Mainly for the Ladies: Do women really want more feminine men?

[Haltickling]

During the last few years, I've observed a development which disturbs me somewhat: It seems the 'desirable man' has to become more feminine to please nowadays' women. Clean shaven, no moustache or beard, no body hair. A distinct shifting in 'beauty ideal', comparable only to the 'slimness craze' in the male's idea of a beautiful woman.

I have been wearing a moustache since almost 30 years now, and recently I start to notice very negative reactions like 'a man who wears a moustache or beard has something to hide' (BTW: Do women wear make-up or nail polish for the same reason? ). Same thing at the beach: I'm quite used to snide comments on my big belly (cost me a lot to acquire it finally… ), but now the comments tend to find my body hair 'primeval', although I'm just about average hairy or the chest, and none on my back.

What I mean: Facial and body hair is a secondary sex characteristic for the male human being, mainly caused by the male hormone testosterone. Do women really want more feminine men? With all the consequences?

Seen from a slightly different angle: Another trend is to get a boyfriend/husband to read every wish from a woman's eyes, devoting himself to her to the point of self-denial, and when this is achieved, girls call him 'a total wimp'. They treat him like shit, sometimes running off with a super-macho Latin Lover who treats HER like shit.

I'm not advertising macho-ism at all. Still I fail to understand women. But as a wise man once said: 'There are three types of women a man will never understand: young women, middle-aged women, and elderly women…'

Now Myladies, can you help me out of this confusion? What is your opinion?

 

[Mimi]

In my opinion, I will always be a real man's lady. I love facial hair, chest hair is wonderful (Hell, ALL body hair on a man is to be expected, and is acceptable!), and I love big burly men. I don't much care for feminine men. I'm almost somewhat masuline myself (big build, very strong), and I like a man that can keep up with me. I want a man who makes me feel more feminine, not the other way around. Otherwise I would become a lesbian


Mimi

 

[Ayla ny]

I think the ‘ideal man’ changes with your age. when I was 20 yrs old, the ideal man had long hair, Lennon glasses and devastating eyes. at 33, he has a mind I admire and can guide me in learning about the many, many things that capture my interest. PhD optional but ticklishness required lol.

if I saw a clean shaven, bare-chested, young man on the beach... the first feeling to come to me would be maternal. but if I were to see a well dressed man sitting in the park reading, while his children played (I guess to keep him ideal they would be nieces and nephews lol)... THAT I would find very sexy!

it’s all a matter of what is important to you and what part of your life you are in.

my sister and I were just talking along those lines the other day. (we like to get together and think too much, talk too much and drink waaay too much coffee.) we decided that the best place to be (man or woman) was average to moderately attractive. too much beauty distracts from who the person really is and can too easily be used as a crutch but not enough beauty causes insecurities and can sap confidence.

bottom line tho is that it doesn’t really matter. too many things make up a whole person and how you look is only one of them. that’s one of things that I think is so cool about this forum. we are getting to know each other from the inside out.

ps if you like your moustache, then keep it! they tickle.

 

[qjakal]

Burly & Bald

Lesbian--not that there's anything wrong with that (Seinfeld), but it would be a great loss for men in general should you "switch teams" Ms Mimi...lol! Q

 

[BigJim]

Let me take a moment here.......... So where does this little old me in the scheme of things? I'm 6'3'' 230 lbs and am as hairy as your average mountain gorilla. (Or a matress with the stuffing hanging out.) Is that good or bad.Someone tell me because I am having one hell of an identity crisis here.LOL

 

[kurchatovium]

So its my big old moustache thats been holding me back all these years. Darn, well I like my moustache to much to shave it off so I guess I'll still be single for a long time to come.

 

[evilqueen]

I think the younger the woman, the better the odds she's attracted to feminine-looking men because they're less threatening and just all-around cuter, like most things young women like. I would be surprised to hear a woman in her 30s or 40s making negative comments about normal masculine traits. It would indicate a certain bimbo-ness on her part. I love balding/bald men because hair loss is a fairly reliable sign of high testosterone levels. As far as facial and body hair...I just don't get rejecting a guy for something like that. But maybe I would have when I was 20.

And as for the second question - why a woman totally emasculates her lover and then leaves him for a macho man...well, everything's a power struggle, innit? And like Groucho Marx, who said he'd never belong to a club that would have him as a member, these women lose respect for guys who cave in because they really want someone to challenge and be stronger than them. For this kind of woman, a man's ability to control is proof that he can take care of her, and is worthy of being with her. The nice, accommodating guy can never win with this woman. They're just not made for each other.

Men have their own version of this, y'know: the virgin and whore syndrome. They date/marry nice girls and then cheat on them with wild women. In high school I dated one of the most beautiful boys I'd ever seen - I couldn't believe it when he asked me out. Then I found out he was seeing me because I was a virgin (yes I was, once!). He had been having sex with his last girlfriend until the guilt overwhelmed him, so he started seeing me. Guess who he went back to after a month?

evilqueen

 

[kurchatovium]

OK so now I have to lose the moustache, shave my head, and be mean to the woman I date in order to win their hearts. I'm starting to think that relativistic quantum mechanics is easier to understand than this.

 

[evilqueen]

Not mean. I did not say mean!!! But I think you're teasing me anyway.

You can be strong and self-confident without being cruel. But the head shave just might get you somewhere.

 

[Strelnikov]

I look like V. I. Lenin with a beer gut. I'm still married, so I guess I suit the old gal well enough.

