Death

[Headsnap]

I was informed by someone that I have a "vile and twisted" outlook on death. Now I have no ego to speak of and usually stuff other people say to me means fuck all largely because their opinions mean shit to me, but this is a person whose opinion I actually value and it, dare I say it, stung me more than slightly to think she finds my views on death vile and twisted.

Without wanting to get too far into it I've dealt with death in various guises in my life. I've lost family and friends to suicide, murder and natural causes, all of which I've had to cope with, and in my opinion HAVE coped with. I grieved for a while and then I got over it and went on with my life; yeah it hurts, but at the end of the day there's nothing you can do about it other than deal with the unpleasant feelings it raises in you, beat them, and put it behind you. It seems a little glib but the best analogy I can think of to describe it is "there's no point crying over spilt milk". The person is dead, it's done and it now falls to you to carry on living lest you end up missing out on life because you got stuck grieving. As far as my own mortality goes that is something else I've had to confront over my years for various reasons, and I'm comfortable with it; I don't have any particular desire to die but at the same time I'm not all that afraid to do so (although when old Scythe-y does catch up with me I'll most likely change my tune on that one). On the whole though, on a personal level, I see death as the one thing in life that you can't escape; you can avoid heartbreak and dodge your taxes, but you WILL die. It's a sombre thing when you first start thinking about it, but the more you do the more you start to realise that there really isn't any point worrying about it or trying to cheat it, and I think that realisation (along with rejecting religion for the crock of shit that it is) is one of the most liberating epiphanies I've ever had. Realising that one day I'm going to die has sort of kicked me into gear and made me start living my life where at one time I'd have been content to sit on my arse and just let it pass me by. It was largely the realisation of my own mortality that set me on the course to start training for the Marines and ended up losing me a lot of weight and making me feel a shit-load better about myself. Again this is difficult to explain to other people without sounding like some sort of morbid Goth, but it's not like that, and it's not like I sit around dwelling upon dying or am running around in a mad rush trying to do everything I've ever wanted to do before I die; I just sort of realised one day that death was on the cards no matter what I did to try and fend it off, and it felt like I'd dropped a bag of bricks and was able to use it to motivate myself. I can't explain it, but yeah. Bleh.

But yeah, between that and my opinion on bereavement counsellors I am apparently a sick bastard. If anyone actually read this and gets what I mean, or if anyone has read this and agrees with my friend, then post a reply and let me know. I'll be over in the corner wondering why the opinion of someone too judgemental to let me explain myself properly is causing me so much angst

 

[CurtWild]

meh...the point is that you grieved and moved on.however you chose to grieve is up to you.

haha i don`t think there is too much wrong with getting your shit together because you realised you`re gonna die someday.maybe a little odd,but not twisted.

really though,who wants to be one of those people that regrets not doing anything with themselves until it`s too late.

this sentence has nothing to do with the post,but i feel bad that my response is not nearly as long as the OP.

 

[Bugman]

I think much of what you said makes a great deal of sense.And it seems to work for you,thats what matters.

 

[lk70]

In this one instance ONLY, you seem perfectly reasonable to me.

 

[Babbles]

She should listen much more carefully...

You're carpe-diem-ing, that's ideal.

Your perspective actually seems (oddly, maybe) healthier than most, since you've used it to motivate yourself to use all your time wisely & better yourself while you're most able to benefit from it, both presently and mega-long-term.

I think most people, myself included, let years or decades pass, look back and think, I was a real idiot for wasting prime time, especially in my 20's...

Just like starting a retirement fund in your 50's is not the best strategy -- better than nothing, but not adviseable.

You just realized all of this before you're 85 and thought, oh crap, I'm really outta time.

If the superficially judgemental non-listener you mentioned is in fact worthy of your angst,
perhaps you could cut & paste this very post you've placed here
into a separate document, with or without the first paragraph
(assuming you'd rather keep this interest hidden, obviously) and give it to her...? Probably already occurred to you but I thought I'd voice it anyway. Hope your future endeavors include publishing your unusual written voice, often.
Best of luck.

