F*cked up sexuality and what to do with it

[AquaFeline]

We've prolly all felt rejected cuz of our kinkiness at one point or another, either by society in general or one person in particular. Seems like even within a community there's something of "my kinks are ok but yours are gross / unnatural." What the hell do you do if, for example, you're a person who likes tickling but also, I dunno, jello being smeared all over them? And you like to be cross dressing while that's happening? (This isn't my thing, just an example, so don't get your hopes up.)

I've tried looking for partners both among the vanilla world and the kink world and it never seems to work out. I've ended relationships because I wasn't sexually satisfied or because we were unable to hold a good conversation. At the ripe old age of 22 I'm feeling pretty cynical about being able to strike a perfect balance. So, my amigos, what conclusions have you come to yourselves? Have you given up mind-blowing sex in favor of emotional support and a family? Have you partied every night and woken up at 40 feeling you had nothing to show for your life? Or have you thrown yourself into a career and cared about none of this? I would appreciate your thoughts.

 

[Stevereeno]

There is always room for Jello.

 

[Ronley]

I don't have a whole lot of experience in this area myself (I’m a bit of a recluse) but my advice would be to just do whatever makes you happy. Even if you hit 40 and haven't found your soul mate, you'll probably be happier then if you decide to compromise now and live with it for next 20 years; and maybe the search is part of the fun, or at least part of the journey. Good luck to you, I hope you find who you're searching for.

 

[MrMacphisto]

LOL... good one Steve... Anyway, my conclusion is that most girls I've dated were actually pretty open about trying new things. Granted, being a 25 year old guy, my perspective is obviously different from yours. I guess I've been lucky to get involved with women in the past that weren't easily disturbed, and even a few of them turned out to have kinks of their own. Aqua, maybe you've just stumbled across the wrong guys. Of course, what additional kinks you have or your partner has greatly determines the comfort level so to speak. For example, I could deal with a girl into jello, but animals... nope.

So far, I haven't given up mind-blowing sex in favor of emotional support. Rather, I've avoided relationships until I get my financial life straight. Even if I was comfortable financially, then I'd probably not go into relationships too quickly. Due to past tendencies to enter flings, I've intentionally tried to go the "friends first" route as much as I can as of late. After all, especially good conversations can lead to good relationships, which (if you're lucky) can lead to "mind-blowing sex."

 

[kis123]

Hi Aqua:

I wish I had a simple answer for you. I repressed my tickling fetish long before I knew what it even was. I was in my teens then-a lot of years have gone by since before I found the TMF and came to terms with who I am and stopped being ashamed of it. I thought I was wierd or some sort of freak. Although I keep my fetish in the closet (due to career/family issues) I don't feel that shame anymore. TMF has freed me in ways I never knew.

As far as different fetishes are concerned, I'll be the first to admit that most fetishes outside tickling are rather unappealing to me. Some just seem downright crazy. But as long as someone's not trying them out on me, I guess to each his own.

At least you know who you are and don't have a problem with it. Looking for a match who understands you will take time, but it's worth it in the long run. I wish you well in your pursuits.

 

[Brookie]

I'm wondering, given the low percent of people who share your fetish...or any others for that mater, how you would go about meeting those with similar sexual interests. At the same time, while very important, sex is only one of many legs of a relationship to consider...if that is what you seek.

One idea is to try something on some online dating site. For example, Lavalife has an intimate board for those seeking an initimate relationship.
On that and similar boards you prepare a profile...within the profile you can list your true interests...describe your fetish in detail ..don't hide it. There may even be a fetish site that one could use. The point is ....if 1/2% of the population have your fetish then for 1M people ( this size of a large city) there should be about over 500 with similar interests (My math is 1m X 50% Men x 25% (within the age you want....I made this up it could be higher) x .005 = 625
In your profile tell only a small % of you will be intersted and if you seek similar there aren't that many out there so respond.

You won't get a lot of responses but the ones you get will be interested...as they look for the same thing

 

[ticklkitten]

In all honesty I think it is easier for a guy to express his fetish to a girl than vice versa... this might sound terrible but it's easy for us girls to expect that you are into something kinky and most guys don't expect this out of me.

 

[vampirecult]

There is always room for Jello.

Everybody loves fuc*ing jello

(I mean eating it) you DIRTY Minds!

 

[AquaFeline]

I don't really have problems with telling guys my fetishes, and most tried but the energy ended up being all wrong and it wasn't really any fun. I'm guessing that "conversion" isn't possible, or I was doing everything wrong, so I'm not willing to bank on successfully introducing people to my fetishes after meeting them in vanilla land.

 

[Feathery]

Getting older, I opted for settling down and having a family. My wife has many wonderful qualities, although being into tickling isn't one of them. As I've learned in life, one can't always have everything! One must learn to accept the good with the not-so-good.

I was, however, lucky enough in my youth to have had the oportunity to fully realize my fetish fantasies and having some wonderful tickling experiences. I was fortunate to have been young in downtown Manhattan during the 70's-80's, living the artist's life. In this environment, I was able to share my fantasies with a number of liberal thinking, open minded ladies, eager to experiment! At least I have all those fond memories to look back on!

 

[Iggy pop]

In all honesty I think it is easier for a guy to express his fetish to a girl than vice versa... this might sound terrible but it's easy for us girls to expect that you are into something kinky and most guys don't expect this out of me.

I don't know about that. A cute girl can talk a guy into almost anything.

 

[AquaFeline]

I don't know about that. A cute girl can talk a guy into almost anything.

Nope, I've tried. And I'm certified cute.

 

[vampirecult]

I don't know about that. A cute girl can talk a guy into almost anything.

