Note: This is basically a therapeutic rant to help settle my mind a bit. I'm not asking for advice. I already know what needs to be done and it's in the works, believe me. I just need to let off some steam.
Many thoughts swirling around in my brain of late, but I haven't been able to pin down one thing or another to blog about. But I got a lot to get off my chest recently, so I think I'll take a stab at something that has been really irritating me of late...
For those that don't know, I share a place with my girlfriend and her daughter. The kid is a pain in the ass, but then most 10-year olds are. Despite the fact she makes me want to ram my head repeatedly into a brick wall over and over sometimes, I still care about her and am trying to help my girlfriend raise her to be a respectable adult. To me, that entails teaching her right from wrong, showing compassion for those deserving, be self-reliant and to make the most of getting educated. Seems like a good gameplan, except there's one snag that repeatedly pops up and screws it all up.
To call her father a douchebag would be a major understatement. This is a guy who cares more about himself than he does for his own kid. The guy will continually go out and buy $10 scratch off tickets for himself, then cry he's broke when it's time to pony up and help pay for the various things needed for the kid. This is a guy who, the year his daughter was born, held 17 (that's not a typo, I said SEVENTEEN) different jobs that year, none of which were held at the same time. He constantly tries to manipulate my girlfriend as well as the kid to get things done his way. Don't get me wrong, the girlfriend is nowhere near as bad as she was when I got together with her nearly three years ago. I finally got her to stop being afraid of him (yeah, he abused her when they were married) and to stop making a decision on something he suggests without consulting with me (because I can always see thru his bullshit). But with the kid, it's a lot harder. Despite the shit he says and does to her, she still loves him because that's her dad. Granted, she's grown very irritated with the way he is with her and voices it to me a lot. Here are some examples of the shit he pulls.
This past Saturday was her 10th birthday. As it is with everyone, money is tight. But we still managed to give her all she wanted for her birthday and then some. It was like a second Christmas morning for her and she was ecstatic. Then she went to her dad's for one of his scheduled days that he has her. She came home the next day and informed me he had gotten her a birthday card (ok), put six $1 bills in it (???) and took her to a store and bought her two scratch off lottery tickets (what the fuck?!?!?). Funny enough, she won $60 dollars on the tickets. Cool, right? I asked her where the money was and she informed me that her dad kept it, telling her he was going to open a savings account for her. If it were someone else, I'd say that would be a good thing for her. But with him, I know that's a complete lie. He kept it for himself. Don't believe me? Read on.
Last Christmas, her grandfather (his dad) gave him a card to give to her. It had a $50 bill in it. Before she even came over to his house, her dad had opened the envelope, TOOK THE MONEY, then gave her the card telling her he needed it to buy cigarettes and he'd pay her back, which he never did. I think that part speaks for itself. And just to let you know it's not all about money...
Her dad has a known drug addict living at the house. He's supposedly clean now, but there are many doubts. Anyway, the kid doesn't like the guy and has made it known to her father. So what does he do? Leaves her with this guy so he can go hunting. Or shopping. Or whatever it is he feels like doing at the time. And these are always on days when he promised to spend time with her. If she's with him for a 5 day stretch, he spends about a half a day with her. And most of that is spent yelling at her. Which brings me to the next story.
The kid tells me everything. She'll tell me stuff she doesn't even tell her mom. Recently, she informed me her dad had called her "the M word". M word? What the hell is the M word? Well, she says, it kind of starts with an F. Yeah, if you haven't guessed yet, he called his 10 year old daughter a motherfucker. He also informed her that he "has her far too many days. I can never get done what I need to get done. I have a life too".
Before I go further with this, let me explain the custody arrangement. He forced my girlfriend into a 50/50 custody arrangement before I ever met her. She is the primary, but he pays no support since they split the kid half of the time. However, he never took her for half the time until last year when the girlfriend threatened to take him for support. It boiled down to he has her every Monday and Thursday and alternating weekends. So on his weekends to have her, he has her for a 5 day stretch. But it all balances out to seven days every two weeks. But that's become too much for him.
So anyway, he calls her a motherfucker and states he has her too many days. In the past, he has threatened to send her back to her mom's because he didn't want her there, just to bully her and make her cry. When I taught her the proper response to that (I told her not to cry and just tell him "Go ahead and call my mom. At least I'll be where I'm wanted") he had to change his tactic. Well, once she told him that, he changed it up and started telling her he would have her sent to a foster home. Motherfuckin' Dad of the Year, right?
I won't lie, I want to choke the living shit out of this asshole. Besides what I stated above, there are MANY more stories of shit he's done, none of it good. It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to go after him when I hear the latest shit he's pulled on that little girl. I constantly must remind myself that if I go after him, these two ladies in my life are screwed. So I maintain, I guide, I teach, I break down the negative and reinforce the positive the best that I can. It's an uphill battle, one like I've never faced before in my life, but I do it on the hopes I can help raise a kid to be a good person in a world full of bad. The last thing we need is another person like her dad walking around.