 

[BigJim]

Headsnap, I think you're a level-headed mo-fo who regards death in almost the right way. Personally I'm looking forward to it, although I have intention of hastening its advent. I intend to die a grandfather a century old, who chokes to death trying to undo a bra with my teeth. ( Although at a hundred years old, the bra will probably be mine. )

Death is as natural as being born and you've got a great attitude to it. When people get bent out of shape and start screaming at you, they're more often than not describing themselves. This friend of yours sounds like she has a fear of death and is repulsed by anyone who doesn't have one too. Certainly you are nothing remotely approaching "vile" or "twisted". Not on the basis of what you've told us mate.

 

[Ghandari]

I intend to die a grandfather a century old, who chokes to death trying to undo a bra with my teeth. ( Although at a hundred years old, the bra will probably be mine. )

I guess this will be the most amusing thing morgue attendants will have to deal with a hard cadaver in their lifetime.

 

[subZer0]

Headsnap, I think you're a level-headed mo-fo who regards death in almost the right way. Personally I'm looking forward to it, although I have intention of hastening its advent. I intend to die a grandfather a century old, who chokes to death trying to undo a bra with my teeth. ( Although at a hundred years old, the bra will probably be mine. )

Death is as natural as being born and you've got a great attitude to it. When people get bent out of shape and start screaming at you, they're more often than not describing themselves. This friend of yours sounds like she has a fear of death and is repulsed by anyone who doesn't have one too. Certainly you are nothing remotely approaching "vile" or "twisted". Not on the basis of what you've told us mate.

I'll second this, Headsnap. Jimbo's got it spot on. And I agree with him fully.

 

[Mz Chaos]

I don't have any particular desire to die but at the same time I'm not all that afraid to do so (although when old Scythe-y does catch up with me I'll most likely change my tune on that one). On the whole though, on a personal level, I see death as the one thing in life that you can't escape; you can avoid heartbreak and dodge your taxes, but you WILL die. It's a sombre thing when you first start thinking about it, but the more you do the more you start to realise that there really isn't any point worrying about it or trying to cheat it, and I think that realisation (along with rejecting religion for the crock of shit that it is) is one of the most liberating epiphanies I've ever had. Realising that one day I'm going to die has sort of kicked me into gear and made me start living my life where at one time I'd have been content to sit on my arse and just let it pass me by. It was largely the realisation of my own mortality that set me on the course to start training for the Marines and ended up losing me a lot of weight and making me feel a shit-load better about myself. Again this is difficult to explain to other people without sounding like some sort of morbid Goth, but it's not like that, and it's not like I sit around dwelling upon dying or am running around in a mad rush trying to do everything I've ever wanted to do before I die; I just sort of realised one day that death was on the cards no matter what I did to try and fend it off, and it felt like I'd dropped a bag of bricks and was able to use it to motivate myself. I can't explain it, but yeah. Bleh.

Everyone deals with death in their own way. The way you deal with it, even though your friend doesn't agree with you seems to work for you and that should be all that matters.

Last year, a very dear friend of mine took her life at the young age of 27 over a guy that isn't worth the shit he creates. She left a son who turned 3 the week after her death and I am so pissed at her for it that I don't see me ever getting over it. To think that she was so selfish and thought more about this asshole than she did about her own son kinda killed any grieving I might have normally had.

Now as to death and dying on a more personal level. I woke up one morning, realized that I had done everything I had ever wanted to do, had gone every where I ever wanted to go, had held every job I had ever wanted to have, done everything I had ever wanted to do and had seen everything I had ever wanted to see. Life for me has kinda lost it's zest. Having crossed basically everything off of my list, there is nothing left to do but breathe until eventually that stops.

I don't have a fear of dying, I consider it the next great adventure. I can't really say I don't have a death wish, I'm not gonna put myself in a position (on purpose) that will hasten my journey, but if I happen to be in that position, I won't do anything to stop it. I feel that I have exhausted my reasons for being here and because there is nothing left on that list, there isn't really nothing left to look forward to. I no longer live... I exist.

