Living with disappointment...

[jhanson]

I'll try to be brief. This fetish brings a bit of complication to relationships. 1) You have a fetish, and any normal person would want to indulge in their fetish, right? Especially this one. There's a lot more fetishes out there that would be considered unacceptable to a regular person (um... like, poop). I do not think bondage and tickling is unreasonable. 2) You get into a relationship but the other person just doesn't get it. They don't understand how important it is to you. You keep bringing it up, but the days turn to weeks, then the weeks turn to months. Soon enough, a year has gone by since the last time you got to do it. You didn't even get it for your birthday, or Christmas. You are starting to think the other person doesn't love you very much.

Well, this is how it has been for me. I've been in a relationship for a few years. Don't get me wrong. This woman claimed (emphasis on "claimed") to have the same fetish. It would be more understandable to me if they had no clue. In the beginning it was pretty good. Now it just sucks. If I never brought it up again, this woman would gladly let the years go by without it ever crossing her mind. It has made me increasingly bitter and resentful, and it's starting to show. Everything is overshadowed by this now. If she can't put forth the effort, why should I?

I'm thinking about leaving. But what is the point? The next person would probably be the same. Maybe it is just me. What do you think? What am I supposed to do? Learn to live without it? Hire a professional to give me what she won't? I'm at a loss... I feel like giving up completely.

 

[Myriads]

We can take tickling out of your statement and replace it with oh.... Blow Jobs. In fact we could place just about any sexual activity in there and get the same result.

Even some non sexual ones. "My partner said they loved to cook, now they never do." "My partner liked to go out dancing like me, now they don't" etc.

You have a communication issue in your relationship. You want something, and you are not getting it. Your partner may not want to give it anymore, or she might have stopped for any other number of reasons. But at the base, its pretty clear that she doesn't understand the importance of it to you.

So sit down and talk about it. You might not like the answers you get. Which will lead to you evaluating the relationship. But then again you might be surprised.

You have wants. You have the right to ask for them to be fulfilled. However that does not mean they will by your partner. She has the right to say no.

You need to find where you both stand on the activity before you make any other calls.

Myriads

 

[desperado_flare]

Well, how old are you? And how dependent are the two of you on one another?

 

[Backstep]

Myriads makes an excellent point.

Just keep in mind that it goes both ways as well. You have needs that aren't being met, but perhaps she feels the same about some of her needs, whether they're sexual or emotional.

Be open and share who you are and what you want. Just remember to ask her who she is and what she wants as well.

Dialogue.

 

[socktickler86]

Remember, you're suppose to be happy in a relationship. Sometimes I think people view their relationships as some people view their old, beat up, hardly functioning cars. You get into a relationship because the person makes you happy and you love being with a person and you have that person in your life in a more important role than any other friend. For a car, you buy because you need to get from point A to B and you want it to play music well, have a/c, and in general be comfortable in it.

Now, I think everyone here knows the type of person who will stay with a certain car for WAY too long. It requires exorbitant amounts of maintenance and fixing, is uncomfortable, the a/c doesn't work, etc, but they will devote all sorts of money and time to keep the car. Same idea with relationships. They're great at the start and some relationships, like cars, if maintained and have good "foundations" can last indefinitely. However, there are people in relationships that simply are too difficult and not meant to last, but for some reason just think that they have to live with it or if they put up with an ever growing list of difficulties, at some point things will become good.

If there are no kids in the picture and the relationship is not fulfilling it's purpose, it may be time to scrap it.

 

[grandizer]

Dude she just doesn't get it! I've had relationships like that. I've even had women tell me to decide how important it was to me. Regardless to say I didn't speak to them anymore. Everyone on here is right. You have to be happy in a relationship. For all you know she could be just using you.

It turns a woman on to know she turns you on. If she could give a shit less then that should tell you something there.

I say move on man. I know it's hard, but there are plenty of girls out there who would be more than happy to let you indulge.

Hope this helps. I'm sorry for your stress man.

 

[gentlefeather007]

We can take tickling out of your statement and replace it with oh.... Blow Jobs. In fact we could place just about any sexual activity in there and get the same result.

Even some non sexual ones. "My partner said they loved to cook, now they never do." "My partner liked to go out dancing like me, now they don't" etc.

You have a communication issue in your relationship. You want something, and you are not getting it. Your partner may not want to give it anymore, or she might have stopped for any other number of reasons. But at the base, its pretty clear that she doesn't understand the importance of it to you.

So sit down and talk about it. You might not like the answers you get. Which will lead to you evaluating the relationship. But then again you might be surprised.



You have wants. You have the right to ask for them to be fulfilled. However that does not mean they will by your partner. She has the right to say no.

You need to find where you both stand on the activity before you make any other calls.

Myriads

Relationships are based on communication, tell her how you feel and go from there. Is there still love beyond tickling? Are children involved? Be sure to ask also if there is any way you can spice it up for her to make it more interesting for her. Talk first then weigh your decision.

Best of luck my friend, hope it works for you.

 

[Leo tickles]

Communicate the issue to her. If she says she will try, wait it out. If it's anything less than that, find somebody that you can have a chance at happiness with.

 

[male23]

a4r4wara4r4wara4r4war

 

[mabus]

Maybe she just doesn't care.

