Im getting therapy PLEASE GIVE ADVISE

[elkcit86]

I finally wnEt to the doctors the other day, and told her (yes, im allready embarresed about it, being a 20 yr old male thats never had a girlfriend and will never tella a girl, I WALK IN AND ITS A STUNNING ROMANIAN WOMAN DOCTOR!) She is refferening me to see some special lady about my love of womans feet.

As much as i love and enjoy this fetish, its annoying because i would never have the courage to tell a girl about it, hence, ive never had a girlfriend. I just realised this could become a problem some time last year. Im not even intereted in sex. just feet. IS THIS NORMAL? PLEASE GIVE YOUR OPINIONS PEOPLE

So i dont know if they will "cure" it, it they do i will miss it, but i cant go on in silence for ever. what do you think?

 

[daryl]

I don't think the goal of therapy should be to "cure" you here. The goal should be to make you more comfortable so that while you enjoy this interest, "other things" can be appreciated also once you are more comfortable and therefore probably less obsessional about it.

This goal can be accomplished by work with a supportive and task-oriented psychologist.

 

[Mitchell]

Hi, thanks for sharing your situation.

I will say that your situation sounds like the classic definition of what I'll call an extreme fetish. The fact that you are interested in just feet, and not sex, demonstrates this. No one can really say whether it's "Normal": or not, because "Normal" is different things to different people. That being said, if this makes you feel uncomfortable, then taking the step to get therapy is a good thing to do.
I'm one who believes that one can't just "Get Rid" of a fetish. A fetish will always be there, either consciously, or subconsciously. It sounds to me that what is really needed for you, is for the therapist to focus on why you dont have other sexual desires, and just have the fetish desires. It seems to me that certain energies need to be channeled into accepting, and dealing with your fetish, and also to be able to channel other energies, into other arousal besides just feet. I'm one that believes it can be done. My advice, discuss all you feel about this with the therapist, and ask them what you can do, and how they can work with you, to channel your sexual energies from just feet, into other desires. Having a foot fetish, and being sexually aroused by feet is fine. Even touching feet with a consensual intimate partner, or seeing feet, to achieve sexual arousal is fine. The part that seems to need the modifying, is not that you have to totally get rid of the foot fetish, but, rather, to channel certain sexual energies, into other areas of sex, besides just feet.
I hope what I said helps. Good Luck. Therapy can be a useful tool. I hope that you are able to work through your situation.

Mitch

 

[elkcit86]

Thank Mitch, appreciaite your advice, thats a good point you made there

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

What does never having a girlfriend have to do with anything? I've never had a boyfriend and I'm perfectly fine w/ that. There is no rush, no deadline to meet, so dont make the fact that you're single have a factor in this "therapy" of yours.

 

[Mitchell]

You're welcome, elkcit, I'm glad my advice was helpful.

Mitch

 

[steph]

No such thing as "normal" babe. It's a relative term, in the eye of the beholder and IMHO, those who consider themselves the most "normal" strike me as the most fucked up. But, the irony is, some of the most "disturbed" relate the best. They bring an experience no books can teach. If your therapist is a good one, they've pretty much seen/heard it all and won't judge you for it. If this therapist makes you feel weird, move onto the next. A great therapist will change your life. Best of luck, let us know how it goes and you'll save a lot of heartache if you specify what you want in the first place~"I need a therapist that is very experienced in dealing with foot fetishists..." Don't be ashamed of it if you really want to make progress. Keep us posted?
XOXO

 

[Coda]

"Normal" essentially means "based on a norm," and it is used both generally and clinically to describe what is typical, including patterns among humans.

I think that it it's a common assumption that "normal" is equal to "good" and that "abnormal" is equal to "bad" because abnormal human characteristics can have undesirable consequences in other areas. In no way does this actually mean that abnormal characteristics are bad things in themselves.

For that reason, I don't think that "am I normal?" should ever be asked in the spirit of distress; merely in the spirit of curiousity. Indeed, I'm generally quite happy about every way in which I'm not normal.

If you're seeking therapy because you think there's something wrong with you, then I'd say you're doing it on a false pretense. However, it sounds like you'd like to learn how to be able to improve your relationships with other people, and that's a very positive motivation.