When the time of my passing comes, I hope that my friends will treat my death in the same manner that you do. Give me a few brief moments... hopefully moments filled with anecdotes of my life and have a few laughs at my expense, and then move on. The thought that my death, an event which I look forward to, would cause a moments pain and grief to my friends whom I have spent my life making laugh is a horrible thought. I would much rather them throw a going away party than some somber get-together. And for anyone to dwell and linger with sadness would be against everything I have ever tried to do.

When I die, the sun will still rise, the flowers will still bloom, the birds will still sing, and my friends will still live. And that is how it should be.

 

[:GothicTickles:]

Life is too short to grieve for everything that's happened, no matter how bad. Enjoy life while you can.

 

[Heeko]

Now I have no ego to speak of and usually stuff other people say to me means fuck all largely because their opinions mean shit to me,

That said, I gave this post the same type of respect you give others.

 

[Headsnap]

Cheers for the replies, all. I was never of the opinion that there was anything wrong with my views on death and dying (because let's face it, I'm never wrong about anything) but it's nice to know I'm not unique. And stuff.

I intend to die a grandfather a century old, who chokes to death trying to undo a bra with my teeth. ( Although at a hundred years old, the bra will probably be mine. )

Your idea of a good death intrigues me. I may have to steal it.

That said, I gave this post the same type of respect you give others.

Well done, you have attracted my attention and elicited a response from me. Here is a toffee for your efforts, please excuse me as I return to going about my business.

 

[Lionhart]

Don't mourn my death. Celebrate my life.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

So, is this a good time to mention that I actually envied my mom not having to struggle any more?

Death is a part of life. We start dying the moment we're born. Why it becomes such a horror or burden is because of social views on it. For me, I believe that it brings us full circle to that perfection of our essence when we can finally forget about the junk that distracts us in our daily lives and just BE. Obviously, not everyone believes that...or many of the other things I believe.

I guess we're in the same club. Our personal beliefs don't always make sense to others. There's nothing wrong with that. Only WE can determine what rings true to us. It's in listening to the voices of those who oppose it and trying to live their beliefs rather than being true to ourselves that gets us into trouble.

Peace to all, no matter what you may believe.

 

[kis123]

Don't mourn my death. Celebrate my life.

This is the exact thing I told my daughter about six months ago; I told her if she didn't celebrate me I would haunt her forever!!! I know it's a bit extreme, but she's afraid of me dying and I want her to accept it as a part of life and not to get too sad about it.

I want both of my kids to get together with my sisters and friends and celebrate the good times they had with me. I want them to remember the crazy sense of humor, the ability to make them wait for gratification (always love a good negotiation package), and the fact that I simply loved the hell out of them. Everything I've ever done since I conceived my son in 1984 has been in the name of my kids. I'm proud of them both (in spite of myself) and I know that one day they'll be strong enough to get through life without me in it.

But death is nothing but a part of life and no, I don't think anything is wrong with you Headsnap for feeling the way you do. That's your own personal decision and if no one agrees with you but you, that's okay as far as I'm concerned.

 

[alf]

I'm not afraid by now. Even more after i've been close to it when a man come to my work some time ago & asked politely the cash with a gun pointed on my head. Great stuff ! Death didn't wanted me at time, so i think that it meaned something like : you have something to do still, then when time for you will come you'll be aware of it

The main question for me is still what do we become afterwards & that really intrigues me, but i don't think of it anymore.

 

[BigJim]

Don't really "become" anything, we just carry on. Different change of clothes is about all.

 

[steph]

No fear of death here either.

In fact I welcome it, can't wait. My fantasy job is to work in forensics. Six and a half years to get my degree burned me out on school, unfortunately. It's a lot like what I do now but the patient can't speak to you, every story is different. How exciting is that?

When I was 19 my first love of 3 years/high school sweetheart died mountain climbing. It was maybe the worst thing that ever happened to me. I've lost another 11 friends since then. I miss so many of them and can't wait to see them again. I do believe there's an afterlife, I don't know if it's actually what my religion calls Heaven but something is out there for sure.
XOXO

 

[BigJim]

I think we'll find it's ironically similar to this world, just less dense.