(From Roger Ebert's Glossary of Movie Terms)
Antiheroine Skin Rule -- In a Dead Teenager Movie, the girl who exposes the least skin is inevitably the only survivor.
Back Seat Inviso-Syndrome -- Film characters are invariably unable to see a person crouched in the back seat of a car (even a convertible) when, in the real world, it is an impossible place for a person to hide.
Climbing Villain -- Villains being chased at the end of a movie inevitably disregard all common sense and begin climbing up something——a staircase, a church tower, a mountain—thereby trapping themselves at the top.
Dead Teenager Movie -- Generic term for any movie primarily concerned with killing teenagers, without regard for logic, plot, performance, humor, etc. Often imitated, never worse than in the FRIDAY THE 13TH sequels. Required complete loss of common sense on the part of the characters. Sample dialogue: "All of our friends have been found horribly mutilated. It is midnight and we are miles from help. Hey, let's take off our clothes, walk through the dark woods, and go skinny-dipping!"
Detour Rule -- In any thriller, it is an absolute certainty that every road detour sign is a subterfuge to kidnap the occupants of a car.
Engine Equalization Law -- Movie phenomenon which allows a 100hp Escort to outrun a 300hp Corvette, or vice versa, and allows large, lumbering Cadillac stretch limousines filled with bad guys to keep up with heroes in exotic sports cars.
Fallacy of the Predictable Tree -- The logical error committed every time the good guy is able to predict exactly what the bad guy is going to do. For example, in FIRST BLOOD, law enforcement officials are searching the woods for John Rambo. A cop pauses under a tree. Rambo drops on him. Question: Out of all the trees in the forest, how did Rambo know which one the guy would pause under?
Fallacy of the Talking Killer -- The villain wants to kill the hero. He has him cornered at gunpoint. All he has to do is pull the trigger. But he always talks first. He explains the hero's mistakes to him. Jeers. Laughs. And gives the hero time to think his way out of the situation, or be rescued by his buddy. Cf. most JAMES BOND movies.
Falling Villain, The -- At the end of virtually every action-adventure movie, the villain must fall from a great height onto a hard surface. If possible, the villain should crash backward through a plateglass window and land on an automobile.
Far-Off Rattle Movies -- Movies in which the climactic scene is shot in a deserted warehouse, where far-off rattles punctuate the silence.
First Rule of Repetition of Names -- When the same names are repeated in a movie more than four times a minute for more than three minutes in a row, the audience breaks out into sarcastic laughter, and some of the ruder members are likely to start shouting "Kirsty!" and "Tiffany!" at the screen. (Cf. HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II.)
Hand-in-Hand Rule -- In many Hollywood action pictures, the woman characters are incapable of fleeing from danger unless dragged by a strong man, who takes the woman's hand and pulls her along meekly behind him. This convention is so strong it appears even in films where it makes no sense, such as SHEENA, in which a jungle woman who has ruled the savage beasts since infancy is pulled along by a TV anchorman fresh off the plane.
Idiot Plot -- Any plot containing problems which would be solved instantly if all of the characters were not idiots.
Kinetic Energy Amplification Phenomenon -- In scenes involving gunplay, the kinetic energy of the bullets will be enormously amplified as they strike the victim, enabling him to be hurled great distances and through objects. This phenomenon is particularly common around windows and balconies, especially in high-rise buildings.
Law of Canine/Feline Superperception -- Household pets can unerringly detect and react to the presence of ghosts, aliens or other nonhuman entities. Their warnings are invariably ignored.
Law of Economy of Characters -- Movie budgets make it impossible for any film to contain unnecessary characters. Therefore, all characters in a movie are necessary to the story—even those who do not seem to be. Sophisticated viewers can use this Law to deduce the identity of a person being kept secret by the movie's plot: This "mystery" person is always the only character in the movie who seems otherwise extraneous. Cf. the friendly neighbor in THE WOMAN IN WHITE. (See also Unmotivated Closeup)
Mad Slasher Movies -- Movies starring a mad-dog killer who runs amok, slashing all of the other characters. The killer is frequently masked (as in HALLOWEEN and FRIDAY THE 13TH), not because a serious actor would be ashamed to be seen in the role, but because then no actor at all is required; the only skills necessary are the ability to wear a mask and wield a machete.