Many thoughts swirling around in my brain of late, but I haven't been able to pin down one thing or another to blog about. But I got a lot to get off my chest recently, so I think I'll take a stab at something that has been really irritating me of late...
For those that don't know, I share a place with my girlfriend and her daughter. The kid is a pain in the ass, but then most 10-year olds are. Despite the fact she makes me want to ram my head repeatedly into a brick wall over and over sometimes, I still care about her and am trying to help my girlfriend raise her to be a respectable adult. To me, that entails teaching her right from wrong, showing compassion for those deserving, be self-reliant and to make the most of getting educated. Seems like a good gameplan, except there's one snag that repeatedly pops up and screws it all up.
To call her father a douchebag would be a major understatement. This is a guy who cares more about himself than he does for his own kid. The guy will continually go out and buy $10 scratch off tickets for himself, then cry he's broke when it's time to pony up and help pay for the various things needed for the kid. This is a guy who, the year his daughter was born, held 17 (that's not a typo, I said SEVENTEEN) different jobs that year, none of which were held at the same time. He constantly tries to manipulate my girlfriend as well as the kid to get things done his way. Don't get me wrong, the girlfriend is nowhere near as bad as she was when I got together with her nearly three years ago. I finally got her to stop being afraid of him (yeah, he abused her when they were married) and to stop making a decision on something he suggests without consulting with me (because I can always see thru his bullshit). But with the kid, it's a lot harder. Despite the shit he says and does to her, she still loves him because that's her dad. Granted, she's grown very irritated with the way he is with her and voices it to me a lot. Here are some examples of the shit he pulls.
This past Saturday was her 10th birthday. As it is with everyone, money is tight. But we still managed to give her all she wanted for her birthday and then some. It was like a second Christmas morning for her and she was ecstatic. Then she went to her dad's for one of his scheduled days that he has her. She came home the next day and informed me he had gotten her a birthday card (ok), put six $1 bills in it (???) and took her to a store and bought her two scratch off lottery tickets (what the fuck?!?!?). Funny enough, she won $60 dollars on the tickets. Cool, right? I asked her where the money was and she informed me that her dad kept it, telling her he was going to open a savings account for her. If it were someone else, I'd say that would be a good thing for her. But with him, I know that's a complete lie. He kept it for himself. Don't believe me? Read on.
Last Christmas, her grandfather (his dad) gave him a card to give to her. It had a $50 bill in it. Before she even came over to his house, her dad had opened the envelope, TOOK THE MONEY, then gave her the card telling her he needed it to buy cigarettes and he'd pay her back, which he never did. I think that part speaks for itself. And just to let you know it's not all about money...
Her dad has a known drug addict living at the house. He's supposedly clean now, but there are many doubts. Anyway, the kid doesn't like the guy and has made it known to her father. So what does he do? Leaves her with this guy so he can go hunting. Or shopping. Or whatever it is he feels like doing at the time. And these are always on days when he promised to spend time with her. If she's with him for a 5 day stretch, he spends about a half a day with her. And most of that is spent yelling at her. Which brings me to the next story.
The kid tells me everything. She'll tell me stuff she doesn't even tell her mom. Recently, she informed me her dad had called her "the M word". M word? What the hell is the M word? Well, she says, it kind of starts with an F. Yeah, if you haven't guessed yet, he called his 10 year old daughter a motherfucker. He also informed her that he "has her far too many days. I can never get done what I need to get done. I have a life too".
Before I go further with this, let me explain the custody arrangement. He forced my girlfriend into a 50/50 custody arrangement before I ever met her. She is the primary, but he pays no support since they split the kid half of the time. However, he never took her for half the time until last year when the girlfriend threatened to take him for support. It boiled down to he has her every Monday and Thursday and alternating weekends. So on his weekends to have her, he has her for a 5 day stretch. But it all balances out to seven days every two weeks. But that's become too much for him.
So anyway, he calls her a motherfucker and states he has her too many days. In the past, he has threatened to send her back to her mom's because he didn't want her there, just to bully her and make her cry. When I taught her the proper response to that (I told her not to cry and just tell him "Go ahead and call my mom. At least I'll be where I'm wanted") he had to change his tactic. Well, once she told him that, he changed it up and started telling her he would have her sent to a foster home. Motherfuckin' Dad of the Year, right?
I won't lie, I want to choke the living shit out of this asshole. Besides what I stated above, there are MANY more stories of shit he's done, none of it good. It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to go after him when I hear the latest shit he's pulled on that little girl. I constantly must remind myself that if I go after him, these two ladies in my life are screwed. So I maintain, I guide, I teach, I break down the negative and reinforce the positive the best that I can. It's an uphill battle, one like I've never faced before in my life, but I do it on the hopes I can help raise a kid to be a good person in a world full of bad. The last thing we need is another person like her dad walking around.
