Tickling_bully
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PS: Both of these should be easy to find on youtube.
Chris
Chris
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Need Prayer for saying good bye to MOM
- Thread starter DimpleToes
- Start date
Morpheus72
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I've watched this thread grow over the last couple of days trying to find words to say that would bring you comfort in your sorrow and I simply couldn't find any.
I can say that I've been where you're going and know exactly what you're going through--you are definitely in my thoughts.
My entire family had fallen apart for awhile, but one thing that brought them together briefly was a brief assignment I gave all of them after my mom passed. I asked each of them to describe Mom in a word or sentence and I'd use it during her eulogy. I was amazed at how everyone stopped bickering long enough to give me their thoughts. So if you have the time, ask your family what they truly think of her and write it all down. Whether you use it as part of her eulogy or not doesn't matter; you might have to remind them what they said if anyone gets ugly.
We just buried my mom's youngest sister last Tues; she was the last of my mom's siblings. My cousins are devastated to say the least. We weren't very close, but I have decided that since all the troublemakers are gone, it can open a door to a new family relationship. Instead of us being separated, we can grow together free of family nonsense.
I do wish you the very best during this transitional time. My PM box is open should you ever need to chat.
Take care and be at peace.
I can say that I've been where you're going and know exactly what you're going through--you are definitely in my thoughts.
My entire family had fallen apart for awhile, but one thing that brought them together briefly was a brief assignment I gave all of them after my mom passed. I asked each of them to describe Mom in a word or sentence and I'd use it during her eulogy. I was amazed at how everyone stopped bickering long enough to give me their thoughts. So if you have the time, ask your family what they truly think of her and write it all down. Whether you use it as part of her eulogy or not doesn't matter; you might have to remind them what they said if anyone gets ugly.
We just buried my mom's youngest sister last Tues; she was the last of my mom's siblings. My cousins are devastated to say the least. We weren't very close, but I have decided that since all the troublemakers are gone, it can open a door to a new family relationship. Instead of us being separated, we can grow together free of family nonsense.
I do wish you the very best during this transitional time. My PM box is open should you ever need to chat.
Take care and be at peace.
maniactickler
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Im very sorry to hear this. my heart goes out to you.
ticklebunny 2
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I am really sorry to hear this, what a sad story.
I am sorry you and your loved ones are having to go through this rough time right now. Granted I can't feel your pain, but I have been there-sadly when my grandpa had a complication with a hip surgery-got pnemonia and organ and kidney failure/would have had to be on kidney dialysis-sadly tube in his mouth, so could not eat-so I get what you are saying Dimpletoes, that is so rough. I am sorry this is happening to your mother. What a rough time to go through all this. I hope soon your siblings and family members can straighten up their act-ones giving you a hard time. Now is not the time for personal family division and feuds. I hope your mother can be shown mercy and be granted a very peaceful exit from this earth, with no pain. I am sorry your mother is dying. That is indeed very sad and a terrible thing to go through. May God give you strength and comfort during this emotional and terrible rough time. Don't be too hard on yourself you are doing only what you know to do and what you can do. Your mother appreciates it and loves you for it-even though she is not in her right mind-being she is seeing visions of loved ones passed before her and she is very confused -not understanding things.
She does love you Dimpletoes and loves your other loved ones too. Even though she does not remember and she is speaking in confusion-know in her heart she loves you all. She can't control what is happening-not her choice. Sorry to hear this is going on-especially around the holiday/Christmas time.
May God bring you and your family comfort and healing. Sorry to hear this.
I am sorry you and your loved ones are having to go through this rough time right now. Granted I can't feel your pain, but I have been there-sadly when my grandpa had a complication with a hip surgery-got pnemonia and organ and kidney failure/would have had to be on kidney dialysis-sadly tube in his mouth, so could not eat-so I get what you are saying Dimpletoes, that is so rough. I am sorry this is happening to your mother. What a rough time to go through all this. I hope soon your siblings and family members can straighten up their act-ones giving you a hard time. Now is not the time for personal family division and feuds. I hope your mother can be shown mercy and be granted a very peaceful exit from this earth, with no pain. I am sorry your mother is dying. That is indeed very sad and a terrible thing to go through. May God give you strength and comfort during this emotional and terrible rough time. Don't be too hard on yourself you are doing only what you know to do and what you can do. Your mother appreciates it and loves you for it-even though she is not in her right mind-being she is seeing visions of loved ones passed before her and she is very confused -not understanding things.She does love you Dimpletoes and loves your other loved ones too. Even though she does not remember and she is speaking in confusion-know in her heart she loves you all. She can't control what is happening-not her choice. Sorry to hear this is going on-especially around the holiday/Christmas time.
