If inanimate objects had personalities, which ones would be the biggest assholes?

[Dialon]

If inanimate objects had personalities, I think printers would be the biggest assholes of all.

"Oh you want to print out a black&white page? Sorry bro, you're out of yellow ink, can't do it. What? Have black ink installed? Again sorry, I will only use your black ink to print error messages for you saying you need black ink until you run out of that. You should probably just go get some more ink that is more expensive than I am."

 

[Flatfoot]

I'm gonna say diapers.

Ohh, you've got both hands occupied? Gosh! That baby sure squirms a lot! I think I'm just going to fold in on myself as you try to get that dirty wipe in me.

 

[knicks255]

Obligatory "Assholes, duh" response.

But I'd say headboards on beds.

"Lean back, I fucking dare you."

 

[Thatsecretchord]

iPhones. Correcting the shit out of me even though it has no idea what it's talking about. Halbert. I just typed a few random letters and halbert appeared. What's a halbert? Fuckin asshole...

 

[C.A.B.]

""If inanimate objects had personalities, which ones would be the biggest assholes? ""

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!!

 

[Dussicar]

My computer chair.

 

[Cosmo_ac]

I was going to say printers, but it seems that was taken, so i'll say Saran Wrap. I swear to fucking god, that stuff was made by the devil. "Here, i'll make something that anybody can use cheaply to preserve their food, then make it fucking impossible not to crinkle in and stick to itself, turning a nice sheet of plastic into a misshapen Quasimodo of fucking fuckit i'll go buy Tupperware."

 

[GenericUsername]

Weighing scales. Duhh!

 

[C.A.B.]

I was going to say printers, but it seems that was taken, so i'll say Saran Wrap. I swear to fucking god, that stuff was made by the devil. "Here, i'll make something that anybody can use cheaply to preserve their food, then make it fucking impossible not to crinkle in and stick to itself, turning a nice sheet of plastic into a misshapen Quasimodo of fucking fuckit i'll go buy Tupperware."

LOL!

 

[stroker]

Toilet seat ?

 

[Brock Samson]

TV remotes, laptops, and condoms.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

Vacuum cleaners.

"Oh, you want me to suck up your mess? How about I eat this laptop cord instead? Oh, and
this rug too. Go ahead and pull it back out of me - enjoy the terrible burning smell, asshole!"

 

[Mitchell]

My choice would be.. aluminum foil. It seems foil is often paper cuts waiting to happen. It can also be difficult to pull off straight at times.

 

[Bohemianne]

Candy Crush's OWL and chocolate! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! *&^%$#@!

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I'm gonna have to say salt and pepper shakers. "Oh, you want some delicious pepper to add a little bitchslap to your otherwise bland, boring food? Have fun shaking it for 10 minutes. Want a little pinch of salt? JUSTKIDDINGTIDALWAVEOFSALT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Also, P.S. I love this thread.

 

[Bator]

Open end adjustable wrenches, or knuckle busters as I like to refer to them.

 

[Bohemianne]

Also, P.S. I love this thread.

Agreed. This is a clever thread.

 

[kis123]

Mine would be cellphones, tablets, and the crappy accessories that they use.

For my last phone, I bought two batteries and three chargers WITHIN ONE FREAKING YEAR!! Then the phone chose to die during an appointment causing me to run to the nearest Best Buy only to get stuck waiting over two hours in line to get another lousy POS phone that needs what? ACCESSORIES!! My phone case is about a month old and one piece broke and the case cover is shredding!

Worthless pieces of crap!!

 

[shiftdown]

I am glad someone said toilet seat, cause I'd say the toilet itself, the tooth brush may say, "i hate my life" but the toilet would say in response to it...."I don't wanna hear it"

 

[CodeZero]

Ketchup bottles.

 

[MrChippiesTMF]

toasters. definitely toasters.
number 2 = warm bread, number 3 = scorched by the sun itself. there i no in between.

 

[Dialon]

I'm gonna have to say salt and pepper shakers. "Oh, you want some delicious pepper to add a little bitchslap to your otherwise bland, boring food? Have fun shaking it for 10 minutes. Want a little pinch of salt? JUSTKIDDINGTIDALWAVEOFSALT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I may change my answer to this. I just started working at Subway, and today someone wanted extra salt on their sub so I shook the fuck out of that shaker, and hardly anything came out. So the guy was like "oh, you're going to need a lot more than that!" So for round two I shook it again, and an avalanche of salt spilled all over his sub. All I could say was "is that enough?" with the most serious look on my face.

 

[kopfhorer]

I may change my answer to this. I just started working at Subway, and today someone wanted extra salt on their sub so I shook the fuck out of that shaker, and hardly anything came out. So the guy was like "oh, you're going to need a lot more than that!" So for round two I shook it again, and an avalanche of salt spilled all over his sub. All I could say was "is that enough?" with the most serious look on my face.

Ba-da-bump!

As for my own entry, DVD players. "I refuse to play that file. It's not the correct format! What do you mean the box says 'You have it, we play it!'. Read the fine print! Oh wait, that's right, there isn't any fine print, or any guidelines for compatible file formats in my instruction manual. Sooooorrrrryyyyyyy! (razzzzzzzzz!)"

 

[He-Man]

Shoe laces. Doesn't matter if you double knot them, triple knot them, etc ..

" they'll find a way to untie themselves, just to be dicks!" (From the web series " You know what's bullshit?" Lol )