The final piece to the puzzle is about to be written.
My printer isn't working, so.. my father e-mailed me the copies of the resume that he's going to give me on Tuesday.. for the minimum wage job I'm going to start looking for, that could result in the end of my career in insurance.
While that all sounds like a doomsday forecast, chances are, knowing my luck, that will probably be the way things end up.
Since my confrontations with my father and Keith the past week plus, my speech has been terrible. I practice the exercises the speech therapist gave me, but to no avail.
With all that is going on, I wonder how I'm going to be able to go into the office, and cold call. Chances are.. I'll go in, stutter, and Keith will throw me out of the office again.
We might know within the next two weeks what's going to happen with the law firm. I hope they sign with us, and we get a big account. .
I'll be devastated if they don't sign, because the difference in my situation if they do sign, or don't, will be completely polar opposites. I know I cant count on them signing.
So.. assuming worst case.. and I'm forced to leave Aflac.. I will then be confronted with all the family members I dislike, and who dislike me, (Cheryl, my cousins on my dad's side, etc ) all saying "Isnt it good that you now have a job that gives you a paycheck even if it is minimum wage, people do what they have to do". Of course, none of these people wished me well when I passed the insurance exam, or said they hope I have a successful career in insurance.
Why is this all happening? One reason. I'm being punished, because I was a dick to my mom.
As I think back. my bad treatment of her, went much further back then just the summer in NJ she was being treated for cancer. When I was a teenager, and even later in life, there were times I was very verbally abusive to her. SHE had cause to throw me out, even though I never physically abused her. To my father, even when I get angry with him, there are certain lines I don't cross, simply because I don't trust that he will throw me out of this apartment.
I'm not 22 years old anymore. I'm going to be 45 in three months. Even if I did want to meet a woman, move her into this apartment, and have one child, no woman is going to want to deal with a man who cant carry his share of the financial responsibility. I don't even want to be with anyone, unless I can be a real man, and help take care of things. Again, as I've told my dad. how can I take care of a $1700 a month apartment, on a minimum wage job.
Maybe this is all a doomsday scenario, but for those who don't know, my father has already discussed moving me back to "Lancaster", as a last resort situation. I have no doubt whose mouth that came out of. (The mouth of my fucking uncle).
I hope I can get out of this, and that any "minimum wage job" I take, will be temporary.
I think of how things sound, and again this is ME now, and NOT editorializing for anyone who happens to have a relationship and a minimum wage job, because I know plenty of people who do. I'm talking about myself now,. the son of a man who has always been, at worst, very comfortable financially.
"Hi, I'm Mitch.. I'm 45 years old, and I work at Aflac. I'm a successful benefits consultant, and have some really good clients".
Woman in her 30s or 40s thinks "Hmm in addition to being a nice guy, he can help carry his share of the load, and take care of things, and could potentially one day have a child, even if he's not young anymore. ".
If I say THIS
"Hi, I'm Mitch, I work in the back stockroom at.. Home Depot.. I make minimum wage, and there really is no future for advancement at my job".
Even if I'm the nicest guy in the world, that leaves room for a woman to say "Fuck this, this guy is 45 years old, he has no future, and cant support himself, me, or a child".
My mom, and my maternal grandmother, even for that time, were with men who were professionals, and did well for themselves. My father has always made a very good living, and my maternal grandfather was a CPA, a business owner with a pizza oven manufacturing business, and supported a non working wife, home, and three girls. He made a very good income for his time.
It was so.. out of the blue that I got the offer from Aflac. I think of how I killed myself to pass the insurance exam. An exam that would get me a professional license, with a future.
In the past two years and eight months, since the morning that I found out my mom had a fatal brain tumor, and was going to die in a matter of weeks, the only happy months that I've had, in that time, were from the time I got the offer from Aflac, and began working to a career with a real future, and until I saw just how difficult working at Aflac would be, between the difficult business insurance is, and Keith's restrictions on me about the type of clients I can sign.
I knew that I wasn't looking for a woman because I was depressed about my mom. Another reason was my lack of a real career. My good friend GQ Guy said it well right after I passed the exam, about "my back straightening up, and holding my head high". I had employment in a good company, with a potentially very good future.
I honestly thought to myself "Great, I'll start building an insurance business, feel really good about myself, and then want to look for a partner to share it all with".
How wrong I was. Little did I know the hell I was about to go through, with Keith, and his restrictions.
I DO NOT want to be forced to have to find a relationship, with one of the reasons being I need a roommate who I just happen to be physically and emotionally involved with, to pay the rent. I could get a platonic roommate, but at my age, that is a very unappetizing thought.
I honestly don't know what's going to be. I'm feeling.. down, and scared.
Whatever.. "Job" I find.. would be something I would hope to only have to do.. temporarially. When I got the position at Aflac.. I was thinking to myself. THIS is a place I want to work for 30 years, and retire from.
I hope I'm wrong, the law firm signs, and one or two other good things happen.
Right now, I feel very.. down, and apprehensive.. Once I do get the minimum wage job.. that will be a step that my uncle, Cheryl, and a lot of other people who hate me, will love. When I got the position at Aflac in January, my dad said "The best way to show Ira. (My uncle) is to become successful at Aflac". He's right, the best revenge on someone who wished me the evil my uncle did/does (To be on SSD for the rest of my life, which is exactly what he said, because he's a miserable human being). is to be successful at what I do. So far, for various reasons, that hasn't happened.
I HOPE I can get out of this, by catching a break or two at Aflac, getting the clients that are being worked on, and being able to cold call.
If so, all will be fine. If not, all my enemies win, and I'm the loser. That would be heartbreaking, after all the hell I've been through.
