How to get rid of shyness/fetish shame?

[scorpionldr]

I have been trying to make things happen for a while. I'm currently losing weight. I'm trying to socialize more. But generally I still feel like if I come out to girls, if I ask them out more frequently, if I let on that I have a tickle fetish, I'll get shamed for it more often.

What's the way to get through these habits of stinking thinking?

 

[Bothersome]

Well, my take on it is that your fetish is generally one of the more... personal aspects of life. For instance, I certainly wouldn't group it among things like your favorite hard candy, or favorite musician, so it's probably not something that I'd drop in on the first date.

My wonderful girlfriend shares my fetish, so I am a touch biased in this regard, but I'd like to think that most people would be fairly accepting of it, or at least tolerant. You always run the risk of being with a girl who's simply not turned on by tickling. But, if she's a real catch, then she may even take your side of it into consideration and indulge your fetish a little. Tickling is so innocent by itself that it's often used as foreplay anyways, so it's not like it's a particularly strange fetish to have.

Overall, I'd say don't sweat it. Overthinking this is gonna screw you over more than anything else, so just don't think about it. If you want to jump into the dating pool, that's all well and good, but I wouldn't make your fetish a priority if you want to have much luck out there. We're a fairly large community, but the odds of running into a girl with this fetish out there at random is... not encouraging.

Just jump into it. Go on dates. Have fun. Find someone you connect with.

Don't worry about anything else until you actually have a relationship.

You should probably take this with a grain of salt, though. I've never formally dated anyone, and my relationships from past to present have all begun rather... unconventionally.

 

[GQguy]

Bothersome is spot on.

Might be boring advice but here's mine.

Attract the women first. Date them. Get to know them. Get physical with them...and tickle them! Simple. No need to have this sit down conversation about tickling. No one wants that! Just incorporate it into play. She'll get the hint loud and clear.

Her: *hmmm, everytime he tickles me we end up having a hot make out session followed by a great hookup!

Worry about attracting women. That's the tough part. Women are extremely open to new things when it comes to a man they're attracted to. Less so when it comes to a man they are neutral towards. And downright insulting when it comes to men they're not attracted to.

Good luck. And congrats on losing weight. You're moving in the right direction.

 

[scorpionldr]

Ok this is my third attempt to try and explain on an iPhone to this forum so I'm just going to say it; I have no approach skills. No skills other than bothering women online and tickling them. I don't know how to get hair/tickling fetishes out of my head. It's driving me insane because any time in public I see someone I think about the things I'd want to do, meanwhile I can't because its not like looking at tits/trying to get anything else.

And this combination is where I just have way too much anxiety I don't know how to resolve.

And on the few occasions I go out and ask girls and get #s it comes off like they're trying to save face/avoid being generalized when they give their numbers and can barely hold a conversation with a guy: I don't want to judge anything but more often than not I feel played, not even sure how to.....play the game back.

 

[chicago]

The reason you're so obsessed with it is because you don't allow yourself to indulge since the feelings are overwhelming and they thus make you ashamed because you feel different from others, but that way of thinking / acting is a cycle that just kinda keeps going until you try something new.

I realize I'm a girl and maybe my way of going about it won't apply, but I pretty much figured that in the grand scheme of things, tickling is not a big deal. I mean, I don't like being burned or electrocuted or hung upside down from hooks in my knees or being pissed on or fucking animals, so it's like really... how embarrassed should you be? If it makes you happy, why hold yourself back from getting what you want?

I tend to bring up the subject after about 2 or 3 dates, give or take, if I feel like things are going well so far. I avoid the word 'fetish' since that translates into 'mental issue' or something in the vanilla's brain, and I make it seem like it's not a big deal, just something fun, that I'm into. I've never gotten a bad reaction (although I'm a girl who likes to be tickled so I know that's a bit easier to ask of someone than "hey can i tie you down and torture you") however, if I was in that situation again and there was a negative reaction, at least I know I brought it up early enough to move on to someone else without all kinds of emotions being involved.

The more you talk about it, go to gatherings, indulge yourself, the less ashamed / obsessed you will feel.

True story.

 

[scorpionldr]

The reason you're so obsessed with it is because you don't allow yourself to indulge since the feelings are overwhelming and they thus make you ashamed because you feel different from others, but that way of thinking / acting is a cycle that just kinda keeps going until you try something new.