Mirror Gimmick -- Tired old cinemagraphic trick in which we think we are seeing a character, but then the camera pans and we realize we were only looking in a mirror.
Myopia Rule -- Little girls who wear glasses in the movies always tell the truth. Little boys who wear glasses in the movies always lie.
Myth of the Seemingly Ordinary Day -- The day begins like any other, with a man getting up, having breakfast, reading the paper, leaving the house, etc. His activities are so uneventful they are boring. That is the tip-off. No genuine ordinary day can be allowed to be boring in a movie. Only seemingly ordinary days—which inevitably lead up to a shocking scene of violence, which punctuates the seeming ordinariness.
Nah Reflex -- Character sees someone but can't believe his eyes, so shakes his head and says "Nah." Inevitably it is the person it couldn't be.
Near-Miss Kiss -- The hero and heroine are about to kiss. Their lips are a quarter of an inch apart——but then they're interrupted.
Newton's Laws Repealed -- In which action becomes mysteriously decoupled from reaction, usually in connection with a firearm. Typically, a bullet from the hero's handgun lifts the villain off his feet and hurls him backward (often through one of those ubiquitous plate glass windows that cars like to drive through) while the hero doesn't budge a millimeter. (Action equals reaction, right? The hero should be hurled backward with equal force.)
One-at-a-time Attack Rule -- In any situation where the hero is alone, surrounded by dozens of bad guys, they will always obligingly attack one at a time. (See any Schwarzenegger movie.)
Pops Principle, The -- In movies with teenage characters, there is usually a character named Pops who runs the local hang-out or dance club.
Principle of Evil Marksmanship -- The bad guys are always lousy shots in the movies. Three villains with Uzzis will go after the hero, spraying thousands of rounds which miss him, after which he picks them off with a handgun.
Principle of Pedestrian Pathology -- Whenever a character on foot is being pursued by one in a car, the pedestrian inevitably makes the mistake of running down the middle of the street, instead of ducking down a narrow alley, into a building, behind a telephone pole, etc. All that saves such pedestrians is the fact that in such scenes the character on foot can always outrun the car.
Principle of Selective Lethality -- The lethality of a weapon varies, depending on the situation. A single arrow will drop a stampeding bison in its tracks, but it takes five or six to kill an important character. A single bullet will always kill an extra on the spot, but it takes dozens to bring down the hero.
Quick Recovery Syndrome -- Any person critical to the movie's sequel (such as the hero's buddy) can be on the edge of death throughout the film, but by the end of the movie recovers fully. See BEVERLY HILLS COP II, where Ronny Cox is shot in the heart at point-blank range but is ready to leave the hospital within 72 hours, or LICENCE TO KILL, where Bond's newlywed buddy loses the lower half of his body to a shark, but is joking at the film's end.
Rising Sidewalk -- No female character in an action film can flee more than 50 feet before falling flat on her face. Someone then has to go back and help her up, while the monster/villain/enemy gains ground.
Rock Candy Postulate -- No hero is ever cut by glass while leaping through windows.
Rule of Chronic Tunnel Vision -- In a horror movie, the character being stalked has vision limited to the camera's field of view. Therefore, anyone coming at any angle not directly ahead will invariably scare the living daylights out of him or her.
Seeing-Eye Man -- Function performed by most men in Hollywood feature films. Involves a series of shots in which
(1) the man sees something,
(2) he points it out to the woman,
(3) she then sees it too, often nodding in agreement, gratitude, amusement, or relief.
Seven-Minute Rule -- In the age of the seven-minute attention span (inspired by the average length between TV commercials), action movies aimed at teenagers are constructed out of several seven-minute segments. At the end of each segment, another teenager is dead. When all the teenagers are dead (or, if you arrived in the middle, when the same dead teenager turns up twice), the movie is over.
Sex-Specific Disintegrating Outfit -- When the male and female characters in a trashy action movie go to hell and back, only the woman's clothing begins to disintegrate.
Still Out There Somewhere -- Obligatory phrase in Dead Teenager and Mad Slasher Movies, where it is triggered by the words, "The body was never found. They say he/she is..."