If you actually want to investigate your background and try to learn about the nature of your sexual desires, that can't be anything but interesting either. I'm actually surprised at how little curiousity some of the people on the forum express regarding the logic behind their interests.

So, good luck... and if you learn anything substantial and you're willing to share, I'm sure it would be valuable to this community.

 

[marcusb]

This thread brings a good point to light. elkcit86 has a real honest to goodness fetish... it's interfering with his normal sexual desires/activites.

I think the word is thrown around here too freely with little undersanding what it truely is.

Merriam-Webster states:
"an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression"

I have an interest (ok, strong interest) in tickling and feet but neither I would call a fetish. Plain old vanilla sex and interests still apply for me and I would venture to guess it's the same for most here. Now, tickling and feet IMPROVE the experience but if they're missing the plumbing and desire all still function.

Hi, thanks for sharing your situation.

I will say that your situation sounds like the classic definition of what I'll call an extreme fetish. The fact that you are interested in just feet, and not sex, demonstrates this. No one can really say whether it's "Normal": or not, because "Normal" is different things to different people. That being said, if this makes you feel uncomfortable, then taking the step to get therapy is a good thing to do.
I'm one who believes that one can't just "Get Rid" of a fetish. A fetish will always be there, either consciously, or subconsciously. It sounds to me that what is really needed for you, is for the therapist to focus on why you dont have other sexual desires, and just have the fetish desires. It seems to me that certain energies need to be channeled into accepting, and dealing with your fetish, and also to be able to channel other energies, into other arousal besides just feet. I'm one that believes it can be done. My advice, discuss all you feel about this with the therapist, and ask them what you can do, and how they can work with you, to channel your sexual energies from just feet, into other desires. Having a foot fetish, and being sexually aroused by feet is fine. Even touching feet with a consensual intimate partner, or seeing feet, to achieve sexual arousal is fine. The part that seems to need the modifying, is not that you have to totally get rid of the foot fetish, but, rather, to channel certain sexual energies, into other areas of sex, besides just feet.
I hope what I said helps. Good Luck. Therapy can be a useful tool. I hope that you are able to work through your situation.

Mitch

 

[Scared]

Actual advice

If, after several visits, the therapist and you don't seem to 'click' . . . if the therapist doesn't seem able to understand what you are saying, or the advice is to alter parts of you that you consider positive . . . throw that therapist back and find a new one.

Normal is rarely a useful concept; 'functional' or 'adaptive' seem more useful to me. Is the identified problem interfering with something you want to do? You "just realised this could become a problem some time last year." Is this a problem for you, or for others? If for others, do you care? Why? You can save a little time by answering these questions for yourself before the first visit.

An example of the sort of work you may be able to do might be:
SYMPTOM
Lack of interest in penetrative sex leaves you at a disadvantage in locker-room talk with the guys
PROBLEM
You feel weird and alien, rather than comfortable around your peers.
POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS
Get new peers -- at least part of the time. Socialise with TMF people online, and attend munches and gatherings
Find other things about which to talk
Practice ways to deflect lines of 'personal' discussion that might make you uncomfortable by highlighting your differences

SYMPTOM
Foot fetish is uncomfortable to discuss with target gender
PROBLEM
You are shy talking about what interests you sexually
POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS
Explore why your sexual orientation bothers you, and consider addressing causes
Practice (role-play) conversations with women, to build confidence and familiarity

Something more along the lines of:
PROBLEM
You have a foot fetish and no interest in 'normal' sex
SOLUTION
Practice 'normal' sexuality whether or not you like it
Aversion therapy to decrease interest in feet
is significantly less likely to be useful, not to mention apt to be ineffective. Half of finding a solution is correctly identifying the problem.

