Getting some stuff off my chest

[blootwentytoo]

These are just some thoughts, the beginning of what I'm hoping to turn into something really grand and wonderful. I know I'll get backlash, and that's ok - that always happens when someone tries to instigate change.

Lately I've come to the conclusion that it is really important for me to start taking pride in my sexuality, and to be as open about it as possible. My entire life, like most of us, I've kept my sexuality in the shadows. I wanted desperately to keep this private. I saw it as sort of hinderence, something sort of embarrassing. I would try to fool myself into thinking that it wasn't a big deal. Something I could do on the side, something I didn't have to confront, soemthing I could ignore. I didn't see it as a legitimate way of life. I'm really beginning to believe that it is not possible for me to have a relationship that is not based on tickling, as tickling is my sexuality.

I want to turn this fetish into a legitimate way of life.

The community, as it stands now, does not contribute to that. It treats tickling as a deviance, and something that cannot be a significant and legitimate part of the basis for one's whole life. It treats its members, not as multi-dimensional people, but as out of control sex drives, independent of any other facet of life.

Like the gay community before the days of stonewall, we approach our sexuality as something separate from legitimate relationships, from our public life. We are focused on hook-ups. Not dating, not relationships, not marriage. We are not fully addressing or appreciating that this is our sexuality in the way that herterosexuality and homosexuality is, and that if we do not start to build relationships on it, we are depriving ourselves. lying to ourselves.

Most importantly, the community, and TMF especially as the main gathering place for people with our sexuality, is entirely focused on the instant sexual gratification of men. The ads that cover this site, every single subforum, the fact men largely outnumber women here, and the fact that most of the women who do post here are not ticklephiles but tickle-porn actresses, or tickle-prostitues, and that many of the men on here are tickle pimps, make that obvious.

For this reason I have never felt comfortable on this site. I know for a fact that many women ticklephiles feel the same as me. It is difficult to take pride in our sexuality when our community only ever degrades our sexuality. I think the nature of a tickle community that only exists to give men instant sexual gratification, not to mention commodifying women and not treating them as equal and respected members of this community, is setting us back as a people. and we are a people. this isn't a little kink that we have. this is who we are.

It's going to take me a very long time, but I am going to start my own women-friendly tickling forum, which will be focused on community. Women will not be commodified, demeaned, or disrespected. It will be a welcoming place of equality that speaks to women's experiences.

Equally as important, dating and relationships within the community will be encouraged. Tickle sessions, and hookups will be discouraged. escorts, professional dungeon parties, and such will be prohibited.

It might be years until i actually get around to this, but it will happen. It's tme for the tickle community to get out of the closet, the shadows, the gutter, and to start embracing tickling as something as legitimate as vanilla dating and marriage.

 

[boxleitnerb]

Well, tickling IS a fetish and because of that, you have to treat it with a very different approach than vanilla dating and marriage. That doesn't necessarily mean it is a bad thing, not at all. Just look at the big picture:

Maybe I am alone with my opinion in our oversexed society, but I would never dream of blurting out my sexual preferences to all kinds of people just to feel "more-dimensional".

I cannot understand why many people are so...let's say exhibitionist about their sexuality. In my understanding, sex and everything that comes with it is for the partners in the bedroom. Perhaps for the guys to brag about or the women to talk about it with their girlfriends. That's normal.

What I like, what turns me on, what are my innermost carnal desires and fantasies is for my partner and me and is no one else's business. Not strangers in other forums (the TMF is an exception, because it IS a fetish forum for like-minded people), not family (gross!), not friends that aren't close. Not anyone but only the closest circle around me.
How can you be so arrogant (sorry, but it feels like it) to assume that other people are interested in YOUR sex life? You burden them, embarrass them with information they most likely don't want and would never ask for.

If I were you, I would seriously think that over. Tickling is great, it is nothing to be ashamed about. But just like with any other thing related to sexuality, one should be discreet about it. My 2 cents.

