Playing the field (Dating)

[Player_X2020]

I'm a 19 year old single guy. I'm not cut, but I've got size. I'm completely confident and I don't have trouble with talking to women. My issue lies here:

If I'm interested in a particular girl, is it not appropriate to have a level of exclusivity with that girl?

I've been told by many to simply play the field. Diversify my portfolio if you will, but I feel like if I were seen by one with another it would throw away my chances with a lot of quality dateable girls.

My concern is that there is a girl in particular who I've been talking to, but she's busy all the time and we haven't even gone out on a date yet. However a few weeks back, we met up at a bar and one thing led to another and we had some fairly passionate kissing later on that night (but no further than that).

Was this just some drunken act and now I'm simply the ego-booster on a hook? If she really wanted to date me she would text me with a day by now wouldn't she? I almost just want to say "Are you interested in me or not?" At that point, I'd be showing all my cards and she might not be attracted to such a forward question.

I can be a very patient person, but at the same time, who likes being caught in limbo? I could go on about the mixed signals I've received however, let's just hear about the underlying question.

Play the field with multiple candidates, or simply wait until I know undoubtedly I've lost the one I'm dealing with.

 

[..Glamorous..]

I'd probably ask what the situation between you two was, but it seems like she wasn't that interested, otherwise I think it would have at least come up.

 

[socktickler86]

If you haven't even gone out on a date with her and it sounds like you've known her over a month (and you met the way you did), what does that tell you?

And come on, you know the risks involved with 'playing the field'. You just have to decide one way or the other.

 

[Player_X2020]

I'd probably ask what the situation between you two was, but it seems like she wasn't that interested, otherwise I think it would have at least come up.

What would have come up? That she wants to be exclusive? You can't really jump to that conversation when you've barely scratched the surface.

Aside from that, would you willingly go home with someone, make out and spoon/sleepover with someone you weren't interested in? And before we blame the alcohol the sleeping over was planned prior to drinking.

 

[Player_X2020]

If you haven't even gone out on a date with her and it sounds like you've known her over a month (and you met the way you did), what does that tell you?

And come on, you know the risks involved with 'playing the field'. You just have to decide one way or the other.

I'm not sure if we're on the same page or not haha! What does that tell me? I say she's attracted, whereas other circumstances indicate she's not.

 

[stroker]

Play the field , Trust me on this, being fixated on one woman is fatal, its almost certain to make her less not more attracted to you. One of the most attractive features a man can have is a string of available woman around him.That makes you something to be competed for and therefore infinitely more desirable. People want more than anything someting they cant have If someting is too readily available it loses a lot of its value.

 

[texastickler]

Date. Take my advice on this. You are young, you have no real reason to make any kind of comitment to a steady relationship. Date lots of people. One night you will be with a gal that makes your heart leap and you will know. Then stop dating and concentrate soley on her. When I say date I do not mean go to bed with them. I am not saying you would but concentrate a little on who they are. Have fun and enjoy dating. If Passion ensues later then go for it. I am not the greatest advice giver but I truly wish you all the luck in the world. Just have fun.

 

[..Glamorous..]

Date. Take my advice on this. You are young, you have no real reason to make any kind of comitment to a steady relationship. Date lots of people. One night you will be with a gal that makes your heart leap and you will know. Then stop dating and concentrate soley on her. When I say date I do not mean go to bed with them. I am not saying you would but concentrate a little on who they are. Have fun and enjoy dating. If Passion ensues later then go for it. I am not the greatest advice giver but I truly wish you all the luck in the world. Just have fun.

I completely agree with this statement. Just because there is an attraction doesn't mean anything. If there was a real connection then you would have heard back almost immediately, most girls don't play games and go for what they want before someone else gets it.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Has she said anything about you two dating? It seems like you guys may have discussed it but just left it without any real concrete next step - but I could be reading it wrong.

If she has said she's interested in dating, maybe she's waiting for you to take that step and ask her out for a specific day rather than just saying that you'd like to date her in general. Some girls just aren't move-makers, and asking someone out for a specific day and time is harder than just agreeing to go out "sometime".

The other option is that she doesn't want a relationship and really was just interested in a fun night - and maybe more fun nights - who knows?

Good luck!

Oh, as far as dating one person or shopping around - if there's one girl you're specifically interested in, date just her. If you want to see what else is out there, or you don't want to be tied down, play the field. As long as you're honest there isn't anything wrong with keeping your options open.

 

[texastickler]

I completely agree with this statement. Just because there is an attraction doesn't mean anything. If there was a real connection then you would have heard back almost immediately, most girls don't play games and go for what they want before someone else gets it.

Thanks Glam! I speak from experience believe me. I have been there done that. I am 37 now and simply see things better having walked the walk.

 

[Leo tickles]

If she was interested, she'd have gotten back to you.

Say she does get into a relationship with you, do you want this kind of limbo and lack of clarity throughout? Probably not.

Go find somebody that will let you know where you stand at all times. Make sure she's honest, too. I fucked that one up recently, not fun.

 

[Capnmad]

Aside from that, would you willingly go home with someone, make out and spoon/sleepover with someone you weren't interested in? And before we blame the alcohol the sleeping over was planned prior to drinking.

People's attitudes toward physicality can be quite diverse. What you may see as a sign may be one, or it may have been a sign of interest -- but only for a time, or her mind could have changed, or she could have a very liberal interpretation of appropriate levels of physicality. Try not to read too much into it. The human mind is very dynamic and most people's behavior is better understood, I think, as flexible according to changing context (external and internal) to which you are rarely privy (spooning = she likes you, or she's cold, or she's bored, or she wants an excuse not to go home, or...), rather than in the more rigid notions of "character" that lead one to believe there are obvious, standard interpretations for particular behaviors (spooning = she wants to date you).

And to answer your question? Date around.