 

[elkcit86]

Thanks to all who replied

 

[daddy]

No such thing as "normal" babe. It's a relative term, in the eye of the beholder and IMHO, those who consider themselves the most "normal" strike me as the most fucked up. But, the irony is, some of the most "disturbed" relate the best. They bring an experience no books can teach. If your therapist is a good one, they've pretty much seen/heard it all and won't judge you for it. If this therapist makes you feel weird, move onto the next. A great therapist will change your life. Best of luck, let us know how it goes and you'll save a lot of heartache if you specify what you want in the first place~"I need a therapist that is very experienced in dealing with foot fetishists..." Don't be ashamed of it if you really want to make progress. Keep us posted?
XOXO

Beautifully Spoken Steph! As I always say to Majestic when we agree...DITTO!

peace out,
daddy

 

[steph]

Well daddy, when you're right, you're right, what can I say?
But seriously, thanks! My hope is he'll find someone to help him manage rather than "cure" it, yes?
XOXO

Beautifully Spoken Steph! As I always say to Majestic when we agree...DITTO!

peace out,
daddy

 

[Bagelfather]

therapy

I finally wnEt to the doctors the other day, and told her (yes, im allready embarresed about it, being a 20 yr old male thats never had a girlfriend and will never tella a girl, I WALK IN AND ITS A STUNNING ROMANIAN WOMAN DOCTOR!) She is refferening me to see some special lady about my love of womans feet.

As much as i love and enjoy this fetish, its annoying because i would never have the courage to tell a girl about it, hence, ive never had a girlfriend. I just realised this could become a problem some time last year. Im not even intereted in sex. just feet. IS THIS NORMAL? PLEASE GIVE YOUR OPINIONS PEOPLE

So i dont know if they will "cure" it, it they do i will miss it, but i cant go on in silence for ever. what do you think?

The therapist is not there to tell you what is wrong, the therapist is there to help you realize what is wrong and solve the problem yourself. The therapist will not give you ultimate answers, the therapists job is to help you work through your issues. If you DO NOT like the therapist you have or really disagree then you have the right to see another. My therapist has told me that "I am the consumer and I make the choice."

Be HONEST with your therapist. I have been honest with mine about bdsm, tickling, and the like and I have not been judged as a freak.

That's my advice. More to the point you need to probably deal better with women, rejection, your fetish, etc. A therapist can help you there.

 

[michigalaxy]

Alright, you're into feet, like what? You'd kiss them, lick them, play with them, tickle them for hours, I assume, and then what? This doesn't turn you on? You wouldn't want to have sex with the owner of the feet, or plain masturbate? From what you wrote, I assume you never had a chance to explore that, but that doesn't mean you're not into sex. You could very well advance to sex through foot foreplay. For instance, I never watch conventional porn, it ranges from boring to disgusting for me, but I love watching foot and tickling clips, and they lead me to sex like there's no tomorrow. And yes, you don't have to advertise you love for feet straight in the girl's face. Wait till you're sensual and exploring each other's body, and it will come naturally. Lots of women love for their feet to be played with. Find ways to enjoy your fetish, not obsess over it. Remember, it's hardwired, you won't be able to get rid of it, so just learn to live with it.

 

[elkcit86]

Yea, all those things you said i guess, tickling ect. But that would NOT make me want to have sex with the owner of the feet as you said, it would just end with masterbation, i prefer it.

All my mates are into "pussy" and to be honest it doesnt interest me one bit. i thinks its a turn off actually, i have to intention of entering one at all. A womans vagina just looks disgusting to me. eww.

All i am interested in is the girls feet. thats why i need to see this person because it makes life so difficult. When out with friends, having to pretend id love to have sex with the girls, when id just wanna do my feet stuff.

Also i remeber growing up. id never be embarrased when sex scenes came on tv in front of parents. never. but if it was a girl showing her feet or asking for a massage. OMG, id be bright red. Its as if that is my version of sex. hard to belive i know, but i didnt choose it lol

Thanks for your advise, and to all who is helping with this. I will of course keep you posted. just gotta wait to see the therepist now. Dam nhs lol

 

[michigalaxy]

Well, pussy doesn't interest me either, but it does interest my dick. Seeing pussy doesn't make a thing for me, it's purely a physiological organ as I take it, and seeing a woman spreading it with her fingers as on porn photos is actually a turn-off too. But when I'm aroused and I get close with the woman my penis kind of finds the way in I enjoy seeing the woman's face and playing with her breasts while my dick is down there doing his business, and I'm perfectly happy with the visuals I'm getting up and sensory feelings that are coming from down.

