Answer me honestly, gentlemen....

[TicklishLurker]

Do you REALLY appreciate all we women do to try and look good?

I ask cause guys never seem to notice.

I'm sitting here right now with some of that "at home chemical peel" stuff on my face to reduce the size of my wrinkles and help clear up the acne and it got me thinking - do men know or care that we do this stuff? Sure, we do it partly to make ourselves feel good, but we also do it for you.

We wax - sometimes extremely tender areas.

We shave.

We pluck.

We dye.

We wear uncomfortable shoes that make us want to cry.

We spend money we don't have on products to burn off the top layer of skin, fry off our hair, on pedicures, manicures - and some of those nail care people are REALLY rough, I've gone away crying. Hot wax dips.

And if we get any praise at all, it's a grunted "Hm, nice" and that's it.

Do you guys like it? Or shall we all just give up?

You know, just once it would be nice after I've spent a great deal of time on makeup, and pre-makeup beauty treatments like the peel, to have a guy come up and say, "I'm not saying this to come on to you, but I appreciate the time you took to try and look pretty, and you succeeded."

Well, maybe not those exact words, but something along those lines sure would make me feel good and make me more likely to do it in the future rather then just shower, shampoo, and pretty much otherwise go out "as is."

 

[Aragon]

I appreciate it and try to notice. It is always a good thing when a woman makes herself looks good. I treat them better, anyway.

 

[ViperGTS]

Often times you go out and do these things without our knowledge. We have no way of knowing that you have gone out to wax your eyebrows, have the top layer of skin taken off, or whatever. Some of the things you do to beautify yourselves are not noticeable enough for the male eyes to pick up.

But yes, we do appreciate it. But when was the last time you looked at your boyfriend and said, "Thanks for being there for me when I need someone to talk to", or "thank you for always being ready to protect me should something endanger us"?

We appreciate what you do to look pretty, but don't beg for attention. It's not an attractive action to take.

 

[TicklishLurker]

But yes, we do appreciate it. But when was the last time you looked at your boyfriend and said, "Thanks for being there for me when I need someone to talk to", or "thank you for always being ready to protect me should something endanger us"?

I don't have a boyfriend. I don't know how clear I can make it that I'm single. (And not because of "begging for attention" but because I'm fat. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the words "You're a nice person, but you're too fat to be seen with in public.")

My question isn't "begging for attention" either. I honestly feel you men are completely unaware of the lengths and pains we go to to try and look good. It's like men think we just roll out of bed with perfect hair and makeup. I wondered if you guys knew or not what we do. And if you do know, do you even care?

 

[ViperGTS]

I didn't mean that towards YOU specifically, I mean women with significant others in general.

But, given your single status, it sounds like your question is just coming from being lonely.

If you don't think we care, don't do anything to make yourself pretty for two weeks. Don't put on any makeup, don't do your hair, and don't do your nails. Then see how much attention you get from the opposite sex.

Yes, we notice. Yes, we care. Yes, we know what you women go through to make yourselves look "pretty." What you fail to realize is that you try way too hard. You're beautiful as you are. It doesn't take much for you to dress to impress.

 

[Strider]

I'll be completely honest here, no, I don't usually notice.

My ex would, at times, get hurt if I didn't pay any special attention to her when she got dressed up, and while it made me feel bad that it upset her, I really don't know what else I could have said. I just didn't see a difference between when she went 'come as you are' and when she did herself up, she was who she was and that was it.

