Safe Words and my approach....

[powerslideX]

Ok, of course i think safe words really suck! They give your lee back some of the control that you are trying to take away from them during the 'breaking' process. Of course there are lees out there who are trying to save face by refusing to use a safe word and the occasional lee that actually can't get enough of being tickled but in general the truely, deeply, PERFECTLY, excruciatingly ticklish lees are so effected by the act or even thought of tickling the will immediately blurt out the safe word. sometimes even before you touch them. You have 2 options. a.) ignore them or b.) change the rules up a bit.

I choose B!!

My method....... before the session give the lee a specific amount of times the safe word can be used, depending on the set length of the session. (ex. 10 minute session ~ give them a 3 time use of the safe word. each use results in a 30 second break) And STICK BY YOUR RULES!!! Tell them once they use them they are GONE!! If they use 'em up in the first 3 minutes..... well then they are f***ed aren't they!

Now, this does come with a responsibility as well. If you see at one point in that 7 minute stretch that they have damned themselves with, that they are in distress (actual distress) PLEASE be responsible enough to have THEIR best interest in mind! That is where becoming a GOOD ler comes into play!! LEARN TO READ YOUR LEE!!! You can actually give them somewhat of a physical or mental break by reading the lees reaction on the fly and adjusting your techniques. You can change to a less ticklish area or go to a more teasing type of light tickle for a few seconds. They get a break from the stress without a break in there helplessness, thus keeping the spirit of the sadism alive!!! (Yay!!!!) Plus it breaks the monotony of working the same area too long, and they won't get used to the tickling. The idea is to effect the lee as profoundly as possible without actually killing them..... lol. That way you stay out of jail and maybe even get to tickle that person again someday!!

There is more to being a good Ler than just flailing on a lee untill they piss. A controlled method that is physically AND mentally exploitative will have a much more profound effect on your lee and yield a better, more desperate response devilish,without your lee ever being in actual harms way. Thats just my take on things..... what do you think?????

 

[stockytickler]

This reads judge-ier than I mean for it to. I've tried to word it carefully.

My understanding of this -- and every situation is different -- is that despite their being restrained and helpless to physically stop you in any way, the sub is the one in control of the scene. Which goes right out the window if the dom is a sadistic mofo solely interested in themselves or it's an actual kidnapping/abduction/noncon situation in which case they're totally screwed from the get-go.

I appreciate a safeword because I can get really vocal with my "No, not theres!" The dom knows to just ignore that froth. But the safeword's not for the dom. For instance, I can get leg cramps, sometimes really super painful ones if the restraints are too loose and let me kink my leg in exactly the wrong way. And I don't care if the dom is building to something and I'm interrupting the narrative flow, that needs respect and possibly actual attention.

And there's plenty that can be done when a sub is abusing their safeword. Screaming it out before you even touch them is grounds for a too-patient sigh and a somewhat disappointed look directly into their eyes while you fold your hands and wait for them to regain composure. Next three or four times take longer than they actually need to start up again. Five or six times later, go make a sandwich, game for awhile or maybe work in the garage while they're tied up being boring. Maybe a reading from "The Boy Who Cried Wolf." I mean, if they're not committed to the scene and they're just gonna stop you every 20 seconds using the nuclear weapon that is the safeword, they're killing the fantasy and aren't any fun anyway.

The idea isn't just to stay out of jail. It's to have someone stick around so as to keep tickling them. Building up trust and a level of communication is as key to this as any other part of a relationship. Or let them go and get someone who's going to be into it and not just a bonerkiller.

 

[BellybTickler]

It's an interesting concept, I'd certainly agree trying it with a more experienced lee as opposed to someone who being restrained for the first time. Stockytickler is dead on about there being mucho grande trust between the ler and his/her lee; a safeword is essential for those starting out until that level of trust and communication is attained.

 

[Ardent Tickler]

Peope prefer different things. But as you grow to trust each other that could change. Me and my tickle partner no longer use safe words

 

[powerslideX]

If you can't tell when a person is just trying to stop the tickling or has a leg cramp you don't have any right to be a Ler. Plus as you said 'if the bondage is to loose and I bend my leg wrong'. Well thats part of being a good ler as well. Learn how to correctly restrain someone so they cant hurt themselves or you! You are also ignoring the fact that I said in order to be a good ler you have to be good at understanding the reactions of a lee. Maybe I take for granted that I have studied human psychology and can pick out behavior that shows a the lee is in actual distress. And I guess it also depends on what you are trying to get out of the tickling and what the particular situation is in circumstance to the tickling. If im chilling on the couch watching tv with my friend and i start to tickle her, im not going to break down the usage of a safe word for her. That is just general fun, short term tickling. Now if I happen to be working with a fetish model whom I am paying for there and my time, Im not gonna go play playstation or cut the damn grass when they are pussing out. Who has time for that? I guess I should amend the fact that you have to work the lee some and get and understanding of there threshold before you lay down such ground rules. If your lee doesn't abuse the safe word then there is no reason to take such measures. And if you have a partner that you work with all the time like a spouse or good friend that shares your fetish then maybe you don't need a safe word at all. i still think it is best in all cases to have one in place, but thats just my opinion. I know Jeffs Picture says Fuck Safewords! He definitely has the experience and understanding to pull it off as good as anybody without a safe word if he chooses. I guess the bottom line is, everybody has there techniques. This works for me, maybe it wont for you. Atleast keep it in your mind in case a situation pops up where you can try it out.
As for the fact that i said "Stay out of jail" and "the goal is not to kill your lee" .... it is difficult to portray sarcasm while typing. Don't take such statements from me as gospel. i am a sarcastic fella who comes off as a hard ass at times but im not! im a really easy going guy who likes talking to, meeting, and working with people. most of you on here don't know me at all yet, and i hope to change that. But please remember IM JUST SARCASTIC!!