I realize I'm a girl and maybe my way of going about it won't apply, but I pretty much figured that in the grand scheme of things, tickling is not a big deal. I mean, I don't like being burned or electrocuted or hung upside down from hooks in my knees or being pissed on or fucking animals, so it's like really... how embarrassed should you be? If it makes you happy, why hold yourself back from getting what you want?

I tend to bring up the subject after about 2 or 3 dates, give or take, if I feel like things are going well so far. I avoid the word 'fetish' since that translates into 'mental issue' or something in the vanilla's brain, and I make it seem like it's not a big deal, just something fun, that I'm into. I've never gotten a bad reaction (although I'm a girl who likes to be tickled so I know that's a bit easier to ask of someone than "hey can i tie you down and torture you") however, if I was in that situation again and there was a negative reaction, at least I know I brought it up early enough to move on to someone else without all kinds of emotions being involved.

The more you talk about it, go to gatherings, indulge yourself, the less ashamed / obsessed you will feel.

True story.

Yea.....ok so lets talk indulgence first. I work A LOT between going to school work or the gym, and in consequence I leave home very rarely. So it's rough. Also I love in jersey which is not a hotspot for obvious reasons (I know musicroxmysox from college, ironically).

As far as dating goes.....I try to set the bomb off immediately otherwise I just get down on myself. Then again I know I'm the one and done date king so I know something has to be resolved. I appreciate hearing from you.

 

[Bothersome]

I can almost guarantee you that fetishes are not a first-date topic.

Unless, of course, you already know about eachother's kinks. Then maybe.

 

[scorpionldr]

I can almost guarantee you that fetishes are not a first-date topic.

Unless, of course, you already know about eachother's kinks. Then maybe.

So what if the girl asks me? What should I say? "Get back to you in three dates". Or "I'll show you"?

 

[Bothersome]

If a girl asks you, then go ahead.

But that scenario's gonna roll out on a first date like... one time out of ten, maybe. And that'd be a pretty exciting first date. The only dates I've ever been on started with small-talk and superficial crap, and then ended with small-talk and superficial crap. Fetishes were probably right along side 'do you crumple or fold your toilet paper before wiping' in terms of priority.

 

[scorpionldr]

If a girl asks you, then go ahead.

But that scenario's gonna roll out on a first date like... one time out of ten, maybe. And that'd be a pretty exciting first date. The only dates I've ever been on started with small-talk and superficial crap, and then ended with small-talk and superficial crap. Fetishes were probably right along side 'do you crumple or fold your toilet paper before wiping' in terms of priority.

Lol well toilet paper was of no concern; it was "so you wanna make me laugh huh"

 

[Bohemianne]

Choose a very very broad-minded person to share perversions with. It will be easier.

 

[GQguy]

If a girl asks you, then go ahead.

But that scenario's gonna roll out on a first date like... one time out of ten, maybe.

Not gonna happen.

 

[Bothersome]

Honestly, I find that my shared fetish with my girlfriend, while convenient, is a fairly trivial aspect to our relationship. We don't care about each other because of it, and I know that we'd both still love each other if one of us didn't have it, so it's never been all that important to me.

We met because of it, and we bonded through it, but it doesn't define our relationship by any means.

Now, maybe I'm wrong here, but any relationship that's based around a fetish seems... shallow. That's just how I view it, anyways.

 

[chicago]

At this point in my life tickling is hella important. I couldn't be with someone that didn't enjoy it on the same level as me. I also need qualities like honesty, kindness, sense of humor, intelligence, blahblahblah but I don't think it's shameful to say if the other person isn't into it, it's a deal breaker.

 

[Jagermeistered]

So what if the girl asks me? What should I say? "Get back to you in three dates". Or "I'll show you"?

If a girl asks you about your kink on the first date, she is obviously somewhat intrigued or attracted to you. Also, you do not have to "show her." Why not be mysterious about it? For instance, ask her, "do you like to laugh?" Basically, use the 'ends' of your fetish to create curiosity, and not the means.

 

[locker669]

What everyone said.

 

[scorpionldr]

Honestly, I find that my shared fetish with my girlfriend, while convenient, is a fairly trivial aspect to our relationship. We don't care about each other because of it, and I know that we'd both still love each other if one of us didn't have it, so it's never been all that important to me.

We met because of it, and we bonded through it, but it doesn't define our relationship by any means.

Now, maybe I'm wrong here, but any relationship that's based around a fetish seems... shallow. That's just how I view it, anyways.

