Do you need to be in a relationship?

[Snail Shell]

H'okay. This is the earth. Whatever.

My four year anniversary is coming up. This coming August will be four years since my last romantic involvement with another human being. I've spent the last four years without any kind of committed romantic involvement and only one quasi-serious interest. And to be totally honest, it didn't really bother me, my previous experiences notwithstanding.

I didn't really think much of it until this past week or so. A girl and I went for coffee after chatting for a while on FetLife. She seemed shocked that not only have I been single for that time, but that I've not been exactly looking, nor do I really miss the dating scene. Granted, she plans weddings for a living, but that's beside the point.

Then the other night, I got together with a friend from high school to grab a drink and catch up. She'd also been single for some time and said that she didn't always have to be in a relationship. Her ex, on the other hand, was one of those people who went from relationship to relationship like a monkey grabbing the next branch before he lets go of the present one.

So how about you? Do you need to be in a romantic relationship to be happy? What's the longest relationship you've had? What's the longest time you've been single? What's your take on this whole thing?

Snail Shell

 

[meangry]

I share this mindset. I have not been in a romantic relationship for a time by choice. Right now, it's more about preparing myself for my future and getting the education/tools necessary to be successful.

Which isn't to say that love is impossible. What it is to say is that I do not actively seek it out; if it happens, it happens. But I do not want to be caught in a situation where I love someone and can't be within their presence. Did the long distance thing. And unless you manage yourself to an almost Zen-like level, you will not be able to handle it.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Right now I'm very much enjoying being single. There's something awesome about not having to worry about anyone but yourself, doing your own thing and not having to say "Will so-and-so be upset if I hang out with this guy? Will he get jealous if I do this? I can't do this fun thing because I have plans with him." So right now, no, I don't feel the need to be in a relationship.

That having been said, I just got out of a 6 year relationship about 6 months ago, so I haven't really had much opportunity to get lonely or sick of being single. That, and I do miss having a boy around just for the company - minus all the romance crap.

But I definitely intend to be single for a bit longer before I start thinking about looking for another relationship.

 

[PlayfulCarbonara]

Nope. In fact, I enjoy being single sometimes more than in a relationship. Ironically, In the past 6 years I've only been single about 8 months total.

Being in a relationship has its ups and its downs. The only real down that gets me is the freedom of being single. To go out and do whatever without concern for what another person thinks. To just pick up and go out of town without any sort of concern. Especially going to the movies (I mean, you can, but its always nice to make sure your sig other doesn't wanna see the movie first). I'm a big "me time" kinda person... I like my me time. So usually when I'm single, I enjoy being single and treat it like a big vacation.

And this is probably exactly why I end up in relationships so quickly after ending a previous one. They say people are more attracted to those who aren't looking.

 

[sasaxrah]

I am happier in relationships when they are going well. I'm ridiculously happy right now. But do I need it? No. I feel like if I can't be happy on my own, I am probably not ready for a relationship. I'm not saying this a rule to live by for everyone, but it's been true for me.

My longest relationship was almost a year. My longest period of being single was 19 years (I didn't date anyone until sophomore year of college.) And after that... I had a nearly 3 year rut.

 

[BlackestLily]

I wouldn't really define myself as a relationship person. I have spent the majority of my adult life not in them. They aren't without their benefits, but need them? No. I'm not a waterbug with them, zooming from one to another.

 

[Korastus]

I like relationships. I'd like to be in a relationship. But I don't feel like it's something that I need in order to be happy, and I've spent more time out of them than in them.
Not to mention that I tend to shy away from most serious relationships unless I feel a seriously strong connection with someone, because well... to say that I've had girl problems in the past would be a bit of an understatement.
Girltastrophes might work.
Girlpocalypses.
Yeah, that one. That ones good.

 

[Brock Samson]

I'm alone by choice. Not that I particularly enjoy being lonely or single, just that I have life altering situations that must be dealt with before I can bring someone else into my world. I choose to suffer, so that someone else can be happy. Ah, but such is my life, and so I live it.

 

[Snail Shell]

I've had girl problems in the past would be a bit of an understatement.
Girltastrophes might work.
Girlpocalypses.

Femarmageddon?

Estrogenocide?

Ovaragnarok?

Crisisterhood?

Am I close?

Snail Shell

 

[Musicroxmysox]

I like being in relationships...

Do I need to be in one, absolutely not. I love having the freedom that I have to do what I want and not answer to anyone.

