Do you think ticklers should be more mindful of the ticklee?

[LanceBJohnson]

This is a question for the ladies of this forum, but I also think the guys should keep this in mind (assuming the guys are usually the ticklers and the gals the ticklees). It is my belief that often times aggressive male ticklers are too busy trying to please themselves and their fantasies, and aren't taking the desires of their ticklees into consideration. I think that gives a negative stigma to tickling and foot "fetishes."

I have tickled many female friends, girlfriends and given many full body and foot massages. The one thing I have noticed is that their is a wide variety of needs from the recipient. Some enjoy wild tickling, some light tickling, some massaging, some combinations. Some are adventuresome, some more conservative, and some just enjoy the affection if it is not overdone. Some just want to be tickled with no strings attached.

I read too many things about guys just endulging in their obsessions without considering the other person. It is my belief that the greatest rush comes from fufilling the fantasy of my ticklee. I think if we aproach it that way more, we will be better received and not thought of as things like "creepy!" Ladies, am I right about this or just wasting everones time? Guys, what do you think?

Lance

 

[ticklebunny 2]

I am so happy and glad you mentioned this. I totally agree with you. Sadly too many times the tickle sessions are focused on what the ler desires and a very poor and lack sad focus on what the lee might need or desire. Especially sadly many times when a woman is a lee and a guy is lering. Not all the time but many times-you see this sadly time and time again in tickle clips. It is tragic and sad to see-it seems the ler is more paying attention to the camera rolling and less attention to the lee-not really listening to the lee's feedback and not really taking into account the lee's feelings or what she might desire when being tickled. I think also lers should pay bit more attention to this. Yeah you are right-for women -each woman is different and each woman is going to have different needs and desire to be tickled in different unique ways. Like you said some like light tickling, some heavy tickling, some rough, some soft sensual tickling, some massages, some full body massages before or after being tickled, list goes on and on each woman's needs are different.

Whereas don't think this should just go for the women as lees, also needs to go for guys as lees too-both men and women as lees-should have their needs and desires met when being tickled-sadly sometimes women as lers are just as guilty for this fault as guys-not all the time but sometimes. So I agree with what you are saying, thanks for creating this thread. I am glad someone brought this into the light.

 

[rhiannon]

It is my belief that often times aggressive male ticklers are too busy trying to please themselves and their fantasies, and aren't taking the desires of their ticklees into consideration.

Never had that problem with my ler. If I did, he wouldn't be my ler.

 

[LanceBJohnson]

Thanks for the feedback, Ticklebunny. You appear to be both a 'ler and a 'lee, which gives you more prespective. I am more of a 'ler, but would be will to be tickled to experience the other side. I hope others find this at least somewhat thought-provoking, agree or not. As for you Rhinnon, sounds like you have the right man for the job!

 

[ElFewja]

Pretty sure this is the difference between average and above average sex in general. But that is digression.

Yeah I get that this isn't aimed at the 'lers, but. Getting caught up in the moment can make things difficult, yeah. Still, I've always felt that the best session is derived from, rather than pleasing myself, pleasing the 'lee. Because, when you know they're enjoying it... I dunno, it just does something more for me. So yeah, although I would say I'm almost strictly a foot guy, I'll totally aim elsewhere just to have a better session.

But with that said comes the inevitable yang. What a person needs and what a person wants.. what a person thinks they need and what a person thinks they want... these things can be incredibly hard to gauge. Maybe a person wants to be pushed past her limits? She tells you that. But when you get there, get to doing it... you have to be incredibly mindful of her, too. I mean, just because they think they want that doesn't mean that, when they get there, they do. And stop doesn't always mean stop, even with a safeword. It's very, very tricky stuff.

But yeah no, I've never had a problem with reading people. Though, I consider myself fairly skilled at reading, so it's not... hm.

But anyway, to answer your question directly: yes and no. Sure, you should be respectful of your lee, but there are a lot of sides to tickling. Domination is one of them. But when it comes to it, that still comes back to what the 'lee wants and, if they want you to be merciless.. yeah.

-Etc.

Edit: I will totally add a few stories from my past. Definitely caught my 'lee, during a tickling/makeout session, holding her own arm above her head. I'm too... observant to miss something like that. I noticed she wasn't fighting back as much, so I let go. She didn't notice apparently, but yeah, that was totally hot. And well, all the times she made suggestions towards the tickling. Ah. Good times.