Do you have any other areas on a woman that turn you on? Did you ever have a chance to have sex? Maybe if you didn't and you're just theorizing, and everything will be different in the actual life situation. Are you saying that you'd be playing with a woman's feet and then lay back and masturbate instead of getting close face to face with her?

Yeah, feet on TV is familiar to me, it's just that it would be tickling in my case, he he

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

There is nothing with having a drink, however if it is all you think about and crave, then you need therapy.

 

[Azrael]

I finally wnEt to the doctors the other day, and told her (yes, im allready embarresed about it, being a 20 yr old male thats never had a girlfriend and will never tella a girl, I WALK IN AND ITS A STUNNING ROMANIAN WOMAN DOCTOR!) She is refferening me to see some special lady about my love of womans feet.

As much as i love and enjoy this fetish, its annoying because i would never have the courage to tell a girl about it, hence, ive never had a girlfriend. I just realised this could become a problem some time last year. Im not even intereted in sex. just feet. IS THIS NORMAL? PLEASE GIVE YOUR OPINIONS PEOPLE

So i dont know if they will "cure" it, it they do i will miss it, but i cant go on in silence for ever. what do you think?

I'm rather curious as to why you're asking a bunch of complete strangers online for therapeutic help when you've already been referred to a therapist. Shouldn't you give the reputable source a try, before turning to the likes of us?

 

[minerva]

I'm rather curious as to why you're asking a bunch of complete strangers online for therapeutic help when you've already been referred to a therapist. Shouldn't you give the reputable source a try, before turning to the likes of us?

I don't see him asking people here for therapeutic help. As far as I understand he's just trying to discuss his issues with people who might feel the same way. I'm sure seeing some great responses like the ones he got so far - in addition to working on solutions together with a good therapist - will certainly help with not feeling weird or abnormal. And he did say, he WOULD go see the therapist, right?
Why would getting opinons or advices from people who understand and can relate and who might have experienced similar 'problems' be a bad idea? Can't see anything wrong with that at all.

 

[elkcit86]

as minerva said, im just curious about others with similar problems, its really interesting. Thanks every one

 

[WorkInProgress]

One thing I would suggest is, don't center the journey around the difference between one physical act and another. Center the journey around intimacy, and primarily the emotional sort. Explore what kind of intimacy you want, what kind of intimacy you're afraid of, what kind of intimacy you'd like to learn not to be afraid of, and so forth. In my bias at least, no matter what you do physically, the point of it is that you're physicalizing an emotional bond. Indeed, the sexual dimension has to be dealt with, but in a context. Just my view. Good luck.

 

[6reppirhet]

You should go see a neuro-plastician. Supposedly, the nerve-maps in your brain for feet and genitals are right next to each other. Perhaps yours got tangled. If you find a therapist who believes in neuroplastic therapy, he/she might be able to 'untangle' them.

 

[Speedbump]

Honestly, when it comes to having a girlfriend, telling her about the fetish should be the least of your concerns. You don't get into a relationship because of the fetish, you get into a relationship and then enhance it with the fetish.

I've never had a girlfriend myself, either, but for different reasons. I'm 22. I don't have much of a desire in sex, only tickling, as well. But I also think that once I am in a sexual situation, things may be different. Maybe not, but ya never know.

I wouldn't say you need to see a therapist about it. You just need to accept it as who you are. Relationships aren't entirely about sex and all that, you know.

 

[GoForTheLaugh]

You may or may not be asexual (a person who does not experience sexual attraction). There are a lot more asexuals in the world than most people think.

Some asexuals experience romantic attraction (many for the opposite sex only, others for both sexes, and a small number for the same sex only). Other asexuals do not experience romantic attraction at all.

I have a close asexual friend, and I have looked over his board a few times. To my surprise, I found a very small number of people with fetishes (even tickling fetishes) there, although this is not typical in asexuality.

Another possibility is that you are "lightly sexed," meaning you do experience sexual attraction but not with the same intensity or in the same way as most sexual people.

If any of this resonates, you may want to check out the main page:

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

Here's the discussion board:

http://www.asexuality.org/discussion/