May God bring you and your family comfort and healing. Sorry to hear this.
It's never like it is in the movies
Been through this twice-both parents were dead of cancer by the time I was 32.
(1) Say everything you have to say and spend as much time with her as possible so you don't feel anything was left undone.
(2) Sometimes the nicest people get remarkably unpleasant while suffering a long fatal illness; try to ignore it.
(3) The older relatives are often the most difficult to deal with, because they know their time is short, too, and see themselves in the dying person's position.
(4) Deathbeds are not only depressing, but boring as well. Don't feel guilty for secretly wishing, in the final stages, that they'd just get on with it. Since they can't get better at this point, a quick exit is best for all concerned.
(5) Hearing is the last sense to go. So keep talking to them as they slip over the edge.
(6) Develop a morbid sense of humour. Odd as it may seem, there will be one or two moments of the blackest comedy imaginable, so get ready to have to bite your lip on occasion to keep from laughing.
Lastly, there is the story of a buddhist monk who was given food and shelter for the night by a poor family. In the morning they gave him breakfast and asked him for a blessing before he set off to continue his wanderings. He replied, 'First the grandparents will die, and then the parents will die, next, the children will die, and finally the great-grandchildren will die.'
The family looked at him, shocked. And the monk smiled and said, 'Would you prefer it to happen in any other order?'
Been through this twice-both parents were dead of cancer by the time I was 32.
(1) Say everything you have to say and spend as much time with her as possible so you don't feel anything was left undone.
(2) Sometimes the nicest people get remarkably unpleasant while suffering a long fatal illness; try to ignore it.
(3) The older relatives are often the most difficult to deal with, because they know their time is short, too, and see themselves in the dying person's position.
(4) Deathbeds are not only depressing, but boring as well. Don't feel guilty for secretly wishing, in the final stages, that they'd just get on with it. Since they can't get better at this point, a quick exit is best for all concerned.
(5) Hearing is the last sense to go. So keep talking to them as they slip over the edge.
(6) Develop a morbid sense of humour. Odd as it may seem, there will be one or two moments of the blackest comedy imaginable, so get ready to have to bite your lip on occasion to keep from laughing.
Lastly, there is the story of a buddhist monk who was given food and shelter for the night by a poor family. In the morning they gave him breakfast and asked him for a blessing before he set off to continue his wanderings. He replied, 'First the grandparents will die, and then the parents will die, next, the children will die, and finally the great-grandchildren will die.'
The family looked at him, shocked. And the monk smiled and said, 'Would you prefer it to happen in any other order?'
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My thoughts are with you.
I lost my mother to a car accident last year. It was sudden as opposed to lingering, but everything Libertine says rings true. (Especially about the black humor.) I would add: Grieve in your own way. If you want to cry, go ahead and cry, no matter where you are or who is watching. If you don't want to cry, don't feel that you have to. The most unexpected things will set you off and bring back emotions. Do what comes naturally. Finally, consider joining a support group.
My best wishes to you in enduring this.
I lost my mother to a car accident last year. It was sudden as opposed to lingering, but everything Libertine says rings true. (Especially about the black humor.) I would add: Grieve in your own way. If you want to cry, go ahead and cry, no matter where you are or who is watching. If you don't want to cry, don't feel that you have to. The most unexpected things will set you off and bring back emotions. Do what comes naturally. Finally, consider joining a support group.
My best wishes to you in enduring this.
Tickling_bully
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Wow Libertine I had no idea.....My heart mourns for your losses.
I am also cracking up at your stark, sober, sardonic and wise observations of the dying process. My parents are both still in this world, and still together after fifty years of marraige, so I am unaccountably blessed, at least in that regard. I lost my grandparents, though, one by one, the last to the long slow fade out of alzheimers. As a present I gave him a massive catalogue of the paintings of Norman Rockwell, an artist that my grandad always loved. One of the few blessings of having a seive for a memory is that the same jokes are funny even when repeated endlessly. Jack used to crack up at the same images over and over and over again, essentially seeing them for the first time every time he saw them. It was one of the few silver linings to that dark cloudy year.
Dimpletoes I have been racking my brain to come up with a pop song whose lyric describes a much missed loved one, one who could have departed this world. I have been suprised at what a blank I have been drawing. It's not that there aren't beautiful songs about the dear departed, the ones I can think of are just a little too specific. "Night Shift" and "Missing you" are both swan songs inspired by the passing of Marvin Gaye, but obviously not convertable to a song for ones mum. The Red Hot Chile Peppers, hardly a bunch of limpid poets, nonetheless wrote "Knock Me Down" what I think is the most beautiful and anguished lament for a suicide to come out of the entire rock era. A close second is Lucinda Williams "Sweet Old World" a list of the reasons not to go, delivered too late. "Alone Again Naturally" by Gilbert O Sulliven contains a verse about losing ones mother, but its never been more to me than seventies kitsch.