Right now I'm happy being single because I'm trying to figure out life. Having a relationship right now would possibly make things even more complicated.

 

[tommee]

Married twice , 7 years being the longest of the two and then living with another women for 3 years after that has been proof positive to me that I am much happier single which I have been for over ten years now. I have nothing against women, I realize now that it is better for everyone if I don't attempt a long term relationship.The problem does center around me and I don't seem able or maybe willing enough to correct this flaw of character. I believe My fetish was , is and at this point seems will always be the main reason for this as it has always been the biggest distraction from whomever I may be currently involved with. So yes I am happy being single, I do what I want, when I want too with whoever is willing at the time.

 

[scorpionldr]

i've been alone forever with but a few short months of my life with someone, and those have been happy. i may have to become happy being alone, however.

 

[tkpatience]

I've been alone my entire life and every attempt starts with me working up the balls to talk to a girl and usually ending in misery.

Personally, I find that the whole happiness in relationships thing is highly dependent on situational circumstances. It's not so great to lay awake at night pondering about being with another person in bed or posting threads on forums instead of actually interacting with another human being live.

On the other hand, every time I see a couple in their 30's hauling around their crying rugrats I sigh to myself and smile a little on the inside.

It's not always absolutely necessary to be in a relationship to be content with ones life, but a relationship is a nice thing be part of.

We enter this world and leave it in the same way, alone.

 

[McNoodle]

Been with the same amazing woman for 17 years now. I honestly don't know if I could handle being single anymore and not overly eager to find out.

 

[tkpatience]

Been with the same amazing woman for 17 years now. I honestly don't know if I could handle being single anymore and not overly eager to find out.

congrats

 

[..Glamorous..]

I personally can NOT do the single thing. Would I be fine single? Sure. However, I have never had a desire to be single. I started having boyfriends in elementary school, I mean as much as one could have a relationship in elementary school anyway. I am very co-dependent, and usually have a hard time making decisions by myself. That doesn't mean I need someone taking care of me, or bossing me around. If I split from my husband tomorrow I am fairly certain I could make it just fine. But, I for one need a constant close relationship with someone. Before my husband I was a serial dater and the longest I have been single has probably been about 3 days, most of my relationships lasted roughly 9 months and my longest has been my husband -- 3 years, 2 months and 10 days.

 

[fireguardian]

I have been single again for little over a year and I can't say that it bothers me. I have been enjoying the time getting to know myself again. So much of who I was got lost in my last relationship. Sad to think that it was my only relationship. Even sadder knowing that I probably let it last to long. As in almost four years and marrige too long.

I was never the popular kid in school and was at an all girls school so never really got much experience. Most of the time I was ignore once some one met my cuter friends. So once I had a serious relationship I did let myself get caught up in it. My ex began to influence much of what I did and believed. I was just happy feeling wanted by some one. It was nice to move beyond that 'ah she's cute' to some one thinking I was attractive.

Now that I am on my own again I can do things that make me happy and go places I want to go. It has been a very freeing feeling. Do I miss it? Sometimes. It was nice to have that company. Do I miss him? No. I have no real interest to go looking for anything or anyone. If it happens it happens. I still don't even know to many guys at all. It just doesn't really concern me. I would rather spend the time getting to know some one as a friend and if something develops, well bonus. All I know is I learned a lot through everything. I still have those moments where I wondering if I don't have the right looks, or a too stupid, too smart, too chunky, but I'm female I think we all question that. I'm in no rush in these things. I am quite happy with how things are and plan to just keep living, growing, and enjoying life as it happens.

 

[chicago]

I can do the single thing, but I get lonely. Most of my family are so fucked up they can't give much of themselves to others in terms of support. So when I'm single, it's just me. Alone. By myself. It's hard and I long for the companionship and love and dependence of someone always being there for me. Both emotionally and physically.

I'm in the longest relationship I've ever been in right now and it's rough. We have problems and the thought of us breaking up ever scares the shit out of me. I'm young still so this is all very new and startling. It's not fun for me to feel so out of control of my emotions. They're all over the place when you're in a long term relationship.

Being in love makes me feel like a schmuck, but despite the hard times, I think I prefer it to being single.

 

[LD_Tickler]

Do you need to be in a romantic relationship to be happy?
What's the longest relationship you've had?
What's the longest time you've been single?
What's your take on this whole thing?

