Long Distance Relationships

[Angel77]

Think they can really work out?

A friend of mine just informed me that her boyfriend is moving to San Diego for his job and she just started nursing school which is a two year program and wants to finish school before moving out there. She's afraid that the relationship won't make it. I know she trusts him and vice versa but I think it's the actual distance thing that is going to make it hard. I've had two attempts at the long distance thing and it didn't work out for me but I'm sure there are successes out there. There were a few reasons why my relationships didn't work out but a big issue was the lack of actual physical contact and I don't really mean sexual. Just the simple act of holding hands or cuddling or sneaking in a quick kiss at the grocery store - things like that. Maybe if it were the "right" person, things would have worked out but I guess I'll never know. I still wish my friend and her man all the luck in the world and hey, maybe they'll have better success at it than I did.

What about you guys? Have you ever had a successful long distance relationship?

 

[kered]

Nope.

 

[Bugman]

I've never had one myself, but know people who have and it never worked out. Not saying it can't, but I suspect the odds are against it.

 

[Artoo]

Nope.

 

[maniactickler]

No, but i will try it as far as pittsburgh. no further though.

 

[KrazieDog]

Yes it can if both people are mature about what to expect and make it work. We've got a couple of marriages around here on the forum that started out that way that I'm sure will pop in here sooner or later.

 

[kered]

No, but i will try it as far as pittsburgh. no further though.

Geez, can a guy get any more obvious?

 

[mass1926]

I hate to say it, but it has no chance. I have known of this happening too many times, and sooner or later reality sinks in that without that in-person connection it just isnt a real relationship anymore. Either she transfers out to san diego to finish college or he doesnt go away, but if they part ways, its for good. Not to be an asshole, but if he really loved her that much he wouldn't have taken a job that would separate them.

 

[Angel77]

Thanks for the feedback guys! Like I said, it didn't work in my situation but it's nice to see that it did work for some.

 

[mass1926]

Thanks for the feedback guys! Like I said, it didn't work in my situation but it's nice to see that it did work for some.

How old is she if you don't mind me asking? I can see if she's young how chances are her boyfriend is looking at this as a chance to move on and "start a new life" so to speak if he's still in his 20s and gets offered this hot shot job far away. However, if they are older and mature and he isn't willing to give up the job to stay with her until she finishes school, then he is being selfish and clearly does not care if the relationship ends. It's clear he cares more about the job and himself than the relationshiop either way, but the his outlook on how he wants to end it depends on what age he is.

For example, if they are younger it means he wants to move on and experience new things, which is natural because chances are he's definately not ready to settle down anyways. If he is in like his late 20's or 30's and is mature and does this, it means he never really saw a future with this girl and wants to move on and this is an easy way out. I'm telling you this from a perspective of a guy in his late 20's that has been through the whole cares more about himself than a relationship phase before. If he is my age or older and still sees a job and making money as more important than his relationship than he doesn't wanna be with her in the future.

 

[Angel77]

How old is she if you don't mind me asking? I can see if she's young how chances are her boyfriend is looking at this as a chance to move on and "start a new life" so to speak if he's still in his 20s and gets offered this hot shot job far away. However, if they are older and mature and he isn't willing to give up the job to stay with her until she finishes school, then he is being selfish and clearly does not care if the relationship ends. It's clear he cares more about the job and himself than the relationshiop either way, but the his outlook on how he wants to end it depends on what age he is.

For example, if they are younger it means he wants to move on and experience new things, which is natural because chances are he's definately not ready to settle down anyways. If he is in like his late 20's or 30's and is mature and does this, it means he never really saw a future with this girl and wants to move on and this is an easy way out. I'm telling you this from a perspective of a guy in his late 20's that has been through the whole cares more about himself than a relationship phase before. If he is my age or older and still sees a job and making money as more important than his relationship than he doesn't wanna be with her in the future.

She's 28, he's 34. It is a huge promotion that he accepted and it did sound like he was doing it to make a better life for them. I can't speak for him but that's the general feeling that I got. I guess only time will tell with those two......

 

[kis123]

Well I'll let you know because I'm in my first one right now. He's from upstate NY but comes to my city for business a lot. I had cancelled all my online dating profiles nearly two years ago; must've missed one and that's the one he contacted me on. My pic was horrible, just some stuff I was playing with the webcam but he found them attractive enough to message me.

We've been "talking" for over a month and just met each other for the first time last weekend. Now I'll be the first to admit that he doesn't have the "look" I'm accustomed to, but he had already started pulling at my heart long before we met face to face. He's strong, independent-thinking and not emotionally needy (not like the guys in my past). In a short time, he's even helped me get it together, get refocused on my life, goals, and needs, and now I'm about to venture into some things I never thought I could do before and all since I met him six weeks ago.