My printer isn't working, so.. my father e-mailed me the copies of the resume that he's going to give me on Tuesday.. for the minimum wage job I'm going to start looking for, that could result in the end of my career in insurance.
While that all sounds like a doomsday forecast, chances are, knowing my luck, that will probably be the way things end up.
Since my confrontations with my father and Keith the past week plus, my speech has been terrible. I practice the exercises the speech therapist gave me, but to no avail.
With all that is going on, I wonder how I'm going to be able to go into the office, and cold call. Chances are.. I'll go in, stutter, and Keith will throw me out of the office again.
We might know within the next two weeks what's going to happen with the law firm. I hope they sign with us, and we get a big account. .
I'll be devastated if they don't sign, because the difference in my situation if they do sign, or don't, will be completely polar opposites. I know I cant count on them signing.
So.. assuming worst case.. and I'm forced to leave Aflac.. I will then be confronted with all the family members I dislike, and who dislike me, (Cheryl, my cousins on my dad's side, etc ) all saying "Isnt it good that you now have a job that gives you a paycheck even if it is minimum wage, people do what they have to do". Of course, none of these people wished me well when I passed the insurance exam, or said they hope I have a successful career in insurance.
Why is this all happening? One reason. I'm being punished, because I was a dick to my mom.
As I think back. my bad treatment of her, went much further back then just the summer in NJ she was being treated for cancer. When I was a teenager, and even later in life, there were times I was very verbally abusive to her. SHE had cause to throw me out, even though I never physically abused her. To my father, even when I get angry with him, there are certain lines I don't cross, simply because I don't trust that he will throw me out of this apartment.
I'm not 22 years old anymore. I'm going to be 45 in three months. Even if I did want to meet a woman, move her into this apartment, and have one child, no woman is going to want to deal with a man who cant carry his share of the financial responsibility. I don't even want to be with anyone, unless I can be a real man, and help take care of things. Again, as I've told my dad. how can I take care of a $1700 a month apartment, on a minimum wage job.
Maybe this is all a doomsday scenario, but for those who don't know, my father has already discussed moving me back to "Lancaster", as a last resort situation. I have no doubt whose mouth that came out of. (The mouth of my fucking uncle).
I hope I can get out of this, and that any "minimum wage job" I take, will be temporary.
I think of how things sound, and again this is ME now, and NOT editorializing for anyone who happens to have a relationship and a minimum wage job, because I know plenty of people who do. I'm talking about myself now,. the son of a man who has always been, at worst, very comfortable financially.
"Hi, I'm Mitch.. I'm 45 years old, and I work at Aflac. I'm a successful benefits consultant, and have some really good clients".
Woman in her 30s or 40s thinks "Hmm in addition to being a nice guy, he can help carry his share of the load, and take care of things, and could potentially one day have a child, even if he's not young anymore. ".
If I say THIS
"Hi, I'm Mitch, I work in the back stockroom at.. Home Depot.. I make minimum wage, and there really is no future for advancement at my job".
Even if I'm the nicest guy in the world, that leaves room for a woman to say "Fuck this, this guy is 45 years old, he has no future, and cant support himself, me, or a child".
My mom, and my maternal grandmother, even for that time, were with men who were professionals, and did well for themselves. My father has always made a very good living, and my maternal grandfather was a CPA, a business owner with a pizza oven manufacturing business, and supported a non working wife, home, and three girls. He made a very good income for his time.
It was so.. out of the blue that I got the offer from Aflac. I think of how I killed myself to pass the insurance exam. An exam that would get me a professional license, with a future.
In the past two years and eight months, since the morning that I found out my mom had a fatal brain tumor, and was going to die in a matter of weeks, the only happy months that I've had, in that time, were from the time I got the offer from Aflac, and began working to a career with a real future, and until I saw just how difficult working at Aflac would be, between the difficult business insurance is, and Keith's restrictions on me about the type of clients I can sign.
I knew that I wasn't looking for a woman because I was depressed about my mom. Another reason was my lack of a real career. My good friend GQ Guy said it well right after I passed the exam, about "my back straightening up, and holding my head high". I had employment in a good company, with a potentially very good future.
I honestly thought to myself "Great, I'll start building an insurance business, feel really good about myself, and then want to look for a partner to share it all with".
How wrong I was. Little did I know the hell I was about to go through, with Keith, and his restrictions.
I DO NOT want to be forced to have to find a relationship, with one of the reasons being I need a roommate who I just happen to be physically and emotionally involved with, to pay the rent. I could get a platonic roommate, but at my age, that is a very unappetizing thought.
I honestly don't know what's going to be. I'm feeling.. down, and scared.
Whatever.. "Job" I find.. would be something I would hope to only have to do.. temporarially. When I got the position at Aflac.. I was thinking to myself. THIS is a place I want to work for 30 years, and retire from.
I hope I'm wrong, the law firm signs, and one or two other good things happen.
Right now, I feel very.. down, and apprehensive.. Once I do get the minimum wage job.. that will be a step that my uncle, Cheryl, and a lot of other people who hate me, will love. When I got the position at Aflac in January, my dad said "The best way to show Ira. (My uncle) is to become successful at Aflac". He's right, the best revenge on someone who wished me the evil my uncle did/does (To be on SSD for the rest of my life, which is exactly what he said, because he's a miserable human being). is to be successful at what I do. So far, for various reasons, that hasn't happened.
I HOPE I can get out of this, by catching a break or two at Aflac, getting the clients that are being worked on, and being able to cold call.
If so, all will be fine. If not, all my enemies win, and I'm the loser. That would be heartbreaking, after all the hell I've been through.