 

[isabeau]

i have my eyebrows waxed to shape them up, and i do it for me.. not for my husband or anyother guy. that also goes for shaving uh delicate places, i do that for myself. however i try to look nice at all times, except when i first get up in the morning (yikes!) and hubby usually notices.. or to be honest other men have. i don't usually wear make up unless i'm going out, and even then i use make up that matches the tone of my face and a little blush, and that's it. i never wear lipstick, my lips are red enough without. also no eyeliner or mascara, honestly my eyelashes are long and curly enough without that and also dark, as are my eyebrows, even though i am a blonde. i shave my legs for me. as my underarms.

isabeau

 

[BellaRisa]

Yes Jamie, men notice and appreciate what we do to look good. And I know your question is about being a woman, not about loneliness-I have TWO wonderful partners and I've been known to ask the same things on occasion . And it's really not about us trying too hard (though many women do), it's just about wanting to be appreciated for whatever it is we each do to look good, whether it's a little or a lot. That's every woman I know, including the ones that do nothing more than make sure their monobrow is a duo

The trouble is that men don't think the way that we do, and many of them honestly don't 'get' that we need them to notice and compliment us more than once per year. As Chris Rock said, "women need two things-shoes and compliments." I'd wanna punch him if it weren't true To be blunt, intelligent men who want to keep their ladies happy make damn sure to notice with relative frequency, and say something nice when she dresses up, changes her hair, etc. It's not too much to ask and really has little to do with needing attention-and heck, we all need attention, anyone who says different is selling something (probably a badly written self-help book). I've been married to One and with the Other for 14 and 7 yrs respectively, and I *know* they don't always notice every little thing I do, how much weight I've lost, or whatever. But because they love me they do their best to say things to make me feel gorgeous, just as I make sure to do the same for them. Call it superficial, or call it love, but it keeps us all happy

Bella

 

[LindyHopper]

Here's yet another answer from a woman... how useful, I know.

I am almost invariably of the shower-and-put-some-clothes-on school of female beauty. And the reason I don't bother with more is because I've found that men usually don't notice or care about makeup, or body hair. Viper and Strider have said as much on this thread, and my husband has said it to me directly. I like Viper's advice about not trying to look pretty for a while, to see what happens. I remember going to a gathering a while back, with worn-out sweat pants, no makeup, and no expectations, and having a guy I met there be totally taken with me. It felt great, validating, and very freeing - and it meant that in the future, I didn't have to bother with makeup for him, ever.

That said, it's also important to know that guys won't always notice when they notice. For one thing, a guy won't know how makeup, skin treatments, or hair removal change your look if you do it all the time - it gives them nothing to compare it to. And for another, I think when a guy notices that a woman looks good, he often can't trace his reaction back to what produced it. I've gotten my makeup done very well at the Bobbi Brown counter at the mall (one of my favorite cheapass beauty tricks) before a formal dance, and it was only the women who said, "I really like how you did your eyes - where did you learn how to do that?" The guys just looked at me and said, "You look beautiful." I know they saw the makeup, but I don't think they were consciously aware of it. Their response was a holistic thing.

Oh, and guys? When you have thoughts like that, don't keep them to yourselves. The world becomes a happier place when you share them.

 

[Sigma]

We are so weird!

I know this is a bit off topic, but I like going off topic!

Its actually kind of funny, but humans are the opposite from most life on earth. Traditionally it is the male who trys to look pretty for the female:

-See Peakcocks

-See Cardinals

-See Lizards
“These lizards are gray to sandy brown, usually with series of paired dark gray spots down the back, becoming black bands on the tail. The underside of tail is white with black bands. Males have a pair of black blotches on the side, extending to blue patches on the belly. Females have no blue patches, and the black bars are either faint or completely absent.”

-See Fish
“All fins are large, showy and elongate; the first high dorsal fin usually has four spines; in males, the first of these spines may be further adorned with filamentous extentions.”

But back to the topic at hand, I do appreciate females trying to look good. The thing is, its just not evident how much time and effort goes into it. I think what makes it hard to notice is that so much of it is maintenance, that we don't see drastic differences (unless you try something drastic like dyeing your hair).

I try to notice and say how nice they look, but sometimes things just aren't that noticable.

