My Career choice versus my Parent's Opinion =[

[CuteJill143]

As the few of you on here who know me personally might have known, I first went to college with aspirations to become a Pharmacist (Doctor of Pharmacy) I began to take all of the prerequisites at my College such as the General Biology, General Chemistry, Organic Chemistry, Physics, Calculus, ect. I began to fall in love with Biology, especially all of the laboratory work. Instead of being an undeclared pre-health major, I then declared Biology thinking that I can always finish my BS then apply to a Pharmacy program afterward.

Once I made it around to the advanced Biology classes like Microbiology & Neuroscience; which had a lot more lab activity, I became more into the idea of research and being in the laboratory, i instead of dealing with patients all day. I was also working as Pharmacy Technician at the time and not loving the profession as I used to. It was really Microbiology which fascinated me the most, especially with a Clinical aspect of infectious disease. I then declared my second major in Med Tech (Clinical/Medical Laboratory Science) as this was the degree I needed instead to become a Clinical Microbiologist. So starting a second Bachelors' in science is taking me more time but I will be getting Clinical training and a National and State License out of it and the good salary that goes with that. I feel that this is worth me taking a bit longer. I plan on going for my Master's in Microbiology after my clinicals. I decided that it is what I truly want; to work as a Clinical Microbiologist and to teach it to College students and maybe one day go for my PhD in Microbiology but that I am not rushing into. I have blown the rest of the students in my Clinical Microbiology class away academically, it is not something I need to try extra hard in since I am good at it.

My career goals have changed drastically and took a longer route then I had anticipated and.. well....my parents and the rest of my family are not too thrilled about that at all. If it were up to them I would have become an Accountant like my cousins and their wives do and what my sister is going for. In my family, they tend to worship anyone in the field of business or accounting. I guess since most of my family are Accountants, in their eyes that's their only vision of a success story.

Going into Medical Lab Science is not impressing them and they are putting me down telling me its not a big deal. I will be graduating with two degrees so what the hell are they complaining about? I am finally doing something that I love that is not only practical, I will make a nice living on it as well. A Doctor's diagnosis will be based on what I do in the lab. I have talked to my professors and mentors about it. I will be 27 in a few days. They are old fashioned and just are afraid that if I start a PhD later in life, I will never get married or be established. I might be taking longer but I am doing it and not going to quit.

My brother also passed away 2 and 1/2 years ago and I also took less credits when that happened on top of working in a lab. You think my family would cut me some slack!!! Does anyone else have these issues with their parents and what they think you should do with your life as opposed to what you want and love? Although I love what I do, there's a part of me that feels like I still need to impress them. It's rough. =/

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

Sorry to hear about your brother. You seem pretty bright to me. It's good to get input from your parents and those close to you, but ultimately the decision is yours. Don't let others make the decision for you.

 

[CuteJill143]

Sorry to hear about your brother. You seem pretty bright to me. It's good to get input from your parents and those close to you, but ultimately the decision is yours. Don't let others make the decision for you.

My parents owned a house before they were 30 and they think everyone else should too. Things are not the same as it was 30 years ago. I know its up to me but not being supported doesn't make it easier.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

You're right about things being different. I hope your parents realize this and cut you some slack with the decisions you make. I'm probably around their age, perhaps a little older. I would like to think that I would support my daughter if she were in your position. For whatever it's worth, I hope they come around.

 

[kurchatovium]

If you want to do research then I would say do research. Life is too short too not do what you love. I got my Ph.D in organic chemistry. I have not regretted it. The big mistake I made was in not pushing to get enough published papers. If you want to be in research you need LOTS of publications to get good jobs. Sadly I did not get them and also had research of mine stolen.

So do what you love. Go for it. Just make sure you get published so you have a good standing in the research community.

 

[voided9]

You're an adult. You make your own choices, and are responsible for your own path, not your parents - it sucks to disappoint them, yes, but you can't do what they want for your entire life.