 

[blootwentytoo]

actually, within the gibberish, he brings up a few points for me to address. Up until recently, I did see this as "something I liked to do in the bedroom" and not the entirety of my sexuality. I was lying to myself. I was lying to other people. This is as much "something i like to do in the bedroom" as sleeping with the opposite sex is is for vanilla straight people, and sleeping with the same sex is for vanilla lesbian and gay people. Straight people "blurt it out" every minute of every day, and it is not seen as something graphic and intrusive. It is simply their sexuality. Something that is an enormous part of their identity. when i'm not out, i'm pretending to be vanilla. I'm claiming that identity. and it's a lie that i tell in every conversation I join in on about sex, and dating, and relationships.

and, in doing so I not only allow the stigma of kink to persist, but I aid in its illigitimacy. I worry about what will happen when i'm found out, or when i'm forced to come out. I look for vanilla partners, in keeping with the norm, and on occasion have a tickle session with another ticklephile, and then back into the vanilla world for a legitimate relationship, knowing that it will never make me truly happy, but lying about it to myself all the same. no more.

 

[blootwentytoo]

maybe i'll call it the tickling dating forum...time will tell.

 

[blootwentytoo]

*gasp* move over ok cupid - i'm introducing tk cupid.

 

[Backstep]

If this is all there is to my sexuality, then I consider it kind of empty. I enjoy posting here and reading posts and even enjoying the self-gratification that some of the material here provides, sure. But at the end of the day, alone with a lovely woman, I enjoy sex at least as much, and I don't consider it to be something that identifies my entire personality.

Sex is only a part of life, after all. I enjoy science fiction, expensive beer, the NFL, murder mysteries, and classical music. I vote certain ways, believe specific things and wear certain clothes. And I have sexual experiences certain ways as well.

If tickling *is* sex to you, and you want to have relationships based solely around that facet of your personality, which you're doing by calling your site tk cupid, I can't understand how you expect people to have long fulfilling relationships with all other considerations taking second place.

Not to mention the fact that some people like to 'hook up' and then get on with the rest of their lives; in fact that's not even a tickling thing at all. Read the webcomic "Least I Could Do," and look at the forum there and you'll see what I mean.

 

[No_Style]

You're very couragous for standing up for what you believe!

but I agree with this guy...

Well, tickling IS a fetish and because of that, you have to treat it with a very different approach than vanilla dating and marriage. That doesn't necessarily mean it is a bad thing, not at all. Just look at the big picture:

Maybe I am alone with my opinion in our oversexed society, but I would never dream of blurting out my sexual preferences to all kinds of people just to feel "more-dimensional".

I cannot understand why many people are so...let's say exhibitionist about their sexuality. In my understanding, sex and everything that comes with it is for the partners in the bedroom. Perhaps for the guys to brag about or the women to talk about it with their girlfriends. That's normal.

What I like, what turns me on, what are my innermost carnal desires and fantasies is for my partner and me and is no one else's business. Not strangers in other forums (the TMF is an exception, because it IS a fetish forum for like-minded people), not family (gross!), not friends that aren't close. Not anyone but only the closest circle around me.
How can you be so arrogant (sorry, but it feels like it) to assume that other people are interested in YOUR sex life? You burden them, embarrass them with information they most likely don't want and would never ask for.

If I were you, I would seriously think that over. Tickling is great, it is nothing to be ashamed about. But just like with any other thing related to sexuality, one should be discreet about it. My 2 cents.

sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, but it's not for other people to goggle at...it's only for people you trust and are intimate with, in my opinion.

and for the record, I am not a tickle prostitute....

happy to see some debate though!

 

[blootwentytoo]

Well, obviously if i wanted a relationship "just based on tickling" tmf would be the place to look. I mean beyond a few words of introduction, that's all that 98% of the personal ads have to offer.

Obviously there's more to life than tickling. This is why I want to provide a space where tickling ISN'T separated from life. a community that's focused more on the people within it than on men's instant sexual gratification, as i said.

 

[No_Style]

I see...but that would just be a normal date forum, no?

if you do make a 'tk cupid,' people interested in this fetish would go to the site...making it kinda more about tickling than anything else dating related.

Not trying to bash your idea, just saying...

 

[Backstep]

Aren't those ads the source of revenue that keep this place alive?

