age 44, and had a real future. Now, its gone.
When my mom was alive, and we lost businesses, we would reflect for a few days, and then plan our next move. Who do I really have..emotionally. to lean on. I don't mean "Daddy writes the checks" coldneck, and Mairead, like you both so lamely rant on. I mean someone to say "You worked so hard on Aflac, Mitch, sorry it didn't work out. Regroup for a week, and then plan your next move". That is NOT what my SOB father said. His mandate was just. "It's disappointing, and people do what they have to do". What my father doesn't know, is that unless he launches into his usual favorite blackmail threats of throwing me in the street, I don't plan to spend Thanksgiving with him, his make shift family of his wife and other kids, or the extended family, so they can all put the "spin" on my life. I;ve been Mr Agreeable to him in the almost three years I'm back in his life. This time, with the blow I feel from losing this position, and his complete insensitivity, I'm going to "Take care of myself", as a counselor I used to see in college once said, and spare the fucking family ritual that goes on every holiday. I'd rather be alone.
Additionally..
My friend Barney lives right here in my complex. Every time HE lost a job, which has been MANY TIMES because he's been fired often, I always comforted him. He knew how much I loved that position. at Aflac. He's going out with his friend Paul tonight, and he sees Paul religiously every two weeks. Did he ask me to join him? Noooooooo. He doesn't give a fuck. I will remember that the next time he has a setback.
My friend Adam lives in NJ. He sees his friend Peter most weekends. Nice guy. I email him most days, talk to him once or twice a week, and see him once a month, but hes not available.
I talk to my aunt the artist a few times a week. She was.. mildly sympathetic about my loss of the situation at Aflac but shes not available wither.
My other aunt, off in her own world.
I was.. planning to look for a girlfriend ,had the big law firm signed, and had I known I was going to stay at Aflac long term. I held off, because in case it didn't. I didn't want to have to be saddled with the chance of a breakup or the gf and I having bad feelings, because I lost the job situation. For most of this year.. the old me had come back,.,. the confidence was back to the point where it was, when I was the host student, showing new students around in college, and the award winner at the Historical Honors Society. It had been a LONG TIME since I felt that way. Now, that's gone, at least for a while.
With all this, and my mom gone.. WHO do I really have in my life? Do people think that if something good happened, and I don't mean a shitty minimum wage job like Maven Mairead lamely rants I should have.. I'm talking about a really good situation, like if someone backed me in the business I have the trademark on.. or I went to another insurance company, and was able to overcome my stuttering, cold call, and get good clients on my own, that I would spend so much time on a tickling forum? No fucking way, Jose. I have my friends here, and I appreciate those who supported me when my mom was ill and died, and who offered good wishes when I passed the insurance exam, and who said kind things when I lost my job. However, life would go on.
I'm really all alone in the world.. emotionally, but,. I deal with it.
I don't know what comes next. By the middle of this week, I will find out.