 

[Babbles]

"Mutual Consideration" seems to be "Gobbledegook" for too many here

This is a question for the ladies of this forum, but I also think the guys should keep this in mind (assuming the guys are usually the ticklers and the gals the ticklees). It is my belief that often times aggressive male ticklers are too busy trying to please themselves and their fantasies, and aren't taking the desires of their ticklees into consideration. I think that gives a negative stigma to tickling and foot "fetishes."

I have tickled many female friends, girlfriends and given many full body and foot massages. The one thing I have noticed is that their is a wide variety of needs from the recipient. Some enjoy wild tickling, some light tickling, some massaging, some combinations. Some are adventuresome, some more conservative, and some just enjoy the affection if it is not overdone. Some just want to be tickled with no strings attached.

I read too many things about guys just endulging in their obsessions without considering the other person. It is my belief that the greatest rush comes from fufilling the fantasy of my ticklee. I think if we aproach it that way more, we will be better received and not thought of as things like "creepy!" Ladies, am I right about this or just wasting everones time? Guys, what do you think?

Lance

Please tell me you're up for cloning.

 

[TMJ Productions]

I read too many things about guys just endulging in their obsessions without considering the other person. It is my belief that the greatest rush comes from fufilling the fantasy of my ticklee.
Lance

I've read things like this too Lance.

A skilled tickler and/or top is 100% centered on the needs of the ticklee.
This is where the beauty of trust is like a blooming flower.
Communication before, during, and after a tickle session is not only fun, but a time to learn.

 

[LanceBJohnson]

Wow! Thanks for the input, and compliment! I agree with elfewja in that it is tricky to know what a ticklee wants, especially because sometimes the real intentions are masked in flirting or gameplaying. For example, when I was tickling a girls feet once, she said, "that's not fair!" as she didn't even more her feet away. To me that was a sign that she was enjoying it. I guess what I am trying to present to the group is to make the effort to understand what the ticklee wants. In the case made by Elfewja, where she wants to be dominated, then that is what should be done. Sometimes their are grey areas, because most people don't talk strait about tickling. Look for signs, and be careful not to cross lines. If you create a bad experience, you will lose your ticklee!

 

[evilwomanhehe]

Well--too many coughs and too many "wait! stop!"'s indicate to me time to whoa a few minutes. Don't want to overwhelm ya know.

 

[rhiannon]

So on the opposite side, shouldn't the lee be concerned about fulfilling the lers tickling needs also, as opposed to expecting the ler to tickle only exactly how they want.

In my case, "tickling how I want" is for the tickler to do with me what he pleases, to be at his mercy. If I had to tell him what to do, that would be the biggest turn-off to me.

Some people just can't tickle, and what they do doesn't tickle!

What if the ler likes to tickle fast and furious sometimes and the lee only likes little sensual tickles that barely make them laugh, leaving something to be desired by the ler...

Then they are definitely the wrong ler and lee for each other.

Ultimately I think better than a ler pushing their needs to the side to please the lee, or the lee pushing their needs to the side to please the ler you need to participate with someone who is a good match so your both happy.

Amen! Some people just connect, and others don't!

 

[Fat Bastard]

I don’t know how that’s even possible; they’re on my mind all the time, I can’t get them out of my head (but not much effort to do so either).

 

[LanceBJohnson]

Good point, waytooticklish. The needs of the 'ler matter also. Usually the 'lee is more in a position of trust though, so it is important to communicate, either explicitly or by "reading between the lines." For example, "stop, I can't take it!!" is a lot different than, "ohhh, that tickles so much" unless of course, with the former, the 'lee tells the 'ler beforehand to keep tickling no matter how much she begs. So it comes down to communication, as TMJ productions says, and being aware that it takes 2 for a great experience (at least 2 anyway!)

 

[rhiannon]

For example, "stop, I can't take it!!" is a lot different than, "ohhh, that tickles so much"

Something like that is not reliable when you are in a session! The only real thing that will tell you when the lee REALLY had enough is the use of a safeword.

 

[robmic]

I get two things out of this conversation. First, there is what I hope to get out of tickling someone..........their hysterical reaction from it. But more important, is being able to "read" their condition while you're tickling them. A 'ler "must" be able to be conscious of the 'lees condition while doing the deed. If you can't read how they are doing, you might want to change what you're doing, for the 'lees safety. Personally, I prefer not to use a safe-word. This is only because I don't go overboard (ie, too long at one time), with the tickling and interact with the 'lee while I'm tickling. This way, I feel that I can keep them safe while I get my jollies. (and hopefully theirs, too!)

 

[rhiannon]

This is only because I don't go overboard (ie, too long at one time), with the tickling and interact with the 'lee while I'm tickling. This way, I feel that I can keep them safe while I get my jollies.

