c7_assassin
3rd Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2007
- Messages
- 8,722
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Most of us know New Years Eve as the one day of the year it is socially acceptable to vomit while wearing a tuxedo. But it also a day when many people undertake resolutions for their self-improvement in the coming year.
Being the culmination of a secret thousand-generation breeding program, I obviously have no need for self-improvement. So this year, I've decided to make my resolutions for the improvement of everybody else.
You're welcome, mortals.
Resolution 1: Return the word 'manful' to common usage. The dictionary says it's antiquated, and we have too few words in the English language to convey manliness as it is. Did you know that in Australia they have 262 separate words for 'moustache'?
Resolution 2: See if I can bring back the moustache. Moustaches are cool.
Resolution 3: Be less shy about sharing my opinions. I'm awesome and always right; spreading my opinions, like my seed, is purely a public service.
Resolution 4: Spread more of my seed.
Resolution 5: Attain power. This will further the spread of opinions, seed.
Resolution 6: Clone Christina Hendricks; build a harem. Use her in elaborate sex-roleplay.
Resolution 7: Learn to cook pork. Pork is awesome. Feed my sex-clones pork so they will grow big and strong.
Resolution 8: Since I already have the perfect body, the only way to improve myself is to make everyone else less perfect. Replace fruit with coloured marshmallows. Pump bacon fat into tofu. Market salad dressing as a sports drink for children.
Resolution 9: After attainment of wealth, power, and sex, build a giant house. Call it 'Monticello;' Monticello is a bitching name for a house. Retire there to live a life of sloth and dissipation.
Resolution 10: Learn to play harmonica.
Resolution 11: Realize that I've lost my way; that this was supposed to be about making the world a better place, and all I've done is get myself laid and poison children.
Resolution 12: Burn down Monitcello and the Christina Hendricks-harem; renounce evil and vow to work for a better tomorrow.
I think 2012 is going to be a good year.
Being the culmination of a secret thousand-generation breeding program, I obviously have no need for self-improvement. So this year, I've decided to make my resolutions for the improvement of everybody else.
You're welcome, mortals.
Resolution 1: Return the word 'manful' to common usage. The dictionary says it's antiquated, and we have too few words in the English language to convey manliness as it is. Did you know that in Australia they have 262 separate words for 'moustache'?
Resolution 2: See if I can bring back the moustache. Moustaches are cool.
Resolution 3: Be less shy about sharing my opinions. I'm awesome and always right; spreading my opinions, like my seed, is purely a public service.
Resolution 4: Spread more of my seed.
Resolution 5: Attain power. This will further the spread of opinions, seed.
Resolution 6: Clone Christina Hendricks; build a harem. Use her in elaborate sex-roleplay.
Resolution 7: Learn to cook pork. Pork is awesome. Feed my sex-clones pork so they will grow big and strong.
Resolution 8: Since I already have the perfect body, the only way to improve myself is to make everyone else less perfect. Replace fruit with coloured marshmallows. Pump bacon fat into tofu. Market salad dressing as a sports drink for children.
Resolution 9: After attainment of wealth, power, and sex, build a giant house. Call it 'Monticello;' Monticello is a bitching name for a house. Retire there to live a life of sloth and dissipation.
Resolution 10: Learn to play harmonica.
Resolution 11: Realize that I've lost my way; that this was supposed to be about making the world a better place, and all I've done is get myself laid and poison children.
Resolution 12: Burn down Monitcello and the Christina Hendricks-harem; renounce evil and vow to work for a better tomorrow.
I think 2012 is going to be a good year.
