Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,928
- Points
- 38
... in which our hero's meter runs low...
Dissolve from the previous scene to the dark tunnels of a sewer. Dildo lies flat on his face in rancid water. Shakily, he rises to assess his surroundings.
Dildo: (dismayed) Ah, shit! (scraping crud from his clothes and reacting in horror.) Ahhh! Shit!
Hurriedly, he clambers up onto a stone walkway.
Dildo: Damn! No ladder. How am I gonna get back upstairs? Maybe there’s another man-hole around here somewhere.
Dildo slowly makes his way through the piles of accumulated trash, eventually coming to an alcove which holds a number of abandoned vending machines. He checks one out.
Dildo: Well, lookie here. Bottled water! If I bought one, I could refresh myself and wash away this crud. (hefts his coin purse appraisingly) Hmmm. Better not, though. The ol’ sack’s lost a lot of weight. Can’t make any unnecessary purchases right now.
Close-up of a rusted condom dispenser.
Dildo: Wow! (rushes toward it) Mighty Mites! The only brand that fits me! They’re hard to get, too. Oh man, it’s too good to pass up!
Dildo plunks a coin into the slot and presses the button. But the decrepit machine doesn’t respond. He presses it again and again, growing increasingly irritated. Finally, in disgust, he yanks the coin return. A small round object shoots from the slot and hits the cement with a “clink!”.
Dildo: (examining it) Hey! That’s not my copper! (holding it up to the meager light) It’s a ring. A brass ring. Well I’ll be damned. I finally got the brass ring. (snorting) Not that it does me much good down here...
As Dildo fumes, a faint muttering and screeching catches his attention. He peers down the tunnel and is aghast to see that a spindly, deformed figure is heading his way.
Diagonal wipe to the interior of the stone nightclub. The chained girls squealingly submit to the ravenous tongue-attention of the Gobblins, as scores of the scabrous gargoyles await their turn.
1st Gobblin: (surveying the action) This is gold mine, Ugluk.
2nd Gobblin: You bet, Grishnak. Only need clever advertising.
1st Gobblin: How you mean, Ugluk?
2nd Gobblin: (after a moment’s thought) ...hmmm. How ‘bout this: “Try ‘Em All! Seven Delicious Flavors!”
1st Gobblin: Seven flavors? That for real?
2nd Gobblin: You bet! Just have look. (indicating Gropie, a blonde girl) Vanilla!
(moving to Afrodo, a black girl) Licorice!
(Floozie, an Asian girl) Lemon!
(Loosie, a red-head) Cherry!
(Ditzee, who defiantly makes a rude noise) Raspberry!
Diagonal wipe back to Dildo in the sewer. He watches in horrified fascination, as a furtive, skeletally thin creature enters the alcove.
Creature: (gibbering to himself) Lost! Lost! Where, oh where can it be! We hads it only yesterday, my Luscious!
Dildo: “My Luscious”? Only one creature in all of Diddle Earth would use a vocabulary that tortured. You must be Smallum, right? The pencil-dicked, inbred mental defective of the sewer system? But I thought you were just an urban myth!
Smallum: (starting back, hissing) An invader! An enemy come to rob us! (coughing) Smallum!
Dildo: Rob you?! Oh, you bet! I’m just dying to get my hands on all this precious, germ-ladden refuse!
Smallum: It admits it, my Luscious! It thinks to pilfer our treasure and makes its escape by the hidden stairway!
Dildo: Hidden stairway? Hot dog! (jovially) Come on, pal! Show me the way out. (Smallum draws back, hissing suspiciously) Don’t be that way! I’ll give you a shiny new penny!
Smallum: (slyly) So! It tries to bargain. Thinks it’s prixy, does it? Well, we has a bargain for it, Luscious! We challenges it to a contest!
Dildo: Huh? What’s this about a contest?
Smallum: If it loses, we gets to eat it!
Dildo: Say what?!
Smallum: But if it wins, it gets to eat us!
Dildo: Whoa! You’re not sweetening the deal at all! Tell you what. I accept your challenge. If I win, you can show me to the exit.
Smallum: Just as it says! Let it listen to the rules, then: We tells a rhyme, my Luscious. Once we finishes, it tells one back. If it can’t think of one...we wins! And the nasty little trespasser is ours to play with!
Dildo: (gulping) Uh, you go first.
