Problems at home

[ticklemo]

Hi, I'm hoping you guys can help me. My hubby and I have been married almost 3 years now, and usually everything's okay, but then he gets moody at times and won't tell me what's wrong. And to make matters worse, his mom lives downstairs from us and she's gotten really rude with me lately. I'm ready just to pack up and go b/c his brooding combined with her attitude, I can't deal anymore!! Any advice, anyone??

 

[dskodj]

Ok first, never let an inlaw come between you and your loved one, the love you have for each other is most important. So dont let that cloud your judgement. My advise is to try to have a calm sit down with you and your hubby. No matter how he reacts, remain calm but firm and just voice to him what you've been feeling. Give him solid examples of the way he's been acting twards you and then ask him again to tell you what the problem is. Communication issues alot of times are the downfalls of otherwise great marrages and they end when they dont need to. So try to do that, and I mean REALLY try hard, even if he's snappy at you at first. Then if he tells you what his prob is, no matter what it is (short of having an affair or something to that nature that is), work it out, comprimise on the issue..do whatever it takes to mend the problem. When theres real love, its the most powerful thing in the world But whatever you do, dont just pack up and leave, try to fix the issue.

 

[unclebill]

Get a puppy.

 

[Sultrybrunette]

Get a puppy.

lol I dont think thats what she was looking for. lol Seriously, Mo my ex was the exact same way except it was more than just occasionally. I know how frustrating it is and some guys just won't talk no matter how much you sit down with them. I would definitely sit down and tell him how you feel about it but dont expect him to change. I would also talk to him about his mother's behavior. You definitely dont need to be disrespected like that. If he doesn't step in then go directly to her and tell her you dont appreciate it. Thats what I would do. lol But then I get in fights with neighbors cause I tell them if I dont like something. I do agree it would be better to try and talk about how your feeling first before just leaving. I wish you luck. Not a good situation to be in.

 

[Mitchell]

Unfortunately, my parents 23 year marriage was ruined by my father's mother, and his failure to deal with her. She was very underhanded, but a major troublemaker. She never wanted the two families to have peace, and would hold grudges.
As for your situation, I would sit down, and have a very serious talk with your husband. Explain to him that as his wife, you deserve to be treated with respect. Since it is his mother, he really has a responsibility to prevail upon her to change her ways. Even if she doesn't like you, for whatever reason, for her son's sake, she needs to learn how to work with you, so that her son's marriage and life arent negatively affected. In laws, family, and marriage are about working at things, compromising, and seeing the other party's side. This is where my father and his family failed, and why my parents marriage failed. They could never see anyone else's point of view, pain, or feelings. In your case, I think he really needs to talk to his mom.
Good Luck. I hope all works out for you.

Mitch

 

[bratgirl365]

Is your husband even aware of his moodiness? Sometimes I think we get so comfortable in our relationships we start to take each other for granted, and don't even realize what's going on. Try talking with him and letting him know how you feel.
As for the mother in law.....I would ask her what the problem is! Your husband will probably not want to get in the middle of you and his mother, so to ask him to confront her will most likely not get you anywhere! You have to do this one.
Just my opinion....good luck!

 

[ticklemo]

Thanks for all the advice everyone!! It means a lot to me!!

 

[witchtickler]

Try This!!



Sorry to hear about the life at home Mo, but I am a man and I've been there and done that. Not knowing you or your hubby and his family, I'm wondering if maybe his attitude is maybe a control thing. When he gets into these moods do you constantly follow him around and try and make things better? and if so does he continue with the "tude"?

Maybe next time he gets in a mood try and ignore it all together. Go about your life acting as if his mood dosen't bother you at all and acting as if life is great. If he suddenly follows you and makes it obvious to you that he is in a bad mood, it sounds like to me he is trying to control you and thrive on your feelings and empathy.

Just an idea so think about it and maybe try it, see what happens.

Good Luck!!

witchtickler

 

[kcantankerous]

tell him how you feel without attacking him. And actually listen to what he has to say before replying. My 2 cents.

 

[tommytikl]

If you need a place alone away from his mom...just get in car and start driving or drive to the mall, or drive to the park or drive somewhere and just sit in the car.
And talk to him...he may not even realize he is being "moody" there is a thing as guy "PMS" and it is wierd.
Some guys just get that way, I sometimes do, but I realize it and try not to be an ass.

Actually, I bet he is moody due to his mom, or something about him being married and living with mom. If mom is giving him a hard time he might be "venting" on you.

If you are living with his mom for financial reasons he could be feeling "unmanly" enough to provide for his family.

Just some thougths!

Good luck!

 

[sole seeker]

I agree 100% with everything Prof T said... except I have a 500 mile rule for relatives.

Good luck.