 

[isabeau]

um cardinals don't try to look pretty for the females.. they had the luck of having the red coloring, while the female has the dull gray with a bit of red.. nice try however

isabeau

 

[Sigma]

um cardinals don't try to look pretty for the females.. they had the luck of having the red coloring, while the female has the dull gray with a bit of red.. nice try however

isabeau

Well the red isn't there by luck - Its actually a way of showing off the bird's health. If the bird is sickly, it'll have less red. Its a show made for the opposite sex, and thats how I was comparing humans and other creatures. Human females try look nice, and cardinals do a similar thing (although its sort of a side effect of other stuff)

 

[isabeau]

Well the red isn't there by luck - Its actually a way of showing off the bird's health. If the bird is sickly, it'll have less red. Its a show made for the opposite sex, and thats how I was comparing humans and other creatures. Human females try look nice, and cardinals do a similar thing (although its sort of a side effect of other stuff)

ahhh ok thanks....i understand now..

and about being sick. it's so funny, but my mom was so concerned about her looks once on the way to surgery that she kept her blanket up over her mouth, because they had to remove her dentures.. gesh that is the last thing i think about when i'm going into surgery..

isabeau

 

[LindyHopper]

Flashy coloration among males in the animal world is a way of indicating reproductive fitness: good genes, and good health. Modern human males show their "reproductive fitness" in other ways: more like confidence, power, social status, and money.

For females in the animal world, camoflage may be an important part of reproductive success, hence the importance of dull coloration. In addition, the males are competing for females, and the females are the ones that get to be choosy.

Among humans, generally speaking, the same thing is going on - just ask any guy who can't get a date! And much as we women may complain, the fact is, if we go out one night and want to get laid, we can usually find a willing guy. However, most of us won't take just anyone - we're choosy. We go to extra effort to make ourselves pretty so we can compete with each other for the man that we want. That's what makes it different from what the animals do.

[/evolution schpiel] And now pardon me while I drag this thread back on topic (or at least close)...

 

[Deadsea7777]

I do but I do not count, I love cosmetic in a woman, I still remember the taste of the lipstick of my grandmother. And is a sign of mental health, you only would take care of your body if you think you deserve the special attention. And in my experience these women are happier that others.
Before 30 a woman can get away used only her youth as a killing weapon, after 30 enlisting the help of cosmetic is a welcome reinforcement.

However having said that, there is a proportion to everything in life, and that is no exeption, my aunt taked Tiroidine, the medication for hipotiroidism, to stay slim. it was common in the 1950. That boost your metabolism, and you burn even what you do not have.
My ant developed madness induced by excess of tiroids hormones, induced hipertiroidism and now lives in an expensive healt house, unable to recognize any human being.

You have to know the limits.

 

[Mz Chaos]

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the words "You're a nice person, but you're too fat to be seen with in public."

Those fucking insensitive bastards!!! There's no excuse for insults or behavior like that!!!

 

[LindyHopper]

We've been talking about complimenting women for looking good, and I think it's important to understand that compliments from (straight) men and women are qualitatively different. I thought of a few of my favorite examples, taken from my own experience.

Classic compliment from a woman:

Right after my wedding ceremony, one of my female friends came up to say hello. The first thing she said was, "Your hair and makeup people did an amazing job! Oh, and congratulations." That could only come from the mouth of a former bride.

Classic compliment from a man:

I was wearing one of those shiny velvet dresses that were popular maybe a decade ago. One of my male friends looked at me and said, "Wow! If you were crossing the street, at night, and a car came up, they would totally see you!" I think when guys notice something special about the way you look, it often comes out something like that.

And a couple more, from men:

My husband came home before we went out for the evening, and said, "Hey, you're wearing makeup!" I believe that was his way of saying, "Look, I noticed! I don't really have an opinion, but I noticed, aren't you proud of me?"

Finally, we should also remember that guys can be very subtle with their compliments. I'd been practicing with my dance partner for weeks (in sweats, looking like crap) before a big performance. Night of, with awesome eyeliner and lovely curls, I found my partner backstage. He turned to look at me and let out a surprised "Oh!" with a smile, and then held that look for another few seconds, until our director interrupted. It may not have sounded like a compliment, but I know that it was.

