Okay, so I'm hoping for your guys help to why I feel this way. So basically, since in my early teens I realized that tickling turns me on really easily. *sorry if this is personal* But right when I started fantasizing sexy scenarios, I would think about being tickled helplessly by a hot sexy guy, and I would get turned on SO quickly from it. Eventually I turned to the internet and enjoyed watching people being tied down in bondage and tickled relentlessly. Just letting you know, I am a straight girl. I can get somewhat turned on by watching guys get tickled.. But not much. I get the horniest when I watch videos of girls being tickled, because I imagine myself in their situation and it turns me on.
Now this is the weird part. So I have kept my fetish a secret for a really long time bc I am afraid people will judge me for it, but also because I also think I have this strange deep fear of being tickled. Like, the thought of being tied up and tickled without mercy for a long time terrifies me. For example, whenever a family member or friend tries to tickle me I FREAK OUT and run as fast as I can in the opposite direction like I literally can't stand the thought of it. Like a part of me would rather stap myself and die then be tickled and have no way at all to escape it... But at the same time, thinking about being tickled or watching or reading tickle stories brings me a lot of joy (if that sounds weird sorry lol) and it turns me on SO much. Oh i should probably mention that it only turns me on with the idea of ME being tickled.. The idea of me tickling someone else doesn't excite me nearly as much. I am just confused why I am so conflicted here.
One reason I have been thinking as to why I am afraid of being tied down and tickled is the concept of loss of control and not being able to control things, and that scares the hell out of me. But maybe at the same time loss of control turns me on?? Idk my mind is so confusing.
Another thing I was thinking of is maybe I will only accept boyfriends tickling me (none really have in the past so I wouldn't know for sure), because I see tickling in a very sexual way. And maybe that's why I get especially freaked out when my family members or strictly friends try to tickle me? Bc I see it sexually.. But idk...
Anyone know why I am like this? I love tickling and the idea of being tickled, but I am afraid of ACTUALLY being tickled and try to avoid bc it scares me? I figured this was the best place to ask.. Anyone experience this? Should I try to overcome my fear or something? Is actually being tickled enjoyable? I'm just confused and trying to figure out my fetish/fear. Any advice? And sorry if this was rlly long I just needed to let this out:/
Now this is the weird part. So I have kept my fetish a secret for a really long time bc I am afraid people will judge me for it, but also because I also think I have this strange deep fear of being tickled. Like, the thought of being tied up and tickled without mercy for a long time terrifies me. For example, whenever a family member or friend tries to tickle me I FREAK OUT and run as fast as I can in the opposite direction like I literally can't stand the thought of it. Like a part of me would rather stap myself and die then be tickled and have no way at all to escape it... But at the same time, thinking about being tickled or watching or reading tickle stories brings me a lot of joy (if that sounds weird sorry lol) and it turns me on SO much. Oh i should probably mention that it only turns me on with the idea of ME being tickled.. The idea of me tickling someone else doesn't excite me nearly as much. I am just confused why I am so conflicted here.
One reason I have been thinking as to why I am afraid of being tied down and tickled is the concept of loss of control and not being able to control things, and that scares the hell out of me. But maybe at the same time loss of control turns me on?? Idk my mind is so confusing.
Another thing I was thinking of is maybe I will only accept boyfriends tickling me (none really have in the past so I wouldn't know for sure), because I see tickling in a very sexual way. And maybe that's why I get especially freaked out when my family members or strictly friends try to tickle me? Bc I see it sexually.. But idk...
Anyone know why I am like this? I love tickling and the idea of being tickled, but I am afraid of ACTUALLY being tickled and try to avoid bc it scares me? I figured this was the best place to ask.. Anyone experience this? Should I try to overcome my fear or something? Is actually being tickled enjoyable? I'm just confused and trying to figure out my fetish/fear. Any advice? And sorry if this was rlly long I just needed to let this out:/