She's set in the relationship, she only cares about getting what she wants, her needs filled. I've seen many women (and yes, men) get like this. It's the general level of narcissism that I've noticed in society for a long time.

And she may even SAY she's attendant to your wants and needs, but just pays lip service.

I think you're sadly at the point where you want to move on, and are just looking for reassurance. I will say try to salvage the relationship if you love her, but sadly, sometimes one person loves the other more, and the other party simply doesn't care.

Maybe you're looking for some events or reason to leave, like "Man I hope I can catch her doing something wrong, so I'll have an easy excuse." people get "settled in" many times, and will tolerate being unhappy...because that's just "the way things are."

Life is what you make of it. You can find someone who either shares your interests, or is HAPPY to indulge you, not angrily tolerates it.

 

[Leo tickles]

Maybe she just doesn't care.

She's set in the relationship, she only cares about getting what she wants, her needs filled. I've seen many women (and yes, men) get like this. It's the general level of narcissism that I've noticed in society for a long time.

And she may even SAY she's attendant to your wants and needs, but just pays lip service.

I think you're sadly at the point where you want to move on, and are just looking for reassurance. I will say try to salvage the relationship if you love her, but sadly, sometimes one person loves the other more, and the other party simply doesn't care.

Maybe you're looking for some events or reason to leave, like "Man I hope I can catch her doing something wrong, so I'll have an easy excuse." people get "settled in" many times, and will tolerate being unhappy...because that's just "the way things are."

Life is what you make of it. You can find someone who either shares your interests, or is HAPPY to indulge you, not angrily tolerates it.

Where were you when I was with an ex of mine? Brilliant fucking words right there.

 

[male23]

a4r4war

 

[Leo tickles]

and if you do break up, the only thing that will heal is Time.
:/
this is just my opinion not factual

Depends. For me it was a quick healing process. Knowing she didn't care AND lied made it really, really simple for me.

But this isn't about me.


Ahem.

 

[male23]

a4r4war

 

[jhanson]

Well, hm... I've been with this girl for 5 years, give or take. The first year was the best year, but it has been declining in quality ever since. No, there are no kids in the picture. I have no children. I have spoken to her about this. Many, many times. She will tell me that I am delusional and that it hasn't been a year since we did it last (but it has been since before my last birthday, and that is coming up in 3 months). It ends with her crying and telling me that I only care about what I want. So I ask her what she wants that I don't give, and I don't get an answer. Pretty much the only thing that is keeping me here is guilt, and not wanting to hurt her by leaving after such a long time. But that is starting to erode. But in the end, it feels like she lost interest in me, so -100 to my self-esteem no matter what.

 

[ticklebrowse26]

Are there other problems in the relationship as well? Are there other things that are missing for you? Are you fulfilling her needs?

If you're already thinking about breaking up with her and are only staying in the relationship because of "guilt and not wanting to hurt her" (your words!!), then I humbly suggest breaking up. Life is too short...

 

[jhanson]

Other problems... I was spending about $400 a month on her marijuana habit. That's a problem. I fulfill all her needs as far as I'm aware, I have had so much oral practice I could probably paint the Mona Lisa with my tongue.

You are right. Life is too short.

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

$400 a month? If she isn't smoking more than a quarter ounce a week she's getting hit over the head (or you, I suppose, since it's your money).

And if she is $moking more than a quarter a week, I wish I lived nearby you guys, haha.

 

[male23]

a4r4wara4r4war

 

[jhanson]

Well, I have told her this. So many times I have lost count. It's worse because she told me she had the same fetish. I don't know... do girls with this fetish only do it once or twice a year? I cannot imagine that. So it feels like being neglected AND lied to.

And about the weed... I think it was 2 ounces I was getting. I'm not a smoker so I don't know. I remember it starting off as dime-bags and then moving up to gigantic bags of the stuff. I never smoked any but I got contact buzzes... :-/

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

Good deal.

A huge part of any relationship is the sexual aspect... one of the supporting pillars, I'd daresay. Everyone should be "G/G/G", as my man Dan Savage says:

GGG
Dan Savage and his readers often use the abbreviation GGG. In his March 1, 2007 column,[10] Savage summarized: "GGG stands for 'good, giving, and game,' which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think 'good in bed,' 'giving equal time and equal pleasure,' and 'game for anything—within reason.'"


Not everyone is in a sexually satisfying relationship... it all depends on what you're willing to sacrifice for what you're getting in return.


Sometimes, something is better than nothing. Sometimes.

Good luck, homie.

 

[jhanson]

Bah, fuck that. My hand is better than what I get now. Which is nothing.

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

There's more to a relationship than sex, though. Is she good to you? Do you trust her? Do you enjoy each other's company?

 

[rhiannon]

Other problems... I was spending about $400 a month on her marijuana habit. That's a problem. I fulfill all her needs as far as I'm aware, I have had so much oral practice I could probably paint the Mona Lisa with my tongue.

You are right. Life is too short.

Dump her! Duuuuuump her!!! And everybody who knows me on here will tell you that I NEVER say that! In this case, I say it! She is a user, nothing more!

 

[jhanson]

There's more to a relationship than sex, though. Is she good to you? Do you trust her? Do you enjoy each other's company?

I know that. But if I wanted celibacy I would have joined the priesthood.

The answers to your questions are no, no, and no.