Technopyromania -- Affliction that compels filmmakers and special effects people to depict the malfunction of computers as being accompanied by smoke, flames, showers of pyrotechnic sparks, frenzied flashing lights, and wildly spinning tape drives spewing tape into the air.
Turning a Deaf Ear -- Movie heroes squeeze off hundreds of rounds of ammo but suffer no hearing loss. For example, RAMBO II, where Rambo enters a metal warehouse and runs an entire belt of ammo through his M-60 machine gun. Afterwards he carries on a whispered conversation with the evil CIA man in another room.
Turtle Effect -- Once a character is knocked down, they just lie there as if unable to get up. Cf. Sigourney Weaver in ALIEN.
Undead Dead -- In horror movies, whenever the killer is killed, he is never dead. This rule is as old as the movies, but was given its modern shape in HALLOWEEN (1978) when the killer arose from apparent destruction to jump up behind Jamie Lee Curtis. Since then, all of the Dead Teen-ager Movies, most of the BOND pictures, and many other thrillers have used a false climax, in which the villain is killed—only to spring up for a final threat. In an ordinary thriller, the cliché of the Undead Dead is part of the game—but its use in FATAL ATTRACTION was unforgivable.
Unmotivated Close-up -- A character is given a close-up in a scene where there seems to be no reason for it. This is an infallible tip-off that this character is more significant than at first appears, and is most likely the killer. See the lingering close-up of the undercover KGB agent near the beginning of THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER.
"Wait Right Here" Scenario -- The scene in a movie where one character, almost always a male character, tells another character, almost always a woman, "Now, you just wait right here in the car. Whatever you do, DO NOT follow me into that warehouse." Inevitably, the dumb and helpless woman goes into the warehouse, is captured by the villain and rescued by the hero.
Weak-Ankled Female Syndrome, The -- Whenever a man and woman are on the run, the woman inevitably falls and sprains her ankle. As a result, the man must drag or carry her and their progress is slowed, stalled or halted.
X-Ray Driver -- In many thrillers, the hero crashes his car or truck through the window or wall of a building at the precise time and place to allow him to rescue a victim or kill the bad guys. How can he see through the walls to know exactly where his car will emerge? Why doesn't he ever drive into a load-bearing beam?
Antiheroine Skin Rule -- In a Dead Teenager Movie, the girl who exposes the least skin is inevitably the only survivor.
Back Seat Inviso-Syndrome -- Film characters are invariably unable to see a person crouched in the back seat of a car (even a convertible) when, in the real world, it is an impossible place for a person to hide.
Climbing Villain -- Villains being chased at the end of a movie inevitably disregard all common sense and begin climbing up something——a staircase, a church tower, a mountain—thereby trapping themselves at the top.
Dead Teenager Movie -- Generic term for any movie primarily concerned with killing teenagers, without regard for logic, plot, performance, humor, etc. Often imitated, never worse than in the FRIDAY THE 13TH sequels. Required complete loss of common sense on the part of the characters. Sample dialogue: "All of our friends have been found horribly mutilated. It is midnight and we are miles from help. Hey, let's take off our clothes, walk through the dark woods, and go skinny-dipping!"
Detour Rule -- In any thriller, it is an absolute certainty that every road detour sign is a subterfuge to kidnap the occupants of a car.
Engine Equalization Law -- Movie phenomenon which allows a 100hp Escort to outrun a 300hp Corvette, or vice versa, and allows large, lumbering Cadillac stretch limousines filled with bad guys to keep up with heroes in exotic sports cars.
Fallacy of the Predictable Tree -- The logical error committed every time the good guy is able to predict exactly what the bad guy is going to do. For example, in FIRST BLOOD, law enforcement officials are searching the woods for John Rambo. A cop pauses under a tree. Rambo drops on him. Question: Out of all the trees in the forest, how did Rambo know which one the guy would pause under?
Fallacy of the Talking Killer -- The villain wants to kill the hero. He has him cornered at gunpoint. All he has to do is pull the trigger. But he always talks first. He explains the hero's mistakes to him. Jeers. Laughs. And gives the hero time to think his way out of the situation, or be rescued by his buddy. Cf. most JAMES BOND movies.
Falling Villain, The -- At the end of virtually every action-adventure movie, the villain must fall from a great height onto a hard surface. If possible, the villain should crash backward through a plateglass window and land on an automobile.