But a poem for a cherished woman, and a mother, who is respected and missed and loved, is proving harder than I would have believed (I have been searching the web like a fool). John Lennon's "Mother" comes to mind, it is at least the right subject matter, but that is more about individual catharsis and loss than love.
So here are the only two I have found that seem to ring true: "Moonlit Mile" by the Rolling Stones and "I won't last a day without you" by the Carpenters. Neither are explicitly requiums. Neither are about parents. But both of them seem relevant in that they are both shaded by mortallity and loss and a love that is oceanic in its depth and permanence and mystery. And I'll keep digging. I feel I am almosting something and haven't hit on it yet.
300 Am. Must try and sleep....
Chris
I am also cracking up at your stark, sober, sardonic and wise observations of the dying process. My parents are both still in this world, and still together after fifty years of marraige, so I am unaccountably blessed, at least in that regard. I lost my grandparents, though, one by one, the last to the long slow fade out of alzheimers. As a present I gave him a massive catalogue of the paintings of Norman Rockwell, an artist that my grandad always loved. One of the few blessings of having a seive for a memory is that the same jokes are funny even when repeated endlessly. Jack used to crack up at the same images over and over and over again, essentially seeing them for the first time every time he saw them. It was one of the few silver linings to that dark cloudy year.
Dimpletoes I have been racking my brain to come up with a pop song whose lyric describes a much missed loved one, one who could have departed this world. I have been suprised at what a blank I have been drawing. It's not that there aren't beautiful songs about the dear departed, the ones I can think of are just a little too specific. "Night Shift" and "Missing you" are both swan songs inspired by the passing of Marvin Gaye, but obviously not convertable to a song for ones mum. The Red Hot Chile Peppers, hardly a bunch of limpid poets, nonetheless wrote "Knock Me Down" what I think is the most beautiful and anguished lament for a suicide to come out of the entire rock era. A close second is Lucinda Williams "Sweet Old World" a list of the reasons not to go, delivered too late. "Alone Again Naturally" by Gilbert O Sulliven contains a verse about losing ones mother, but its never been more to me than seventies kitsch.
But a poem for a cherished woman, and a mother, who is respected and missed and loved, is proving harder than I would have believed (I have been searching the web like a fool). John Lennon's "Mother" comes to mind, it is at least the right subject matter, but that is more about individual catharsis and loss than love.
So here are the only two I have found that seem to ring true: "Moonlit Mile" by the Rolling Stones and "I won't last a day without you" by the Carpenters. Neither are explicitly requiums. Neither are about parents. But both of them seem relevant in that they are both shaded by mortallity and loss and a love that is oceanic in its depth and permanence and mystery. And I'll keep digging. I feel I am almosting something and haven't hit on it yet.
300 Am. Must try and sleep....
Chris
tickmankyle1
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hugssss to you you are always in the prayers.
I get the impression you have had to perform all those sad dotes before??.
Yes, as I said in the first line of my previous post.
One thing I forgot to mention is this:
Life is finite; everyone has to die. However, leaving the world at a relatively old age, well-cared for and surrounded by loving family (as the OP's mother seems to be) is an ideal way for life to end. The average lifespan in the Western world is around 75 years- 79 for women and 73 for men, give or take. Or if you prefer something more lyrical/Biblical,
Psalms 90:10 'The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.'
A 'score' is 20 (undoubtedly this unit of measurement is based on the number of fingers and toes), so even the ancients acknowledged that a reasonable lifespan to expect is between 70 and 80 years.
However, obviously death is not always a sudden occurrance, but sometimes a process by steps to 'death by natural causes'. For instance, a few years ago an 88 year old aunt of mine, otherwise in good health considering, broke her hip and died of various complications 3 weeks later. But she did not die of a broken hip per se- she died from being 88 and breaking her hip. This happened to be her particular way out of the world. At that ripe old age there are many exit doors, one of which would have opened for her eventually.
An illness that kills at 18 is a tragedy; at 78 it is simply how a person happens to die.
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I am so sorry I missed this thread before, my thoughts are with you. I do know how hard it is and what you are going through. Watching the slow incapacitation of a once vital parent is extremely hard. Always know you have done the best for her, those thoughts and memories will bring you comfort.
Hugs!
Hugs!