We both are leaving our options open because neither one of us is moving away from where we live. So I'm going to enjoy the times we spend and in the times we're not together......well.......I'm not really sure.

Tell your friend that if it's meant to be, it will be and no amount of distance will stop that. But she has to be realistic; there's a good chance he will meet someone else during that two year period. If that happens, she'll have to decide what she wants to do when the time comes.

 

[mass1926]

She's 28, he's 34. It is a huge promotion that he accepted and it did sound like he was doing it to make a better life for them. I can't speak for him but that's the general feeling that I got. I guess only time will tell with those two......

If his intentions are good, then why won't she move out there now to finish her degree if the plan is for her to be with him when she finishes? That takes care of all the issues right there. There's like 50 colleges she can choose from in California.

 

[Angel77]

Well I'll let you know because I'm in my first one right now. He's from upstate NY but comes to my city for business a lot. I had cancelled all my online dating profiles nearly two years ago; must've missed one and that's the one he contacted me on. My pic was horrible, just some stuff I was playing with the webcam but he found them attractive enough to message me.

We've been "talking" for over a month and just met each other for the first time last weekend. Now I'll be the first to admit that he doesn't have the "look" I'm accustomed to, but he had already started pulling at my heart long before we met face to face. He's strong, independent-thinking and not emotionally needy (not like the guys in my past). In a short time, he's even helped me get it together, get refocused on my life, goals, and needs, and now I'm about to venture into some things I never thought I could do before and all since I met him six weeks ago.

We both are leaving our options open because neither one of us is moving away from where we live. So I'm going to enjoy the times we spend and in the times we're not together......well.......I'm not really sure.

Tell your friend that if it's meant to be, it will be and no amount of distance will stop that. But she has to be realistic; there's a good chance he will meet someone else during that two year period. If that happens, she'll have to decide what she wants to do when the time comes.

Aw Kis, good luck to you guys! And hey, just enjoy the ride. Life is short.

 

[kis123]

I hate to say it, but it has no chance. I have known of this happening too many times, and sooner or later reality sinks in that without that in-person connection it just isnt a real relationship anymore. Either she transfers out to san diego to finish college or he doesnt go away, but if they part ways, its for good. Not to be an asshole, but if he really loved her that much he wouldn't have taken a job that would separate them.

With all due respect:

Are you serious??

In this economy, you can't just sit around and be broke; if he found a job, then great for him. I know personally how it feels to not work for a very long period of time. If it weren't for the circumstances surrounding my son, I would've left Ohio a long time ago!! The jobs just aren't here; I've taken temp work and jobs paying a helluva lot less than my experience is worth in order to remain here and care for my child.

Love has nothing to do with some decisions; sometimes it's about survival. I know nothing about their personal situation but no one moves cross country without much thought and contemplation because if it doesn't work out it's gonna' suck.

I have no idea how things will end for them, but I won't write them off just yet.

 

[Angel77]

If his intentions are good, then why won't she move out there now to finish her degree if the plan is for her to be with him when she finishes? That takes care of all the issues right there. There's like 50 colleges she can choose from in California.

I think if she didn't have a kid, it would be a little easier to just pick up and leave, you know? She has a little boy who's only five and I think she's not liking the idea of taking him from his family but still wants to be with her guy.

I'm with Kis. I think if it's meant to be, it'll happen. I just want her to be happy.

 

[AngelOfDarkness]

I'm not writing them off either.

 

[kis123]

I think if she didn't have a kid, it would be a little easier to just pick up and leave, you know? She has a little boy who's only five and I think she's not liking the idea of taking him from his family but still wants to be with her guy.

Is this child his biological son or no?

Now that's a toughie, especially if the child is attached to her guy. She has much to think about and it's a huge risk once children are involved. I have an idea how things will go but I dare not speculate. But I will be watching for updates Angel!

I'm with Kis. I think if it's meant to be, it'll happen. I just want her to be happy.

Same here, but it's going to come at great sacrifice. But I know of one relationship here where a member did a road trip from CA to NY to be with the one he loves and they're doing well from what I can tell. Again I say if they are where they're supposed to be, no amount of distance will make a difference.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Well I'll let you know because I'm in my first one right now. He's from upstate NY but comes to my city for business a lot. I had cancelled all my online dating profiles nearly two years ago; must've missed one and that's the one he contacted me on. My pic was horrible, just some stuff I was playing with the webcam but he found them attractive enough to message me.

