Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,922
- Points
- 38
No one wants to fly on Virgin Airlines. They never go all the way.
All my friends claim that I never think of anything but baseball. Man, are they off base!
There's a new heavy metal band on the scene. The lead guitarist's name is Palladium.
My agent says I'll never make it as a male porn star; too many shortcomings.
See that nature documentary about beavers last night? Best dam show on TV!
Would it surprise you to learn that the mob sent me to rub out a squealer, but when we met up I prevented him from drowning? Yep, it's true... shot him in the back while he was face down in a mud puddle.
It's a good thing Santa checked his list twice. Otherwise he'd have fallen off the roof.
My sister wants to marry a hospital technician. I fully support her choice; she says he's an ultra sound guy.
By tradition, each ballistic-missile submarine has a ship's cat aboard. Such pets are, after all, weapons of mice destruction.
I stumbled while walking through the parking lot and fell right on my rear. My wife calls me an idiot, but my brain's not to blame: it was the asphalt.
Captain Kirk has an odd craving; he's addicted to Italian pastry. You may even have heard him when he was particularly hungry: "Beam me up biscotti!"
I do illustrations for science texts and have just completed a fine sketch of a skinned haddock, one which reveals all the underlying musculature. It's considerably smaller than the actual fish; remember, this isn't a full scale drawing.
When Goldilocks got upstairs, she knew the family whose home she'd invaded was dysfunctional. It was quite troubling to her that Mama and Papa bear didn't sleep in the same bed.
"Damn, I just cut off my finger!"
"What, the whole finger?"
"No no no... the one right next to it."
It's a good thing there are sponges in the ocean; otherwise there'd be no dry land at all.
I hear that cartoonist Charles Schulz was a millionaire. How is that possible when he was working for peanuts?
You've heard about Rudolph the Brown Nose Reindeer, right? He could fly just as fast as the rest of the team, but never figured out what the word "Whoooa!" meant.
I was afraid the girl I was dating might be disgusted by my strange sex fetish, but I'm delighted to report she's into it! I'm so glad to have gotten off on the right foot!
Q: There's a the famous American whistleblower who can't leave Moscow. How come?
A: That's because he's Snowden.
The Neanderthals became extinct because they were a bunch of party dudes. It shows you the risks when your only interest is clubbing.
My doctor says I have an autoimmune disease. What a stupid diagnosis! I had to drive to get to the hospital didn't I?
Carrots are supposed to be good for your eyes, but I opted for Vodka instead. Reports are that it doubles your vision.
* * *
All my friends claim that I never think of anything but baseball. Man, are they off base!
* * *
There's a new heavy metal band on the scene. The lead guitarist's name is Palladium.
* * *
My agent says I'll never make it as a male porn star; too many shortcomings.
* * *
See that nature documentary about beavers last night? Best dam show on TV!
* * *
Would it surprise you to learn that the mob sent me to rub out a squealer, but when we met up I prevented him from drowning? Yep, it's true... shot him in the back while he was face down in a mud puddle.
* * *
It's a good thing Santa checked his list twice. Otherwise he'd have fallen off the roof.
* * *
My sister wants to marry a hospital technician. I fully support her choice; she says he's an ultra sound guy.
* * *
By tradition, each ballistic-missile submarine has a ship's cat aboard. Such pets are, after all, weapons of mice destruction.
* * *
I stumbled while walking through the parking lot and fell right on my rear. My wife calls me an idiot, but my brain's not to blame: it was the asphalt.
* * *
Captain Kirk has an odd craving; he's addicted to Italian pastry. You may even have heard him when he was particularly hungry: "Beam me up biscotti!"
* * *
I do illustrations for science texts and have just completed a fine sketch of a skinned haddock, one which reveals all the underlying musculature. It's considerably smaller than the actual fish; remember, this isn't a full scale drawing.
* * *
When Goldilocks got upstairs, she knew the family whose home she'd invaded was dysfunctional. It was quite troubling to her that Mama and Papa bear didn't sleep in the same bed.
* * *
"Damn, I just cut off my finger!"
"What, the whole finger?"
"No no no... the one right next to it."
* * *
It's a good thing there are sponges in the ocean; otherwise there'd be no dry land at all.
* * *
I hear that cartoonist Charles Schulz was a millionaire. How is that possible when he was working for peanuts?
* * *
You've heard about Rudolph the Brown Nose Reindeer, right? He could fly just as fast as the rest of the team, but never figured out what the word "Whoooa!" meant.
* * *
I was afraid the girl I was dating might be disgusted by my strange sex fetish, but I'm delighted to report she's into it! I'm so glad to have gotten off on the right foot!
* * *
Q: There's a the famous American whistleblower who can't leave Moscow. How come?
A: That's because he's Snowden.
* * *
The Neanderthals became extinct because they were a bunch of party dudes. It shows you the risks when your only interest is clubbing.
* * *
My doctor says I have an autoimmune disease. What a stupid diagnosis! I had to drive to get to the hospital didn't I?
* * *
Carrots are supposed to be good for your eyes, but I opted for Vodka instead. Reports are that it doubles your vision.