Smallum: (clearing his throat)
A Throbbit, as everyone knows,
Passes gas through its ass and its nose.
Yet folks lies awake late
Locked in mocking debate,
Judging whether it sucks or it blows!
(cackling evilly) Beat that, my Luscious!
Dildo: (seething) Okay! Try this on for size!
A monkey who mates in the sewer,
Plies a plunger instead of his skewer.
He has found that this trade
Makes it tough to get laid,
Since no gal wants her spit sucked straight through her!
There! Like that one? I made it up on the spot!
Smallum: (muttering) This one is prixier than it looks. We best be careful. Smallum! Smallum!
Clock wipe to indicate the passing of one hour.
Dildo:
Best beware of my perjuring parrot.
He’s a bird whose word-turds bear no merit!
What vile lies he can screech
As he sounds his free speech!
Even O.J. himself would not dare it!
Smallum:
Ever swallow a succulent prune, sir?
That sweet juice leaves you loose all too soon, sir.
Please attends to a john
When the rumblings comes on,
Or you’ll counts your new suit a true ruin, sir!
Dildo: And you’d know all about that, I’m guessing!
Montage: several successive clock wipes to indicate the passing of several hours. Both contestants become increasingly bleary-eyed and disheveled.
Dildo:
...There once was a wicked old Persian
Quite perturbed by a certain aspersion:
“I deliver smart spanks
To my courtesan’s flanks.
Such a ball! Yet they call it perversion!”
(sighs) Go. (no response from Smallum.) Did you hear me? It’s your turn. (heartened by the silence.) What’s the matter? Running on empty?
Smallum: No! No! We knows one more! (aloud, but to himself) But we dares not! It tells the secret of the Luscious!
Dildo: Quit stalling! Either make with the poetry or admit I’m the winner!
Smallum: (swallowing hard) Oh woe! It leaves us no choice:
(reticently)
A circle constructed of brass
Proves a boon when pursuing a lass.
While not forged for the finger,
It sharpens the stinger
‘Til fit for the finest of ass!
Dildo: (quietly) A circle of brass? Could he possibly mean that brass ring I found in the vending machine? Maybe it’s a magic ring! (he fishes it from his pocket) Only one way to find out...
Dildo slips the ring on his finger, then whirls triumphantly to face Smallum. But no change has occurred.
Dildo: (embarrassed) Eh...excuse me. (turning his back on Smallum once more) Damn! What went wrong?
“A circle constructed of brass”...that’s got to be the ring,
“Proves a boon when pursuing a lass.
While not forged for the finger”...Oh! (he pulls the ring off.)
“It sharpens the stinger...”
Dildo looks at the small diameter of the ring, then down toward his nether regions.
Dildo: Merciful Jesus!
He raises the ring high, then slams it down over his crotch. Instantly, he disappears.
Dildo: Yeowww!!!
Smallum: The Luscious! The Luscious! It was here all along! Grrr! The nasty, prixy Throbbit! We hates it! We hates it forever!
Smallum capers madly about. Finally, he dashes clear out of the scene. Everything is stark silent for several seconds.
Dildo: (a disembodied voice) What the hell was that all about? What’s his problem? (suspicious) Uh-oh. Maybe the ring uglied-up my face.
The camera tracks the invisible Dildo as though he were still there. He looks down into the sewer water to check his appearance.
Dildo: (seeing no reflection) Holy crap! Where am I?! Where did I go?! Oh God! I wasn’t much to start with! Now I’m nothing at all!
Cut to Dildo’s shadow on the wall.
Dildo: Wait! There’s my shadow! If I still have a shadow, there must be something left. (noticing a strange detail) One fucking minute! (he turns sideways and suddenly sees that his shadow sports an enormous rigid penis.) Kee-riste! Can that be me?! (His silhouetted hands creep down the furry six-foot length of his impressive new unit.) It is! So, this is the power of the magic ring! I may be invisible, but I’m now blessed with the ultimate buggerer’s tool! (chuckling to himself as he exits) Man! I really need to check this thing out more thoroughly!
Next week – Scene 7: “Shiver Me, Timber”.
Link to Scenes 1 & 2: http://www.tickletheater.com/showthread.php?t=34195
Link to Scene 6: http://www.tickletheater.com/showthread.php?p=342766
* * *
Lord of the Wrongs
Scene 6: “Randy Rhyme Time”.
