best lines on t.v.

[TicklingDuo]

There were a lot of responses to the best lines in film, how about t.v shows?

I'll start it off with one from Happy Days where Ritchie is describing to his father the stag party he attended:


"All we did was drink some beer.....in teeny weeny glasses"
"How many teeny weeny glasses did you drink?"
"72"


Drew

 

[qjakal]

TV...sigh

Guess it would have to be Maxwell Smart:

"Missed it by THAT much..." -- the first time, not the 2000th.

 

[strokeofgenius]

Home Improvement

Gotta go with a one-liner from Home Improvement that I thought was hilarious:

Tim Taylor (Tim Allen) is talking to his visiting father-in-law, with whom he doesn't get along too well. The father-in-law gives all the boys presents.

Tim: What'd you bring me?
Father-in-law: (stern glare) I gave you my daughter.
Tim: I know that, sir, but I'm kind of tired of playing with that now.

 

[Slappy McGee]

everything Homer Simpson has ever said......

 

[General Zod]

Simpsons

This is from the Halloween episode The Shining Homer (sounding like Jack Nicholson) "I'm thinking about writing a book called No t.v.and no beer make Homer something something" Marge "Go crazy" Homer "DON'T MIND IF I DO!!" Then he starts acting crazy

 

[Alex Warfield]

Yet another Simpsons quote:

Bart: "Uh, mom, it's kinda hard to leave with you standing in the doorway..."

Homer: "Push her down son."

 

[CurtWild]

slappy i couldn`t agree more.Homer Simpson is the man.

 

[Carnes]

from Simpsons: Bart Sells His Soul

Jimbo: Way to breathe, No-Breath.

 

[Cyrano]

So many great shows, it's really hard to make a choice. Perhaps....
The Tick, "Villains, I say to you, KNOCK OFF ALL THAT EVIL!"

 

[TicklingDuo]

Can almost start another thread just on Homer Simpson

and every opening line Norm Peterson had walking into "Cheers"

Drew

 

[Maria_Rose]

The dirtiest thing said on Television in the 1950's (or was it 60's?)
"You were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
-June Cleaver

and of course from Home Improvement:
"Now it's a heat-seeking peak-tweaking, shark-based pecker-wrecker."
hehehe

 

[Dave2112]

Principal Skinner to a hamster, as he is tied up to his neck in a big burlap Dodge-ball Bag: "Good job bringing back help! Now, chew through my ball-sack."

Leo on the "70's Show, when asked about a mysterious paper bag: "Let's just say that in this bag are...umm...Illegal Drugs."

My favorite scene fron that show has to be when Leo and Hyde are pulled over by a cop as Leo has said bag on his lap. As the cop walks away, we hear Leo say out loud: "Wow, that was close, I thought for sure he was gonna look in the bag." Of course, the cop does, and finds about a pound of dog-food. The two drive away and after an unbearable half-minute of silence, Leo loses the blank expression on his face and says: "Oh, man...we gota go home and check on my dog!"

 

[Scooby112211]

"Watchu talkin bout Willis?"

 

[TicklingIsLife]

"We were on a break."
-Friends

 

[Ovda]

WHAT?

"WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?" Stone Cold Steve Austin

 

[qjakal]

on a break...lol

Classic....and well used several times later...always hilarious in conversation with others who watch it also! Nice choice! Q

 

[guitman69]

From the Simpsons:

Willie: Lunch Lady Doris, have you got any grease?

Lunch Lady Doris: Why yes! Yes we do.

Willie (tearing open his shirt):Then grease me up woman!

Lunch Lady Doris: Oaky-doaky!



From the same episode:

Willie: There's narey an animal that's as fast as a greased Scottsman.

 

[TicklingDuo]

The Odd Couple:

"Oscar, we have a ghost living in the air conditioner"

"yeah, well he's paying his share of the rent"


Drew

 

[Latin_Boy]

Hmm..... I love the show Wings. Arguably, the most underated show of its time. Here are a few of my favorites:

---------------------------------------------------------
Helen: I got suckered into making the stupid welcoming speech at the reunion tonight!
Fay: Oh c'mon, it can't be that bad. Let me hear your opening line
Helen: That was it.
---------------------------------------------------------
Roy: You know what I do when I have a problem with a woman?
Antonio: Deflate her?
---------------------------------------------------------
Roy: Roy Biggins doesn't pay for sex. Roy Biggins Inc. pays for it.
---------------------------------------------------------



Those still crack me up

Latin_Boy

 

[Dave2112]

There's narey an animal that's as fast as a greased Scottsman.

I could tell you stories...

 

[TicklingDuo]

"Wings" had a hysterical bit where Helen sent her mom what she thought were pictures of her wedding dress, but before she sent it Brian took pictures of his penis with the same camera. She finds out what Brian did then remembers the note she sent with the pictures:

Helen -"Oh no, the note......"
Joe - "What did it say?"
Helen -"Dear Mom, Here it is. I love it. But Joe thinks I'll trip over it walking down the aisle"


Drew

 

[TicklingIsLife]

"I'm an architect."
-Seinfeld



(I think I spelling's a little off)

 

[Alex Warfield]

Yet another one from The Simpsons:

ancing on Good Homer's grave with maracas:

I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!

 

[General Zod]

more simpsons

Homer "I'm smarter than the devil,I'm smarter than the devil"

 

[Latin_Boy]

Holy Schnickies!