Pondering the Unponderable: A Two-'Ler Relationship?

[Phineas]

So, I started seeing this woman recently. Hurray. Anyway, I find out she's not ticklish. At all. Boo. But I'm still seeing her, because she's a cute gamer nerd girl and you damn well don't find those every day.

Anyway, I got to thinking last night after hanging out with her. She's really goofy, and has a bit of a devilish sense of humor. It got me wondering as to whether or not she'd make a great 'ler.

And even if she didn't, it spawned an interesting philosophical query that I thought I'd pose to the members here.

Let's say you're a 'ler - 100% 'ler, not a 'switch 'ler, and you meet a woman who's also 100% 'ler, ditto. Neither of you can or would 'lee for the other (like, for example, if you're not ticklish). Could such a relationship truly survive?

Experience has taught me (with extreme prejudice) that one cannot "turn off" their fetish, so if both people in the relationship were 'lers, then obviously, they would have to seek gratification outside the relationship. Such a relationship would require 'concessions' of some sort to make it work, I think.

So, I'd like to hear from the community. Could such a relationship work, with or without 'outside help'? Are there any folks here with actual experience in such a situation, who could shed some light?

Personally, I think in a way it'd be totally hawt to 'tag-team' a 'lee with my best gal by my side. "You get the feet, hon... I'll take the armpits and we'll meet in the middle!"

Discuss.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

First off cute gamer nerd girl ftw!

And I'm not sure. I've read of times when it's worked out fine (I'll look for some links later), but I'm not sure if I could do it.

 

[LD_Tickler]

I don't think that would work for me. With tickling, the object of my desire is the lee. I don't think I could take the sexual energy incited by the lee and then redirect it to my girlfriend standing nearby

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

This kinda ties in with Artoo's thread about removing the sexual aspect of your fetish for stricly playful tickling.

I think if both parties are able and willing to do that, and the trust is there, it could totally work. But even the slightest hint of jealousy or distrust would totally destroy it.

 

[Redmage]

Depends on how willing each of you is to play with outside partners, and how critical tickling is to your fetish.

 

[sasaxrah]

I'd have to think that finding lees to play with a ler duo would happen far less often than both would want. If ler'ing was really important to both, I can't imagine the couple would ever have "enough" if they can't just satisfy the fetish themselves. It could work, but with both compromising their fetish to some degree for the sake of the relationship.

 

[Redmage]

I'd have to think that finding lees to play with a ler duo would happen far less often than both would want. If ler'ing was really important to both, I can't imagine the couple would ever have "enough" if they can't just satisfy the fetish themselves. It could work, but with both compromising their fetish to some degree for the sake of the relationship.

It's not necessary for a given 'lee to play with both of them.

 

[sasaxrah]

It's not necessary for a given 'lee to play with both of them.

Good point. I don't think that would change my opinion.

 

[-Hari-]

get a slave,

 

[Comfort Eagle]

get a slave,

And how would one go about doing that?

 

[Strider]

And how would one go about doing that?

Go to play parties, lifestyle events, fetish clubs, etc and meet with and talk to people. Kinksters get their partners the same way anyone else does.

 

[Redmage]

Good point. I don't think that would change my opinion.

Why not? Lees willing to play with one half of a couple are only slightly less common than those who insist on a single. Believe me, I know. So a couple with an arrangement like this will need to make few if any compromises.

 

[LindyHopper]

Hmm. This is an interesting one. I had to give it some thought. Here's what I've come up with:

There are two separate questions, really:
1) What does tickling do for you, as an individual?
2) What does tickling do for you in a relationship?

Regarding 1), if you need tickling in your life in order to be happy, your relationship needs to allow for that in order for it to survive. If you can be happy fulfilling this need either with your S.O. or with someone else, then you can be good in a two-'ler relationship.

But as for 2), if tickling is a thing that connects you, emotionally and sexually, with the person you love, then I don't feel like being with another 'ler would help at all. I can only speak as a 'lee, married to another sort-of 'lee, and I feel like our common interest in tickling is about as useful as a common interest in, say, scuba diving. It's a thing we're both passionate about that we can enjoy doing together, which brings us closer as a couple, but it's not like that's what keeping us in love, you know?

Our relationship works because we're 1) getting our tickling needs fulfilled with other people, and 2) being in love and happy together for reasons that are unrelated to tickling.

In sum, whether or not this woman you're seeing would be a good 'ler is kind of irrelevant. It's the answers to the two questions, separately, that matter.

 

[sasaxrah]

Why not? Lees willing to play with one half of a couple are only slightly less common than those who insist on a single. Believe me, I know. So a couple with an arrangement like this will need to make few if any compromises.