Maybe at this point I am shallow; I don't give a damn about the whole boyfriend/girlfriend labeling of relationships, I sure as hell don't want kids, I don't want a marriage........I have a pretty deficient sex life, and considering how many years it took to get as jaded as I am about the whole machine of human relations, it'll probably take that same amount to gain some actual security.

Not gonna happen.

thus far, has happened.

At this point in my life tickling is hella important. I couldn't be with someone that didn't enjoy it on the same level as me. I also need qualities like honesty, kindness, sense of humor, intelligence, blahblahblah but I don't think it's shameful to say if the other person isn't into it, it's a deal breaker.

I feel that.

If a girl asks you about your kink on the first date, she is obviously somewhat intrigued or attracted to you. Also, you do not have to "show her." Why not be mysterious about it? For instance, ask her, "do you like to laugh?" Basically, use the 'ends' of your fetish to create curiosity, and not the means.

I hear you; I started social networking on a particular site that has an "ask questions anonymously" feature, and started basically trying as many varying levels of structuring the question to come off from quizzical, to curious, to downright creepy about tickling. My conclusion: the only time someone's going to be truly offended is if you ask to give them raspberries right off the bat. Other methods tho are pretty......casual, I guess we'd put it.

So I guess now I have a better idea of the limits.

 

[Bothersome]

Honestly, I couldn't date a girl if I knew she was only interested in me for my fetish.

But, this is your choice, ultimately. I gave my advice.

 

[scorpionldr]

Honestly, I couldn't date a girl if I knew she was only interested in me for my fetish.

But, this is your choice, ultimately. I gave my advice.

I DID date a girl who was basically into the same stuff I was, and we kinda fell together in terms of interests...........and then she turned out to be insane.

 

[Jagermeistered]

I DID date a girl who was basically into the same stuff I was, and we kinda fell together in terms of interests...........and then she turned out to be insane.

Having any kind of fetish represents a minority. Some people are highly intrigued, and can maintain self-control. Others, well, no such luck...

 

[Bothersome]

I DID date a girl who was basically into the same stuff I was, and we kinda fell together in terms of interests...........and then she turned out to be insane.

Well, that's a bit different. There's a difference between being with someone who just shares your fetish, and being with someone who you only care for their fetish.

And all women are insane. Some just know how to hide it better than others.

 

[Jagermeistered]

And all women are insane.

-Bothersome

Come on now... Not all women are insane. A lot are quite tolerable, and they find some men quite tolerable as well. I think it has to deal with with complex platitudes.

 

[Bothersome]

-Bothersome

Come on now... Not all women are insane. A lot are quite tolerable, and they find some men quite tolerable as well. I think it has to deal with with complex platitudes.

It was more of a joke, actually.

Although I would be willing to argue in all seriousness that there are some female thought processes that are irrevocably alien in nature to me.

Like high heels. Come on. What's the deal with that.

 

[Mane'o]

I applaud the fashion custom of women in high heels. Makes their walk wiggle so sweetly from behind. As long as they don't wear heels all the time which can deform otherwise lovely feet.

But to the point of this thread. The OP is confusing me. Exactly what sort of relationship are you looking for? If you choose to be a one trick pony solely focused on tickling, the pickings will be slim. And if that is the case, you might consider getting your tickling by paying for it - same way those ho just want to be with a woman for sex pay for it. If you want a relationship that has more than just tickling, then focus on the other things and let the tickling emerge.

 

[scorpionldr]

Having any kind of fetish represents a minority. Some people are highly intrigued, and can maintain self-control. Others, well, no such luck...

Well this girl had told me she was on disability, somewhere along the line I heard it was for depression (I never really questioned it and assumed it was like workmans comp).

The date was interesting, even tho I noticed she had scars on her wrists (like little horizontal scratches)
We went to the movies; up til then she was smiling about knowing I liked to tickle, so I can't say that felt like a bad thing. She gave me the inviting look and I took her up ok it; she enjoyed it more than I anticipated .

She gave a hug and kiss while leaving; I couldn't do much more than shrug my shoulders; I honestly thought I found the one.

All this I would've tried to do my best to help her through; a couple days later she told me she got assaulted (in the obvious manner) by some guy and disappeared.

I know she came through it alive; I saw something implying she went gay and gave up tickling.

That was the first and only. Warning I needed going forward to realize I have to realize the potential for problems and that I needed to carefully see who can handle this or not.

Some women are crazy. But I was stupid.