And this place seems to be what you make of it, anyhow. Sure there's "wank material" for lack of a better phrase, and some trolls and IM hounds, just like anywhere else. But if you're clicking on ads for a relationship, it's probably not the best option anyway. There are some people on here who seem to have become good friends and they treat each other well.

 

[blootwentytoo]

Well, it's just an idea at this point. What the end product will be is far from being worked out. But, ultimately it will at least partially be a dating site for ticklephiles. It will be about dating above all else.

 

[blootwentytoo]

as well as community, and providing a safe space for women, and probably an erotica section as well, which will also be a safe space for women. erotica will possibly be "geared" towards women.

 

[No_Style]

I hope it works well for you, i'm interested to see it in the near future

 

[Backstep]

Seems to me that any internet forum you create can go downhill fast because of the IM hounds, trolls, pr0n, etc.

I think the best way to start is by becoming acquainted with a few of the women here and creating an invite-only web page to start. Then, if things go well, start expanding to some of the men you've gotten to know. That way, you have control over who can join to start, so that later on, if you open it up to the people, there's an established 'culture' and you can more easily manage expectations.

After all, the TMF is the way it is because it's been around almost a decade.

 

[LD_Tickler]

I've never understood people who think that it's good to define themselves or others based on their sexuality. Why would you want your sexuality to be the basis for your whole life?

 

[rhiannon]

I think boxleitner and LD said it all.

Girl, I don't know where you have been, but welcome to the internet! Most guys on here are looking for sex, and even some women! Not only in this forum - which IS a fetish forum! - but everywhere! Yahoo, Facebook, Myspace, you name it!

I don't know why you think this forum is 'women-unfriendly'. I'm a woman, I feel perfectly fine here!

So, what exactly is the problem?

 

[Comfort Eagle]

I've been able to work tickling into my "legitimate, vanilla relationships" for years.

You're probably just doing it wrong. No need to kick up a pride parade because of it.

 

[Myriads]

Interesting post.

Two tickle dating sites have failed since '00, they failed to get critical mass, while this community is large, it's still not big enough to support such site types. Too few spread out to wide.. There was also a females only TK forum site that was designed to be a secure place for women to interact and discuss issues, and I've not heard word from there in a year or two. I sadly believe it is dead/sleeping.

Statements like this:

The fact that most of the women who do post here are not ticklephiles but tickle-porn actresses, or tickle-prostitues,

Has pretty much destroyed any credibility you have with the active females in the community. The vast majority of female posters we have on the TMF are not professional sex workers, but average women who have a true enjoyment of the fetish, and have come to be part of the community. You, with your above statement, have just insulted them pretty significantly.

That is gong to be a hole that is pretty hard to dig out of.

The TMF has always made a point to be welcoming and open to females. Take some time to discuss with the oldest members (any of us that you see with '01 join dates) about how much things have changed here in ten years regarding female activity and participation. We've worked hard to make females feel welcome, and secure here. It was a very different place in '01 when we started and we wanted to change it, and have.

Regarding the ads. They pay for the site so you don't have to. The cost of keeping the forum up is not small. So they are needful. That they are all oriented on male customers is a reality of the marketplace. Men are the majority consumers of adult media, and they get the majority ad attention. Several producers, (Tickle Chicks and Tickle Abuse) have in my eyes produced a lot of material that can appeal to females, but if you speak to both of them (their owners Addie and Tommy are both very active in the clips forum) they will back up that sales lie with catering to the male consumers, who without, they would be dead in the water.

Do the ads make the place less female welcoming? Yes. But they are a needful compromise that we have chosen to make so there will be a site at all.

Equally as important, dating and relationships within the community will be encouraged.

The TMF have been responsible for more weddings and long term relationships then I can currently count. Before we started there was one major gathering in the US (NEST), now there are a dozen or more each year, including the NH gathering, UNY and Bella's Birthday Bash. These are real gatherings where people connect, make friends, and often start relationships that last.

There is a lot that happens on the forum that you don't see unless you are looking at all its parts on a regular basis. And even more happens quietly behind the scenes Our PM usage is amazingly high. The Chat room is almost always active.