 

[TD01089]

Go with what you wanna do. In the end, its your career not there's

 

[CuteJill143]

If you want to do research then I would say do research. Life is too short too not do what you love. I got my Ph.D in organic chemistry. I have not regretted it. The big mistake I made was in not pushing to get enough published papers. If you want to be in research you need LOTS of publications to get good jobs. Sadly I did not get them and also had research of mine stolen.

So do what you love. Go for it. Just make sure you get published so you have a good standing in the research community.

I have an undergrad publication already..well at least my name is on it. I worked with Candida albicans which is a yeast that causes disease, especially in HIV patients. In Microbiology there is still a lot to do without the PhD.

 

[kurchatovium]

I have an undergrad publication already..well at least my name is on it. I worked with Candida albicans which is a yeast that causes disease, especially in HIV patients. In Microbiology there is still a lot to do without the PhD.

Thats a good start. Also make good contact with a lot of the professors you meet. Getting most places these days involves networking. Something else I did not realize soon enough.

 

[Amnesiac]

When you come from a Carbon Family--a family composed of many people and one personality type--being the "different one" is the worst. You become seen as the failure because everybody else has naturally fallen into this groove your ancestors wore down beforehand with little prompting. And because it's unusual and not expected, the family invariably thinks that 1) something has gone horribly wrong or 2) you're doing it on purpose out of some selfish grudge against them. The likely reason that 3) you're the first x factor to pop up in a few generations, never occurs to them.

It's largely unavoidable, but parents tend to be very proprietary about their kids because the kids are largely a vanity project. Parents become parents because they want kids, and going through all the trouble of raising them and not letting them die in traffic tends to create very possessive feelings that they want reciprocated in the form of the child becoming the ideal person they envisioned. But all of that is "compensation" for having to give up the dream of, say, joining that ska band they had in college and becoming a stick-in-the-mud responsible adult instead. And when you sit at a desk or behind the wheel suppressing the screaming discontent that poisons your soul a little bit each day, you tend to demand a certain grandeur in your reward for spending 26 years in an office battling deadlines and caffeine addiction while your college friends spent 26 years balls-deep in groupie pussy.

Only your curing cancer can make up for me giving up my dream of being a professional surfer.

But sometimes, you just have those parents, especially in Carbon Families, where the identity of the family is determined by the inheritance of a single trade. It's considered a sign of not only respect, but of order, where the family has a predictable trait for survival and success. When someone doesn't fit the mold, it can be easily seen as a defective unit, and a sign of impending or hidden disaster. It can also make them defensive because it makes them feel that your inability to be like them indicates their inability to "make you right" and that can create anger towards you for making them feel like the failures they really actually aren't. The idea that things could be the same until one day they suddenly aren't strikes them the same way:

People are people, but families tend to think of themselves as a group, and dissent or discontinuity is seen as something unwanted and preventable, which is why so many of the parents in these families have such exacting and specific demands. It's because they're looking for a reproducible result according to a standardized preference upon which their entire sense of self is contingent. That's why you can be the best at something, world-renowned, and even world-changing, and yet still not be good enough to satisfy their exact idea of what you should be.

And the worst part is they're never really aware of the effect they have on you. They feel what they feel and do what they do and say what they say because it's all done in the service of an ideal "goal" which is for your own benefit. They don't understand why all the haranguing, chastising, sniping, judging, and joking is making you mad: they're doing it so you turn out 'right" and that's something you should be grateful for. The idea that their attitude is doing to you what your unorthodoxy is doing to them doesn't occur to them because righteousness is a hinge that only swings one way.

In the end, you're the one who has to live your life everyday and live with what you do. And if you can't live with yourself and what you do, then you can't enjoy it, and you can't even do your job well. To assume that you can be happy doing something just because everybody else is doing it is incredibly disrespectful to that person and wildly inaccurate. While you should endeavor to make sure your life has meaning and significance beyond your immediate gratification, it's not entirely required and as long as you are happy with what you do, then it isn't wasted. And while it can be hard to get over because you think you've let your parents down, keep in mind that your parents are the ones who taught you to feel that way in the first place, probably so they could pull shit like this. The best revenge for that sort of thing is to be the best at what you want to be, and then enjoy it.