Far-Off Rattle Movies -- Movies in which the climactic scene is shot in a deserted warehouse, where far-off rattles punctuate the silence.
First Rule of Repetition of Names -- When the same names are repeated in a movie more than four times a minute for more than three minutes in a row, the audience breaks out into sarcastic laughter, and some of the ruder members are likely to start shouting "Kirsty!" and "Tiffany!" at the screen. (Cf. HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II.)
Hand-in-Hand Rule -- In many Hollywood action pictures, the woman characters are incapable of fleeing from danger unless dragged by a strong man, who takes the woman's hand and pulls her along meekly behind him. This convention is so strong it appears even in films where it makes no sense, such as SHEENA, in which a jungle woman who has ruled the savage beasts since infancy is pulled along by a TV anchorman fresh off the plane.
Idiot Plot -- Any plot containing problems which would be solved instantly if all of the characters were not idiots.
Kinetic Energy Amplification Phenomenon -- In scenes involving gunplay, the kinetic energy of the bullets will be enormously amplified as they strike the victim, enabling him to be hurled great distances and through objects. This phenomenon is particularly common around windows and balconies, especially in high-rise buildings.
Law of Canine/Feline Superperception -- Household pets can unerringly detect and react to the presence of ghosts, aliens or other nonhuman entities. Their warnings are invariably ignored.
Law of Economy of Characters -- Movie budgets make it impossible for any film to contain unnecessary characters. Therefore, all characters in a movie are necessary to the story—even those who do not seem to be. Sophisticated viewers can use this Law to deduce the identity of a person being kept secret by the movie's plot: This "mystery" person is always the only character in the movie who seems otherwise extraneous. Cf. the friendly neighbor in THE WOMAN IN WHITE. (See also Unmotivated Closeup)
Mad Slasher Movies -- Movies starring a mad-dog killer who runs amok, slashing all of the other characters. The killer is frequently masked (as in HALLOWEEN and FRIDAY THE 13TH), not because a serious actor would be ashamed to be seen in the role, but because then no actor at all is required; the only skills necessary are the ability to wear a mask and wield a machete.
Mirror Gimmick -- Tired old cinemagraphic trick in which we think we are seeing a character, but then the camera pans and we realize we were only looking in a mirror.
Myopia Rule -- Little girls who wear glasses in the movies always tell the truth. Little boys who wear glasses in the movies always lie.
Myth of the Seemingly Ordinary Day -- The day begins like any other, with a man getting up, having breakfast, reading the paper, leaving the house, etc. His activities are so uneventful they are boring. That is the tip-off. No genuine ordinary day can be allowed to be boring in a movie. Only seemingly ordinary days—which inevitably lead up to a shocking scene of violence, which punctuates the seeming ordinariness.
Nah Reflex -- Character sees someone but can't believe his eyes, so shakes his head and says "Nah." Inevitably it is the person it couldn't be.
Near-Miss Kiss -- The hero and heroine are about to kiss. Their lips are a quarter of an inch apart——but then they're interrupted.
Newton's Laws Repealed -- In which action becomes mysteriously decoupled from reaction, usually in connection with a firearm. Typically, a bullet from the hero's handgun lifts the villain off his feet and hurls him backward (often through one of those ubiquitous plate glass windows that cars like to drive through) while the hero doesn't budge a millimeter. (Action equals reaction, right? The hero should be hurled backward with equal force.)
One-at-a-time Attack Rule -- In any situation where the hero is alone, surrounded by dozens of bad guys, they will always obligingly attack one at a time. (See any Schwarzenegger movie.)
Pops Principle, The -- In movies with teenage characters, there is usually a character named Pops who runs the local hang-out or dance club.
Principle of Evil Marksmanship -- The bad guys are always lousy shots in the movies. Three villains with Uzzis will go after the hero, spraying thousands of rounds which miss him, after which he picks them off with a handgun.
Principle of Pedestrian Pathology -- Whenever a character on foot is being pursued by one in a car, the pedestrian inevitably makes the mistake of running down the middle of the street, instead of ducking down a narrow alley, into a building, behind a telephone pole, etc. All that saves such pedestrians is the fact that in such scenes the character on foot can always outrun the car.