I've had an experience like that, too....the result was an overly worried ler who stopped all the damn time when it was just getting good just to make sure I was alright! That's why I prefer the safeword! If you have one, both ler and lee can let themselves go.

 

[robmic]

Safeword

Well rhiannon, it's not that I have anything against using a safeword, I just have never tickled anyone that "enjoyed" it that much before. That would be new territory for me! Be something I think I could get used to.....

 

[PQfingers]

YES!

 

[Bagelfather]

I read too many things about guys just endulging in their obsessions without considering the other person. It is my belief that the greatest rush comes from fufilling the fantasy of my ticklee. I think if we aproach it that way more, we will be better received and not thought of as things like "creepy!" Ladies, am I right about this or just wasting everones time? Guys, what do you think?

Lance

I think the "obsession" and caring about one's own needs rather than the partner's is something common to sex and kink. I think that is why I have a good number of people who will scene with me again and again is that it is not just about what I want.

Focus on your partner and if all is good then your needs will be met as a result.

 

[Leo tickles]

As a top, in my relationship at least, I'm 100% aware and considerate of my submissive. It's my belief that a top should ALWAYS do that in all scenarios, from tickling to spanking to anything else.

Disrespecting something that is giving you their body to play with by disregarding their feelings and only doing what satisfies you is just plain wrong.

 

[BMoreTklr]

This is a question for the ladies of this forum, but I also think the guys should keep this in mind (assuming the guys are usually the ticklers and the gals the ticklees). It is my belief that often times aggressive male ticklers are too busy trying to please themselves and their fantasies, and aren't taking the desires of their ticklees into consideration. I think that gives a negative stigma to tickling and foot "fetishes."

I have tickled many female friends, girlfriends and given many full body and foot massages. The one thing I have noticed is that their is a wide variety of needs from the recipient. Some enjoy wild tickling, some light tickling, some massaging, some combinations. Some are adventuresome, some more conservative, and some just enjoy the affection if it is not overdone. Some just want to be tickled with no strings attached.

I read too many things about guys just endulging in their obsessions without considering the other person. It is my belief that the greatest rush comes from fufilling the fantasy of my ticklee. I think if we aproach it that way more, we will be better received and not thought of as things like "creepy!" Ladies, am I right about this or just wasting everones time? Guys, what do you think?

Lance

Great post.......I subscribe to the notion that the key to a great tickling session is ensuring the lee is having a good time, whatever there preference of tickling may be

 

[TickVix]

Most definitely, because if a ler is not mindful of their lee, the lee will hate you for a lifetime lol. No but seriously it's important to be mindful of each other, but I would say especially the lee so that it's a comfortable and enjoyable experience for you both.

 

[natural tickler]

its all about experience

You have too many lers who have not had the experience to know about the feelings of the lee, and only care about getting their rocks off....ussually happens with beginners...also you can deal with a ler who has gone long periods of time between lerring, and go into it full fledged to scratch their itch...and unfortunately, not caring about the lee's want/needs...

but because every lee is different, the ler must learn different method/techniques, and the like, and not many lers do that, because they dont have the patience to get that chemistry needed

it is unfortunate, that I can safely say 70-75% of the time when play goes on, that its on the side of what the ler wants instead of the safety/wants/needs of the lee....and with more experience, the ler can learn how to satisfy both sides of it...they lack the patience to learn that, and you find this in the younger lers more often than not...

of course most lees do not want to tell the ler how to take care of the business...its a turn off for most, because they assume you should know it already, but every now and then it doesn't hurt to know them, so it makes it enjoyable for both, which is the goal anyways, is it not??

my 0.02, returnable if not satisfied

 

[LanceBJohnson]

Thanks for all your responses! This was the insightful discussion I was hoping for. I can conclude that many of you 'lers (especially the experienced ones) are well aware of the importance of the 'lees needs and desires. My hope is for us to keep the 'lees happy so that there will be more of them and they have a better impression of the 'lers. Another good point was made by Rhiannon that the 'lees should consider the 'lers needs and desires too. It is a two way street, but the controll is often in the hands of the 'ler and the 'lees are in a position of trust. Many of the members of this forum are very intelligent and insightful and I enjoy all the prospectives!

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

In my case, "tickling how I want" is for the tickler to do with me what he pleases, to be at his mercy. If I had to tell him what to do, that would be the biggest turn-off to me.

Some people just can't tickle, and what they do doesn't tickle!

Oops that just summed up my relationship with my girlfriend (with me as Lee).