Not if he isn't thinking with the head of his ''Dick''. Then they can't.

 

[MrMacphisto]

hmmm... Whatever the case, I personally find a girl a little more interesting if she has kinks than not. Obviously, there are limits, but for the most part, I think it can make sex more exciting.

 

[Frogellina]

In all honesty I think it is easier for a guy to express his fetish to a girl than vice versa... this might sound terrible but it's easy for us girls to expect that you are into something kinky and most guys don't expect this out of me.

I agree! I think there is still a stigma associated with women actually (gasp ) enjoying sex, much less having interests in things outside of what is considered the mainstream of sexuality. The word "slut" (along with other choice adjectives) are bandied about rather freely even in the 21st century. And heaven forbid if a women ever even implied that she occasionally masturbates

Sorry for rambling! Back to my quiet little corner

 

[steph]

I think you're right with this~even if we wanted sex 24/7, you'll be branded a "ho" for making that info public.

Aqua~time is on your side, luckily for you. You're still young and you've got a good head. Maybe you should give yourself a break, ease up on the pressure. I always met the most guys when I was looking the least.
XOXO

I agree! I think there is still a stigma associated with women actually (gasp ) enjoying sex, much less having interests in things outside of what is considered the mainstream of sexuality. The word "slut" (along with other choice adjectives) are bandied about rather freely even in the 21st century. And heaven forbid if a women ever even implied that she occasionally masturbates

Sorry for rambling! Back to my quiet little corner

 

[kcantankerous]

If sex is what you want do it and go on with your life. (Another generalization) seems like the younger crowd is short sighted anyways. And yes I'm a virgin by choice.

 

[drew70]

I can count the number of women I've slept with on one hand, so I can't really say I have a lot of varied experience. But I will say that none of these women have ever seemed to have any trouble letting me know what pleased them, whether by careful explanation or by clutching my hair tightly with both fists and screaming, "YYYEESSS!!!"

Sometimes I considered wearing a helmet.

 

[Iggy pop]

I agree! I think there is still a stigma associated with women actually (gasp ) enjoying sex, much less having interests in things outside of what is considered the mainstream of sexuality. The word "slut" (along with other choice adjectives) are bandied about rather freely even in the 21st century. And heaven forbid if a women ever even implied that she occasionally masturbates

Sorry for rambling! Back to my quiet little corner

A man's definition of a slut is a woman that will sleep with anyone but him.

 

[Iggy pop]

I agree! I think there is still a stigma associated with women actually (gasp ) enjoying sex, much less having interests in things outside of what is considered the mainstream of sexuality. The word "slut" (along with other choice adjectives) are bandied about rather freely even in the 21st century. And heaven forbid if a women ever even implied that she occasionally masturbates

Sorry for rambling! Back to my quiet little corner

A man's definition of a slut is a woman that will sleep with anyone but him.

My personal opinion, I much rather be with a "slut" than the girl that is waiting for marriage.

 

[TKpervert]

Then along stumbles Drew, claiming sexual conquests on a whole hand, not just a finger.
He also claims to have hair, which is doubly insulting.

How Rude Dude !!!!

 

[mtlhd]

eh...

I have decided after my third time being f'd over , I would forget trying to find that soulmate and dive into my career.

the last gf, of 2.5 years i must ad, was quite open to kinky things, but the way she started to act toward me at the end of the relationship made the kinkiness irrelevant.

I decided to hell with trying to find "the one" and focus on the dream career I have plotted for myself and if someone comes along for some of the journey, so be it.

-the metalhead

 

[AquaFeline]

If sex is what you want do it and go on with your life. (Another generalization) seems like the younger crowd is short sighted anyways. And yes I'm a virgin by choice.

Heh. Thanks. I'm just wondering if I nixed the sex if I would look back years later and wish I had taken advantage of my youth while I still had it, before I lost my looks and possibly got into serious commitments that precluded such frivolous activity. In the long run of course almost everything ends up being frivolous, however, so it really doesn't bother me that I might be engaging in such activity.

Being branded a slut wouldn't bother me too much because I reject the double standard and life is too short to worry about such name calling anyway, unless it seperates you from those you care about or costs you your livelihood or the like.

 

[AffectionateDan]

Instant gratification is a lie. Anything worth having is worth searching for.

It took me 37 years to find the perfect one, and I'm STILL waiting to be together after over two years in the relationship, because life gets in the way and responsibilities come first. But yes, that perfect someone IS out there... you just need to be patient.

I agree! I think there is still a stigma associated with women actually (gasp ) enjoying sex, much less having interests in things outside of what is considered the mainstream of sexuality. The word "slut" (along with other choice adjectives) are bandied about rather freely even in the 21st century.

What's this? A woman who enjoys SEX? A witch! Burn her!

And heaven forbid if a women ever even implied that she occasionally masturbates

Actually, that's pretty HOT. Back me up here, guys! Who wouldn't be turned on by seeing their woman pleasure themselves? Whew! Did it just get warm in here, or am I walking on the sun?

 

[kcantankerous]

I really don't care about branding others. If your a slut your a slut, as far as guys go, I dont go around fucking people but I know some who do. Do I respect that no, but thats my opinion. But if you choose to do that and get pregnant you better do the right thing. My deal is a slut is a man or woman who has sex just for the sake of sex. The way I feel is if you arnt worried about having a kid with said person and yall would do the right thing, than by all means thats one thing. But if you do create another life and you run for abortions than your scum. Not saying anyone here is, but come on now know the consequences that come with the territory. So in the end I think a male or female is a slut if they go around having sex with people they wouldn't commit to.