Re. EQ's post about m/f power struggles, there's been a market for years for mail order brides from foreign parts for just that reason. Lately, I've known two guys about my age who found mail-order brides in the former USSR. The advertising copy for the service said, "White women - without the attitude." One seems to be working out. The other girl was just looking for a green card, but I guess it was fun while it lasted.

Strelnikov

 

[kurchatovium]

Yes I was teasing you. Do women find this attractive?

 

[evilqueen]

I understand that mail-order thing. I have been seeing someone from overseas who doesn't have that American male attitude, either.

And yes, kurchatovium, in my experience, us women like to be teased. Except when we don't. And then man, are you in trouble.

 

[kurchatovium]

See I was right relativistic quantum mechanics is easier to understand than women.

 

[JoBelle]

I think my blood boils jusssst right at the sight of a man who looks like a MAN, not a boy, not a girl.

Strong hands, a hairy chest, a swagger in the walk, a cocky attitude now and then, firm thighs, a set jaw, at the very least a little stubble on the jawline....these are the things that make a woman like me weak. I can appreciate the beauty of a woman, but I don't want a man to resemble one! I don't want a man to ACT like one.

There is nothing more sad than a man who apologizes for being a man. I'm a bit old fashioned in this department I suppose, but I want a man who can swing a hammer, drink a beer, smoke a cigar, and get respect without banging his own drum. I want that same man to whisper dirty little secrets in my ears when we're behind closed doors. I want him to make me climb the walls...and of course let me make him do the same.

Sure, there is a Twiggy syndrome in the look of the "preferred male" nowadays, but I agree with EQ that as a woman gets older, she tends to appreciate what mother nature created. I personally like 'em with a wrinkles around the eyes, but that's just me.

Joby...who has no idea WHY it's the current trend..but she's swimmin' against it.

 

[Cyrano]

I thought maybe I should put a thought in, because no one has represented us in this post. I'm about 5'9 -5'10, 135lbs, deep black hair that can touch my chin, dark brown eyes, and wears John Lennon glasses 20 hours of the day. Moreover, I'm a man.

I guess one could call me feminine, I never thought of it that way. I don't hold a title belt in boxing, I study martial arts, I stand up for my friends if the need arises, I think there's a different time for fighting and talking. I put a dent in a fiber glass door with my bare fists but I'm feminine. I eat more than any of my friends, I just weigh less, it's metabolism, I've got no say in it. I have to shave every day like everyone else, but I'm slender, I'd look like a fool with a moustache or a beard. However, rest assured I'm a man.

I treat women nicely. I open doors for them, I pull their seats out, I buy them flowers, sing them songs, write them poems. But I'm not a little push over. I won't ditch the guys because some girl calls up at the last second, if I have plans with someone, I keep them. I don't wince and scurry along at the sound of a whip cracking.

My ramblings must have some message in them. You just can't stero-type someone. I'm Italian, some Italians (i.e. Lucky Lucciano, Al Capone) treated women horribly, other Italians, such as my grandfather, were true gentlemen. Same goes for "feminine men" some are jerks, some are pushovers, and everything in between. I realize this thread started about physical attributes, but somewhere along the line it changed, atleast it seems that way to me.

Last and least, I find it rather insulting to be called feminine. Not because I think women are lower than men, but because I am not a woman, I am a man, a proud man. I wouldn't mind being called slender, nor would I mind being called fair, but to be called feminine, it makes me mad.

 

[JoBelle]

Cyrano,

You have a valid point.

I personally don't think that the characteristics you mention in your post diminish any of the other attributes that I like. *shrug* Doubt you'd find much argument from others either.

Being a "slender" guy doesn't mean feminine. Having a slender physique combined with a submissive attitude, an insecurity...etc. Well, I think THAT was part of the issue here. I can't speak for everyone, but I dig what you're sayin'

*This coming from the amazon chick*
Joby

 

[ShiningIce]

Amen Cyrano. Facial hair doesnt make the man. Personality does.

 

[BigJim]

I think my blood boils jusssst right at the sight of a man who looks like a MAN, not a boy, not a girl.

Strong hands, a hairy chest, a swagger in the walk, a cocky attitude now and then, firm thighs, a set jaw, at the very least a little stubble on the jawline....these are the things that make a woman like me weak. I can appreciate the beauty of a woman, but I don't want a man to resemble one! I don't want a man to ACT like one.

There is nothing more sad than a man who apologizes for being a man. I'm a bit old fashioned in this department I suppose, but I want a man who can swing a hammer, drink a beer, smoke a cigar, and get respect without banging his own drum. I want that same man to whisper dirty little secrets in my ears when we're behind closed doors. I want him to make me climb the walls...and of course let me make him do the same.

*Swaggers over to his chair, rubs his stubble, glances out the window at the stocks he hammered together, pops a Bud,takes the Havana out of his mouth, kicks the old toy drum down the stairs and proves he can be cocky occasionally by typing this crappy post.LOL Finishes the post and leans back and admires the nail marks on his wall and ceiling*

 

[JoBelle]

*Swaggers over to his chair, rubs his stubble, glances out the window at the stocks he hammered together, pops a Bud,takes the Havana out of his mouth, kicks the old toy drum down the stairs and proves he can be cocky occasionally by typing this crappy post.LOL Finishes the post and leans back and admires the nail marks on his wall and ceiling*

I think I'm swoonin' now.
Jo