No.
One year.
Two years (since I started doing the girl thing, that is)

I really like being in a relationship, but I also really like being single. I'm not the type to try and form relationships. If I really like a girl, I'll go for it. But for example, if I'm just hooking up with a girl, I'm totally content to keep it like that, whereas I know people who force all sex/romance encounters towards committed monogamy. My ex girlfriend is a relationship fiend.

Even when I'm in a relationship though, I need plenty of time to myself. I look at some of my friends who are couples, and see that they spend days and days side-by-side. I couldn't handle that.

 

[sabyra]

i wasnt romantically involved from sometime in 2004-march 2009, prefer relationships tho..

 

[Amnesiac]

I wondered where you've been lately!

I'm a bit of an anomaly because I've never had a relationship; not even a date. And to be honest I think I'd prefer to be single forever. I just think about all the things that occur with relationships and find them to be too demanding and insipid to put up with: you have to deal with your partner's friends, your partner's enemies, their problems, scheduling conflicts (which perturbs me more than the others) not to mention domestic adjustments. And, inevitably, you are going to end up fighting, and those periods are just going to ruin you. And not to mention the conflicting plans for the future and family, which for me will be difficult because not many women looking for a life partner who's hatred for children drove him to sterilize himself...that would put a damper on it.

Of course, you have to keep in mind that I'm an autistic only child with OCD who's lived a monastic life for as far back as I can remember so I'm used to having my own space, rituals, and time and am just unaccustomed and probably ill-fitted for an emotional connection to somebody else. The people in my family tend to spend their late years sequestered in their homes and become dependent on their partners to get them through life and I have been dependent long enough to know that I never want to end up that way so never attaching myself to another person is great prevention.

Besides, at my age, where you are, you are. Yes, you can learn new things, but dating isn't one of them: people about my age don't have the patience or the time to deal with a noob and help them learn what to do; they got places to go, work to do, life to live and they already dealt with that shit in their 20s...so they don't wanna go through it again.

I remember recently the thread that discussed the "better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" and many people have proselytized that the pleasure is worth the pain, but I doubt that works for me. I tend to dwell and seethe on my failings and uncomfortable moments, and considering that I still pine for all the lost moments of my youth and actually get nostalgic for my formerly hated high school years, I don't think it's a safe bet for me.

The game isn't worth the candle if you get third-degree burns.

But then again, this is me. Ultimately, like all things in life you have to ask yourself how much of your identity and sense of self is dependent on relationships? Me and Glamorous for instance are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum.

 

[penny lane]

So how about you? Do you need to be in a romantic relationship to be happy? What's the longest relationship you've had? What's the longest time you've been single? What's your take on this whole thing?

No, I don't need to be in a romantic relationship to be happy.

My longest relationship was 6 years. I was pretty much with the same guy throughout my 20's. We broke up when I was 28, I think? I went on a long, dating hiatus...about 3 to 1/2 years. So yeah, I've been there. It was my own doing, but I think I needed that time to get over the relationship.

I know this sounds very corny, but my mom would always tell me, "A watched pot never boils." But seriously, it's about loving your life no matter what phase you're in.

After that 3 1/2 year phase, I eventually started dating again. When I was single, I loved my life because I got to spend time with my friends, I had a good job, and I got to go on dates with interesting, fun guys. I even had a couple of short lived relationships. Some men were dicks. Some dates were disasters (don't get me started). I got dumped a few times. I did my best to learn from those experiences, and take on the attitude, if not him, then someone else. You know what I mean?

I really focused on myself and what I wanted. I was happy and at peace with being alone. And I had to just trust in the universe/God/whatever higher power that if I was meant to be with somebody, then I would be with somebody... and in the meantime really enjoy what life was offering me at that time. At that point, I met Dave. When I least expected it (back to that watched pot). I finally went on a date with him, and I've never been happier. Knowing who I am and what I want.

Hopes this helps.

 

[Aimee]

Well... Hm.

There is a different between "need" and "want". I don't need a relationship, but I do want one. Which is probably why I'm still alone.

 

[CrystalLight]

Nah. I thought for awhile when I was younger-er that I did, but I don't.

 

[Rook's Media]

Happily 28...and Happily Single!!!!

Relationships are fun...but being single, at least for me... matches my lifestyle at this point.

Music, Video Production, etc.

So, having said that, I guess my answer would be "No!"




Ryan @ Rook's Media