I'm probably not explaining myself effectively.

Are you saying there is an adequate amount of lee's willing to play with either a couple or a half of a couple? If so, then no compromise is needed. I'm operating under the assumption that there will probably not be enough opportunity to satisfy one or both of the people in the relationship, so continuing in the relationship would be a compromise.

 

[Phineas]

In sum, whether or not this woman you're seeing would be a good 'ler is kind of irrelevant.

Yea. I agree. Just one of those "Six Degrees of Separation" things that strings ideas together.

 

[Redmage]

Are you saying there is an adequate amount of lee's willing to play with either a couple or a half of a couple?

I suppose that depends on what they consider adequate. However I'm married, and I've found no shortage of partners to play with over the years.

 

[Phineas]

I suppose that depends on what they consider adequate. However I'm married, and I've found no shortage of partners to play with over the years.

As have I. In fact, most of the people who come to the bay area gatherings are coupled, and they still play with other people. It really depends on what you get out of it, and why.

 

[TickledToDeath]

It would work if you two as a couple could venture out and find Lees to tickle torment together!

TTD

 

[sasaxrah]

I suppose that depends on what they consider adequate. However I'm married, and I've found no shortage of partners to play with over the years.

As have I. In fact, most of the people who come to the bay area gatherings are coupled, and they still play with other people. It really depends on what you get out of it, and why.

My perception was that it's difficult to find lees, especially lees willing to play with married/committed lers. It's good to read that this isn't the case for everyone!

 

[Icycle]

My perception was that it's difficult to find lees, especially lees willing to play with married/committed lers. It's good to read that this isn't the case for everyone!

Sure, there are always more 'lers than 'lees, but there have always been enough 'lees around.

It's also possible that there are some regional differences in this regard. I don't have much experience regarding other areas. I have spend essentially my entire kinky life in the greater San Francisco metropolitan area in a long-term committed relationship, and I have had no difficulty finding other people to play with. But I acknowledge that the politically and socially liberal culture of the area, along with its well known reputation for sexual openness and freedom may be part of why it has been relatively easy for me.

 

[simulated]

Sure, there are always more 'lers than 'lees, but there have always been enough 'lees around.

It's also possible that there are some regional differences in this regard. I don't have much experience regarding other areas. I have spend essentially my entire kinky life in the greater San Francisco metropolitan area in a long-term committed relationship, and I have had no difficulty finding other people to play with. But I acknowledge that the politically and socially liberal culture of the area, along with its well known reputation for sexual openness and freedom may be part of why it has been relatively easy for me.

Yay San Francisco .

 

[BrightEyes1082]

I suppose that depends on what they consider adequate. However I'm married, and I've found no shortage of partners to play with over the years.

This makes sense only if your wife is aware of your bountiful play partners.
Otherwise it's nothing more than cheating, and doesn't really factor into
the topic here.

 

[ViperGTS]

I, personally, could not be in a relationship with a woman who was either not ticklish or refused to "allow" me to tickle them.

Others might be able to be in that kind of relationship, but I could not.

 

[Redmage]

This makes sense only if your wife is aware of your bountiful play partners.
Otherwise it's nothing more than cheating, and doesn't really factor into
the topic here.

Yes, I've hosted gatherings at my home and had my bountiful play partners over for dinner. So both of my wives are quite aware, thanks for asking.

Oh, my mistake. You didn't actually ask.

 

[starfires]

I think it is possible for such a relationship to work out, as humans are plentiful, and vary far and wide. That said, I think it is much more probable in the context of a poly/otherwise open relationship, or one where neither person perceives the tickling as sexual. I will consider the latter a trivial case and skip it. On the subject of the former:

This one time, on Livejournal, neverireven put forth the following concept: When people like each other, they usually wish to pursue a certain type of relationship with each other: a marriage, a friendship, a one night stand, etc., depending on what fits their feelings. Consider the case where the best fit is a metamour relationship, even if they have no focus for it at this time. (Translation from poly-speak: consider the case where the two people would get the most out of their association if they had a lover in common, even if they do not currently have a suitable lover to share.) Some people seek out hobbies to enjoy together, sometimes games, books or movies -- why not a person they can both love?
Anyway, this concept resonated with several people in the forum where it was posted. Nobody admitted to forming a relationship with this as a chief motivating factor, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

I think this extends to the hypothetical ler-ler relationship. Some people can base a relationship (in whole or in part) on the shared sexual preference for tickling, even if they don't tickle each other. It's more likely to work if they get to tickle the same person, preferably at the same time. It may work with different lees as well, but the trouble comes when one partner has a regular lee, and another doesn't.