 

[maniactickler]

I sure as hell appreciate it! im not into women who overdo it. especially with make up, but i like it when a woman takes pride in looking decent. i have to admit, when i see a woman behind closed doors, without make up, wearing sweats, just not looking good, then its a turn off for me. i need a woman who wants to look good 24/7. even when shes sleeping. shallow you say? probably yes, but thats what i like.

 

[LindyHopper]

Well maniac, you're just being honest. Good luck with finding that woman.

As for me, I need a man who thinks I look beautiful just the way I am, and that any extra effort is just icing on the cake.

 

[witchtickler]

I ABSOLUTELY!!!!!! do appreciate everything a woman does, how she dresses, how she might cook, her scent, her hair, her nails, her clothes, and even her smile. I still do and I always will. But the last 42 years of my life it's only gotten me a swift kick in the pants and a broken heart. But I still feel the same and ALWAYS will.

witchtickler

 

[MAJ0718]

This may sound a little hokey, but Jami, and any other lady who is willing to read this: If I were with you in the capacity as a significant other, I wouldn't really want you to go through what you have just described in your original post just to impress me. I actually think it's not fair for you to suffer and torture yourself just to look good for me. I am always looking for the natural girl-next-door look, rather than the airbrushed, painted-on, prefabricated movie star/supermodel look. To me, if a woman goes through the pain in altering herself to "appeal" to a man, then that tells me that she is not honest with herself. And if that's the case, chances are she wouldn't be too honest with me. I would like to know if you have ever heard of the vocalist india.arie. In 2001, she recorded a song called "The Video". I would suggest that you look that song up because it's one of my all-time favorite songs. That song suggests that you shouldn't try to radically change yourself to impress anyone. Also check out Pink's latest video "Stupid Girls". Pink is suggesting that it is "stupid" for a woman to be superficial and pretty to impress society, rather than to achieve her own personal goals. This video is available on AOL and Yahoo.
What I am saying to you Jami, and all the other ladies of the TMF is you are beautiful just the way you are without the waxing, makeup, manicure/pedicure, facelifts, etc. and you should be proud of the way you are. Just my two cents.

 

[isabeau]

This may sound a little hokey, but Jami, and any other lady who is willing to read this: If I were with you in the capacity as a significant other, I wouldn't really want you to go through what you have just described in your original post just to impress me. I actually think it's not fair for you to suffer and torture yourself just to look good for me. I am always looking for the natural girl-next-door look, rather than the airbrushed, painted-on, prefabricated movie star/supermodel look. To me, if a woman goes through the pain in altering herself to "appeal" to a man, then that tells me that she is not honest with herself. And if that's the case, chances are she wouldn't be too honest with me. I would like to know if you have ever heard of the vocalist india.arie. In 2001, she recorded a song called "The Video". I would suggest that you look that song up because it's one of my all-time favorite songs. That song suggests that you shouldn't try to radically change yourself to impress anyone. Also check out Pink's latest video "Stupid Girls". Pink is suggesting that it is "stupid" for a woman to be superficial and pretty to impress society, rather than to achieve her own personal goals. This video is available on AOL and Yahoo.
What I am saying to you Jami, and all the other ladies of the TMF is you are beautiful just the way you are without the waxing, makeup, manicure/pedicure, facelifts, etc. and you should be proud of the way you are. Just my two cents.

ahh i'm in love.. a terrific answer.

ps Jami.. hon, you are 26 years old, what wrinkles could you possibly have?

 

[toneus79]

It's like I said to someone the other day: "You don't sweat much for a fat girl"

After all such comments cost nothing

 

[LindyHopper]

(whispers) - psssst.... toneus... that wasn't funny! Take it back while you still can!

 

[lk70]

I sure as hell appreciate it! im not into women who overdo it. especially with make up, but i like it when a woman takes pride in looking decent. i have to admit, when i see a woman behind closed doors, without make up, wearing sweats, just not looking good, then its a turn off for me. i need a woman who wants to look good 24/7. even when shes sleeping. shallow you say? probably yes, but thats what i like.

Stutter...stutter....stutter. Well ok then. Does it matter if she can form a sentence?