I wish you luck with your project. I always welcome an expansion of the community site roster. But the opinions that you have approached the community with in your OP are not fully informed, and pretty insulting to the many many women who are active here on a regular basis. They did not deserve the insult dealt them.

Myriads

 

[Aimee]

Well, obviously if i wanted a relationship "just based on tickling" tmf would be the place to look. I mean beyond a few words of introduction, that's all that 98% of the personal ads have to offer.

Obviously there's more to life than tickling. This is why I want to provide a space where tickling ISN'T separated from life. a community that's focused more on the people within it than on men's instant sexual gratification, as i said.

i think you are looking at the TMF in the wrong light. myriads pretty much just cleared everything up...but this quote right here doesn't make any sense.

have you taken the time to get to know anybody on this forum personally?

 

[ReyaFet]

Hey guys. Just a comment regarding ads and producers. True, I may not be a natural-born ticklephile, but through creating tickling fetish videos (first as a model with other producers and for a few years now producing them myself) I've been turned onto tickling and have since incorporated it into my personal sex life. Yes, I am a "tickle porn actress" and producer, but I thoroughly enjoy engaging in tickling and having the opportunity to make money doing something fun. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Plus, like Myriads said, Psymon and I do contribute a significant amount of money every month to this forum in exchange for our sidebanner ads and subforum. The main reason being that the TMF is the best fetish community I've ever had the pleasure of being a part of. You guys have always been so nice and friendly and respectful.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

actually, within the gibberish, he brings up a few points for me to address.

Do you really expect to have any influence within the confines of this establishment by making snide asides such as this one?

 

[gigglemakr]

These are just some thoughts, the beginning of what I'm hoping to turn into something really grand and wonderful. I know I'll get backlash, and that's ok - that always happens when someone tries to instigate change.

Lately I've come to the conclusion that it is really important for me to start taking pride in my sexuality, and to be as open about it as possible. My entire life, like most of us, I've kept my sexuality in the shadows. I wanted desperately to keep this private. I saw it as sort of hinderence, something sort of embarrassing. I would try to fool myself into thinking that it wasn't a big deal. Something I could do on the side, something I didn't have to confront, soemthing I could ignore. I didn't see it as a legitimate way of life. I'm really beginning to believe that it is not possible for me to have a relationship that is not based on tickling, as tickling is my sexuality.

I want to turn this fetish into a legitimate way of life.

The community, as it stands now, does not contribute to that. It treats tickling as a deviance, and something that cannot be a significant and legitimate part of the basis for one's whole life. It treats its members, not as multi-dimensional people, but as out of control sex drives, independent of any other facet of life.

Like the gay community before the days of stonewall, we approach our sexuality as something separate from legitimate relationships, from our public life. We are focused on hook-ups. Not dating, not relationships, not marriage. We are not fully addressing or appreciating that this is our sexuality in the way that herterosexuality and homosexuality is, and that if we do not start to build relationships on it, we are depriving ourselves. lying to ourselves.

Most importantly, the community, and TMF especially as the main gathering place for people with our sexuality, is entirely focused on the instant sexual gratification of men. The ads that cover this site, every single subforum, the fact men largely outnumber women here, and the fact that most of the women who do post here are not ticklephiles but tickle-porn actresses, or tickle-prostitues, and that many of the men on here are tickle pimps, make that obvious.

For this reason I have never felt comfortable on this site. I know for a fact that many women ticklephiles feel the same as me. It is difficult to take pride in our sexuality when our community only ever degrades our sexuality. I think the nature of a tickle community that only exists to give men instant sexual gratification, not to mention commodifying women and not treating them as equal and respected members of this community, is setting us back as a people. and we are a people. this isn't a little kink that we have. this is who we are.

It's going to take me a very long time, but I am going to start my own women-friendly tickling forum, which will be focused on community. Women will not be commodified, demeaned, or disrespected. It will be a welcoming place of equality that speaks to women's experiences.

Equally as important, dating and relationships within the community will be encouraged. Tickle sessions, and hookups will be discouraged. escorts, professional dungeon parties, and such will be prohibited.