You'll be surprised at how well that works.

 

[Antarion]

If you went into college on their dime, it is the worst possible thing you can do to change your major without their consent; however, if you've funded yourself through all your years of college, it's none of their business.

 

[CuteJill143]

If you went into college on their dime, it is the worst possible thing you can do to change your major without their consent; however, if you've funded yourself through all your years of college, it's none of their business.

It was not on their dime and even if it was, I should still be allowed to do what I like. If they said they would have paid for all of college for me to major in something I didn't want, I would have still found different means to pay, no matter what my parents offered. I might be related to my parents but I am no extension of them.

 

[kis123]

Let this old lady give you my take on the matter:

There is a time where you just have to follow your own path and all other's dissenting opinions be damned. If you don't, then who are you living for, their dreams or yours?

Business majors come a dime a dozen, trust me, I know by PERSONAL experience. But science majors will always be in demand on one level or another. Besides I heard it said somewhere that if you love what you do, it's not work!

I can remember many times my well-meaning family saying things that were absolutely insulting and demeaning to what I wanted to pursue; I caved in to their demands like a fool. What did it get me? Many extra years of life lessons the hard way because you have to play the hand your dealt and you must live your own life, not their plans for you.

Keep doing what you're doing for you; when they see how happy and well-off you are, they'll leave you alone.

 

[kis123]

It was not on their dime and even if it was, I should still be allowed to do what I like. If they said they would have paid for all of college for me to major in something I didn't want, I would have still found different means to pay, no matter what my parents offered. I might be related to my parents but I am no extension of them.

Yes you are an extension of your parents.....can't get around that.

However, that doesn't mean that you are beholden to them; be grateful for the things they do for you because they love you. But have your own mindset and do your own thing. At the end of the day, you must be accountable and responsible for your own life.

Best wishes

 

[milagros317]

Kurch is right. Go ahead and do what YOU want to do with your life. Otherwise you will deeply regret it and resent your parents,

 

[Bugman]

I can only echo what others have said. You must pursue your dreams, and live your own life. Otherwise, you may become bitter and resentful towards your family. This is no way to live. If they can't support your goals, well, that is their problem, not yours. Don't let them stand in the way.

 

[Burntaway822]

I feel ya, I still get shit from my parents about where I am in my career. I'll be 32 this summer still got no house, a car that's constantly broke down, and living paycheck to paycheck. I pay about $400 in student loans a month on top of all my other bills and rent. Parents just don't get it...like you said its not 30 years ago. My parents never had to pay a student loan yet they don't get how difficult its become, and a lot of people are in similar situations. Its harder to make it in this economy especially if its designed to keep you in debt. Do what makes you happy, its your life and not your parent's.

 

[shark]

Alot of parents think they know what's best for their children. The problem is that their perspectives and, many times, information is several years old, sometimes even decades. You have to make a decision on what's best for you. Just be certain to differentiate between hobbies and potential careers. You don't want to be paying off student loans for what turn about to be hobbies, and not be able to reap real benefits from them.

 

[WorkInProgress]

This is a very familiar scenario, and I believe that, in a lot of instances, once you actually have the PhD and are teaching, then all of a sudden it's "My daughter's a biology professor, I'm soooo proud..." It's the steps leading up to it that they can't quite seem to comprehend.

Meanwhile, you may want to consider some assertiveness techniques to ween them off the habit of feeling free to give you career counseling and life coaching sessions. Sometimes the key is just decisively changing the subject. Whatever you do, you should not fall into the trap of thinking you need to convince them of anything. Thing is, they surely have people in their lives whom they would never think of trying to tell what to do for fear of getting them angry, and your challenge may be to become one of those people.

 

[Speedbump]

It's your life, not theirs. Whatever they want for you is what they'd want for themselves, but what you want for yourself is the only thing that matters. If they don't support you in what you want to do, then they're nothing but an obstacle you need to push passed.

 

[paracarl44]

A career in Medicine.........................

with an aging population is a guarantee for employment.