Principle of Selective Lethality -- The lethality of a weapon varies, depending on the situation. A single arrow will drop a stampeding bison in its tracks, but it takes five or six to kill an important character. A single bullet will always kill an extra on the spot, but it takes dozens to bring down the hero.
Quick Recovery Syndrome -- Any person critical to the movie's sequel (such as the hero's buddy) can be on the edge of death throughout the film, but by the end of the movie recovers fully. See BEVERLY HILLS COP II, where Ronny Cox is shot in the heart at point-blank range but is ready to leave the hospital within 72 hours, or LICENCE TO KILL, where Bond's newlywed buddy loses the lower half of his body to a shark, but is joking at the film's end.
Rising Sidewalk -- No female character in an action film can flee more than 50 feet before falling flat on her face. Someone then has to go back and help her up, while the monster/villain/enemy gains ground.
Rock Candy Postulate -- No hero is ever cut by glass while leaping through windows.
Rule of Chronic Tunnel Vision -- In a horror movie, the character being stalked has vision limited to the camera's field of view. Therefore, anyone coming at any angle not directly ahead will invariably scare the living daylights out of him or her.
Seeing-Eye Man -- Function performed by most men in Hollywood feature films. Involves a series of shots in which
(1) the man sees something,
(2) he points it out to the woman,
(3) she then sees it too, often nodding in agreement, gratitude, amusement, or relief.
Seven-Minute Rule -- In the age of the seven-minute attention span (inspired by the average length between TV commercials), action movies aimed at teenagers are constructed out of several seven-minute segments. At the end of each segment, another teenager is dead. When all the teenagers are dead (or, if you arrived in the middle, when the same dead teenager turns up twice), the movie is over.
Sex-Specific Disintegrating Outfit -- When the male and female characters in a trashy action movie go to hell and back, only the woman's clothing begins to disintegrate.
Still Out There Somewhere -- Obligatory phrase in Dead Teenager and Mad Slasher Movies, where it is triggered by the words, "The body was never found. They say he/she is..."
Technopyromania -- Affliction that compels filmmakers and special effects people to depict the malfunction of computers as being accompanied by smoke, flames, showers of pyrotechnic sparks, frenzied flashing lights, and wildly spinning tape drives spewing tape into the air.
Turning a Deaf Ear -- Movie heroes squeeze off hundreds of rounds of ammo but suffer no hearing loss. For example, RAMBO II, where Rambo enters a metal warehouse and runs an entire belt of ammo through his M-60 machine gun. Afterwards he carries on a whispered conversation with the evil CIA man in another room.
Turtle Effect -- Once a character is knocked down, they just lie there as if unable to get up. Cf. Sigourney Weaver in ALIEN.
Undead Dead -- In horror movies, whenever the killer is killed, he is never dead. This rule is as old as the movies, but was given its modern shape in HALLOWEEN (1978) when the killer arose from apparent destruction to jump up behind Jamie Lee Curtis. Since then, all of the Dead Teen-ager Movies, most of the BOND pictures, and many other thrillers have used a false climax, in which the villain is killed—only to spring up for a final threat. In an ordinary thriller, the cliché of the Undead Dead is part of the game—but its use in FATAL ATTRACTION was unforgivable.
Unmotivated Close-up -- A character is given a close-up in a scene where there seems to be no reason for it. This is an infallible tip-off that this character is more significant than at first appears, and is most likely the killer. See the lingering close-up of the undercover KGB agent near the beginning of THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER.
"Wait Right Here" Scenario -- The scene in a movie where one character, almost always a male character, tells another character, almost always a woman, "Now, you just wait right here in the car. Whatever you do, DO NOT follow me into that warehouse." Inevitably, the dumb and helpless woman goes into the warehouse, is captured by the villain and rescued by the hero.
Weak-Ankled Female Syndrome, The -- Whenever a man and woman are on the run, the woman inevitably falls and sprains her ankle. As a result, the man must drag or carry her and their progress is slowed, stalled or halted.
X-Ray Driver -- In many thrillers, the hero crashes his car or truck through the window or wall of a building at the precise time and place to allow him to rescue a victim or kill the bad guys. How can he see through the walls to know exactly where his car will emerge? Why doesn't he ever drive into a load-bearing beam?
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