 

[TickleMyFancy]

For me, I always use a safeword. And I've never had a problem with a lee abusing it.
Safewords are there for a reason. For safety. As much as I might like hearing my lee beg to stop or that it's 'too much', I never want to *actually push them over the edge, and if they feel I'm going too far, it's only fair to give them an 'out' button.

You just never know. What if they're having problems breakthing? Or twisted their wrist or something? I won't listen to 'No, stop.' I'll listen to a safeword, though.

Plus, if your tickling a lee who is so scared that they're screaming the safe word before you even touch them/just a few minutes in, then what fun is that anyways? Time for a new lee.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I agree with the OP, not necessarily on his methods (the idea of ignoring safewords at any time for any reason makes me a little uncomfortable) but in the fact that safewords give a lee back control, and for some that may not be desirable.

I prefer to play without a safeword only if the ler is someone I trust completely. I love not having any control. I don't really worry about the safety aspect because I'm so picky about who I'll play with like that. Any time that I've really needed to stop because something was hurting or I derped myself into an injury I've never had a problem conveying that. I don't know if it's a change in tone or what, but they've always been able to tell when stop really meant stop something is wrong.

So yeah, when feasible no safewords for this girl.

 

[stockytickler]

See, I knew I was phrasing this badlly

I read those with the wink. Like I said, it read judge-ier than I wanted it to. Tone of voice is hard, and it wasn't as conversational as I hoped to convey.

My suggestions for leaving the lee tied up was as much about making them realize hey, I'm not in any actual distress right now. In fact, I'm OK. I'm going to be OK. Come back! I'm ready to actually do this! And not reinforcing negative behavior.

I have every confidence you can tell the difference between actual distress and ticklish hysteria. Some lers enjoy looser binding that allows for lots of overt struggling -- it's not being a bad ler, it's being aware of what could happen.

You clearly put a great deal of thought into your sessions. You were discussing the value of the safeword and I was hoping to present a good case for it, and was doing my very best to not come off as Judgy McJudgerson. Peace.

 

[powerslideX]

no, you did fine bro. Like i said its hard to get ones exact point across with text alone. im guilty of that as well. But definitely no offense taken! There are as many ways to approach tickling as there are people in this world. And as long as both lee and lers best interest is involved, there really is no wrong way to go about it. I was just trying to state a method that has worked for me and offer it up to anybody else who is willing and responsible enough to give it a try!

If i can offer up a funny but scary story to show how inadvertently scary things can get, and the main reason i don like to tie a person up and leave the room. i once tied up my wife real good and left the room to get some supplies. During my mission I happend to trip over my fat sleeping dog in the dark and clean my slate on a kitchen chair on the way to the ground. My bell was rung but i wasn't knocked out. I made it back to untie her after about 5-10 minutes. The moral of my stupidity...... when you tie a person up and you are alone with them, you are responsible for that person. So protect them and yourself. If I had knocked myself out, or god forbid worse, who knows how long my poor little bub would have been tied to our bed. And what the rescuer would have thought while surveying the scene. At bare minumum, when you tie someone up and you are alone AT LEAST TURN ON THE LIGHT IN THE ROOM YOU ARE WALKING THROUGH!!! lmao.

 

[stockytickler]

Whoa ... scary indeed. Weirdly enough, tho, it sounds like the beginning of a Rob Schneider movie. Have you shopped it around?

 

[powerslideX]

Lol, never thought of it that way before.... Maybe im sitting on a gold mine and don't even know it. The wife always said If we had a camera crew like The Osbornes did we could make alot of money.........

 

[CrystalLight]

I think OP made a fabu thread.

I agree w/most points stated. The biggest one being that the 'ler should be keeping an eye on their 'lee. -- Some of us can take a LOT of play at once, but we ALL need a break every once & again. Or water..: water goooooood.

 

[Sharkiegirl]

This reads judge-ier than I mean for it to. I've tried to word it carefully.

My understanding of this -- and every situation is different -- is that despite their being restrained and helpless to physically stop you in any way, the sub is the one in control of the scene. Which goes right out the window if the dom is a sadistic mofo solely interested in themselves or it's an actual kidnapping/abduction/noncon situation in which case they're totally screwed from the get-go.

I appreciate a safeword because I can get really vocal with my "No, not theres!" The dom knows to just ignore that froth. But the safeword's not for the dom. For instance, I can get leg cramps, sometimes really super painful ones if the restraints are too loose and let me kink my leg in exactly the wrong way. And I don't care if the dom is building to something and I'm interrupting the narrative flow, that needs respect and possibly actual attention.

And there's plenty that can be done when a sub is abusing their safeword. Screaming it out before you even touch them is grounds for a too-patient sigh and a somewhat disappointed look directly into their eyes while you fold your hands and wait for them to regain composure. Next three or four times take longer than they actually need to start up again. Five or six times later, go make a sandwich, game for awhile or maybe work in the garage while they're tied up being boring. Maybe a reading from "The Boy Who Cried Wolf." I mean, if they're not committed to the scene and they're just gonna stop you every 20 seconds using the nuclear weapon that is the safeword, they're killing the fantasy and aren't any fun anyway.

The idea isn't just to stay out of jail. It's to have someone stick around so as to keep tickling them. Building up trust and a level of communication is as key to this as any other part of a relationship. Or let them go and get someone who's going to be into it and not just a bonerkiller.

Wow... What he said

 

[Mane'o]

You abandon the safe word when both ler and lee consent before the bondage and tickling starts and it is not forced consent. I've experienced both as a ler.