Funniest Line I've Ever Heard In a Movie

[ndj101982]

I never watched the move Role Models until the other night when it aired on television. The movie actually wasn't that bad and had some pretty good parts. One scene in particular caught me by surprise when Seann William Scott's character is apologizing to the mother of the kid he's being a role model for.

When he thinks he's going to end up going to jail for failing the role model program (which was part of his community service requirement), he turns to the mother and says:

"What I'm trying to say is that when I get out of prison, can I hang out with your ten-year-old son?"

Based on the sheer unexpectedness of the line as well as how sincerely he says it, I literally spit soda everywhere and laughed harder than I ever have for any scene in a movie.

 

[Skulls]

MA! THE MEATLOAF!! FUCK!!!

 

[Cosmo_ac]

A couple of my favourites are from the movie "Badder Santa".

Kid: Why do you need a car?
Willie: What the fuck are you talking about?
Kid: This car.
Willie: Which turn is it?
Kid: Sage Terrace. Where's your sleigh?
Willie: It's in the shop, getting repaired.
Kid: Where are the reindeer?
Willie: I stabled them. Is it left or right?
Kid: That way. Where's the stable?
Willie: Next to the shop.
Kid: How do they sleep?
Willie: Who? The reindeer? Standing up.
Kid: But the noise. How do they sleep?
Willie: What noise?
Kid: From the shop.
Willie: They only work during the day, all right?
Kid: I thought it was always night at the North Pole.
Willie: Well, not now. Right now it's always day.
Kid: Then how do they sleep?
Willie: Oh, shit. Sage Terrace. What is it with you, anyway? Somebody drop you on your fucking head?
Kid: On *my* head?
Willie: Well, yeah. What, are they gonna drop you on somebody else's head?
Kid: How can they drop me onto my own head?
Willie: No, not *onto* your... Would... God damn it! Are you fucking with me?

And this one.

Willie: You know, I think I've turned a corner.
Marcus: Yeah? You fucking petites now?
Willie: No, I'm not talking about that. I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I dunno, like I accomplished something.
Marcus: You need many years of therapy. Many, many fuckin' years of therapy.

 

[Taye]

You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...


*Walter in The Big Lebowski

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

From The Ringer: "When the fuck did we get ice cream?"

I almost peed on myself.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Yippee-ki-Yay, motherfucker! Favorite movie line.

 

[The Fallen Angel]

i didn't even think that was the best line in the movie, i thought the best was

"i am not your big, i will punch a little in the face"

 

[ndj101982]

You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...


*Walter in The Big Lebowski

The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?

Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude!

 

[Taye]

The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?

Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude!

"Shut the fuck up Donny!"

 

[markyj]

Eric: So he's passed first grade and moved on to second. whooptieto. Any more information, Rollo?

Rollo the Janitor: Uh...

[takes out crumpled note]

Rollo the Janitor: Billy likes to drink soda, Miss Lippy's car is green!

 

[stroker]

From the Good the bad and the Ugly

Tuco to Blondie "Youre the son of a thousand fathers ,all bastards like you

 

[Bohemianne]

Just a few I can think of at the moment...

Basic Instinct
Nick: I think she's the fuck of the century, what do you think?

Quick and the Dead
Scars: I need a woman.
Ellen: You need a bath.

Empire of the sun
Basie: Jim, didn't I teach you anything?
Jim: Yes! You taught me that people will do anything for a potato.

 

[stroker]

From Jackie Brown

Odell Robbie " The AK47, the very best there is, when you absolutely positively have to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes"

 

[tickledorange]

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And Paul Rudd is hot

 

[tcklft]

"If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball." Dodgeball

"Hey lady, wanna fuck?" Body Heat