We've been "talking" for over a month and just met each other for the first time last weekend. Now I'll be the first to admit that he doesn't have the "look" I'm accustomed to, but he had already started pulling at my heart long before we met face to face. He's strong, independent-thinking and not emotionally needy (not like the guys in my past). In a short time, he's even helped me get it together, get refocused on my life, goals, and needs, and now I'm about to venture into some things I never thought I could do before and all since I met him six weeks ago.

We both are leaving our options open because neither one of us is moving away from where we live. So I'm going to enjoy the times we spend and in the times we're not together......well.......I'm not really sure.

Much good luck to you, my friend. I hope it's sunshine and blue skies...

 

[Angel77]

Is this child his biological son or no?

Now that's a toughie, especially if the child is attached to her guy. She has much to think about and it's a huge risk once children are involved. I have an idea how things will go but I dare not speculate. But I will be watching for updates Angel!



Same here, but it's going to come at great sacrifice. But I know of one relationship here where a member did a road trip from CA to NY to be with the one he loves and they're doing well from what I can tell. Again I say if they are where they're supposed to be, no amount of distance will make a difference.

No, her son was from a previous relationship and unfortunately, the biological dad wants nothing to do with the kid but that's another story.

I kind of have an idea how things might go as well but I really do hope it all works out. I always wish the best for friends but I've learned to be more of a realist in the last few years of my life. Funny how life can do that to ya.

 

[Tortuga]

Long distance relationships can work, as long as your willing to work it. Communication is always key. And the best route is to actually meet and have like a long weekend together to even see if the connection is the same as online. I met Sean at Bellas this year and he lives 3.5 hrs from me. We barely see each other but always message each other and have occasional phone calls. So far we've been together for 5 months and counting. And still in love.

 

[mass1926]

I think if she didn't have a kid, it would be a little easier to just pick up and leave, you know? She has a little boy who's only five and I think she's not liking the idea of taking him from his family but still wants to be with her guy.

I'm with Kis. I think if it's meant to be, it'll happen. I just want her to be happy.

Oh, yea a kid is sort of a key element in the mix. That's why I didn't quite get what you were saying at first in regards to why she couldn't just transfer to a college out there. A kid in the mix definately makes that whole situation much more complicated.

 

[Angel77]

Oh, yea a kid is sort of a key element in the mix. That's why I didn't quite get what you were saying at first in regards to why she couldn't just transfer to a college out there. A kid in the mix definately makes that whole situation much more complicated.

For sure. It's not his biological kid but they did/do have a really good bond.

 

[mass1926]

With all due respect:

Are you serious??

In this economy, you can't just sit around and be broke; if he found a job, then great for him. I know personally how it feels to not work for a very long period of time. If it weren't for the circumstances surrounding my son, I would've left Ohio a long time ago!! The jobs just aren't here; I've taken temp work and jobs paying a helluva lot less than my experience is worth in order to remain here and care for my child.

Love has nothing to do with some decisions; sometimes it's about survival. I know nothing about their personal situation but no one moves cross country without much thought and contemplation because if it doesn't work out it's gonna' suck.

I have no idea how things will end for them, but I won't write them off just yet.

Before I knew about the girl having a kid and everything, it was my understanding that he already had a job and that one was just a better paying offer. As for this economy, I hate to burst your bubble but if I was in a serious relationship that I saw going somewhere, I'm not gonna jeopardize it to move far away for a better paying job. May sound illogical, but money is not the most important thing in the world to me.

 

[WorkInProgress]

I totally disagree with people who make this categorical dogmatic remarks to the effect that it could never work. Now, I will come clean about the fact that I have no expertise about relationships--my last one was nine years ago and it lasted three weeks--but the way I look at it, the real variable is how much of a foundation the relationship had before it became long-distance. If it has a strong foundation, if they make a point of seeing each other as often as possible and if they are determined to make it work, I think they ought to be fine.

Kis123, your long-distance relationship sounds to me like a whole other story with its own set of challenges. The biggest challenge there is that, since you've never lived in the same place, you haven't had the chance to get to know each other that way. When you see each other, you're in visiting mode, so the relationship doesn't have, so to speak, a natural habitat to grow in. There are things you'll never know until you do both live in the same place, and in order to do that, there's a leap of faith that has to be made for one of you to move. Meanwhile, you have phone conversations and visits, and you have to rely on these to get to know each other. That's a challenge. But what's life without challenges? Good luck. I hope it works out well.

I would guess that this board has probably created some long-distance relationships, the same way that I know chat rooms have.