Lord of the Wrongs
Scene 6: “Randy Rhyme Time”.
Dissolve from the previous scene to the dark tunnels of a sewer. Dildo lies flat on his face in rancid water. Shakily, he rises to assess his surroundings.
Dildo: (dismayed) Ah, shit! (scraping crud from his clothes and reacting in horror.) Ahhh! Shit!
Hurriedly, he clambers up onto a stone walkway.
Dildo: Damn! No ladder. How am I gonna get back upstairs? Maybe there’s another man-hole around here somewhere.
Dildo slowly makes his way through the piles of accumulated trash, eventually coming to an alcove which holds a number of abandoned vending machines. He checks one out.
Dildo: Well, lookie here. Bottled water! If I bought one, I could refresh myself and wash away this crud. (hefts his coin purse appraisingly) Hmmm. Better not, though. The ol’ sack’s lost a lot of weight. Can’t make any unnecessary purchases right now.
Close-up of a rusted condom dispenser.
Dildo: Wow! (rushes toward it) Mighty Mites! The only brand that fits me! They’re hard to get, too. Oh man, it’s too good to pass up!
Dildo plunks a coin into the slot and presses the button. But the decrepit machine doesn’t respond. He presses it again and again, growing increasingly irritated. Finally, in disgust, he yanks the coin return. A small round object shoots from the slot and hits the cement with a “clink!”.
Dildo: (examining it) Hey! That’s not my copper! (holding it up to the meager light) It’s a ring. A brass ring. Well I’ll be damned. I finally got the brass ring. (snorting) Not that it does me much good down here...
As Dildo fumes, a faint muttering and screeching catches his attention. He peers down the tunnel and is aghast to see that a spindly, deformed figure is heading his way.
Diagonal wipe to the interior of the stone nightclub. The chained girls squealingly submit to the ravenous tongue-attention of the Gobblins, as scores of the scabrous gargoyles await their turn.
1st Gobblin: (surveying the action) This is gold mine, Ugluk.
2nd Gobblin: You bet, Grishnak. Only need clever advertising.
1st Gobblin: How you mean, Ugluk?
2nd Gobblin: (after a moment’s thought) ...hmmm. How ‘bout this: “Try ‘Em All! Seven Delicious Flavors!”
1st Gobblin: Seven flavors? That for real?
2nd Gobblin: You bet! Just have look. (indicating Gropie, a blonde girl) Vanilla!
(moving to Afrodo, a black girl) Licorice!
(Floozie, an Asian girl) Lemon!
(Loosie, a red-head) Cherry!
(Ditzee, who defiantly makes a rude noise) Raspberry!
Diagonal wipe back to Dildo in the sewer. He watches in horrified fascination, as a furtive, skeletally thin creature enters the alcove.
Creature: (gibbering to himself) Lost! Lost! Where, oh where can it be! We hads it only yesterday, my Luscious!
Dildo: “My Luscious”? Only one creature in all of Diddle Earth would use a vocabulary that tortured. You must be Smallum, right? The pencil-dicked, inbred mental defective of the sewer system? But I thought you were just an urban myth!
Smallum: (starting back, hissing) An invader! An enemy come to rob us! (coughing) Smallum!
Dildo: Rob you?! Oh, you bet! I’m just dying to get my hands on all this precious, germ-ladden refuse!
Smallum: It admits it, my Luscious! It thinks to pilfer our treasure and makes its escape by the hidden stairway!
Dildo: Hidden stairway? Hot dog! (jovially) Come on, pal! Show me the way out. (Smallum draws back, hissing suspiciously) Don’t be that way! I’ll give you a shiny new penny!
Smallum: (slyly) So! It tries to bargain. Thinks it’s prixy, does it? Well, we has a bargain for it, Luscious! We challenges it to a contest!
Dildo: Huh? What’s this about a contest?
Smallum: If it loses, we gets to eat it!
Dildo: Say what?!
Smallum: But if it wins, it gets to eat us!
Dildo: Whoa! You’re not sweetening the deal at all! Tell you what. I accept your challenge. If I win, you can show me to the exit.
Smallum: Just as it says! Let it listen to the rules, then: We tells a rhyme, my Luscious. Once we finishes, it tells one back. If it can’t think of one...we wins! And the nasty little trespasser is ours to play with!
Dildo: (gulping) Uh, you go first.