It might be years until i actually get around to this, but it will happen. It's tme for the tickle community to get out of the closet, the shadows, the gutter, and to start embracing tickling as something as legitimate as vanilla dating and marriage.

I doubt that you would make these comments had you ever attended a NEST gathering. NEST is certainly not "woman unfriendly".......not unfriendly in any way to anybody. That said, there's nothing wrong with trying out a "TK Cupid" type site, but I don't see how that will work without quite a change in attitude. Your reference to female TMFrs was insulting.

 

[blootwentytoo]

Interesting post.

Two tickle dating sites have failed since '00, they failed to get critical mass, while this community is large, it's still not big enough to support such site types. Too few spread out to wide.. There was also a females only TK forum site that was designed to be a secure place for women to interact and discuss issues, and I've not heard word from there in a year or two. I sadly believe it is dead/sleeping.

My, how cynical. Contrary to your belief Myriads, you didn't invent our sexuality. These are not your followers. I have first hand testimony that tells me that a lot of them are people with no place else to go.

I don't know how to web design, web host, or even run a forum or dating site, so as I said - don't hold your breath.

But I'm in my mid-twenties, my sexuality is not going away, and I plan on being around for a long time. I plan on the internet being around for a long time too.

Statements like this Has pretty much destroyed any credibility you have with the active females in the community. The vast majority of female posters we have on the TMF are not professional sex workers, but average women who have a true enjoyment of the fetish, and have come to be part of the community. You, with your above statement, have just insulted them pretty significantly. That is gong to be a hole that is pretty hard to dig out of.

Yeah, and good luck with Addie Juniper and them, after assigning so much shame and stigma to their chosen career. lol.

We've worked hard to make females feel welcome, and secure here...It was a very different place in '01 when we started and we wanted to change it, and have.

Not to belabor the point but...specific examples? Is it the page after page of men advertising their stable of chattel for sale? The page after page of stories which include rape scenes and violent language towards women? "the story of the stuck up bitch who got tickle raped (sexually explicit)" The fact that while trying to write about wanting to find a legitimate relationship with another ticklephile on the internet, I'm staring at four pairs of tits? The chat room scene where besides "hi" and "asl?" the conversation is limited to "derrrr what do your feet look like?" or is it the personals and gathering section which, as I said, are solely focused on extracurricular tickling, and not on tickling as a way of life or as a legitimate sexuality?

I wish you luck with your project. I always welcome an expansion of the community site roster.

Thanks. Maybe someone else will beat me to the punch, and if they do I really, really hope that they've listened to my advice, and make on ok cupid themed site that is less degrading to women, and focused on dating and relationships instead of hookups and men's instant sexual gratification.

But the opinions that you have approached the community with in your OP are not fully informed, and pretty insulting to the many many women who are active here on a regular basis. They did not deserve the insult dealt them.

Oh sorry, I guess I just imagined the tickle porn chicks and the tickle prostitutes? No, of course not. Although I completely agree that the women on here do not deserve the insult that's been dealt to them. Nor do I.

 

[No_Style]

Not to belabor the point but...specific examples? Is it the page after page of men advertising their stable of chattel for sale? The page after page of stories which include rape scenes and violent language towards women? "the story of the stuck up bitch who got tickle raped (sexually explicit)" The fact that while trying to write about wanting to find a legitimate relationship with another ticklephile on the internet, I'm staring at four pairs of tits? The chat room scene where besides "hi" and "asl?" the conversation is limited to "derrrr what do your feet look like?" or is it the personals and gathering section which, as I said, are solely focused on extracurricular tickling, and not on tickling as a way of life or as a legitimate sexuality?

Myraids explained the ads, and why they're there. you're getting a bit carried away

 

[Backstep]

If you don't like it here, learn how to create your own webpage and make it invite-only. Start your own chatroom.

If you think some material goes far enough to break laws or rules, send a message to the moderators and see what they say.

If you don't like getting IM's, block people who are too rude/silly for your liking.

If you don't like the banner ads, either shrink the window so you don't have to see them or offer to pay for the operation of the TMF yourself.

Sheesh!