Smallum: (clearing his throat)
A Throbbit, as everyone knows,
Passes gas through its ass and its nose.
Yet folks lies awake late
Locked in mocking debate,
Judging whether it sucks or it blows!
(cackling evilly) Beat that, my Luscious!
Dildo: (seething) Okay! Try this on for size!
A monkey who mates in the sewer,
Plies a plunger instead of his skewer.
He has found that this trade
Makes it tough to get laid,
Since no gal wants her spit sucked straight through her!
There! Like that one? I made it up on the spot!
Smallum: (muttering) This one is prixier than it looks. We best be careful. Smallum! Smallum!
Clock wipe to indicate the passing of one hour.
Dildo:
Best beware of my perjuring parrot.
He’s a bird whose word-turds bear no merit!
What vile lies he can screech
As he sounds his free speech!
Even O.J. himself would not dare it!
Smallum:
Ever swallow a succulent prune, sir?
That sweet juice leaves you loose all too soon, sir.
Please attends to a john
When the rumblings comes on,
Or you’ll counts your new suit a true ruin, sir!
Dildo: And you’d know all about that, I’m guessing!
Montage: several successive clock wipes to indicate the passing of several hours. Both contestants become increasingly bleary-eyed and disheveled.
Dildo:
...There once was a wicked old Persian
Quite perturbed by a certain aspersion:
“I deliver smart spanks
To my courtesan’s flanks.
Such a ball! Yet they call it perversion!”
(sighs) Go. (no response from Smallum.) Did you hear me? It’s your turn. (heartened by the silence.) What’s the matter? Running on empty?
Smallum: No! No! We knows one more! (aloud, but to himself) But we dares not! It tells the secret of the Luscious!
Dildo: Quit stalling! Either make with the poetry or admit I’m the winner!
Smallum: (swallowing hard) Oh woe! It leaves us no choice:
(reticently)
A circle constructed of brass
Proves a boon when pursuing a lass.
While not forged for the finger,
It sharpens the stinger
‘Til fit for the finest of ass!
Dildo: (quietly) A circle of brass? Could he possibly mean that brass ring I found in the vending machine? Maybe it’s a magic ring! (he fishes it from his pocket) Only one way to find out...
Dildo slips the ring on his finger, then whirls triumphantly to face Smallum. But no change has occurred.
Dildo: (embarrassed) Eh...excuse me. (turning his back on Smallum once more) Damn! What went wrong?
“A circle constructed of brass”...that’s got to be the ring,
“Proves a boon when pursuing a lass.
While not forged for the finger”...Oh! (he pulls the ring off.)
“It sharpens the stinger...”
Dildo looks at the small diameter of the ring, then down toward his nether regions.
Dildo: Merciful Jesus!
He raises the ring high, then slams it down over his crotch. Instantly, he disappears.
Dildo: Yeowww!!!
Smallum: The Luscious! The Luscious! It was here all along! Grrr! The nasty, prixy Throbbit! We hates it! We hates it forever!
Smallum capers madly about. Finally, he dashes clear out of the scene. Everything is stark silent for several seconds.
Dildo: (a disembodied voice) What the hell was that all about? What’s his problem? (suspicious) Uh-oh. Maybe the ring uglied-up my face.
The camera tracks the invisible Dildo as though he were still there. He looks down into the sewer water to check his appearance.
Dildo: (seeing no reflection) Holy crap! Where am I?! Where did I go?! Oh God! I wasn’t much to start with! Now I’m nothing at all!
Cut to Dildo’s shadow on the wall.
Dildo: Wait! There’s my shadow! If I still have a shadow, there must be something left. (noticing a strange detail) One fucking minute! (he turns sideways and suddenly sees that his shadow sports an enormous rigid penis.) Kee-riste! Can that be me?! (His silhouetted hands creep down the furry six-foot length of his impressive new unit.) It is! So, this is the power of the magic ring! I may be invisible, but I’m now blessed with the ultimate buggerer’s tool! (chuckling to himself as he exits) Man! I really need to check this thing out more thoroughly!
End of Scene 6.
Next week – Scene 7: “Shiver Me, Timber”.
Link to Scenes 1 & 2: http://www.tickletheater.com/showthread.php?t=34195
Link to Scene 6: http://www.tickletheater.com/showthread.php?p=342766
Last edited:
